Diaries of the Man Upstairs

PHIL
March 8

"D-DAN," I scream. I keep going, panting and sweating.

Dan on the other hand just looks hot and tired. He's panting a little bit too, but not as much as I am...

I finally catch up with him, stoping where he's sitting by the stop sign.

"Took you long enough! Starting to get colder!"

He gets up, pulling out his wallet.

"Stop! No! I've got money for both of us!" I pull him in to hug me. "Now, you have to order something new!"

"Challenge accepted. Come on!" Dan beats me in, already in line. I run up beside him, hugging him.

"Stop being so gay," Dan yells. He blushes, looking around and then whispers "you look so gay right now..."

I nod.

"I know," I whisper. I let go of him. He grabs me, pulling me back into him and hugs me tighter.

"I... wanna be friends. Not the other guy who lives upstairs. Can we do that... please?"

"I'd love that...," I mumble. I get off of him.

"Hello there, Phillip," I hear someone mumble. I look around for someone but no one is there.

I'm not insane... i promise...

I shiver and Dan notices.

"Everything's okay," he asks. I nod, looking back at him.

"Sorry! I uh... I'm going to go pee... I will be right back."

"Okay..." Dan looks at me, curiously as if to try to read my mind.

I give him a small smile, walking over to the bathroom.

I splash my face with cold water, hearing the voice again.

"Phiiiil..." I look around again, nervously.

"He-hello," I ask, starting to panic. Okay, this is really strange. I swear I heard that.

"How are you doing with the whole... cancer situation?"

I stand up straight, the hairs on my neck stand stuff. I see the man speaking, in the mirror.

"How do you know about that...?"

He smiles. A nice, painful to look at set of teeth.

"I know things," he murmurs. I look behind me to where he's standing but he's gone.

I see the door open, followed by a Happy Dan.

"Hey... everything okay," he asks, stepping in.

"I... think I'm just tired...," I half smile and walk past him.

"Uh, Phil there's something I should te-"

"Hello," it's Marcy... in my chair... on my date with Dan...

Wait... she has every right. She's Dan's girlfriend...

"Hi... we haven't properly met... Phil," I say, holding out my hand to which she ignores, pushing it away.

"Danny, could you get me a milk chocolate mocha," she smiles at him. He nods, getting back in line.

Leaving me with the monster.

I pull a chair. Can't beat it, join it.

"Oh yes, sit and stay. That's what I wanted," she snaps.

Geez...

"S-sorry but we were here together," I mumble. She rolls her eyes.

"Exactly. Listen, Dan is my boyfriend and I don't need you turning him into some sicko perv gay guy like you! Back off! I know exactly what you're doing and you're not going to get away with it! You know why? Because I am the one he loves and I am the one who gets the guy, gay or not. You stay away from him and you stay away from us! I need him to marry me so that my mother accepts me! So you stay out!"

"I- I don't- he lives upstairs-"

"Stop sleeping with him. Stop stopping to talk in the hallway. Stop visiting his place when you're upset because I get it! Your mum has cancer! Stop it."

"Don't bring her in this! She's-"

"Who are we talking about," Dan asks, walking up to the table. He shows up with a sandwich and Marcy's coffee. "I thought that maybe this would cheer you a bit. You don't appear to have been eating much lately... you're caving a little..." he hands me the sandwich, poking at my stomach.

I guess he's right. I've been avoiding it. I've found it'd a little peaceful to pass out. I can't seem to get much sleep on my own.

I sigh, giving him a small smile.

"I was actually leaving... I am exhausted so I was gonna sleep... I'll see you... at some point, Dan... nice meeting you, Marcy... I guess. I-"

"Phil, don't go... you don't need to be alone," Dan whispers in my ear. I look over at Marcy. She's watching carefully. I don't like it.

"Dan, I can't do this," I say, pushing him away. He frowns. I bite my lip, wishing I could tell him.

"Phil, you've been a little off. You can't stay alone. You were just talking to yourself in the bathroom, I heard it all. Please don't."

"There was someone in there! Didn't you see the blo-"

"NO ONE WAS IN THERE PHIL," Dan nearly screams. I flinch, earning a look of regret and sorrow.

I feel a tear go down my cheek, feeling hurt and a little rejected.

"I saw a man," I whisper. "I know he was there. He was. I'm not insane."

"I-I I didn't mean that! Im sure he was! I j-just was speaking without thinking. Phil, I'm sorry."

"I have to go," I whisper, getting up and taking the sandwich from Dan.

Dan grabs my hand, pulling me back.

"We're going back into the men's room. Marcy stays here. Come on." Dan pulls me into the bathroom and locks it behind us. I had no choice but to follow due to being attached by our hands.

"What's going on," he asks. I shrug. Truth be told, I don't even know for sure.

"A lot at once," I mumble. He sits on the floor and stares up at me, patting the floor beside him.

I sit. I put my head on his shoulder and start to play with my fingers.

"You and Marcy, she said something to you?" He asks.

"It was nothing...," I lie. She'll kill me. But I think she will anyway... I guess it doesn't matter.

"She looked mad. Tell me."

"She wouldn't like that..."

"Tell me, please." He gives me puppy dog eyes.

If she's going to kill me ether way...

"She told me... to back off, that's it." I look at my hands and start to count in my head.

He sniggers. I look at him, confused. But I was never good at expressions. Especially not his.

"Do the opposite. I can't break up with her, mum set me up with her. I hate her guts but I can't do that to mum."

I stare at him for a minute.

His face goes from curious to sorry. "Sorry... mum isn't a subject to think about-"

"Dan...," I murmur. He looks at me but I kind of just stare off, thinking over what to say. I lose track of thought, mind starts racing.

'What are you doing? You're so stupid! You're useless and ugly! Drown yourself and you know that!'

"Stop," I mumble.

'You can't deny it! You stop it! You stop breathing and living-'

I whimper.

"Phil, what's wrong," Dan asks.

The voices keep going. I tug and pull at my hair and start shaking. The voices overcome the sound of everything else around me. Screaming and shouting at me. Dan is saying something but it only bends in. I start to hyperventilate and panic.

"Stop stOP STOP," I scream, falling over. Dan grabs my arm, trying to calm me but I'm too busy spazzing out to calm.

I just keep screaming as the voices keep going.

I feel something touch my lips but I feel numb. I can't see much through the tears but I can't help it.

It takes a moment to realize that Dan is trying to kiss me.

He's literally trying to kiss me better.

And it's starting to work, the longer he does it.

I slowly start to kiss back, feeling myself come back to life.

But that's when he pulls away.

When I can feel.

"A trick my old friend taught me for anxiety," Dan whispers after a long time of silence. He has a faint smile, pulling me back up.

I know I really like him at this point. Really like him.

"I have to go now... stop by after your date. Fill me in when you do, okay?" I unlock the door and leave. For real this time. No one following me ether.

March 8

He's something.
Something nice.
Something I need.
And I think he's starting to catch on to me.

It's late.
He stopped by after coffee with Marcy.

She threatened me today.
But Dan said do the exact opposite.

I think he likes me too...
But he'll never be mine.

I think that I'm starting to lose it.

I think I'm hearing things.

I had a breakdown in Starbucks.

But he kissed me and it's better all of a sudden.

What does this mean?

I guess we find out...

I'm really happy.

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