Diaries of the Man Upstairs

March 20

Dan came in with a special surprise today!!!!!!!

I get 4 little beasts now.

Well... 2 little animals and the other one is Dan's but Dan is my animal... so... His animal is mine too...

All 4 of them like to bite me...

Dan has a lot in common with an animal...

I get it now! Men are animals!

That's not such a bad thing!

Okay I'm done now. I gotta be.

8:30pm

Phil

"PHIL I NEED YOU TO COME SHUT THE DOOR BEHIND ME," I hear Dan yell. I walk out of his section of the house, earning a weird look from him.

"Do you ever go home," I hear him ask. I laugh at that.

"You mean... that's not my home...?" I sigh, looking up to kiss him but stop myself when I notice something...

PUPPIES!!!

CUTE LITTLE PIT BULLS JUST LIKE I WANTED!!!

THERES THREE OF THEM!

"DANEIL JAMES!" I slap him in the arm, earning a frown.

"I'll take them back then..." he smiles really big, watching me run over to the big one that's on the leash. "They're for you, well, 2 are. I want one. The one on the leash is the mommy and these 2 are babies! They're only 4 months old... but she was supposed to be put down today, so I literally just got her in time. They're all girls. The guy wanted the men to fight and ditched these. I figured it could help you out... emotionally and mentally..."

"Poor baby! I'll call you Susan!" I take her off of her leash and pet her.

"No! No or I take her!"

"You get to be Buffy," I say, trying to guide her up the stairs.

"Buffy," Dan asks with a laugh. I nod. "We're taking a bath. Come on Buffy!"

Dan stops her, grabbing her collar.

"Not until you and I have a talk!" He grabs my hand, and pulls me in his apartment.

"Are you breaking up with me?! You can't do that, we're not together!"

"No, but we need to talk about that too. Come here."

I get pulled on the couch and sat on top of.

"What is it," I ask as he sets the puppies down on the couch beside us. I hold out my hand. The blue one starts to chew on my finger, making me smile. The white one lays on top of the blue one and cries.

I watch them for a minute, till Dan kisses my cheek, surprising me.

"What's going on...," he asks, turning around to face me.

I start to get really nervous.

"W-what do you mean," I ask, avoiding eye contact with him. Unfortunately, he lifts up my chin and makes me stare into his chocolate eyes.

"I hear you... I hear you at night... you know... and I know you talk to yourself... and you talk about me... and your mum... you pass out afterwards... usually... you say things that are... questionable. You almost killed yourself. You had to talk yourself out of it. I don't think that's okay..." he pulls me to hug him.

"I-it's nothing... nothing. Promise." I fix his shirt, trying not to lose it in front of him.

Not here.

Not now.

"I called a therapist..."

I start to get mad, really really mad... but then I realize he's right...

I need a therapist.

I did almost kill myself.

But social anxiety...

I notice a warm year fall down my cheek. I hadn't realized I was on the verge of crying...

"W-will you be there," I ask, biting my lip. He relaxes himself and smiles at me.

"Maybe... she said you could bring one of these critters if you needed. I'm so glad you're not mad!" He presses his forehead against mine.

"I am," I whisper. "Very mad to be quite honest." I run my hand through my hair, tugging a little bit and then kissing him, roughly.

"You said something about you and I...," I ask, changing subjects. He smiles, taking my lip between his teeth with a tiny moan.

"Let's... get an elopement," he says, putting his hands on my hips.

He looks and sounds serious, but he can't be. That's insane! How could he come up with that?

"An elopement... an elopement... you want to elope! Um... like marriage... I'm being proposed to? Um... c-can I get up?" I start to pick up the blue puppy to calm myself.

"Wait, wait I forgot!" He gets in his coat pocket and pulls out a tiny box. Ring box.

I look him in the eye.

"At least take a look," he says. I take a deep sigh, opening the box to find a black band with a small pokéball in the middle. I sigh, closing it and giving it back.

I know that's all he could afford. And he knows it's not much. But it's the most beautiful ring I have ever seen.

"I... don't know about this... Don't you need to be dating to get married...? I mean... we've done things but we're not official..." I look at him, unsure and scared.

"Who needs to be a couple? That's boring!" He kisses my nose, making me blush.

"Normal people! What if we grow out of it?!" I start to try to push him off and panic.

"Phil... I know I love you... I know I want to marry you. They say men know within the first week! I want to marry you. I'm in love with you, Phil! Why do we keep putting us off?" He grabs my hand, chewing at his lip. I shake my head, finally pushing him off.

"I- I don't love you, Dan... I can't do this, I need to think! I need air!" I run my hand through my hair again and get up. I start to hyperventilate.

I know it's a lie that I don't love him. I do. I know I do. There's not a bone in  my body that says I don't. Of course I love him. He's everything I need and more. He's beautiful and perfect in every way.

'Phil... you... you don't love me...' it was a child standing in front of me. Not the normal voices! It was... it was how Dan looked when he was 12...it is 12 year old Dan.

I look him in the eye, feeling tears start, blurring my already terrible vision.

"I didn't mean that. You know I really do love you..." I whisper to him, tears spilling and hands shaking.

'You just told me that you didn't...' he starts crying, making me feel terrible.

"No- Dan stop... I do love you! I do! I love you so much I just was scared... I just... couldn't let them hurt you..." i sigh, taking a seat on the ground and patting it for him to sit. Which he happily takes.

"Who's going to hurt me," the other Dan asks, sitting on the other side of me and taking my hand.

I tense up, a little bit jumpy I guess... I don't want him to get hurt.

'Me...,' little Dan whispers. I look over at him.

"I... I like you. Please stay..." I tap his shoe, earning a small smile from the kid.

'I can't stay, I'm only in your head... that's the me you get. Why won't you just marry me?' He points... at himself.

"I can't. What if I never get better? What if I hurt you...? I don't want to risk it. I'm scared of losing you... I want to say yes. You know that. I want to get married and live happily with you and the puppies. I'm just scared... terrified... can we just... just keep it at dating for awhile... maybe...?" I stare over at my Dan, smiling. He doesn't look pleased. I wouldn't ether if I were him.

"The only problem with that... is that nothing new is happening..." He looks me in the eye, grabbing my hand.

"Plenty new is happening... we both just confessed something big. You, you were the straight, I have a girlfriend, gay guys are creepy kid! Now you tell me that you love me and you wake me up every morning for breakfast. We are moving, you just don't see it. You know what, Dan?"

I take a deep breath before speaking. "Let's move in together," I whisper.

He sighs, "we already do live together, Phil."

I stare him in the eyes and then get up. I run downstairs, him following. I grab my pillow and a blanket, going back upstairs and into his room.

I throw the pillow on the right side of his bed on the floor.

"DIE," I yell at it, putting my pillow in its place. Then I go to his underwear drawer, folding his neatly to clear a spot.

I go back to my room, grabbing a couple pairs of boxers from my drawer and my Xbox, bringing them downstairs and putting them in a good place.

I go back up, getting pj pants and bringing them back downstairs and shove them in a drawer.

Dan comes down with a book, my book... MY DIARY!

"It was under your pillow. I didn't look at it... I promise."

I snatch it from him, shoving it in my pillowcase.

"There. I'm moved in with you. We're a couple... give me the ring."

He grabs my hand and pulls me back to the couch. He sits down and pulls me by the hips down on his lap.

He pulls the ring back out.

"Ask again... but more as a proposal."

He bites his lip and nods, pushing me off of his lap.

"Say something," I ask, kissing his cheek. He shakes his head.

"Nothing, I promise," he whispers, getting down on his knee. "I-I know its not a fancy ring but I don't even have any money to pay for food this month. I only work at a café. I know we have problems and I know we won't always have rain bows but I love you... marry me?"

I smile, getting on the floor with him and kissing him.

"Can we hold the wedding until it's legal in America...," I ask.

He smiles, really big.

"Anything you want. As long as I can see a promised future... can we... go to bed... bring Buffy, blue, and...-"

"Willow! And yes!"

"Willow?! Phil!" He slaps my arm but in a playful manner. He'd never hit me. I know that. He picks me up, carrying me to his- our bed and slams me down, pinning me there.

"You know-" he says, cutting himself off by kissing my neck. He manages to get a few words out at a time between kisses "how much-"

I feel him bite my neck, tongue making contact with it and makes a nice hickey for me to explain to my university class mates.

"I love you, Phil Lester? Do you know how much I love you? Because I don't think you do. I think you try to guess but you'll never truly know."

I laugh. "Chill. We've only been together for a couple of minutes!"

"I know that," he whispers. He rolls over so he's laying beside me and pulls me into his chest, kissing the back of my neck multiple times.

I giggle, taking his hand off of me, picking up a puppy. The babies are too small to jump on the bed, poor thing. I cuddle blue and Dan cuddles me. Chain!

"You know, blue's the only one that's not... blue..."

Dan laughs. "You get my point then."

"Fine!" I kick him and pull the blanket up higher.

I hear him hum the blue's clues theme until he falls asleep.

Adorable.