Diaries of the Man Upstairs

Phil

September 12th

Dan's forgiven my dad.

But why?

He was so terrible to him.

He was so terrible to me...

Boy... I sure miss mum.

Did I not love her enough?

Do I not look out for Dan as well as I should?

Do I not sacrifice enough for either of them?

I gave my all.

I'm completely bonkers

Dan agrees.

I've lost it.

11:17 pm

(Write in by Dan)

I read your entry, Phil.

I often do.

Only to check on your mentality.

I really love you, Phil.

You're not insane.

Not yet at least.

I'm sorry you think that way.

It's my fault.

Sometimes, I think maybe if I respect him, he'll accept me.

I don't think it worked.

I'm trying to keep you sane.

I really am.

Next morning, 3 am

(Phil)

I'm already gone, Dan.

I've lost it.

6:30 am

Phil

Dan fell asleep playing video games while laying on me.

I'm happily laying in my side with him on his stomach on me, one arm on my chest, the other hanging off the couch, dangling the Xbox controller over blue's head. She's very tempted to grab it for herself and run but she knows I'm watching.

He's left me to play all alone. He'd fallen asleep mid game which he'll be very frustrated at when he wakes.

He'll be even more frustrated that I kept playing.

I pull the blanket over him, letting him snore a bit.

"Hey, Phil?" Pj walks in, making me jump and Dan twitch. I shush pj.

"Are you guys... naked under there," he asks. I look down at my bare chest, having my shirt tied around Dan's head. God knows what happened to Dan's shirt. He took it off way before I took mine off.

I know he took off his jeans the instant he came out of the bedroom.

"Dan's only in his Pokemon boxer briefs but I've got sweats on... it's not what you think- we were having a dance battle..." I play with his hair, trying to curl it back to its original form.

"I like how you two have game days alone too," pj whispers. I blush.

"It's him... he was cheering me up," I mumble.

Pj smiles. "You've got a guest. I have to go get Chris from his session."

"Good luck," I mumble. He nods.

"You too, Lester-Howell family."

Pj leaves, leaving me with Dan until someone else joins... dad.

I just ignore him, playing call of duty still.

He takes a seat.

Dan twitches again, whimpering. I pause the game to pull him up closer to me, careful not to wake him.

"You're okay, baby," I whisper. He whimpers again, grabbing a hold of my shirt.

"I got you." I kiss his head.

"It's been... 4 months... you're still with the boy," dad states. I shrug.

"We're married," I mumble.

Dan starts to whimper a little more before scoffing "nerd" and grabbing my shirt tighter.

"He's dreaming of me," I whisper.

"How would you know that," dad asks. I blush.

"He only calls me nerd," I reply, running my hand through his hair. "We have a kid on the way."

"What do you mean?" Dad looks so confused. He seems to not believe me.

"Pj donated himself. We're giving him top surgery in return but it's a surprise. They got my family in them and Dan. We're hopping for eyes like Pj's. Not that I don't love Dan's brown ones... I just... want a part of me in them."

"Well... I'm sure it'll be adorable," he whispers. I smile.

Dan pulls his leg up, kneeing me in the balls, making me gasp in pain.

I bite my finger to keep from screaming, letting a tear lose and breathing heavily for the next 10 minutes.

"I'm okay, I'm okay," I tell myself, trying to calm down. I nod, whispering it once more before clearing my throat and playing with his hair.

" that boy is scared to leave you even in his sleep," dad grumbles. I blush.

"I wouldn't let him go... even if he weren't holding on to me," I whisper. "Why are you here?"

"I wanted to see my son... tell him that I'm sorry. I was wrong to judge so quickly. You guys trust each other. I don't think I can fix that. I am sorry, Phil. I would like to welcome my new son into the family."

"He's not your new son and he's under my protection 24/7. Im watching you." I wrap my arms around Dan's waist. He blushes and murmurs something that I couldn't make out but I think I know what he's dreaming of. Especially since I can feel him.

"However, we will let you stay... on the couch though and you're not allowed in our room. I will put Dan in it when I feel scared. Let's not forget about the scar on my back. I don't trust you." I kiss Dan, which he kisses back. I've noticed that he does that in his sleep lately.

"Phil... you're so-mmmm," he mumbles. I blush. "No! I love you..."

"He... hasn't been getting much sleep lately. I've been slowly trying to work him off of his pills but he's not doing well. I think I'll try something else."

"Maybe it's the whole being scared of losing you thing," dad suggests. I shrug. Dan looks so peaceful though. Even though he occasionally twitches and talks. It's all little things.

I've never been so in love with a man.

Never.

I'm not even feeling lust when hearing him moan in his sleep. I'm just feeling love. No desire. Just awe.

And I think that's beautiful.

I think it means real love rather than physical.

"I think he's not telling me things. He wants to be stronger than he is."

"He's definitely scared," dad whispers. I smile.

"let me wake him," I mumble, shaking Dan a little. Dan mumbles something. I pull my shirt off of his head, making his eyes flutter open.

"B-babe? How long was I out?" His voice is low and raspy, which sounds so perfect. His voice goes high when he doesn't sleep well and low when he sleeps really well.

"It's been... 3 hours. Are you hungry?" I brush hair from his eyes, pulling him up to where his head rests on my shoulder.

"I'm not hungry," he answers, kissing my cheek.

"Are you sure," I ask. I rub his tummy. He groans. I pull on my shirt. He arches an eyebrow at me.

"What's your dad doing here," he asks.

"He's here to apologize. I'm going to make you a salad. Do you want tea or soda?"

"You can't get up, phil," Dan demands, grabbing my wrists and giving me the oddest look.

Oh...

"Wrap up in the blanket," I whisper in his ear. He turns bright red. I slide him into the couch crease and getting up to get food for my bear.

"Chicken," I ask.

"Yeah." He smiles at me, slapping me on the bum.

I stop there, blushing.

"I will get you...," I mumble. He keeps his hand in its place.

I slap his hand away, grabbing him and nibbling on his cheekbone.

"I'm not hungry, baaaaabe," he whines. I climb over the couch, sitting behind him and rubbing his shoulders.

"I want to feed you," I mumble.

"Give me kisses mmm?" He puckers up his lips. I kiss them.

"I have to go get dressed for a job," I mumble. He hits me in the crotch again but not hard enough to hurt. A laugh and kiss his head.

"Be quick," he demands. I shrug and hop up. He looks me in the eye, grabbing my hand.

"Lend me your trousers," he barely whispers. I blush.

"I'm wearing them, no," I exclaim. He gives me the look. "Do you want me to carry you to the bedroom for you to get dressed? Go take dad around town."

"Yes please but can I have your lion hat," he asks. I nod.

"Can I take your jacket," I ask. He thinks on it for a minute.

"Which one...?"

"Well... would Becky mind," I ask. He turns pale.

"I don't think you should touch Becky or Jessica's stuff because I'm too scared to and I am them... take my black one with the zipper that is my favorite." He pulls on my pants. I nod, picking him up and carrying him in the bedroom to change.

"You know he's only trying to patch things up, right," Dan asks. I shake my head. He grabs me by the waist and kisses me.

"He harmed something I hold dearly. All signs point to he'll do it again. I can't let that happen to you. He's allowed under my roof but he has to follow my rules."

"Is he following tonight's game night," Dan asks. He's got a point. He pulls on a pair of jeans. He gets out his jacket, wrapping it around me.

"I mean... no moving him," I whisper.

"For some reason, I sleep my best when I'm on top of you rather than just in bed with you," he whispers, putting his head on my shoulder.

He puts his hand on my chest, making me blush.

"Good. You should sleep that way all the time. Although, you are a huge bottom and nothing you do will show me that you even have the slightest possibility of being on top. I like to blow off steam and let me tell you, I have so much to blow off. You talk pj into taking him and I might just end up taking it out on you."

He grins really big. "I'll see what I can do," he mumbles, pulling on a shirt.

I go take the pictures. I chose today because it's nice and sunny. I had to go to the local dog park and find the perfect spot. I couldn't help but think about how much more adorable it would be if it Dan were there too.

I had to make a stop by the lake and a kids house, then to the office to turn in the pictures.

I get home, gently placing my bag on the floor and hanging Dan's jacket before opening the door to our part of the house.

"Is dad here," I ask, throwing my keys in the bowl. When I get no answer, I follow where I hear Dan humming.

I watch him in silence for awhile as he quietly sings lovesong by the cure and puts candles around the room.

I knock gently on the door. He stiffens up, mouth gaping open.

"Get out," he demands. I smile, walking in and grabbing him from behind.

The room is covered in house plants from around the house and candles spread out and lit perfectly. The classic roses on the bed but a small box in the middle of the bed.

"Go back out. Do it again. Go." He pushes me out of the room, closing the door.

I wait for about 10 minutes until I hear the lock.

I wait a couple more minutes till I hear him clear his phone.

I enter to dim lights, and wine glasses. No Dan.

I pick up the note on the bed. 'Open the box then follow the rose petals.'

I open the box to see a ring. Not like the one I have now but a real ring. It's gold. Real gold.

It has Dan Lester carved in the inside of it and the year. I smile really big, grabbing a glass and the bottle of wine and following the rose petals to the bathroom where a bath is drawn and Dan is standing beside it. He helps me undress and wash. The bath is hot and steaming.

"Dan,-"

"Shhh. not now, okay? Just relax, okay?" He starts to give me a back rub, kissing down my neck and my back, sending shivers down my spine.

I take his hand in mine, noticing the silver ring on his finger. I blush. He pulls me up, wrapping me and himself in our bathrobes and carrying me to the bedroom.

He sets me on the bed, taking a sip of his wine and sitting beside me.

"Now you can speak," he whispers. I smile.

"You are... everything I've ever needed," I mumble, kissing him. I take a huge gulp of my drink, him laughing at my reaction.

I tackle him, pinning him down and kissing him. He kisses me back, pulling the string on my robe.

That night ended better than it started. Way better.

After having fun, we finished off the bottle.

I heard my dad come in and pj make a place for him on the couch but I didn't want my dad to see me like this.

But like what? Happy?

Maybe he needs to see me like this. I pull on a pair of sweats, not worrying about pants.

"Peej," I whisper, adjusting my eyes to the light adjustment.

"Yeah," he says with a laugh.

I groan. "'Not so loud," I fuss. Pj laughs again.

"Oh? You've had quite a day then, huh?"

"Don't talk like that in front of dad," I whine. Pj rolls his eyes.

dad laughs. I take a seat on the floor.

Dan comes in looking worse than I do. He sits between my legs.

"You know I love you more than anything," he asks.

I open my mouth to talk but I get interrupted by Chris letting Tyler and Troye in.

"My bum hurts," Dan whines.

I grin. "You're okay babe," I whisper. He nods.

"I put Troye on drinks this time because Phil gets too wasted," Dan says. Troye gives Dan a hug, pulling away and looking at him funnily.

"Oh...," he asks. I blush.

"Let's go get drinks. Phil, my jeans?"

"Bathroom floor. Dan, you're on snacks anyway so..."

"Okay. Peej is on movies and Chris is on video games. Phil gets card games and mister Lester gets board games." Dan kisses my cheek and goes to change.

He leaves me with Troye.

We all do our parts and game night goes okay.

Maybe dad isn't all bad.