For You

Things with Bam and I have been weird. Not weird in the sense that things are awkward or anything, just different from how we’re used to acting. I’ve been sleeping in my own room and trying my hardest to act like normal friends. I can’t help but get the urge to wanna cuddle with him or sleep in his bed at night. Bam’s been different too, it’s like he’s been restraining himself from acting the way he’s used to acting with me, no flirting, no touching. I know everyone has been taking notice, too…even his parents. But as long as I’m living here, it’s better this way. This way we can’t hurt each other. Since I was already up and laying in bed, I figured I might as well go downstairs and see what everyone’s up to. I stopped in the bathroom to brush my teeth first, where Bam was doing the same thing.

“Morning.” I said before shoving my toothbrush in my mouth.

“Hey.” He mumbled, spitting into the sink. “I’m sorry.”

I forgot the mention the little incident we had at the bar last night. We all went out after filming so the guys could relax. Yesterday, they had a demolition derby in the backyard and got a little banged up from crashing their cars into each other. That was something I refused to take part in, I was there for moral support but refused to participate. Anyway, at the bar we were all drinking and carrying on, I hung around with Kristen while she was in town visiting her brother, I was back and forth between our table and sitting at the bar with her. A guy approached me and started chatting me up, something Bam clearly didn’t appreciate. He had the same jealously in his eyes that I did when those girls came to the bar with us. I talked to this guy for about an hour before Bam, in his drunken state, had enough of it. He walked over to his, threw an arm around me and exchanged some words with the guy. There was almost a fight last night, but thankfully, the guy walked away. I was so pissed at Bam, I left the bar right after and caught a cab home.

“It’s fine.” I said.

“No, it’s not.” He shook his head and faced me, his stare making me a little uncomfortable. “I was so out of line.”

“It’s not like I didn’t do the same thing a few weeks ago.”

“Things were different a few weeks ago.”

“Look, I guess we don’t like seeing each other with other people, which is something we both have to get over.”

“Right.” That didn’t sound very convincing at all, he quickly changed the subject though. “Anyway, I have a signing soon and we’re filming later. Wanna come?”

“That’s okay.” I declined. “Think I’ll just lay around or something.”

“Are you gonna forgive me?” He sighed, adjusting the beanie on his head.

“Bam, I’m not mad anymore.” I said, before pulling him in for a hug. “I promise.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

I love you, stupid. “Nothing, I’m fine.”

“So, I guess I’ll see you later then.” He said before going back into his bedroom. I returned to mine and laid in bed, where I remained for the rest of the day. I even decided not to participate in filming, the guys gave me my space and left me alone all day. I laid around in sweats and watched shitty chick flicks, as Bam would call them. I didn’t understand why I was so down all day, but I knew I hated it. It’s not like we were fighting or anything, I just wanted things between us to be like they were before, even if that meant hurting. Eventually there was a knock on my door and it opened just enough to reveal someone waving a bag of food in the air. “Truce?”

“Brandon, what the hell are you doing?” I laughed. “You can come in, ya know.”

Bam walked in and sat at the edge of my bed. “I’m bringing you food as a truce. You haven’t left your bedroom all day and I feel like that’s my fault and you’re mad at me.”

“Not everything is about the great Bam Margera.” I laughed, snatching the bag of food out of his hand.

“Then tell me what’s wrong.” He crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Even Dunn said you didn’t tell him anything.”

“Nothing, really. I’m just having a hard time trying to act normal, I guess.”

“That’s because this isn’t normal.”

“Well, it’s not like you wanna talk about it either. So…what am I supposed to think?”

“Look, Hales.” Bam said, switching positions on the bed so he was now next to me. “I just wanna go back to how things were, what’s so wrong with that?”

“I don’t know. Everyone questioning us or telling us to be careful really makes you think. It’s-“

“None of their business.” He finished my sentence for me. “This is how the two of us are, we can’t help it. Why bother being fake with each other? Because that’s exactly what we’re doing.”

“How do you feel about me?” I questioned, catching him off guard. The look on his face told me he was thinking really hard about what to say and how to say it.

“You are one of two people who I can never picture not being in my life.” Bam said.

“I guess that’s all that needs to be said.”

“Haley, stop-“

“No.” I cut him off. “I feel the same way about you. Can you imagine what would happen if we actually wanted to be together? We’d probably have a horrible break up and never speak again.”

“Exactly.” We’d probably be happy together, in fact, I know we would. But for how long?

“I think we at least need some boundaries.”

“Like what?” Bam laughed, crossing his arms over his chest. I knew what he was thinking, that I was gonna violate every boundary I set between us, but he’s wrong.

“No sex, no kissing on the mouth.”

He was laughing so hard, he was holding his stomach. “I can live with that. Can we still cuddle? Because I miss that the most.”

“Me too.” I laughed. Before we could act on that, there was knocking at my door. “Come in!”

“You two gotta get downstairs.” Ryan said, he was a mixture of slightly amused and slightly annoyed. “Novak has a girl outside.”

“That’s nothing new.” Bam shrugged his shoulders.

“It’s Becky.”

Bam and I looked at each other before shooting up out of bed and going down to watch the trainwreck that was sure to unfold. “I never said she was my smartest friend.”