Nothing Really Matters

It was the first time I had had the chance to be alone in the house. My house. My home. It had really grown on me. I loved to live here, or more likely, I loved living with him. I probably wouldn't care where we lived as long as it was together but I found that I missed New York less for each day. I turned on some music on the sound system, probably annoying the hell of the neighbors and started going through the house, room from room and cleaned up. We barley spent any time in the house besides sleeping but it looked like a mess pretty much everywhere. When I opened the door to the master bathroom I haltered in the doorway. It was tuned completely upside down with wet towels on the floor, the tub was still filled with water and I suddenly recalled what we had done the night before. He had made me scream in pleasure both once and twice in there and it put a huge grin on my face when thinking about how I had made him literally fall to his knees as well. It was a little like self therapy, having those hours to myself. I needed to be alone for a while and I hadn't realized it until I actually were alone. It had been so intense since I got back, barley any time away from him. Now Mingus would join us for the rest of the summer and I was actually looking forward to slow things down a bit. We had to slow down or he wouldn't put up half a week with his love and sex crazy father.
I was on the couch, watching TV and eating ice cream when they turned up right before midnight.

"Hey!"

My heart skipped a beat when he beamed, finally spotting me. Mingus was right behind him, but he didn't stop to chat.

"I'm going to bed... See you tomorrow."
"Love you."
"Love you too, dad. See you, London."
"Sleep tight, Mingus."

He headed upstairs and it was once again quite, despite Norman roaming around in the kitchen, getting something to drink. He crashed next to me with a bottle of water, his hand landing on my thigh. He squeezed lightly, making me gasp quality.

"What's up?"
"Not much."
"What are you watching?"
"Criminal Minds. How was your date?"
"Awesome. It was great, so thank you for kicking us out."
"Did you talk to him?"
"Yeah. He knows what he needs to know."
"Really? I thought he would be a lot more... Resentful."
"He already knew something was... Different about you."
"Different, huh? Don't sugarcoat it, Norman."
"Fine, he said you seemed messed up, twitchy... and he saw your scars this morning."
"Yeah I kinda thought he must have. At least those on my feet and ankles. So he's fine with this?"
"Yeah."
"Shit... Really?"
"Really."
"Wow.... Fuck, that was... unexpected."
"He doesn't make judgment. He just wants to get to know you. But he really appreciated that you let us be alone for a while."
"Of course. It's the least I can do after having you all to myself for so long."

I felt his hand wander to the inside of my upper thigh and he squeezed firmly, making me turn to look at him. He kept his gaze on the TV, try to look like he didn't know what he was doing to me, or why. He knew exactly where to touch me to get what he wanted in the shortest possible time.

"Mr. Reedus, what are you doing?"

I was already panting inside, craving him to keep going.

"Do you want me to stop?"
"No... But I want you take this somewhere else, coz you're son doesn't need to see us naked again."
"Alright."

In on swift movement that took me by surprise, he got to his feet, scooped me up into his arms and carried me towards the bedroom, stopping by the freezer to dump the ice cream, not once breaking our eye contact. Gently he placed he in bed before going back to close the door behind us, stripping down as he walked back to me. My very own Greek God.

-------------------------------

I don't know why it went to hell that day. I knew we would end up fighting sooner or later. But not for something he had done in the past and absolutely not because I was jealous. It was a new feeling for me but he had managed to put a word to it and I guess it was jealousy although I had no intension in ever admiring he was right.

Lauren was probably a nice enough girl but we just hadn't connected at all and I knew the feeling was mutual. She just didn't like me and I didn't like her. I really didn't mind, I just kept out of her way and if we happened to cross both of us were polite enough not to draw attention to us. As July quickly past into August we ended up on our first ever pool party together. He had always gone alone before or just taken Mingus. But this time around Andy had me convinced to come along as well.

"You really don't have to go if you don't feel comfortable about it, baby."

He wrapped his arms around me from behind, looking at me through the mirror while I was putting on some light make up.

"No, I'm actually looking forward to it. I want to go."
"Good. I'm glad."

His hands suddenly traveled under my top, gently caressing my skin all the way up to my naked breasts. My body reacted to his touch almost too willingly and it made him grin.

"You really shouldn't be doing that."
"Why not?"

He kissed my shoulder and started massaging my breasts, costing an involuntary moan to escape my lips.

"Cause I'm done and we need to go."

I managed to wriggle out of his grip and gave his erection a hard enough squeeze for him to gasp.

"And I'm not the one having a hard time hiding the fact that you're horny as hell."
"Fuck, Lo... I want you! Now!"
"Not gonna happen, Mr. Reedus."
"I could be quick."

He begged following me to the garage to get to the car.

"Nope... You'll have to wait."
"I hate you!"
Just as the words were out from his mouth I could tell he regret them coming on.
"No I don't... I'm sorry I said that."

He blurred out in a hast making me laugh. He leaned over his seat and looked straight at me.

"You're crazy... I love you."

I kissed him quickly.

"I love you too... Although it might be a little less right now."
"Why?"
"Cause you won't let me fuck you!"
"Damn, is it really only my body you want?"
"Hell yeah!"

He said grabbing my hand as he opened the garage door and backed out.

"Yeah I kinda knew that... Who are coming?"
"I'm not sure. Steven and Lauren will be there. I think Melissa was coming to and Michael probably and Alanna."
"Alright. I'll try to behave."
"I'm not worried about that, love. But I'm guessing you won't go swimming?"
"Probably not, no..."

When we arrived at Andy's there was already full activity both around the pool, the grill and in the kitchen. I headed straight to Gale in the kitchen.

"Hello, honey. How are you?"
"Great. Thanks for having us."
"I'm glad you decided to come. Norman has been looking quite lonely the last couple of times."
"Yeah I know he has told me a few times."
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to...."
"No, no don't worry about it, I know. What can I do to help? And don't tell me you don't need any help."
"Fine... There's a watermelon that needs cutting up."
"Consider it done."

We shared some small talk while working in the kitchen. Mean while I could hear the kids and I think Andy and Norman playing around in the pool. After helping Gale finishing up everything in the kitchen I headed out to the backyard. It was hot as hell and the water looked really tempting, but I hadn't quite gotten that comfortable with these people yet, to be able to share my scared body with them. Lauren and Alanna were relaxing on sun beds on the opposite side of the pool. I took a seat in the shade fare enough for them not to want to include me in their conversation but still far enough for me to hear them. Norman swam up to my end when I spotted me.

"Hey, gorgeous."
"Hey yourself."
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah, great."
"You look warm, I could just throw you in with cloths on."

He eyed my thin linen long-sleeved shirt and pants.

"Tempting, but I'm fine for now."

He heaved himself up from the water, splashing me slightly when he leaned in to kiss me long and hard, to second’s later dive straight back in. In the corner of my eyes I could tell Lauren was watching my closely. Alanna's eyes had followed his every move and I felt a sting of something I hadn't felt before. She had no business looking at him like that. He was mine! I knew he was hot as hell and I knew most women around wanted a piece of him but he was mine.

"God damn, he's hot."
"Sure is."

Lauren agreed.
I gritted my teeth together and tried to focus on the men and kids in the water instead of the women I wanted to kill at that moment.
As people started to collect something to eat from the vast table of food I found myself seated beside Andy, a bit away from everyone else. He was still only wearing swimming trunks and I couldn't help appreciate his fine body. Not that it was doing anything for me, but he really was a handsome man.

"Here."

He handed me a coke from the middle of the table.

"Thanks."
"You ok?"
"Great. It's really nice, I think I can do this again."
"I'm glad to hear that. He would be pleased."

We both looked over to Norman, who was still in the water with Andy’s kids and Steven.

"There're great kids."
"Thank you. Do you want kids?"

My eyes widened at his question and he seemed to realize his question had a whole other meaning to me than normal people. It was a normal question to someone my age but when I opened my mouth to speak it had gotten all dried up for some reason I couldn't quite understand.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry, Lo I didn't..."
"It's just that I don't.... I don't have the option even if I would want to."
"What do you mean?"
"I have no... I can't... I can't get pregnant."

He stopped with a fork of salad in midair as I finally spoke. A chill went through me despite the heat and I shivered, not looking at him although I could feel his gaze at me.

"London... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked."
"I could always have chosen not to tell you. It's fine. It's not like it's a secret."
"Why?"
"I've no ovaries."

When I looked back at him, I could see his eyes starting to get glassy. I surprised even myself as I reached out a hand and gently stroke his cheek once, I guess trying to convince him I was really alright. He took my hand and kissed it lightly.

"I'm sorry..."
"I'm fine, Andy. Really... Besides, could you image Norman starting over again? He's old."
I offered a joke and Andy thankfully caught on.
"Yeah, you're right. He's too old. I suppose you've talked about it?"
"Of course.... After everything that has happened, I'm not actually sure I would like to bring a child into this world even if I had the choice... I'm not sure I would be able to love someone else then him."
"You really are the female version of Daryl, you're aware of that, right?"
"Despite the hunting skills. And I hope I'm not that angry anymore."
"You've come a long way these past months, Lo, you really have. A month ago you would have punched my face if tried to I touched you."
"Maybe I should punch you instead, man."

Norman was suddenly standing right in front of us and both of us looked up at him. I suppressed a gasp and the urge to fling myself around his wet body, but not in time for him to notice my reaction to his glorious appearance. He grinned and winked at me. Thankfully Andy seemed unaware of our exchange.

"Hey, she touched me first."
"Really?"

He turned to me, starting to dry himself of, deliberating flexing his mighty fine upper arms at me, making me narrow my eyes at him.

"Yes, really....Do the two of you need some time alone?"

I turned to Andy and he had a stupid grin on his face when he looked from his best friend to me and then back to him again. I shook my head and tried desperately to get my head straight again. I had to learn to control my feelings for him when surrendered by other people, but he was doing a pretty good job trying to get me off balance.

“Shut up, Andy!”

I punched his shoulder when he burst out laughing. Something else I shouldn’t have done just a month ago. Norman pouted behind him, knowing he had just lost the battle. He stalked off to get some food instead, not even looking at me. I knew he would win the war sooner or later but at that moment I was pretty contained with myself.

“Is it still hot and steamy?”
“We have a kid in the house, so no, thank God.”
“Oh?”
“Don’t get me wrong, it’s great, fucking awesome actually but it just got out of hand sometimes. I mean we’ve had entire weekends that were just… ridiculous. I mean, you’re pretty soar after a weekend like that.”
“I’m sure you are… Where’s Mingus by the way?”
“He’s staying at a friend’s place over the weekend, he’s coming back tomorrow night.”
“Maybe he got tired of the sex crazy couple as well, huh?”
“Hey! I’m trying to keep him out of it, it’s his father that’s the problem. He’s uncontrollable.”
“Yeah, I’m sure it’s all Norman’s fault you can’t keep your hands off each other. You want him just as much as he wants you, Lo.”
“Does it ever stop?”
“For normal people, yeah, but I’m not sure if it ever will for you. Unless you want it to.”
“Hell no!”

I was talking about our sex life with Andy. It was insane how much things had change in such a short time really. I really liked being around him, he was an easy going guy and once he had gotten use to the idea of me and Norman actually being back together, he had opened his arms wide for me once again. I had wanted him to this time. Norman needed us to work out so I had put a lot of effort into making it work and I found as we were sitting there, in the sun eating that I was actually talking about my sex life with him like he was a friend. Maybe even a close friend. It was a lot more then I could say for the rest of the people there. The very least Lauren. I suddenly spotted her standing right next to Norman, too close, chatting and laughing. When her hand came to rest on his naked back, my whole body tensed in anger and I bit back a hiss. Andy must have noticed the change in my posture, because his hand came to rest on my knee.

“Lo? You ok?”

I snapped my head away from the couple and looked at him.

“Fine.”

I quickly shrugged of the creeping feeling and tried to focus on the man before me, but I found it harder then I should’ve to keep up a conversation with him. When he left to get some more food, I managed to escape his company for a while. Inside was deserted, everyone was outside in the backyard and I felt relived to be able to have some time to collect my thoughts. Where the hell did that come from? Why did I react so strongly to her touching him? They were friends. She should be able to touch him without me freaking out about it. But the bottom line was that I didn’t want her to and I really didn’t want him to like it. I should be able to tell if he liked it. The panic I hadn’t felt for a very long time was bubbling under the surface and I had to sit down, leaning to the kitchen counter. I knew this had always been too good to be true. I had always thought I would be the one leaving him, but it suddenly downed on me that he might as well be the one leaving him. Maybe I was too fucked up for him. Maybe I couldn’t give him everything he wanted. To make matters even worse I heard voices approaching and realized too late that it was Lauren and Melissa. I stopped breathing for a second, hoping they wouldn’t find me frozen on the floor.

“I’m a bit worried about him.”

Lauren spoke and I could tell she was leaning to the other side of the counter. It seemed they continued a provisory conversation.

“He can take care of himself, Lauren. Norman’s a grown man.”
Melissa was doing something over at the sink, turning the water on.
“I know that, but I still don’t think she’s good for him.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Do you honestly think he seemed fine when we started shooting? He was a complete mess.”
“Yeah, but that was then, he’s not anymore.”
“He deserves someone better.”
“That, honey is not up to you. I think she’s a sweet girl. I don’t know her that well yet but I think she’s doing her best and Norman’s happy.”
“There’s something weird about the whole thing. All the security and… I just think he could do a lot better. I mean Emily and him…”
“Come on, Lauren, that was never like this.”
“It could’ve been.”
“She didn’t want that, and ether did he, you know that.”
“She was perfect for him. She would be perfect to him. London is just… messed up. I really don’t see what so special about her. She’s gotta be pretty damn good in bed or something or there shouldn’t be a reason for him to keep her.”
“Oh, now you’re just mean, Lauren. That was a low blow. He loves her.”
“I just think he’s in love with the idea of love.”
“I really think you should keep your thoughts about his relationship to yourself. He seems perfectly happy and in love in my eyes. You might just be a bit jealous.”
“I’m just saying he should’ve taken his chance with Emily when he had it, he would’ve been so much better off with her then that… freak.”