Explosions

Another week went by. Charlie was at least moving around and functioning, but J.J. was no less worried about her. Sometimes she would stare at him for a long time, and when he would ask if she was alright, she would just tell him she loved him. His arms would wrap around her at night, but she felt empty.

Charlie was terrified to tell him. She knew the longer she waited, the worse it would get. She couldn’t bring herself to do it, though. She would look at him, and her heart would break for him. She loved him so much, and to tell him something like this was terrifying to her.

Slowly, she pushed the memory to the back of her mind. She hadn’t spoke to or seen Ryan. She didn’t know how he was doing, and she didn’t know if his leg was healing properly. She cared, but she didn’t know what to say.

Another week went by. It was almost halfway through January now, and J.J. watched their division rivals advance through the playoffs. He had gradually become less worried about Charlie. She’d gone back to eating and moving around and laughing. She just seemed to speak less. He shook it off as the stress of last year catching up to her, and he knew that if she wanted him to know, she would tell him.

He ran into Ryan at the stadium one morning, and he breathed a sigh of relief. Ryan nodded to him.

“Hey, man,” he said.

“Fitz, how have you been?” said J.J., stopping him. “How’s the leg?”

“It’s good,” Ryan said, looking down.

He was wearing a much smaller boot, J.J. noted. Ryan adjusted his bag and put his hands into his pockets.

“How’s Charlie?” he asked.

“To be honest, I don’t know,” said J.J. “She hasn’t really been talking lately, and I don’t know if she’s mad at me for something or what.”

“When did it start?” asked Ryan.

“New Year’s Day,” replied J.J. “It was really bad right after that, but she’s gotten better.”

“What do you think it is?”

“I think maybe the stress of last year finally caught up to her. She didn’t really have time to process Kyle’s death, and Olivia staying with us was a little more stressful than she let on.”

“Yeah, I can’t even imagine,” Ryan replied, scratching his head.

J.J. crossed his arms, and they stood there a moment in silence. The sounds of weights clanging together could be heard from down the hall, and it brought Ryan back to Earth. He sighed.

“Well, man, it’s been good to see you,” he said.

“You should stop over to play some video games soon, Fitz,” said J.J. “I’m sure Charlie would like seeing you as well.”

Ryan shrugged and said, “Maybe.”

They went their separate ways. J.J. looked back as Ryan opened the door, but he shook his head. He never knew what was going through Ryan’s head, and he was sure he never would.

---

Charlie stared across the table at J.J. He was flipping through a magazine, and his eyes scanned each page quickly. She pushed her mashed potatoes around her plate, trying to think of something to say. He had stopped trying to talk to her in the last week, and she wasn’t sure if she was okay with that or not.

He looked up at her, and she quickly looked down at her plate. He sighed and put his magazine down.

“Charlie, will you please talk to me?” he asked.

She blinked a few times and set her fork down. He waited patiently, but she didn’t say anything. Instead, she stood up and left the room. He shook his head and followed her. She was sitting on the couch, staring at the dark screen on the television. He knelt down in front of her.

“Look, I know you went through a rough time last year,” J.J. said. “I know it’s gotta suck, losing your brother and dealing with your sister. I can’t even imagine what that must be like. I need you to know that I’m here for you.”

Charlie nodded and looked down at her hands. J.J. touched her chin and made her look at him. She shuddered; Ryan had touched her the same way. He dropped his head and tried to think of the right words to say to her. He put his hands on hers.

“I’m sorry about Kyle,” said J.J. “I know I’ve said it before, but I don’t think you ever believed me. I wish I had known what he was really like, but I think you owe it to yourself to move on from this”-

“I kissed Ryan,” Charlie said, her voice barely above a whisper.

J.J.’s head snapped up, and his eyes met hers.

“You what?” he said.

“I’m sorry,” said Charlie. “I’m so sorry.”

“How did this happen?” asked J.J., standing up.

“It was an accident,” said Charlie. “It meant nothing.”

“How do you accidentally kiss someone?”

Charlie was silent. She wouldn’t look at him – couldn’t look at him. He took a step back and paced back and forth a few times. Her hands began to shake.

“When did this happen?” asked J.J.

Charlie cleared her throat and said, “New Year’s.”

“New Year’s?” he echoed. “Charlie, why?”

“I don’t know,” she said, standing up. “I went out to find you, and he was just really depressed. It just happened. I don’t know why. It was an accident, J.J.”

“You can’t just accidentally put your lips on someone, Charlotte,” J.J. snapped.

“Well, I did,” said Charlie, “and I’m sorry. It never crossed my mind. I never asked for it to happen, but it did. All I can do is apologize and hope that you believe me.”

J.J. walked to the window and back. He crossed and uncrossed his arms a few times and shifted uncomfortably. Charlie closed her eyes against the impending tears. When she opened them, she was finally able to look at him. He was staring at her. His face was stone, and his eyes were empty.

“Did you kiss him?” he asked. “Or did he kiss you?”

Charlie shook her head. She sat back down on the couch and put her face in her hands. He waited patiently for her answer, but she didn’t know what to say.

“It was…” she breathed. “It was just kind of a mutual thing.”

“Don’t bullshit me, Charlotte,” said J.J. “Was it you or him?”

“Why does it”-

“You or him?”

Charlie looked back up at him. She’d never heard his voice so dark before, and she didn’t like it. She was shaking her head and taking deep breaths.

“Okay,” said J.J. “That’s all I needed to know.”

He walked away, and she heard his footsteps making their way up the stairs. She looked back in his direction, and she jumped when she heard their bedroom door slam. She fell sideways onto the couch, her face in the cushions.

Hopefully, she thought, she would suffocate tonight.