Nothing Really Matters

She fascinated me. There really wasn’t any other way to put it. People always waned to know why. Why her? The truth is I have no idea. The first time I saw her, the day she stole my bag, I just felt an overwhelming need to protect her. I really was stupid and there would be times I wished I had never traced that phone. Life would’ve been a lot easier if she had stole her way into my life. But a whole lot emptier and really without meaning.

After I found out her name the texts stopped coming. I tried to get in touch with her every single day for a week, but I never got an answer. To tell you the truth it drove me crazy with worry. I had even started to try to track her again, when she was suddenly there. May 12th, she was sitting on the escape ladder outside my bedroom window, as I was opening up the curtains to a new day.

“How long have you been out there?”

I opened up the window but she crawled as far away from me as possible as I stuck my head out. At first she didn’t answer, just looked at me.

“I’ve been climbing up here for the past 3 nights.”
“London, huh?”
“Yeah… Sorry I freaked. It’s been a few years since I told anyone my real name.”
“Well, are you gonna sit there all day or what?”
“I haven’t decided yet”.
“Fine… I’m gonna take a shower and you can decide what you wanna do.”
“Alright.”
“I really would like you to come inside.”
“Why?”
“I will tell you when you’re inside.”
“Fare enough.”

I found her crawled up with her arms around her knees, sitting in one of the bar chairs by the counter in the kitchen. She looked up and I could hear her gaps a little as she saw me walking towards her, drying my hair. I couldn’t help but smile to myself. The shirtless thing worked very well even with her.

“You want breakfast?”
She nodded. I had a feeling she wouldn’t be talking much and I was right. As I busied myself around the kitchen, she just kept following my every move nervously.
“Will you stop being so damn jumpy? You freak me out. I ain’t gonna hurt you.”
She just glared at me as I put a plate of toast and orange juice in front of her.
“I really did mean it, you know… I’m glad you’re here.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ve been worried about you. Did you lose the phone?”
“No… I just tried to ignore you.”
“And how did that work out for you?”
“Well, I’m here, aren’t I…? You really do snore, did you know that?”
“Have you been sleeping outside my window for 3 nights?”
“Yeah… “
“Fuck you!”
She recoiled as I had slapped her when I raised my voice at her.
“You’ve been sitting outside my fucking window for 3 days without saying a word? I’ve been trying to call you 2 times an hour for the past week! I thought you were fucking dead!”
She just sat there, staring back at me as I kept yelling at her.
“Why the hell do you think I kept on calling? Just to ask about the weather? Jesus, Lo… You don’t get it do you? I’ve been climbing the wall the past days, trying to get a hold of you. I know it’s crazy, ok? I know this is insane but I just…”
“What?”
“When I first saw you, you know when you stole my bag… I need to protect you. I don’t know why or how yet, but I just need you to please not… Not to leave me hanging like that again.”
“Wow… Are you done?”
“No… Eat your damn breakfast, I make the best toast in Manhattan.”
“Jez, calm down… Sit down… Please.”
My heart rate was probably over 200 and my breathing came very fast, but as she actually pulled out the chair next to her I let go of the counter and walked around to sit down next to her.
“What exactly do you mean, you need to protect me?”
“I haven’t figured that out yet… Could you just stay here?”
She kept her eyes on me but I could see her body tens. She seemed like she searched for something as she locked eyes with me. I’m not sure what she found, but after a few minutes of excruciating silence, she nodded.
“Alright then… Thank you.”
"They are good... the toast I mean. Just..."
"What?"
"No bacon in mien the next time."
"Don't tell me you're a damn vegetarian or something."
"No, just don't eat pigs..."

When I raised an eyebrow questioning at her, she continued.

"I had a pet pig growing up.... Oh shut the fuck up!"

I hadn't been able to stop a quite laugh to escape my lips as she spoke. She glared at me and I almost though she was gonna hit me.

"Sorry... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... What was his name?"
"Her name was Sara."

The door bell rang then and she jumped so much the plate crashed to the floor and broke. The panic came faster then I ever thought was possible. I stood to answer the door but as I did, she ran up to hide behind the counter.

"Damn, girl, you're fast... It's just a delivery guy, no need to panic."

Easy for me to say I guess, but I really felt it was a bit of an overreaction to the door bell ringing. When I returned not 2 minutes later and looked for her, she was nowhere to be found. Now I started to panic. Had she left? I turned to rush back into the bedroom, figured she would probably take the same way out as in. I staggered to a halt when I found her sitting underneath the window, keeping her right hand tightly pressed over her left, bleeding one.

"Shit... Hold on."

I should probably have known better, but as I kneeled before her with a wet towel in my hand and reached out the grab her hand, she hissed angrily and moved as far away from me as she could possible come.

"I just want to help you..."

She snatched the towel from me and pressed it to her bleeding finger without looking at me. I sighed deeply but backed away and sat down with my back to the bed, watching her dry up the wound.

"What the hell happened to you?"