Nothing Really Matters

London was avoiding me extremely well the rest of the evening. She occupied herself with helping Gale in the kitchen and later putting the kids to sleep, not really spending any time out in the backyard with the rest of us. I missed her, but I figured it was better to give her some space. This was new to her and she needed to get use to it. She was collecting empty bottles around the pool when I sneaked up on her to put my arms around her. That should’ve given me a warning, if any. I had never been able to sneak up on her unless her mind where somewhere else.

“Get your fucking hands of me!”

She snarled and spun around to face me. My hands flow up in defense, backing away from her.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

I had almost forgotten about this side of her, because it hadn’t happened in such a long time now and I couldn’t for life of me, figure out what had made her so upset. Around the table on the other side of the pool I notice the chatter and laughter dying out. Andy, Gale, Lauren, and Steven where the once still there.

“Just get the hell away from me!”

I followed her when she walked off toward the house. Andy questioned me with one look but I just shook my head to him and closed the door behind me when I followed her inside the kitchen. She spun around when she heard the door close and glared at me.

“What?!”
“What’s going on? What’s wrong?”
“Now why would anything be wrong?”

She slammed the trashcan closed and I took the chance to walk up to her when she turned her back to me. She moved so fast when I reached out a hand to her that I didn’t have the chance to react at all. Her hands flew out and she shoved me hard in the chest, pushing me away angrily. I could see tears in her eyes and I realized that she was not just angry with me.

“Baby… Please, what’s going on?”

I begged, completely lost to what might have happened. I wasn’t aware of hurting her, at least not deliberately.

“Why don’t you fucking ask Lauren?!”
“Lauren? What’s she got to do with this?”

Right on queue Laure walked in the door, I guess she most have heard her own name, since London hadn’t been that quite. She looked ready to charge when Lauren walked up beside me. At the corner of my eye, I could see Andy hover in the doorway.

“What’s going on, London?”
“Fuck you!”
“Hey…!”

Steven was suddenly by her side, I hadn’t even seen him come inside, but I should’ve known he would always have Lauren’s back. He glared at London but she just glared right back. She was furious and it even frightened me a little, especially since I had no idea what to do to calm her down. I knew the two women hadn’t connected and ether of them cared for the other but this was something else then that.

“You heard…You heard me and Melissa earlier…”

Lauren spoke beside me and I could see her swallow nervously, feeling bad about whatever had happened earlier that day.

“What happened?”

I turned to Lauren this time but she wasn’t willing to share.

“What now, Lauren? You suddenly feel a need to keep your thoughts to yourself?!”
“Well, you’re proving my point pretty good right now, London!”

I hadn’t expected Lauren to bit back, but when she did, I could see London’s eyes becoming angry slits. The tears had vanished a long time ago. Andy joined us, walking up to her from behind. She watched him nervously but couldn’t really do anything to stop him.

“Why don’t we take a walk or something, Lo? Just you and I and Norman can talk to Lauren.”

He was only a step away from her now and I was impressed he had the nerve to actually be standing there. I wasn’t sure why but I could feel Laurens hand on my upper arm suddenly and everything happened very fast.

“Get your fucking hand off him!”

She hissed before launching herself towards Lauren and Lauren did the same, throwing herself past Steven towards her. Andy had managed to wrap his arms around her waist and pinned her arms to her side after the first punch hit Lauren in the side of her stomach. Laurens nails had scratched her face before Steven stopped her. I was frozen to the ground, not able to move or speak. Andy’s cry of pain woke me up. He had tried to get her out of the kitchen, but stopped in the doorway to the living room, doubling over in pain and I only had time to see London’s back disappearing out the front door. I knew better then to go after her. I would never be able to catch up to her. I rounded on Lauren.

“What the fuck happened?!”
“She’s fucking crazy, Norman! What the hell do you see in that freak?!”
“Tell me what the fuck you said to Melissa, Lauren!”

I listen while Laruen repeated her conversation to Melissa.

“She was right… You really should keep your fucking thoughts to yourself, Lauren!”

She had nothing to do with my relationships at all. We weren’t even that close, not like Andy. He had recovered from London’s kick in the balls and stood beside me, listening to Lauren as well.

“You’re fucking blind, Norman! She’s fucking insane!”
“You need to back the fuck off, Lauren!”
“She hit Andy to the ground! That would never have happened with Em…!”
“No, don’t you even fucking go there!”
“It was my own fault when I didn’t let her go.”

Andy’s calm voice made both Lauren and me turn to him and both of us took an extra breath to calm down. This wasn’t helping anything.

“I just don’t think she’s good for you.”
“That really isn’t up to you decide, Lauren.”
Andy spoke and I was once again forever thankful for having him in my life. I knew it would mean more coming from him then from me.
“You don’t have to like her, you just have to respect what she has with Norman. I know you care about him, but whatever happens or has happened between him and London is not of your concern.”
“But she’s so… messed up.”
“You really don’t want to know what happened to her, Lauren. You would understand if you knew but you really don’t want to know. You don’t need my nightmares.”

She started to tear up in front of me and I couldn’t stay mad at her. She had fucked up, big time but I knew she hadn’t meant for London to hear it all. She cared about me and for that I was thankful but if it would come down to a choice between Lauren and London, my choice would be the later every day of the year. I knew Lauren would never ask me too, because we didn’t have that kind of relationship, but I wasn’t as sure when it came to London. She wasn’t the forgiving kind and she hadn’t even liked Lauren to begin with.

“Norman, I’m sorry…”
“Yeah… I know. I should get going.”
“She will be back, right?”
Steven asked.
“I hope so. Probably not until morning though… Could you not luck the backdoor tonight?”
I turned around to Andy, who nodded.
“She might just be around here somewhere.”
“Do you want me to get her home if she comes back?”
“No, not until she wants to.”
“Alright.

The anger and frustration over the whole situation came in the car, driving back home. I was glad at that point that I wasn’t driving the bike, cause it would have made me even more reckless then driving the car that was already speeding. The whole thing was just a complete mess and I wasn’t sure what to expect when or if she actually got home. She was probably not even aware of what she felt at that point, the jealousy was probably a whole new experience to her and something she had no idea how to deal with. It wasn’t easy being there alone that night. She had always been there for what seemed like forever. I had gotten so used to having her by my side every night that I couldn’t find enough rest to actually try to get to sleep. I was trying to keep myself occupied with watching South Park. My phone suddenly buzzed at 4 in the morning and Andy’s number was on the display.

“She’s here.”

The relief that washed over me by those few words, was enough to let all the air in my lungs out in a deep breath.

“Thank God… Is she ok?”
“Yeah, she’s on the couch. She just apologizing for kicking me in nuts and then went to sleep.”
“Good.”
“It’s going to be alright, bro. You just need to talk to each other.”
“Yeah.”
“Try and get some sleep and I will make sure she comes home tomorrow.”
“Thanks, bro.”

I must have fallen asleep after talking to Andy, because the next thing I knew the entire room was bathing in sunshine and I could hear the sliding door to the backyard open and close. I felt wide awake but I knew I would just scare her if I ran towards her. I listen as she looked around the kitchen, I guess getting some breakfast. I gave her another 5 minutes before I looked for her.

“Hey…”

She didn’t even look up from the bowl of cereal when I came into the kitchen. I had almost forgotten what it was like to be given the silent treatment. I had always hated it and that still hadn’t changed. But I knew I couldn’t force her to talk. We ate in complete silence and it was torture to me. I had to bit my tongue a few times not to speak first.

“Did she tell you?”
“Lauren? Yes, she told me what she and Melissa talked about… I’m sorry you heard it.”
“I don’t care what the fuck she said.”
“Come on, Lo. Just talk to me, we gotta work this out. You can’t just run every tim…”
“Fuck you, Norman!”

She was on her feet again and I followed, walking around the counter to stand before her. She didn’t back off.

“What’s the problem, really, Lo? What are you so afraid of?”
“I ain’t afraid of nothing!”
“Bullshit…! I’m getting pretty good at reading you too now, you know.”
“Then why the hell don’t you tell me what the problem is!”
“You think she’s right. You don’t feel like you deserve to be here, to be with here with me. And you’re jealous.”
“Why do you want me here? Why do you love me?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?! What the hell do you need me to do?! I don’t know what more I can do. I really don’t know what else I can do that I haven’t already done. I love you. I love you so fucking much, London that I… I… What do you need?”
“I don’t know… I really don’t know….”

She fell apart right in front of me and it was terrifying to watch. She just sank to the floor, tears falling silent. I just wanted to wrap my arms around her, but I wasn’t sure if she would allow me to. I didn’t quite feel she was done yelling yet. I feel to my knees right in front of her and tried to reach out for her. She backed away, but stayed on the floor.

“I love you, Lo. I don’t know what else to tell you. What changed? Do you honestly care so much about what Lauren said to make you forget everything we’ve been doing?”
“What? Fuck 24/7?”
“Fuck you!”

It was my time to start yelling at her. Did she really think that was all we did? It was like throwing everything I had worked for, straight in the trash. She looked up at me when I stood.

“That’s just bullshit! If that’s all you think we do, what the hell do you still do here?”
“Maybe that’s all I need!”
She got to her feet, glaring at me.
“I’m not going to let you do this to me again! I know you don’t mean that. It’s just easier to hurt me then deal with your own feelings! I’m not taking this shit, Lo! You don’t get to hurt me because you’re scared!”
“Did you fuck Emily? Maybe Lauren too, huh?!”
“Jesus, Lo, what the hell does it matter?!”
“Did you fuck them?!”
“Emily, yes. Lauren, no… Why the hell do you wanna know? It doesn’t matter now. I’m with you now.”
“It matter if you want it again.”
“Why the hell would I want it again?”
“You could get something normal, someone normal. Something better.”
“I already have the best. I’m all yours. What do I need to do to make you see that? I’ve a past just like you, mine might just involve a few more partners and yes, some of them are still in my life but it’s not… I don’t want anyone else then you. If it’s Emily you’re worried about, it was never anything else then just sex, for ether of us. And Lauren just… I don’t know, she just cares about me and she’s really good friends with Emily.”
“She kept putting her hands on you.”
“So?”
“So I hated it!”
“What do you want me to do? I’m not going stop touching other people…. But if it helps, maybe not Lauren.”
“I hate this…”
“I’m quite sure you’re not suppose to like feeling jealous.”
“I’m not jealous!”
She protested but I started to relax just a little, seeing as she was doing the same.
“Yeah you were… You told her not to touch me.”
“Shut up!”

She wiped her wet eyes on the sleeve of her shirt but a small smile was playing over her lips. I felt
safe to approach her further and my hand landed under her chin, lifting her head up to face me.

“Hey.”
“Hi.”
“Are you ok?”
“Yeah, I’m ok.”
“I love you, Lo.”
“Yeah, keeping telling me that and I might be better then ok… I know you love me, I just forget sometimes. I love you, Norman.”
“Are you sure? So it’s not just my dick you love?”
“Well, I do love that too, but no, I really do love you.”

She wrapped her arms around my neck and stretched up to kiss me. I gave in when I felt her tongue to my lower lip, grabbing her hips tightly and pressing her to me.

“Come on.”
I broke away from the kiss and took her hand, pulling her with me.
“Where’re we going?”
“You need a bath.”
“I fell while running in the woods at Andy’s.”
“Yeah, I figured you hung around there… Please, don’t do that again. Don’t run. We can talk, we have to be able to talk.”
“Communication isn’t my strong suite…. At least not with three other people staring at me.”

I pushed up the bathroom door and turned on the water in the tub before stepping back to her. She had scratches on her left chin. When I reached up to put my fingertips lightly to the place Lauren had scratched her, she let out a low whimper.

“You gave her quite the punch, I was rather impressed. I’ve never had someone defending me like that before.”
“She had to learn not to touch what’s mine.”
“I’m sure she won’t be doing that mistake again…”

She put both arms up over her head when I grabbed the hem of her shirt, attempting to get it off her. She took of her pants herself and I took a step back, marveling over every inch of her. She had been so self-conscious about me looking at her in the beginning. Now, she was just starred right back at me, knowing exactly what she wanted and how to get it. The confidence in every step she took towards me made tremble with excitement. She put both hands over my chest but heisted, looking up at me.

“Tell me again.”

The worrying was probably something I would have to live with for the rest of our lives, but I knew she just needed to hear the words and she would relax. She needed insurance this was all real, that we were real.

“I love you, Lo and I’m all your. Yours only.”

She nodded, reinsured, and finally put her hands on my chest, letting them travel down the side of my body and coming to a stop at my hips, not once taking her eyes off mine. She bit her lower lip when her fingers found her way inside the waistband of my boxers. She knew exactly what to do to push me over the edge.

“God damnit, Lo… !”

She grinned up at me before I gave in and attacked her mouth forcefully, just the way I knew she wanted me to, but I couldn’t care less. I was completely hers only, body, soul and heart.