Diaries of the Man Upstairs

Dan

I feed the pups their breakfast and go out to check the mail.

I'm really happy to get back in the swing of things after being sick for so long.

I don't like that Phil took off school for a day or two.

It makes me worry about him. I don't want him to drop out. That'd be awful.

"Don't forget the paper," I hear Phil say, making me jump.

I roll my eyes, hobbling barefoot to the end of the drive to get the paper.

I'm greeted back at the door by Phil's arms wrapping around my waist.

"Thank you, love," he says with a smile, kissing my cheek and taking the paper from me.

"Let me hear about the giant llama alien attacks! When's that happening?" I pull the string on his trousers undone and retie it.

"Try... Christmas. Aliens always attack on Christmas, right?" He pulls me inside, taking me to the kitchen.

"Are we basing our world news on Doctor who now," I ask. He shrugs.

"Might as well. If the doctor doesn't know when the world ends then who else does?" I grab my cereal and pour myself a bowl. "Cereal or egg," I ask.

He shrugs. "Cereal. Get me the big mug, I didn't sleep well."

I nod, pulling out 2 of the big mugs and filling his up all the way to the rim. I leave just a tiny space in mine for cream and sugar but not much. I pour milk in our cereal and put the bowls by our places. I have to take a sip of Phil's coffee so I won't spill it.

I've never liked black coffee.

I like mine sweet and candy-like.

I start to look through the mail when something catches my eye.

"Philip Lester plus one," I read out loud. Phil looks up at me, adjusting his glasses.

"What's it say," he asks.

"May I," I ask. He nods. I take a sip of my own coffee and gently open it.

"Hello Phillip! It's been a long time! The Lester family reunion will be held at papa's house, Saturday the-"

"No," Phil says without hearing the rest.

"But... Phil-"

"I said no, Dan! Now drop it! I don't want to hear it." With that, he slams down his newspaper and gets up.

"Bu-"

"SHUT UP! THE ANSWER IS NO!"

I feel my lip quiver as tears threaten me. Phil hasn't ever spoken to me like that. Never.

He obviously noticed, he stormed out into our bedroom and left me.

I'm not sure what I did... I only wanted to meet his family. We are engaged... I think...

I can't help it but let myself cry, pulling my legs up to my chest and using them to cry into.

After awhile, I feel an arm wrap around me.

"I didn't mean it like that, babe," he says, trying to hand me a box of tissues but I gladly turn it down, along with his arm that he thinks he can just throw around me.

"Go away," I cry. He ignores completely. I put my hands to my face so he can't see but he moves my hand, wiping away my tears, which I wasn't fond of at all. I attempt to push him away, only to be pulled tighter into him.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it like that, I- Dan..." he tries to kiss my head but I push him off, falling out of my chair.

"Stay away, Phil. Stay away." I back up against the wall, rocking hard and whispering the words to a nonsense poem until I stop crying.

"One dark day- stop stop! He loves you. Not me. Go back! I don't want to be here! He does love you, he doesn't know the difference! Stop saying that stupid poem! ONE DARK DAY IN THE MIDDLE- LALALALA-" I put my hand over my eyes and calming myself.

"Dan...," Phil whispers. I look up at him, breathing heavily. I pull myself up, leaning against the wall. "What was that... are you okay?" He asks as he runs over to me.

I let him pull me into a hug. 

I needed it.

"I'm okay. I'm okay." I pull his arms up higher, hugging him back and crying.

"Door bell. I'll be right back."

"I didn't hear it," I comment. He runs off to answer it, leaving me to be by myself. I chose to finish breakfast and then go to the lounge to take a nap but I know he'll wake me as soon as I close my eyes.

But he doesn't come back. I do hear the piano though. I follow the noise to find Phil playing Mary had a little lamb in the lounge downstairs. Not very well to be quite honest.

I kind of sneak up behind him, moving his hands to the right part of the piano and helping him out.

"Ma...ry had a li-ttle lamb... little lamb... lit-tle lamb-" I try to sing to keep in tune but it only slows us down.

"I thought you needed alone time so I left you...," he whispers, scooting over for me to sit and I do.

"What's your favorite," I ask. He smiles.

"Beethoven," he whispers. I look up at him, questionably. "Moonlight sonata."

He grabs my hand.

"I don't think I know that song," I state, a little disappointed in myself. He laughs, getting up and digging through the chest that's full of stuff from his mum.

He sits back down with a journal. An old book. He opens it up, finding the page that he wants.

"My papa used to play me this song when he wanted me to calm down. This book is from when he was a boy... mum got it when he died so she'd play it for me... no one has played it for me since. I tried to get dad to but he decided against it."

I start to try to play it but I'm not doing well.

He lays his head on my shoulder.

It takes a minute for me to realize that he's recording.

"Say something deep and meaningful," he says, pointing the camera at my face.

"Pizza," I mumble, trying to keep concentration. He pokes my cheek, making me smile. "Idiot," I whisper.

"You smell funny," he says. I laugh.

"Do I smell good...?"

"You used my shampoo!"

"I'm out," I say in defense. He pushes a note on the piano, messing me up. "Wait! Wait! Look! Dan has facial hair! OH MY GOSH LOOK!"  He basically climbs on top of me, zooming the camera in on my jaw.

I roll my eyes. "Phil!"

"What? I'm proud! You're a man now!" He smiles really big, making me blush.

"Don't look at me like that," I yell. Phil pouts, throwing his arm around me.

"Why not," he asks, standing the camera on the piano.

"Many reasons. Let me play!" I pull him on my lap.

"Play something emo," he says with a smirk. I start to play Welcome to the black parade, earning a punch in the shoulder from Phil.

"Manly man there! With your hair on your face. Say something to future me and you!"

"Dear future Dan, bless you for living with this kid for so long... if he's anything like he is now, I'm sorry. Dear future Phil, don't take any advice from present Phil please! He's a little wack!" I smile as he pouts.

"Mine was nice," he mumbles. I laugh, kissing his ear. "Re do it!" He throws his hands up, almost hitting me in the face.

"I'll re do it when future is watch it," I smirk, pulling his collar sand kissing him. He kisses back, almost starting to make out in front of the camera but stopping before it gets to be too much.

"I have to go to work, babe," I mumble against his nose as I kiss it. He giggles.

"Don't go," he whines. "Quick question!"

"Yeah?"

"What was it that happened in the kitchen earlier...?" His eyes are filled with more worry than I've ever seen... And he lost me in the mall last week.

I sigh, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Shut the camera." I play with his hair. He turns off the camera, getting up and pulling me to his room where he films. No one actually sleeps here. I guess he just wants people to think. I get dragged to the bed

"Now tell me!" He falls back onto the bed. I take my chance and climb on top of him, holding him down.

"How often does this happen? I actually get to be on top!"

"No! This bed is for innocence! That's what your bed is for!" He pushes me off of him. "Tell me!"

"Fine! Fine! You just saw Jessica. That's all! She rarely comes out. Last time. I swear. Let's go upstairs." I get up, pulling him up with me. He wraps his arms around my waist as we walk.

"Tell me about Jessica. Who is she?" He kisses my head.

"She is... me... I have voices in my head... just like you! Only... mine are a little different... they're called Becky and Jessica... they're me... and I know they are... but it's less lonely... and it started at 14... ended 3 months after I moved here. Didn't go to therapy or anything. Met a friend I guess... Jess knew... mom knew... brother and dad..."
I scratch at my wrist, kind of wishing I had a bracelet to fix the empty feeling.

"Why didn't you tell me...?" He looks really hurt that I didn't tell him... should I have... no no you did it for a good reason! Did I...?

"I don't have the right mental health... to live on my own... or with someone else... with mental issues... and if anyone else finds out-"

"No one finds out, Dan," he whispers after a long minute of awkward silence. He bites his lip. I arch an eyebrow, getting a small kiss.

"Jessica, Jessica likes pink, don't fight with her. Becky, likes grey, yell at her and she will... she can't take that. I'm late for work." I get up, getting dressed and making a run for it. I fall down the stairs, getting a laugh from Phil who's following.

"ARE YOU OKAY? THAT WAS HILARIOUS!" I get up, looking at Phil and showing him my carpet burn. He laughs, running down the stairs and jumping off the second to last stair on top of me, wrapping his leg around my waist and arms around my neck.

I stumble back, falling into the wall, putting a dent in the wall and groaning really loud.

I get a kiss and a hickey on my jawline. I get a few more kisses, along with a huge hug.

"My coworkers are gonna think I'm a prostitute!"

"I can start paying you," Phil says with a laugh. I give him one in return, earning an obvious fake moan.

"Be turned on," I yell. He jumps off of me, helping me up.

"How do you know I'm not?" He smiles. I get up, grabbing and kissing him.

"I'm leaving. Bye!" He pushes me out of the door. I'm unfortunately late but I'm not mad. He's got separation anxiety. That's why he shows up sometimes.

"Nice hickey! Fun night?" Chris asks as soon he sees me. I laugh.

"I wish! Little mistake falling down the stairs after a special someone wouldn't let me leave. Little cutie just couldn't let me leave without it."

He makes a kissing noise, smacking my bum. I hiss at him.

"DANNYS GOT A GIIIRL!!!!"

I slap my hand over his mouth.

"Don't say that! I don't have a girl! I have a- I just don't!" I blush really bright, grabbing my apron.

"One night stand," he asks. I shake my head.

"Engaged! You'll meet him, Kendall! You'll love him!"

"Him...? You're gay...?" He grabs his apron from behind me. I blush, brighter.

"Gay for Phil! More than that! I'm in love! I, I'm high! I am... I am flying and can't come down! I could be a spaceship! NASA wouldn't know!" I hug Chris, jumping on my way to the cash registers, taking my first couple orders.

"Milk chocolate latte, hold the whipped cream," I tell him, taking the cash from the customer.

"Only if you tell me about him," Chris says, taking the cup from me.

"Amazingphil!"

He grins, getting to work.

"The Phil Lester," he asks, finishing. "Stacy!"

"The one, the only, and the amazing! He can kiss!"

"DanISonfire," he says with a grin.

I giggle. "No one knows."

"No one," he agrees, doing the lock the lips and throw away the key thing I've always hated. "Get to work, Howell! Slacking off!"

"At least I'm payed more!" I laugh.