Nothing Really Matters

I was stabbing a walker in the head when I saw them coming. They were even holding hands and I ended up messing up the entire scene by smiling, making Greg yell “cut” and turning to me with a
confused look on his face.

“Something funny?”
“Sorry… Could I get 2 minutes?”

The director followed my gaze and saw what I had caught my attention. He just smiled and shook his head.

“Go…”

He waved me away even though I was already half way towards my family. I had been so angry at her. She made me feel so many different emotions at once and they were all so fucking strong I had no idea how to deal with them. I loved her to death but at the same time, that morning, I had hated her just as much. I had gotten completely lost in my need to be close to her. I needed to get rid of the hate and try to find my way back to just loving her again. I had done the first thing that I could think of, driven by some inner force. I was extremely relived that the only thing I felt when I saw her again was how much I loved her and how glad and thankful I was that she had finally came back to me. I caught them both in a tight embrace, but I must have hugged my son a little too tightly because he was suddenly pulling away.

“Dad!”

He wriggled out of the hug and I knew he would be making his way over to talk to Greg. I took her face between my hands, leaving fake blood all over it.

“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“Are you ok?”
“Yes. How are you, Mr. Dixon?”
“Just fine, ma’am.”

I spotted one of my many marks on her neck and leaned in to kiss it lightly, making her giggle.

“Sorry, baby.”
“Should I be sorry too?”

She traced on finger along one of the fine scratches she had left on the side of my neck earlier that morning.

“Ok, I’m not really sorry for this happening but for everything I said.”
“Yeah, for that I’m sorry too.”

She leaned up on her toes and tangled her hands into my hair before kissing me. I got so lost in her as so many times before and we must have been making out for a long time because I could suddenly hear people around start wolf whistle. I could tell she was grinning. She pulled away and peaked over my shoulder, giving whoever was there the finger. I heard Steven and Andy burst out laughing.

“2 minutes has past, Mr. Reedus!”

Greg called and once I turned to flip him off as well, London burst out laughing. She did however grab my hand and dragged me back towards the cameras and the crew. Andy got up from his spot and once he opened up his arms to her, she let go of my hand and ran into his waiting arms.

“Are you ok?”
“Yes, I’m fine, Andy.”
“Didn’t you pick him up?”

Steven asked as I caught up to them.

“Yes I did. So?”
“Well, didn’t you see her then? Didn’t you talk?”
“Not really… You were quite busy, weren’t you?”
“Oh, fuck you, Andy.”
“Sorry, kid.”

Andy laughed quietly and hugged her to his side, kissing her head.

“You ok, London?”

Greg asked. She looked around Andy towards him and nodded her answer before we all started to move again. She cuddled up in Andy’s lap, trying to keep warm in the cold Georgia day, and watched as we began filming the last episode of seasons 6.

“Do you still want to celebrate?”

She crawled into bed and placed her head on my chest, tracing her fingers lightly over my ribs, making me shiver.

“Celebrate what?”
“You said Greg wanted to throw a party, celebrating that we got married. Do you still want to do that?”
“You’re honestly asking that now? After I wanted to get a divorce this morning?”
“You really didn’t want to get a divorce, Norman.”
“Of course not, I was just so pissed.”
“You have all right to be.”
“Thanks… Do you want to throw a party?”
“Yes and no. Aren’t you having a dinner/party at the end of shooting? Maybe we could just do something then. I just can’t… Make it through an entire party just for us, you know? Not with that much people focusing on just us. It would creep me out.”
“I know. I’ll pass it on.”
“Ok, good. You were great today. Yesterday couldn’t have been easy.”
“I don’t even remember yesterday, so no I guess it wasn’t. It’s a good thing I did pretty much all my scenes yesterday, gives me more time with you the last week.”
“I wanna be there.”
“I know, me too. I’m just saying I’m actually going to be able to enjoy this last week a little more…. I need to talk to Mingus.”
“No you don’t. We talked.”
“About what exactly?”
“Sex.”
“Really? You talked sex with my son?”
“It’s not the first time.”
“Now I kinda hate you again…But I guess I’m glad he can talk to you. What did you tell him?”
“Favorite positions…”

I sat bolt upright and stared down at her. She just laughed and pulled me back down again.

“I’m messing with you, I’m sorry… I apologized for what we did, you know that he had to hear it. And we just started talking. I hate it too, just so you know. But he assured me you had already had “the talk” with him.”
“Yeah, but that was a while ago.”
“I reminded him.”
“Is he having sex?”
“You’re asking me if your son is having sex? Maybe you should talk to him about that, not me if you don’t know.”
“I know he’s having sex I was just wondering what he told you.”

“The same. There’s none special though, not right now anyway.”
She got interrupted by my phone ringing. When I picked it up and saw Helena’s number on the display I cursed to myself. I had totally forgotten to call her and I knew she would be pissed.

“Shit…”
“You need to talk to her.”
“I know.”
“I can leave.”
“No, stay… Hey!”

When I answered the phone she resumed her previous position with her head on my chest, tracing her finger lightly over my ribs and it made me a lot calmer, feeling her close.

“Why the hell didn’t you call?!”
“I’m sorry. Things have been a bit… Messed up.”
“What’s going on, Norman? Mingus won’t pick up. Where the hell is he?”
“He’s asleep. He hasn’t been sleeping that much since he got here and…”
“I want you to send him home.”
“He is home, Helena…. Mingus is fine and just so you know and thanks for asking, London is fine too.”
“Well, isn’t that just great? She survived again! How much shit can one person go through?! Did you ever consider what this does to your son?”
“Mingus is alright, Helena. He’s perfectly fine. He loves her and she loves him too. He has been really helpful and. She ain’t hurting him.”
“Oh really? He has been on this fucking rollercoaster with you from the beginning. She has been in the fucking hospitals more times then out and you… She the reason he almost lost his own father and you just… How the hell can you still defend this?”
“First of, you need to fucking chill right now, Helena. Don’t say shit you will regret. Second, I know this has been fucked up, ok? I know that it hasn’t really been a smooth ride and I don’t need you to remind of that. But Mingus hasn’t been anything but happy for me since the beginning and I was hoping you would be too, but I guess I was mistaken.”
“How the hell can I be happy for you when she constantly keeps fucking you up?”
“You need to get to know her a little better that’s all. She’s my wife, Helena. She’s going to be part of our son’s life rather you like it or not.”
“He’s still just a kid, Norman. You’re supposed to be his father….”
“What the fuck is that suppose to mean?!”
“That you haven’t really been putting his needs first lately. She has been coming first.”
“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, Helena! Mingus has always been and always will be first, but lately things have been a bit messed up and you know that. Shit happens and I know he knows that and he understand why…. Listen, I will get him home but not until Friday. He wants to stay a few days."
“No.”
“Helena, please. I need a few more days with him.”
“Fine.”
“Thank you. He’s really fine, Helena. You don’t need to worry about him, trust me.”
“You’re not making it easy to trust you right now, Norman.”
“You know I would do anything for him…”
“Yeah, when you’re thinking clearly and that hasn’t always been the case for the last couple of months.”
“I know…”

I let out an involuntary gasp when London suddenly moved on top of me and started kissing her way down my body.

“What?”

Helena asked on the other side of the line.

“Nothing… I will get him home Friday night. I will text you the flight.”
“Ok, good. When are you coming back to New York?”
“I’m not sure yet.”

Her lips and hands had traveled further down and it made it hard to concentrate on my conversation with Helena but I knew she wouldn’t stop even if I asked her to. She loved to tease me too much.

“Why is that?”
“We’ve been talking about going overseas for a week or two once we’re… Shit… Once we’re done shooting.”

I had to bite back a moan when she began tracing my hipbones with her tongue.

“Ok. You could’ve told me.”
“I’m telling you now. I really need to go, Helena.”
“Fine. Text me the flight info.”
“Yes. Take care.”
“Yeah. Have Mingus call me in the morning.”
“Sure… Bye.”

I hung up before she had said goodbye and turned off the phone at once before we would get interrupted by someone else. She looked up at me, a small smirk on her face.

“Do you want me to stop?”

She asked, already grasping my erection on her hand. I smiled back down at her and placed both hands behind my neck, making it possible for me to watch her.

“Hell no. Go ahead, baby.”

………………………………….

The memories came back at night. The entire weekend after everything happened I had been in different sessions with Dr. Carter. Norman had been with me for a few hours and he had been with her alone as well. She had gone through the whole process, what had happened to me, both physical but above all mentally. She had been filming me and at first I had protested when she wanted to show me what it had been like. I had watched it first when she had played the “this-is-what-Norman-saw-card.” It had given me nightmares. Not as bad as the once I had had before, but they were disturbing, making me uneasy. The memories of Norman, Mingus and Andy talking to me came back a little at the time. But for some reason Sean was the first one I remembered. Hearing him telling some story about them filming Boondock Saints. I think I remembered it most because Mingus had been laughing so hard at his story and Norman had joined in. I never saw them in my memories, it was just sounds, stories. But I was relieved when Dr. Carter finally seemed to think I was back on track. I really liked her and she had helped both me and Norman get through this, but I was really sick of having her around. Season six had only 2 days left of shooting and I just wanted to spend every possible second on set with my husband. She had insisted on daily sessions and I knew it was helping but as much as I needed to work out what and why it had happened, I needed to be with Norman. He helped too and she had finally left when I assured her, I would call her if anything came up.

“Wow…”

I was in the bathroom getting ready for the end of season party, when he walked in on me. I had just finished in the shower, only wearing panties and a bra.

“Wow yourself.”

I turned and grinned as his naked appearance.

“No. Don’t look at me like that. I need to take a shower.”
“Now, Mr. Reedus, this must be a first.”
“First what”
He asked as I walked up to him.
“The first time you say no.”
“Well, I need to get ready and so do you and although I would love to fuck you right now, we don’t have time for that.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”

He darted past me as I tried to put a hand on his chest and made it into the shower. I smiled as the water starting falling and returned to the task at hand, trying to apply just the right amount of mascara. I knew he would change his mind, but I hadn’t expected him to do it so soon. He couldn’t even have had time to get wet yet, but he was suddenly leaning out from the shower and grabbed my arm.

“I changed my mind.”

He said as he pulled me inside the shower.

“Indeed you did.”
“Fuck, we’re gonna be late.”

He said as he began kissing his way down from my lips, down to my neck and towards my breasts.

“You’ve been late pretty much every single day, why stop now?”
“Good point.”

He said before undressing the little I wore, dropping to his knees to take my underwear of. My first thought was to protest, knowing this kind of foreplay would make us even more late, but his fingers inside me, made me forget all about being on time for some party.

They were occupying one of the fancier hotels in down town Atlanta for the wrap party and as we were heading there, I started to get a bit nervous. I hadn’t really been at an event like this before. It made me even more nervous, knowing Andy had been working on something for a while now. He had been very secretive about it, but I knew it had to do with us getting married.

“There probably going to be some press and fans outside.”

He said when he stopped at the last red light before the hotel.

“Ok.”
“Are you alright doing this?”
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“We could take the back entrance.”
“If that’s ok.”
“I don’t mind, baby.”
“Thank you.”
“Have you figured out what Andy’s up to yet?”
“No. I have no idea. He won’t say a thing. Has he said anything to you?”
“Not a thing and I don’t like it. Not at all.”
“That’s because you’re always the one playing pranks on him, not the other way around.”
“Yeah… You ready?”

He had found a parking space and turned off the car. Everything around us felt silent when I turned to look at him, his hand on my knee.

“Let’s do this.”
“I love you, Mrs. Reedus.”

He leaned over and kissed me.

“I love you too.”
“Did I tell you how fucking hot you’re looking tonight?”

His hand traveled a little too far up my thigh but I managed to stop him before both of us got to excited. I was wearing black stockings and a black and red, short, cocktail dress and red Converse. I would have liked to be able to wear heals but my ankles couldn’t really take the weight. He had matched me, wearing black jeans and shirt with a black vest and red bowtie.

“You did, but thank you again.”

When we left the car and started walking towards the street that would take us to the back of the hotel I suddenly changed my mind. I could do this. I wanted to do this.

“What?”

He asked when I stopped.

“I changed my mind.”
“About what?”
“About meeting the press and fans. Come on.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes.”
“Lo…? Really?”
“Really. Come on.”
“Ok, if you say so.”

He grabbed my hand once more and we headed in other direction instead, making it to the main road outside the hotel within a minute. Not even 10 seconds after we stepped out on the sidewalk, the first swarm of photographers was there, following us all the way to the entrance of the hotel where more photographers and some fans were waiting. He stopped and signed some autographs and took a few pictures, while I hovered in the background, keeping as close as possible. The same second I could however, I grabbed his hand again and we made it inside. It had been uncomfortable being so close to the cameras and the men behind them, but it had been durable. With some practice I might even get use to it. He turned to me at once when we stopped to take of our coats, he even helped me of with mine.

“I’m fine.”

I told him before he had time to ask. He just nodded, smiled a little and kissed me quickly. We were both handed a glass of champagne when we stepped into the crowded restaurant. There were so many people walking around, talking, laughing, hugging and as I took a look around, I recognized most of them. I could not name them all, but I had seen them all at least once or twice. Andy made his way quickly through the sea of people but Danai was the first one in front of us and they shared a long hug.

“You look great, London.”
“You too.”

She had become one of my favorite people to hang around on set the past 2 weeks. I had loved watching her act, being completely fascinated by her skills. When we hugged I found Norman smiling at me. I just rolled my eyes at him and he burst out laughing.

“I will be right back.”
“Sure. You go and say hi to everyone, I’m fine.”

I told him when he made to walk into the crowed. He stopped however and kissed me first, something Andy caught on camera. The flash making me blind for a second when he shoved it too close into both of our faces.

“Fuck, Andy !”

Both of us protested, but he just laughed and hugged him first, then me. Norman bumped his
shoulder before walking away.

“Hey!”
“Hey. Wow, you look great, Lo.”
“Thanks. So do you. So you finally figured out how to use the camera on your phone?”
“Shut up…! I’ve been using it before.”

Andy had finally gotten a smart phone, but was still not quite sure how to use it. He managed to locate the picture he had just taken and showed me and Danai.

“Ah, you’re so cute!”

She said and for once I actually had to agree. It was a very beautiful picture of two people completely in love with each other. I knew that was how we both felt, but I didn’t know it showed that well. But then a picture says more than a thousand words.

“Could you send me that picture?”
“How?”
“You could just text me the picture.”
“How?”
“Honestly, you’re hopeless, Mr. Lincoln. Here, let me show you.”

I spend the next 5 minutes teaching him to send pictures or files to someone else and by the time I was done, Norman was back beside me, kissing me again.

“What’re you doing?”
“Teaching this stone age person how to send a MMS.”
“Hey!”

Andy protested and took his phone back from me. As dinner started I found myself seated between Chandler and Norman with Andy and Gale on the other side of the table and I found that I didn’t want the night to end. I was having a blast listening to all their crazy stories, even though I already knew most of them it was great hearing it again. On the big screen at the very back of the room, pictures from the entire season was rolling and every now and again a blooper video played, making not only me break down in fits of laughter. For some reason Norman showed up a lot more than his costars. One scene in particular caught my attention. He had rammed his shoulder into a tree while trying to
escape some walkers and fallen down backwards.

“If I’m not mistaken I managed to take your mind of that busted shoulder pretty effective a few hours later.”

I leaned in and whispered to him, placing a hand on his thigh. He grinned back.

“You sure did, baby.”

He leaned over and whispered in my ear, before kissing the side of my neck.
During the dinner some of the cast and crew had gotten up and made speeches, but I hadn’t paid much attention to it, but suddenly Andy was in front of everyone and both Norman and I tensed slightly.

“I’m not going to get into the whole “thank you for this season”, crap, cause you all already know all that. I want, and forgive me for doing this, London, but I want you to get up here and bring your husband.”

I sighed but decided it was better to just get it over with. I trusted Andy, he would never do anything that would hurt me or Norman. He might however try to play some kind of prank on us, payback for what we had done to him the past 6 months. He took my hand and we walked up to Andy to cheers and applause, making the whole thing so fucking surreal to me.

“Andy…?”

When Norman spoke into the mic the crowed went quite.

“Oh, don’t be so damn nervous. I just wanted to officially congratulate you on getting married.”
“Sure you did.”

I said quietly and the once closest, including Norman and Greg laughed.

“And maybe get some revenge or all the fucked up things you’ve done this seasons. I mean come on, what the hell was up with all those chickens?”
“That was fun!”
“And stealing my car…”
“That was her, not me!”

Norman protested.

“Whatever, man. It’s payback time, bitch. If there’re any kids in the room, I’m sorry, cover your eyes.”

He turned around and gestured with his whole arm towards the big screen and at first I wanted to make a run for it. Whatever he had done, this would be embarrassing for the both of us, least of all for him. As the first tones of King of Leon’s “Sex on Fire” started playing I knew it really was payback time. Big time. He had put together his own music video to the song with pictures and videos of the two of us. And they were far from being the cute, innocent pictures he had taken only hours ago. This was a big fat restricted rating!

“I’m impressed you found the time to actually get married at all.”

The three and a half minute finally past and the laughter slowly died out when Andy spoke again. My eyes were still fixed on the screen, not really able to take in what the hell I had just watched. I had loved it.

“I should fucking kill you right now, man… But before I do… Who helped you? Cause you did not do this alone.”
“Nope, but if you’re going to kill us all, you should know there’re a lot of people involved. Including your son.”
“Really? Mingus was in on this?”
“Yes.”
“Damn…”
“There’s a part two.”

Greg suddenly said.

“Hell no! This was enough. Well played, bro.”
“Thank you. Consider part two a hostage if you should get any crazy ideas next season… London, are you ok?”
“I kinda like to see part two now.”
“No, no, no, please, no.”

He begged beside me but he was quickly overrun by everyone else in the big room. As the second one starting rolling with Beyoncé’s “Crazy in love” from Fifthly Shades of Grey, he wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my neck, not watching the screen at all. He was slightly red when I finally grabbed his face between my hands and made him look at me.

“You’re fucking crazy, you know that, right?”
“Yeah.”

I said, smiling and kissed him.

“There’s something else as well.”
“No, Andy, please, no more.”
“Relax, man this is something you’ll enjoy. Trust me.”
“Never again, man.”
“Whatever, Norm… Well, when we went to Vegas to marry you guys there were a few things you missed on the wedding list.”
“Like what?”
I asked, turning to him, one arm steadily wrapped around Norman’s waist.
“Like a wedding cake. I know we had cake, but they didn’t and you actually didn’t get to cut the cake. So…”
“You baked a wedding cake?”
“Of course not, don’t be silly, Lo. I had someone else bake you a wedding cake. The same one we had in Vegas to be exact.”
“No way! That was an awesome cake.”

The cake that was rolled in was a piece of eatable art. It was a 6 story cake, enough to feed every single person in there 5 times over. The Daryl Dixon action figure on the top made both of us burst out laughing as we took a closer look at the chocolate covered cake. Next to it was a smaller figure that looked very much like me and it was very weird to see myself portrayed in plastic.

“Wow… Damn, Andy that’s…Impressive. Thank you.”

He gave his best friend a long hug. I saw him whisper something to him and although I couldn’t hear it I knew he told him, he loved him. That was what I told him when we shared a hug and I kissed his check.

“Thank you…. And that really was some damn payback.”
“I got you good this time.”
“Yes you did. I love you, Andy.”
“I love you too, Lo. Do me a favor and shove some cake in his face.”

He grinned at me when I nodded. I should’ve known better though. Once the whole process of cutting up the first piece was done, with a lot of people gathering closer to take pictures, I got ready to smear my husband with some cake, but he had the same idea, probably from Andy as well.

“Oh, hell no!”

He tried to stop me at the same time as I tried to stop him, but neither of us succeeded fully not to get cake in the face. Everyone was laughing but Andy was probably the one that laughed the most, he almost had tears in his eyes when both turned toward him, communicating without words what to do. He didn’t see it coming at all when we attacked him together, smearing his face with cake and shutting him up very effectively.

“Fuck! That’s just… Mean!”

……………………………….

I found myself seated next to Lauren after getting an actual piece of cake and things had settled down a bit. London was in the restroom, cleaning up, while I had just cleaned myself up with a towel.

“I was wrong about her. About the two you, I know that now.”
“You really don’t have to bring that up now, Lauren.”
“Yeah I do. I still think she’s messed up but…”
“She is, but that’s what makes it her.”
“I’m beginning to get that. She really loves you.”
“Yes she does.”
“I’m happy for you.”
“Thank you.”
“You got cake in your hair.”
“Yeah, fucking Andy…”
“I thought it was sort of beautiful, the videos. I mean, you’re an artist, you must see it too.”
“Sure, but… Damn, not for ya’ll to see it. I didn’t even know it was like that.”
“You’re kidding right? I’ve never seen two people being so fucking hot for each other before. Has it always been like this?”
“Yeah… “
“She’s one lucky lady.”
“No… I am.”
“You both are. It’s not everyone that finds their soul mate, their other half, whatever you want to call it.”
“I guess not. Thank you.”

As I stood to try to find my wife, I kissed her cheek, hopefully making her understand that she was forgiven. Not that there really was anything to forgive from my part, but I knew she needed to know we were ok. I found her sitting on the floor up by the big screen with Chandler, both of them with huge smiles on their faces. When she spotted me I saw her excuse herself from Chandler’s company before bouncing up and straight into my arms. It still amazed me that I was able to tell what was on her mind the second she kissed me. Her eyes betrayed her thoughts and when she saw I had figured it out, she just turned, taking me by the hand and started making her way through the crowd towards the restrooms. She attacked even before I had closed the door behind us. She pinned me to the back of the door and while kissing her, I managed to lock the door, making sure none caught us. This time there was no time over for any kind of foreplay at all. She even let out a frustrated groan when I took her hands away from unbuttoning my jeans, making me laugh a little at her.

“A bit impatient, are we, Mrs. Reedus?”
“Oh, shut up!”

She tried, but failed making me realize her hands. I could tell she was about to protest angrily but when I took her arms and placed them around my neck, she seemed to grasp what I wanted and she grinned up at me.

“What are you going to do to me?”

When I grabbed her around her waist and lifted her up from the floor she quickly wrapped her legs around me, pressing herself at me as though she couldn’t get close enough. When she was finally able to get back to her task of getting my pants of, after I had placed her on top of the sink, she worked faster than I ever seen her do before. She hadn’t lost control like this in a long time, it was usually me that lost control but now she didn’t even have time to wait for me to undress her.

“Please, Norman…”
“Since when do you have to beg?”

I asked when she undressed her underwear. She was already panting hard in front of me, making me lose the little self-control I still possessed. She kept watching me as I slowly eased myself inside her. I knew it would drive her crazy, cause right now her entire body just shouted at me to go hard and fast, but that wasn’t going to happen. She fell over the edge already the second time I pushed inside her. She buried her scream in my neck, gripping the back of my shirt tightly. I gave up shortly after that, giving in to what I knew she wanted and frankly I couldn’t keep doing the slow torture anyway. I needed to feel her go crazy, lose herself in me. And she did. Two more times, I think even surprising herself.

“Don’t…!”

She said, breathless when I made to pull away from her. She grabbed me around the waist and pulled me close, leaning her head to my shoulder.

“Three times, huh?”

I couldn’t stop feeling slightly proud of myself and she actually laughed.

“I can’t take credit, it was all you.”
“I’m pretty good then?”
“No. You’re the best. Thank you. I love you.”
“I love you too.”

I took her sweaty face between my hands and kissed her.

“You got cake in your hair.”
“I know. “

She leaned to the side of the sink and took a paper towel, soaked it in water before cleaning me up.

“There, you’re all cake free.”
“Thanks… I’m going to have to watch those videos again, aren’t I?”
“Come on, you loved it just as much as I did.”
“Yeah, but not sharing it with all them people…! I will make sure Andy deletes them once I got them.”
“Why?”
“Do you honestly want that to leak out to the public? My mom would kill me. And you.”
“You’re 46 years old, Norman. I thought it was beautiful. And so fucking hot…!”
“Yeah, I figured it had to a reason for this. But we really should be getting back out there. People will wonder where we’re at.”
“Let them.”

She groaned her protest when I took a step back and bottomed up my jeans. She didn’t move, instead she narrowed her eyes at me and even pouted.

“Come on, Lo. I really can’t, not yet.”
“I wasn’t asking you to fuck me again, Mr. Reedus.”
“Oh… You’re one nasty bitch tonight, Mrs. Reedus.”

I moved back in between her legs once more, not even bothering to try to say no to her request. She had me wrapped around her finger just by one look and she knew it and took full advantage of it that night.