Explosions

A few days passed, and Charlie hadn’t seen J.J. at all. He left early in the morning and didn’t come back until late. She didn’t stop him or try to catch him off guard. She didn’t know what to say to him anyway.

The Texans lost to the Colts in Houston on Thursday Night Football, giving them a 1 and 4 record now. Charlie watched from home that week, avoiding the stadium at all costs. With the permission of her boss, she had also been working from home. He knew there were reporters crawling all over the stadium, waiting to make their move once she stepped onto the property. She got her work done early in the day and watched T.V. the rest of the time.

J.J. filled his time with practice. Even when they weren’t having practice, he was working out. Coach O’Brien found him sleeping in the locker room the following Tuesday and forced him to go home.

When he arrived home, Charlie was sitting on the couch. Her eyes were fixated on the documentary she was watching. He took a deep breath, and he sat down in the chair opposite her. She looked up and was startled by his sudden appearance.

“We should talk,” he said.

Charlie nodded.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” she said. “I just didn’t want you to take it the wrong way.”

“It’s a little late for that,” J.J. replied.

“Look, I’m sorry, okay?” she said. “Our lives haven’t been the same since the beginning of this year, and it’s my fault. It’s my fault we’re falling apart. It’s my fault we’re in this mess.”

“No, it’s not,” he said. “I blamed New Year’s on you, and I blamed it on him. What happened after was completely avoidable. I just fed into it.”

“Maybe we should just stop blaming each other and ourselves for all of this,” Charlie said. “It probably would have saved us a lot of trouble by now.”

She looked down at her hands. She played with her fingers for a second, and J.J. sat there, watching her.

“We’ve been through a lot together, Charlie,” he said. “It’s been almost three and a half years now. That’s a long time.”

She nodded.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you, too,” she said.

He switched seats to sit next to her on the couch. He put his arms around her and squeezed her gently.

“We’re going to get through this,” he said.

“I’m sorry,” she said, putting her cheek to his chest. “I wish I could change all of this. I wish I could go back and not kiss him.”

“We both wish that, babe,” said J.J. “You can’t keep blaming yourself for something he did.”

“He didn’t,” she sighed. “I was just so lonely. I should have come to you.”

She felt his arms loosen for a second, and he looked down at her.

“I thought you said it was an accident,” he said.

She looked up, and immediately she realized her slip-up. He let go of her and stood up.

“Did you kiss him again?” he asked.

“J.J., I…” She paused. Lies had gotten her nowhere. She sat on her hands and said, “Yes.”

“Charlie, oh my god…” he said.

His hands immediately flew to his head, and he began pacing. Charlie had expected herself to cry, but she couldn’t. She’d cried too much in the last week, and now she had nothing left to cry about. Her heart ached, but she had nothing left to give.

“J.J., I’m sorry,” she said.

“How did this happen, Charlotte?” asked J.J. “Is our life together really that bad that you had to do it again?”

She opened her mouth, but he wasn’t done.

“Am I so terrible to you that this is what it’s come to?” he said. “What did I do to you?”

She could hear the pain in his voice, and she cringed.

“Justin, you didn’t do anything to me, okay?” she said. “I was lonely. He stopped me.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better that he stopped you,” said J.J. “It actually makes me feel worse. You had no self control and basically forgot who you were with? Would you have slept with him if he hadn’t stopped you?”

“No, I wouldn’t have slept with him, J.J.,” she said.

“You can’t say that because you don’t know.”

“I do know. I might have kissed him, but that doesn’t mean that I would cheat on you with him. I’m not that low.”

“You’ve sunk pretty low, to be honest.”

“I know that, and I’m sorry.”

“God, Charlie, I can’t even look at you right now!”

“I’m sorry”-

“Sorry doesn’t mean shit anymore, alright? You can say it all you want, but it changes nothing. You kissed him after you told me he meant nothing to you anymore. Was that a lie, too?”

Charlie inhaled, her lungs shaking, and she said, “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” said J.J.

“No,” she said.

“No, you don’t know, or no, it wasn’t a lie?” he said.

“No, I don’t know,” she replied.

“Do you still love him?” he asked.

Charlie looked up at him. He waited for her answer, but she was reluctant. He chuckled a few times and shook his head in disbelief.

“I love you,” she said finally.

“That’s not what I asked,” he said. “Do you still love him?”

She took another shaky breath, and her voice grew quiet as she said, “Yes.”

J.J. stared at her a moment, letting the single word reverberate between them. He shook his head. He turned around and walked toward the front door. Charlie wanted to follow him, but she was rooted in her place. She heard the door slam shut, and a few seconds later, she heard him peel out of the driveway.

---

Charlie’s phone rang at eleven o’clock that night. The sound startled her, and she leapt for her phone sitting on the table. She expected it to be J.J., or if he wouldn’t call, it might be June. It was neither.

“Mom?” she said, her voice raspy. She cleared her throat and said, “Mom, hey.”

“Charlotte,” Wendy said. “Did I wake you?”

“No,” said Charlie. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything is great, honey,” replied Wendy. “I know things haven’t been the best for you in the last week, and I thought I might call.”

“Oh, you know, huh?” said Charlie.

“I think everyone knows, Char,” said Wendy. “Are you doing okay?”

“Not exactly,” Charlie sighed. “Mom, you didn’t have to call this late just to ask how I was doing.”

“I know,” said Wendy. “Truth is, I have something to share with you that might be of great value. Your father and I just got home from a dinner party at Anne and Travis’s house.”

“Okay?”

“I’m going to make this as quick as possible. Anne is Travis’s new wife. They married this past August. Turns out Anne’s cousin is the Director of Marketing for his company, so I put a little bug in his ear. He mentioned that there could be an Assistant Director position opening up soon, but it would depend on whether or not his assistant got his job. I told him that you were a Marketing Specialist for the Texans but always looking for advancement, so I gave him your number.”

“That’s great, Mom,” said Charlie. “It’s not really a good time. I’m not looking for another job right now. Despite what J.J. and I are going through, I like working for the Texans.”

“Honey,” said Wendy. “He works for the Boston Celtics.”

“What?” Charlie sat up straight and said, “Mom, wait, are you serious?”

“I thought that might interest you,” chuckled Wendy. “Don’t get your hopes up yet, Charlotte. They’re still waiting on hearing back from their current assistant.”

“Mom, this is incredible,” said Charlie. “Thank you so much. I can’t believe it. You are amazing. I love you so much, Mom.”

“I know, I know,” laughed Wendy. “I’d better get going, though. I’ve got an appointment in the morning that I can’t be late for.”

“Mom?”

“Yes, honey?”

Charlie paused. She listened to the silence on the other end of the phone, and then she said, “Thank you.”

“Charlie, if you ever need to talk, just tell me,” said Wendy. “I’m one phone call away.”

“I know,” said Charlie. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you, too,” said Wendy. “Go to sleep now. I can tell you need your rest.”

Charlie smiled as she hung up the phone. She lay back down on the couch. Her mind wandered all over the place. She tried to listen to her mother and not get her hopes up, but she couldn’t help thinking about it. Working for the Boston Celtics would be a dream come true.

If she did get the job, what would change for her here? If she and J.J. worked things out, he surely wouldn’t trust her with a long-distance relationship. Her heart pounded, and she closed off her mind as she was finally able to drift off to sleep.