Eccedentesiast

"There's a plate of french fries in front of you, and you haven't touched it." Jackson slid into the seat across from me, a cheeseburger sitting on his tray.

"I'm going to be in the OR for God knows how long. Food isn't exactly the first thing on my mind," I muttered, picking up a fry. I chewed on it slowly, staring around the cafeteria. I loved surgery. I loved being able to fix someone's problem. I loved being able to heal. But this surgery was more nerve wrecking than when I took my first boards' exam.

"Exactly. You're going to be in OR for a while. You need to eat something," I rolled my eyes, shoving french fries in my mouth.

"See? I'm eating." I gave him a sarcastic smile before taking a sip of my water.

"You're a smartass," he said, shaking his head at me.

"I know. It's one of my best qualities, and while we're rambling off personality traits, you're annoying, but you don't hear me complaining." Jackson was a beautiful thorn in my side. He was wonderful to look at, but he liked to use that to his advantage. It seemed as though his life's mission was to get on my nerves. He looked after me though, so I couldn't complain too much.

"You dig me."

"In your dreams, Avery." I tossed a french fry at his chest, taking another sip from my water bottle. I was trying to mentally prepare myself to participate in my ex's operation. I knew it was against protocol, but Jackson was the only one that knew we had been together. I just hoped I could keep my shit in the OR.

"Seriously. Do you need anything? Pep talk? A hug?"

"No. I don't need a pep talk or a hug. I need him to make it through this surgery so I can move on with my life. You know he asked me to dinner? Said that if he lived he wanted to take me out as a thank you." I still thought the idea was absurd, but I didn't want to crush Eli's dreams right before they put him under. That would be unfortunate, especially if he didn't make it.

"Are you going to go?"

"I told him I'd think about it, but I'm just trying to keep him alive. Dating won't work for us. He's like a small child that hovers and complains to get their parents' attention. I don't have the time or the patience." I sighed, sinking down into my chair. Sometimes I'd ask myself why I chose to be a doctor. I knew that the hours were horrendous, and it would be hard to find a significant other that was okay with the schedule. But every time I helped a patient, every time I saved someone's life, it reminded me of why I loved my job. I wasn't going to give that up for anyone.

"You might want to make that clear. He could take it the wrong way," Jackson pointed out. I knew he was right, and I didn't want to cause another issue between me and Elijah. I would rather have nothing to do with him if I was being completely honest

"I'm not going." I pushed my plate away, dropping my head onto the table.

"Maybe you should just watch from the gallery?" It wasn't a bad idea. It would definitely take the edge off. I had anxiety, and I was sure my hands were going to shake once I got in the OR. I couldn't put Elijah's life in danger like that.

"That sounds like a plan, but I'm not sure how to tell Shepherd that I won't be scrubbing in. He's going to want some kind of explanation." And I didn't have one to give him. I didn't want to tell him that I knew Elijah personally. I'd probably get in trouble for withholding the information from the beginning. It was better to keep my mouth shut.

"Just tell him you'd rather watch."

"I doubt he'll buy it. I should just get this over with. I need to go check on Elijah. I'll see you later." I pushed myself away from the table and headed out of the cafeteria. The walk to his room seemed to take forever, and he looked sick when I stepped inside.

"I was wondering when you'd show up." He gave me a weak smile, which I attempted to return as I grabbed his chart. His labs and everything else looked fine, but he still needed the pre-op antibiotics.

"I just had lunch. Dr. Shepherd should be in soon. How are you feeling?"

"I feel good. I'm a little worried, but I'm okay."

"Well, everything looks fine. You don't have anything to worry about. Dr. Shepherd is the best." I closed his chart and hung it on the end of the bed. I grabbed the pre-op antibiotics and pushed them into the line for his IV.

"You keep telling me that," he said, sounding unsure.

"Because it's the truth. He wouldn't attempt to take out the tumor if he wasn't sure that he could get all of it. You're in good hands." My pager went off, and I pulled it from my pocket, glancing at the number. They needed me in the ER, and I was thankful for the escape, even if it would only be for a few minutes, "I have to head back downstairs, but I'll see you before you go in." I smiled softly at him, squeezing his hand before I left the room. Whatever was waiting for me in the pit, I hoped it was good. I needed a distraction because my nerves were starting to get the best of me.

"Take three steps back and run." Lexie stood right in front me, blocking my view from someone.

"Why, what happened?"

"Arianna?" I cringed at the sound of a voice I really didn't want to hear. I leaned to my right, grimacing at the woman that gave birth to me.

"Mom? What are you doing here?" She'd already seen me, so it wasn't like I could run away from her, but I was grateful that Lexie at least tried to warn me.

"You haven't been answering my phone calls, so I figured I'd stop by to see how you were doing." She smiled at me and busied herself with straightening my scrubs. I pushed her hands away, whining as she started to fix my hair.

"I've been busy. I barely have time to eat. Daddy's not here, right?" I looked around, my eyes wide with fright. My dad being here was a disaster waiting to happen. He was a perfectionist, and he'd find at least ten things wrong in the ER alone.

"No. He had a conference. It's just me. Can you go to lunch?"

"I ate already, and I have to get ready for surgery."

"Hey! There you are. Shepherd's looking for you." I was thankful that Jackson had come to my rescue, but one look at my mother's face, and I knew I was screwed.

“And who is this beautiful young man?” She was grinning from ear to ear, and I felt my heart rate speed up. I recognized the look on her face. She was about to embarrass the holy shit out of me.

“Mom, this is Jackson Avery. Jackson, this is my mom, Jennifer Harper.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Harper.” Jackson’s grin matched my mom's, and I knew he was sharing a private joke with himself. I was in for a world of hell between the two of them. My mom was waiting for the day I settled down and got married. I didn't see that happening anytime soon, but that didn't stop her from trying to find me a suitor.

“Are you her boyfriend?” My mother was direct. It was a blessing and a curse. I didn’t see the blessing this time around.

“He wishes,” I interjected before he could say something that would lead to trouble. Jackson liked to make things difficult because he enjoyed seeing me squirm.

“She won’t give me the time of day.” My eyes widened as he threw an arm over my shoulders and kissed the side of my head. The smiles on both of their faces grew, and I groaned, covering my eyes with my hand. If I wouldn't get in trouble for hitting him in the balls, I would have, but I didn't feel like filing an incident report.

“He’s kidding. You’re kidding.” I glared up at him, but he was having entirely too much fun. I could feel my face turning red, and I knew I was going to get the third degree as soon as he walked away. He'd planted a seed in my mother's head, and she was going to try her best to get it to grow into a tree.

“No, I’m not kidding.”

“You have to meet her father.” I almost burst into tears right then and there. That was the worst idea I’d heard in the history of horrible ideas.

“Daddy will eat him alive.” My father didn’t like anyone. I was an only child, and therefore I was daddy’s little girl. Whatever I wanted, I got. But he also still saw me as his baby, and as a result, no man was good enough. He hated Elijah, not that I could really say he was wrong for feeling that way. Parents always knew when someone wasn't right for their child.

“I’m sure Jackson can handle it. We should all have dinner sometime this week.” My eyes widened, and I shook my head, giving Jackson the death glare.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea, but I have to go see Dr. Hunt. I’ll see you later, Ari. It was nice meeting you, Mrs. Harper.” He kissed my cheek and ran off before I could hit him.

“May I ask why you’re not dating?” She looped her arm through mine, dragging me toward the elevator. Jackson hadn’t even gone to see Hunt. He was standing at the nurses station, filling out a chart and grinning at me like a mad man. I hated him.

“Because he’s an idiot.”

“All men are, honey. Even the doctors, but he’s gorgeous, and he seems to be able to put up with your attitude. Any man that can handle your mood swings is a keeper.” I groaned again, rubbing at my temples.

“Mom, can we not talk about this right now? I’m not going to date Jackson. We’re friends. He just likes to push my buttons.” I honestly felt like it was his favorite thing to do. It was like a game to him, a way to pass the time when he didn't have anything else to do.

“You should let him push something else.”

“MOTHER!” Never in my 26 years of living had my mother said something so crude. Maybe it was because I was old enough that things like that wouldn't bother me anymore, but coming from my mother, it was gross.

“Sorry. I’m done. I do think you guys would make a cute couple though.”

“That's great and everything, but it's not going to happen, and I have to find Dr. Shepherd. We'll do dinner. I'll call you when I'm off." I pressed a kiss to her cheek before escaping into the confines of the elevator. The OR seemed like the most likely place that I would find Derek, so I went there first. I peeked into each scrub room, finally finding him, "Jackson said you were looking for me?" I wound my hair into a bun and tied on a scrub cap and a mask, hitting the button to start the water.

"Yes. I'm sorry, but Elijah doesn't want you on his case anymore." I froze, my hands still under the running water.

"What?"

"He said he would prefer it if you weren't in the OR." I couldn't tell what expression he had on his face, and his voice wasn't giving anything away either. I didn't know if I was in trouble or not.

"Did he say why?"

"Just that he felt better with someone more experienced. I'm sorry." I nodded once, pulling off my mask and scrub cap. I left the room, a tight feeling in my chest. This is what I wanted. I should have been jumping for joy. I wanted a reason not to be in surgery, but now that I had one, I was pissed. There probably wouldn't be another surgery like this anytime soon, and I was going to be stuck watching from the gallery.