Don't Forget to Be the Way You Are
One
"Christ," Brian cursed under his breath as he rushed inside the church and out of the rain. They'd said it wasn't going to rain until late evening. So much for that. He flattened his hair down as best he could and took off his jacket, sprinkled with droplets of water from his little dash from the taxi. It was a terrible day for a funeral. But then, Brian couldn't help but silently appreciate the aesthetic the gloomy weather brought with it.
He took a seat at the back of the church where he waited for others to show up. He knew Stefan was coming, and his friend Marc, plus a few others he'd long since forgotten the names of. It had been 15 years after all. He felt he had the right to forget just about anyone after such a long time. He wondered for a brief moment why he was there but recalled his conversation with Stefan over the phone a few days ago. He was there for him. And in a way, he wanted to pay his respects. He hadn't known Theo very well in that although they had spent a lot of time together in the past, neither had opened up to one another. Not really. Not in any way that mattered; the only way Brian cared for. And then there was also the fact that he had been fucking his sister, which hadn't exactly brought them any closer. But he'd always been nice to Brian, and he recalled the times he'd allowed him and Stef to sleep on his living room floor after gigs which is how he'd got caught up with his sister in the first place. Not that it mattered anymore. The last he'd heard, she'd just given birth to her 5th son.
Stefan came in through the entrance after not too long and all Brian wanted to do was to jump up and hug him, looking at his face all long and sad like that, and to tell him it was going to be okay. They'd lost friends before. They were in a better place. Everything would work out in the end. But he found himself stuck to the bench, an anxious feeling looming in his gut as he realised he was made properly upset by the whole ordeal and being on the brink of tears now, he concentrated on keeping himself together and let Stefan find him.
"Thank you for coming, Brian." His voice was raw, Brian guessed from the crying he surely must have been doing a lot of lately. He hadn’t shaved. His eyes were the dullest he could ever remember having seen them. Unlike Brian, Stefan had had no issue opening up to Theo. They'd been quite close at one point, falling out for a few years once the band really got started but finding friendship again as things settled back down.
"It’s no problem." He gave Stefan a gentle squeeze on the shoulder before resting his head there, watching the seats fill with more and more of Theo’s friends, relatives, acquaintances, and the rest – where Brian might have fit. He wondered what his own funeral would be like. He had never really been one for making too many friends with too many people. He imagined Stefan sitting in the middle of the church, alone, and for whatever reason, Brian was now bawling.
"Shh," Stefan cooed into Brian’s ear as he held the smaller man in his arms. "It's okay, Brian. They're about to start." Brian pulled himself together, his head still resting against Stefan the whole way through as silent tears made their way down both men’s cheeks.
He took a seat at the back of the church where he waited for others to show up. He knew Stefan was coming, and his friend Marc, plus a few others he'd long since forgotten the names of. It had been 15 years after all. He felt he had the right to forget just about anyone after such a long time. He wondered for a brief moment why he was there but recalled his conversation with Stefan over the phone a few days ago. He was there for him. And in a way, he wanted to pay his respects. He hadn't known Theo very well in that although they had spent a lot of time together in the past, neither had opened up to one another. Not really. Not in any way that mattered; the only way Brian cared for. And then there was also the fact that he had been fucking his sister, which hadn't exactly brought them any closer. But he'd always been nice to Brian, and he recalled the times he'd allowed him and Stef to sleep on his living room floor after gigs which is how he'd got caught up with his sister in the first place. Not that it mattered anymore. The last he'd heard, she'd just given birth to her 5th son.
Stefan came in through the entrance after not too long and all Brian wanted to do was to jump up and hug him, looking at his face all long and sad like that, and to tell him it was going to be okay. They'd lost friends before. They were in a better place. Everything would work out in the end. But he found himself stuck to the bench, an anxious feeling looming in his gut as he realised he was made properly upset by the whole ordeal and being on the brink of tears now, he concentrated on keeping himself together and let Stefan find him.
"Thank you for coming, Brian." His voice was raw, Brian guessed from the crying he surely must have been doing a lot of lately. He hadn’t shaved. His eyes were the dullest he could ever remember having seen them. Unlike Brian, Stefan had had no issue opening up to Theo. They'd been quite close at one point, falling out for a few years once the band really got started but finding friendship again as things settled back down.
"It’s no problem." He gave Stefan a gentle squeeze on the shoulder before resting his head there, watching the seats fill with more and more of Theo’s friends, relatives, acquaintances, and the rest – where Brian might have fit. He wondered what his own funeral would be like. He had never really been one for making too many friends with too many people. He imagined Stefan sitting in the middle of the church, alone, and for whatever reason, Brian was now bawling.
"Shh," Stefan cooed into Brian’s ear as he held the smaller man in his arms. "It's okay, Brian. They're about to start." Brian pulled himself together, his head still resting against Stefan the whole way through as silent tears made their way down both men’s cheeks.
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I realise no one here reads Placebo/Brian Molko fan fics but if you happen upon this and you like it, it'd be great to hear from you :)