Eccedentesiast

When we're young, our parents train us in beliefs; belief in science, belief in God, or belief in nothing. When we grow up, we make our own decisions whether that's to follow the ways we were taught or adapt to new concepts. We live. We learn. We grow. In medicine, you have to believe in something. If you don't, you'll go crazy. The religious believe that God has a plan. The scientists believe that there are answers for everything, but not everything can be explained. Do you believe in miracles?



"You're not scrubbing in," Jackson deadpanned as I signed a patient's chart.

"Nope. I was getting ready to, but Elijah said he didn't want me in there. I guess I should be happy, but I'm disappointed," I grumbled. My best bet was to go to the pit and find something to do. Hopefully my mother was gone so she couldn't hoodwink me into going to eat.

"Maybe it's for the best. You can watch with me." I didn't want to watch at all, but I wouldn't be able to focus on anything else. It would be unfortunate if I was stitching someone up and made a mistake because I was thinking about surgery.

"Alright." I followed Jackson up to the gallery, taking a seat in the last row of chairs. My knee bounced nervously, and Dr. Shepherd hadn't even started yet. I bit at my cuticles, a habit I thought I'd broken years ago as he began drilling into Elijah's skull.

"Relax. This is already going to be a long surgery. You're going to make it worse." How could I relax when someone that was such a big part of my life was laying on a table with a man cutting into his brain? I tried my best not to snap, knowing it wasn't going to help the situation at hand. I took a couple of deep breaths and closed my eyes, forcing my body to relax.

"Say something to distract me, please."

"My mother's coming to visit soon." From the tone of his voice, I could tell that he wasn't exactly happy about it. He never really talked about his parents, so I didn't know what they were like.

"You make that sound like it's a bad thing."

"She can be a bit much. I think she'll be excited to meet you." I didn't know we were to the point of meeting each other's parents. He met my mother on a fluke. None of that was planned.

"Why would she be excited to meet me? Jackson, you didn't tell her we were dating, did you? I swear, if that's what you told her I'm going to wring your neck." He laughed, throwing an arm over my shoulders.

"No, I didn't tell her we were dating. She would eat you alive, but she does know about you." How bad could that be? Then again, I could be underestimating the entire situation. Everyone thought my parents weren't that bad until they met them. It could be the same way with Jackson's mom. I just had to prepare myself for the worst.

"All good things, I hope."

"I don't have anything bad to say about you." I smiled, leaning my head on his shoulder. As annoying as he was, Jackson was a good friend. I heard Elijah's heart monitor going haywire, and I stood up, pressing myself toward the glass. I couldn't see what was going on, and my eyes snapped toward the TV in the corner of the room. His brain was bleeding way more than it should have been. He had two minutes before he was brain dead.

"I have to get down there." I didn't know what I was going to do. Derek hadn't told me what approach he was taking, and I hadn't looked at the tumor enough to know which way to go about it.

"Ariana, you can't." Jackson was running after me as I slammed my hand down on the elevator button. We'd gotten the attention of everyone at the nurses station and even some of the people in the small waiting area.

"I can't just let him die, Jackson. I promised him that Derek was the best and that he was going to live. He has to live." I pressed the button hard, running inside when the doors opened.

"Dr. Shepherd is going to kick you out of the OR. Just come with me back to the gallery. He'll be fine. I'm sure the bleeding is under control now." I couldn't trust that. I needed to see for myself.

"I'm going whether you like it or not." I ran down the hallway, barely putting on a mask before I burst into the OR, "What's going on?" I demanded, holding the mask over my face.

"Dr. Harper, you're not allowed in here. Please step outside." The heart monitor was back at a normal rhythm, but I could tell that Dr. Shepherd was nervous. Him being nervous made me more nervous than I already was.

"I just want to know what's happening."

"He had a bleeder. I fixed it. You need to go." I continued to glance at the heart monitor. If it spiked again, I wasn't going anywhere. It seemed to remain steady, and I slowly backed out of the OR. Jackson was waiting out in the hall, a worried look on his face.

"Is he okay?"

"I guess. Dr. Shepherd didn't say a lot. Just that there was a bleeder. I can't go back to the gallery. I'm just going to want to run in the OR." Being kicked off someone's service at the last minute left my afternoon completely open.

"Come on." He pulled me into an on call room, shutting and locking the door behind us.

"I'm not sleeping with you, Jackson." He rolled his eyes, taking a seat on one of the beds.

"Not why I brought you in here." He laid down and opened his arms, waiting for me to climb in next to him. I stared hesitantly, but eventually I got in, resting my head on his chest. I closed my eyes and tried to relax as he wrapped his arms around me. My thoughts kept drifting to everything that could go wrong with Elijah's surgery, everything that probably would go wrong with his surgery. Every other doctor told him that he was going to die, and maybe he would, "You think louder than you talk."

"I'm worried."

"Relax. You being worried isn't going to help anything or anyone. Close your eyes and take a nap." I huffed, pushing myself so that I was sitting up.

"I can't relax right now. I want to be standing in that OR, and I can't, so excuse me for being anxious." He pulled me so that I was laying down again, his hand rubbing up and down my back.

"What's your favorite childhood memory?" I stared at him like he had two heads, wondering where the question came rom. He was trying to distract me, but I doubted that it was going to work.

"Probably horse back riding with my dad. He was always working at the hospital, so when he got time off, we'd travel to this ranch and go riding. I begged for a horse, but they're not easy to care for and I wouldn't be able to be there all the time. Other than that, my childhood was really basic." I had a nanny when my parents worked. I had no siblings and very few friends growing up.

"You don't look like the type to ride horses." I didn't really know that people that rode horses looked a certain way.

"Don't really get what that means, but okay. I didn't like compete or anything. We just went on the trails. It's part of the reason why I like nature so much. Stuff like that makes you appreciate the little things in life. Being in the city makes me restless after a while." The constant noise wasn't always welcome. I liked the silence that came with forests and the countryside. It was relaxing.

"When was the last time you went riding?"

"It's been years. Deciding that I wanted to be a doctor was the worst thing I could have done for my social life, not that I had much of one to begin with, but I literally have no time, especially being a resident. It's either I'm working or I'm sleeping." I shrugged a shoulder, finally feeling my muscles start to relax.

"You didn't have a social life? I find that hard to believe."

"Well believe it. According to the kids at my elementary school, I was a know-it-all, and I was bossy. Middle school, I got bullied because I was so small. I kicked one girl's ass and all of a sudden I had anger issues. In high school, I was in all AP classes, so I stayed in the library doing homework majority of the time." The thought was depressing, but I was sure some of the other doctors that worked here had a similar story. I was positive that Cristina was exactly like me. I was a little friendlier, but our personalities were similar.

"That's actually hilarious. You are a bit bossy, especially when you don't get your way. I don't think I can see you beating anyone up though. You're like two feet tall."

"Yeah, well this "two feet tall" can still kick your ass. Don't test me." Our conversation continued, and I learned more about him. I knew he was a good guy, regardless of the fact that his demeanor screamed that he was an asshole. I knew no one else that I worked with had really taken the time to get to know him. They were all still busy fighting each other for surgeries. My pager going off caused my eyes to snap open. I hadn't even realized that I fell asleep, but the page was coming from Dr. Shepherd, "Shit." I looked to my left, seeing that Jackson was sleeping as well. I maneuvered my body away from him, walking back into the hall. The lights momentarily blinded me, but as soon as my eyes adjusted I was off.

"Hey, Derek's looking for you." Lexie always seemed to be the one to find me. Maybe God was telling me that we needed to be friends, but I decided not to dwell on it.

"Did you hear anything?" I wanted to walk in prepared for the worst. If Elijah didn't make it, I didn't know how I was going to react.

"He coded twice on the table. He's okay, but he's still unconscious. You should head up though." I didn't have a choice. If I didn't go now, I was only going to get another page or he'd find me later. I got into the elevator, heading to the recovery room. Dr. Shepherd was still inside, writing something down on Elijah's chart.

"You paged?" I was still nervous, not only to hear what happened, but about how he was going to react to me running into the OR. I was sure to get scolded for that.

"I got the tumor out. He coded on the table, I thought we lost him, but he should be okay. It was a bit of a miracle. We just have to wait for him to wake up." Hearing it from Derek was a little better than hearing it from Lexie. I let out a sigh of relief, placing my hand on my forehead.

"Thank you, Dr. Shepherd." I hugged him out of reflex, jerking back when I realized what I was doing.

"You're welcome, Ariana. But don't ever storm into my OR again."

"I won't. Promise." I glanced at Elijah for a minute, squeezing his hand before I headed back down to Jackson. He wasn't in the on call room when I got back, and I assumed he got a page, but I was still tired. I collapsed onto one of the beds, letting my eyes fall shut.