Nothing Really Matters

It was a joy seeing them together. They were so in love with each other that it even made me jealous. After everything that happened with Lauren they seemed more willing to share their love for each other with other people. She had been holding back before, but now she had given up. She probably couldn’t hold it back anymore and I suspected she wanted to make sure there was no question that he belonged to her. He had been more the willing as well and he had even been forced to mark his territory a couple of times, when some poor extras and crew members had gotten too close for his liking.

They were on the couch in the living room, watching a movie. We had just finished a late dinner and Norman looked completely exhausted where he laid in her lap. Exhausted but happy. It had been a long week for the both of us and it was nice to have some quite time. The kids were asleep and it seemed my wife had fallen asleep putting them down. After finishing up in the kitchen I joined them, although London was the only one noticing, since Norman had fallen asleep.

“What?”

I most have starred a minute too long, cause London suddenly called for my attention.

“Sorry…Are you happy?”

For an outsider, it might have seemed like a stupid question, because everyone could see how happy she was, but she knew I meant something else then just that. It was a question that meant so much more to her then it probably did to other people. She studied me for a while, taken her time to really think about the answer.

“Yes. I really don’t have much reference to what happy is suppose to feel like but I think this is what happy means to me. I’ve never had this before so it’s hard to put words to what’s suppose to feel like, what this is.”

She looked down on the sleeping man, her hand in his hair, gently twisting it between her fingers.

“What happened to your ankle?”

She was barefoot and her sweats had hitched right above a thin red scar that I suppose most go all the way around her ankle. She looked down for a second but never bothered to hid it again.

“I was married a… A lifetime ago it seems now.”
“Married?”
“Yes. I was Mrs. John Andrews… You might understand why I don’t use your full name.”
“Yeah… What did he do to you?”
“You really don’t want to know, you don’t need to share my nightmares…”
“If you need to talk about it, I can take it.”
“I know you can but it’s… It’s not a nice bedtime story.”
“I figured that out a long time ago, honey. I’ve seen the scares on your arms. Cigarette burns, right?”
“Yes.”
“Is that why Norman stopped smoking?”
“Yeah. I asked him if he could stop the first day I was with him in New York and apparently he did. And lighters.”
“Lighters?”
“He used to burn the soils of my feet with lighters… Made it pretty damn hard to run away from him when he had.”
“How long were you married?”
“Until death did us part… He isn’t alive anymore, he got run over by a bus of all the damn things in the world.”
“How long?”
“A little more than 4 years.”
“Did he do…? Did he do this to you for 4 years?”
“No, in the beginning it was just… Normal abuse, you know a few bruised ribs, a twisted ankle. But this…”

She lifted her ankle slightly to show me the scar.

“This is after the ropes he use to bind me with. I have the same once on my wrist.”
“He tied you up?”
“Yeah. 24/7 the last 3 months before he died.”
“But how…? How did you get out? Did they find you? The police?”
“No. Well, yeah they found me but I had… I really don’t remember what happened those few days. I think he untied me before he left, so that I could eat something and the cops came knocking.”
“And they didn’t do anything?”
“I’m not sure, maybe they tried to get me to the hospital but when I refused they just drove me back after I had identified him.”
“Why would you refuse going to the hospital?”
“What were they going to do…? I was so far gone that it had to come to an eviction to get me to leave the fucking house.”
“That’s when you ended up on the streets?”
“Yeah. Best thing that could ever happen really. I would’ve died in there if I had stayed. I had been so close too many times to be able to see any other way out.”
“But how did you survive at all?”
“I collapsed in line to one of the shelters a few days after and next thing I knew I woke up in the hospital. They had been operating for more than 12 hours. Apparently I was a bit messed up internally and there were barley any skin left around my wrist and ankles. That’s when they removed my ovaries, as well as one kidney and they replaced a few bones in my arms, since they had broken and healed the wrong way… The physical pain was one thing, but the metal torture was a whole other thing. I mean I wasn’t… Even human after all those years.”
“So how the hell did you managed to survive out there?”
“I’m not sure. It was just living day by day. I think it changed after about six months.”
“What happened?”
“It’s gonna sound fucked up…”
“You mean, up until now this hasn’t…?”
“Fare enough… I was in Central Park one night, trying to find somewhere to sleep when two stoned guys came at me. I guess they were going to rape me or something and I just snapped… I decided that night that I wouldn’t let anyone else touch me every again. I was just going to prove to John and my dad that they couldn’t break me.”
“What did you do to them?”
“Not much really. They were too damn stoned to know the right way up. I punched them to the ground. I just made it my goal to survive after that.”
“I’m very glad you did. And he probably even more so…”

She smiled, looking down at the still sleeping figure on her lap.

“If something should… If something should happen to me, could you promise me…?”

She found it hard all of sudden to form the words that she wanted to say.

“Just… If something should happen to me, could you try and take care of him for me?”
“Lo…”
“Andy, please….I know I really don’t have any right to ask you to and you don’t owe me anything but… “
“You can’t leave again, Lo.”
“I’m not going to leave him. I might not just… I’m not going to live forever and I’m just scared…”
“I thought you weren’t scared of nothing.”
“I’m afraid of my father. What he will do.”
“To you?”
“No, to him. I don’t care what he does to me, I will be fine as long as he’s fine.”
“He said he wanted to kill him.”
“Yeah… I want to kill him too.”
“Is it the only way?”
“It’s the only way that would make me feel at least somewhat safe. It works out now, here, cause there’s so much security on set but what happens in November when we’re going back to New York? I can’t be seen out in public with him and there always press or fans around in New York.”
“Can’t he be charged for what he did to you when you were a child? I mean, can’t you report him?”
“15 years later? No, I don’t think that would work. Besides, he could probably buy his way out of it… I haven’t even told him this, but my family is… Pretty loaded.”
“What does that mean?”
“That they could probably support a few countries until the end of time…Oil money a few generations back.”
“But I thought your dad worked for the FBI?”
“He does… He has a pretty strong work ethics, believe that’s what this country is build on and shit. And he’s a control freak, loves rules, so I guess FBI is pretty happy to have him.”
“So he has to die…?”
“Yes. Or one of us will.”
“What about your mother?”
“She’s just… Under his control. I guess kinda like I was with John, but without the torture and raping. She just looks the other way.”
“You really do have a fucked up family, Lo.”
“Told you.”
“I hope you know you’ve a new one now.”
“I’m starting to get that… Do you mind if we stay? I hate waking him up.”
“Not at all.”
“You seem ready to crash as well.”
“Yeah, it’s been a rough week.”

I got to my feet and walked up to her and kissed her hair. She didn’t even tens, just smiled up at me.

“Sleep tight.”
“You too, Andy. Good night. And thank you.”
“Whatever, whenever you need it, sweetheart.”