Explosions

Charlie sat in her parents’ living room. Almost everyone in the family was mingling through the house, but the T.V. had been turned on to the Houston game for Charlie. Her hands were shaking as she watched. It was 33 to 21, and Indianapolis was winning.

A hand clamped down on her shoulder for a second. She looked up. It was her dad. He was holding a beer and looked like he hadn’t slept in a few days. He took a seat next to her, and he put his arm around her shoulders.

“How are you holding up, Dad?” she asked.

Jim nodded, but he didn’t say anything for a moment. She looked back at the T.V. She watched someone, she couldn’t tell who, sack Andrew Luck. The next thing she knew, J.J. was running in the opposite direction, holding the ball. The corner of her mouth turned up. He reached the end zone, and he dropped to his knees. He put his hands in the air, then he blew a kiss to the sky.

“He’s a good man, Charlotte,” said Jim. “He’s right for you, sweetheart.”

She put her fingertips to her lips.

“Dad, can I ask you something?” she said.

“Anything,” replied Jim.

“Do you believe someone can have more than one soulmate?” she asked.

Jim took a long drink of his beer and scratched his head. She looked over at him. He shrugged.

“I think it’s possible,” he said. He turned to her. “I had a girlfriend once, right before your mother. Her name was Sandra Tillman. She was beautiful like no one else – until I met your mother, of course. She and I dated for two years. I thought I was going to marry her.”

“What happened?” asked Charlie.

“Well, she and I had a falling-out,” continued Jim. “We got in a few huge fights, and it was over. For the longest time, I thought I would never be happy again. A year later, I found your mother.”

“But did you think Sandra was your soulmate?” said Charlie.

“I still do,” said Jim. “If she and I could have worked past it, I would have married her. I think of her often. Am I glad I didn’t? Yes, because I get to have you in my life.”

Charlie smiled and said, “J.J.’s flying out tonight. I’m going to pick him up at the airport, and we’re staying downtown.”

“You’re both welcome to stay here,” replied Jim.

“It’s fine, Dad,” said Charlie. “I think it’s best if we stay away from the house right now.”

Jim nodded. He looked over at the T.V. as Ryan was coming off the field, and as he turned his back to the camera, Jim pointed.

“Fitzpatrick, why does that name sound familiar?” he said.

---

There was a knock on the door of Charlie’s hotel room. She looked over as she finished putting her earring in. She kicked her shoes out of the way and grabbed her sweater. The knock came again.

“I’m coming,” Charlie said, shoving her arms into her sweater.

She moved toward the door. She swung it open, and the familiar face of Ryan Fitzpatrick greeted her. Her heart jumped into her throat. She hadn’t seen him in almost three months.

His hands were shoved into his pockets, and his hair seemed unkempt. He was wearing black slacks and a button-up dress shirt – green, her favorite color. He looked up at her and smiled, and she almost broke.

“Can I come in?” he asked.

“Yeah, please,” said Charlie, stepping aside.

Ryan glanced around the room before sitting down in a chair.

“I’m sorry it’s kind of a mess,” said Charlie. “I got in last night and haven’t really done anything but go get breakfast this morning and try and put my portfolio together.”

“It’s fine,” said Ryan. “Actually, I wanted to meet here because I have something to tell you, and I wasn’t sure when we were going to have lunch. I didn’t want it to be too late.”

“Is something wrong?” asked Charlie.

She sat down on the edge of the bed across from him.

“No,” said Ryan. “Well, I’m not really sure. I’m leaving Cincinnati. I actually pushed my flight back to tomorrow when you called.”

“Where are you going?”

“Buffalo, New York. I was traded.”

“Wow,” said Charlie. “Are you excited?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I think I am. It’ll be new, so that’s good.”

He leaned forward, and he took her hands in his. She stared into his eyes for a long second. His lips parted, and she held her breath with anticipation.

“I just wanted to tell you that I miss you too,” he said. “But this feeling, right now, isn’t going to last. And I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

Charlie stood up. She pulled her hands from his and pulled her sweater off. He watched as she unbuttoned a few buttons on her blouse, down to the middle of her body.

“Do you really think I just asked you to meet me for lunch?” she asked.

“Uh, up until about thirty seconds ago,” said Ryan.

“I’ve missed you so much, Ryan,” said Charlie. “Yes, I did maybe want to have lunch, but for the most part, I just want to be with you again.”

She knelt down in front of him and touched his cheek.

“Char, I’m not so sure this is a great idea,” said Ryan.

“You’re going to Buffalo tomorrow,” replied Charlie. “We may never see each other again, and that’s okay.”

She stood back up. He looked at her, and she held her arms out.

“It’s your call,” she said.

He looked down at his hands, then back up at her. Had he thought about it since their breakup? Absolutely. He wanted to be with her again more than anything else. Maybe this was the perfect way to end things for real.

Charlie sighed and began buttoning her shirt up again.

“Where are we going for lunch, then?” she asked.

Ryan stood up and stopped her hands. He put them down at her sides, and he looked into her beautiful green eyes. He cupped her face with his hands, and he brought his lips to hers. Her knees went weak. She put her hands on his arms to stabilize herself. His lips never left her as his fingers traveled down her chest to pull the buttons of her shirt apart.

He touched her skin, and she was electrified. She undid his shirt, putting her hands on his chest and bringing him closer to her. She hadn’t remembered his skin being so warm against hers. With every touch, she craved more. His lips explored the curve of her neck, then her collarbone. She backed onto the bed, and she pulled him down with her.

He kissed her everywhere – her back, her fingers, her legs, he didn’t care where. He just wanted her, and he wanted every part of her. She was surreal. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d touched her, but he certainly wasn’t going to forget this time.

---

J.J. got to the Boston airport at one in the morning, and he found Charlie waiting for him on a bench just past the other side of security. She looked up as he came down the escalator. He pulled his headphones down and smiled at her. She stood up.

“I’m sorry about the game,” she said.

J.J. shrugged and said, “It was an important one, but not as important as being here with you. The guys said to give you their love.”

He dropped his bag and wrapped his arms around her. She buried her face in the crook of his arm and began sobbing. He kissed the top of her head. He stroked her hair, knowing it wouldn’t calm her. Her body shook, and he held her tighter.

When they made it back to the hotel, Charlie sat down on the bed and crossed her legs. She’d finally gathered herself enough to stop crying. Now, her eyes were red and puffy. J.J. sat next to her and held her hand.

“He was getting help,” she said. “Dad told me he was in support groups. I guess it had been almost a month since he’d touched anything. He’d been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, though. I don’t know when. I should have been around more.”

“You can’t talk like that,” said J.J. “You don’t know if it would have been different.”

“Exactly, I don’t know, and now I never will,” said Charlie.

“Char, he had an addiction. Sometimes people just can’t escape that. You can’t torture yourself by thinking of the ‘what ifs’. I can’t let you do that.”

“When I was going to college, he was arrested for possession of marijuana a couple times. We didn’t think anything of it. It was weed, you know? Mom was the one who found the cocaine. Then, when you met him, Olivia was pretty sure he was doing heroin. He’d been doing some other drugs – ones I’ve never heard of – but heroin was the one that got him.”

“Was that what it was last time?”

“Yes.”

“I remember when he overdosed last year,” said J.J. “It was during training camp.”

“You didn’t see him, though,” said Charlie. “He was so broken. I should have stayed. I should have made sure he was better. I should have brought him with me. I should have”-

“Charlie, please stop. You can’t do this to yourself. You didn’t need to stop your life to help him, okay? If he wanted help, he would have gotten it sooner.”

Charlie looked at him, and she narrowed her eyes.

“Don’t talk about my brother like that,” she said. “Okay, so he had his flaws. He’s still my brother.”

“Well, I’m sorry, but I can’t let you wreck yourself like this,” said J.J.

She stood up and moved to the other bed. She got under the covers, and she turned away from him. He sighed.

“Charlotte, don’t do this,” he said.

She was silent.

“I’m just trying to get you to see reason,” he said. “None of this is going to change anything. I don’t want you to dwell on this for the rest of your life.”

Charlie looked back at him and said, “I should have been there, Justin, and nothing you say to me is going to erase that thought from my mind.”