Don't Forget to Be the Way You Are
Twelve
Brian had checked his reflection in the bathroom mirror no less than three times after getting himself ready for the day, but that didn’t stop him pausing outside his apartment complex to check his hair in the window one last time before leaving, stuffing his hands a little further into the pockets of his coat as he walked into the wind. He’d agreed to meet with Amelie for lunch, though he wasn’t finding himself particularly hungry with his worries having eaten away at his mind all day long. He’d decided he had to bite the bullet and tell her that he didn’t think he could be so close to her, physically speaking. He couldn’t be as they used to be. He was having trouble coming up with an explanation as to why that didn’t leave him feeling panicked and wanting to turn back around to find his bed again. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be close to her. He realised that in the place she was in, she really did need a good, close friend, and Brian felt that perhaps she had no one else. He wasn’t sure why. But then, he had no one else either. These things just happened sometimes.
He entered the little bakery off the main street just past 1pm, not spotting Amelie straight away and feeling as his heart began to race. Perhaps she'd thought he wasn't coming, and had already left. But Brian's eyes scanned the room once more and found the top of a familiar head as Amelie sat staring at her phone on the table top. His heartrate wasn’t slowing as he approached her; quite the opposite, in fact. He cleared his throat before sitting down.
"Hey." Amelie pulled her attention from her phone to greet Brian with a tiny smile, though he wasn't sure she'd meant it. Had he done something wrong? Was she embarrassed that he'd decided to wear his makeup a little heavier? It was mostly to hide how tired he felt, though he thought he'd looked rather nice. Now he wasn't so sure...
"I haven't seen you in your work uniform before," Brian blurted out, not sure of where else to start their conversation at. He had been vaguely aware that Amelie had a job but as she never seemed exactly dying to talk about it, he'd never asked. His face dropped a little as he saw that her shirt was embroidered with "Tesco" in white lettering, and he wondered if she knew she was wasting her talent.
"I came straight from work." She picked up a menu and began to read silently through it. Brian felt as his mouth went dry and wondered why he felt the urge to cry for a moment. She'd barely acknowledged him. He picked up a menu himself, if only to hide his face from view.
"I'm sorry, Brian. I'm being rude." Her hand found his from across the table. "It's just been one of those days, you know?" He lifted his eyes from the menu to find hers and a genuine smile on her face this time, though it seemed she'd really had to try to get it to stay for so long.
"How long have you worked there for?" Brian asked, nodding towards her shirt.
"Too long," she smiled. "About 6 years? I started applying for jobs again after things had settled down a little with life." Brian nodded his head in understanding. "Derek said it'd help me get my mind off my… condition, and I guess it did, a little."
"Why didn't you try to get back into acting?" Amelie shrugged.
"What's the point? It's not like I had much luck in the past... Why things would suddenly change for me I'm not sure..."
"You were talented - much more talented than I was." Again, Amelie merely shrugged a response.
They both ordered their lunch, Amelie a sandwich and Brian a croissant. He was in fact much hungrier than that, but couldn't bring himself to eat so much in front of someone who wasn't doing the same. He could sense she was having a rough day which made his pending conversation with her all the more difficult. What if she took it the wrong way? There was hardly anyone in the bakery which made it the perfect time to bring up their recent closeness and Brian's worries of what problems it might create, but he couldn't bring himself to open his mouth. Amelie was sat there, a grim look spread across her face, and he realised that all he wanted to do was to give her a friendly cuddle, one to take away all her worries and warm her up from the core again. He knew she wouldn't turn him away either, which made it all the more enticing… and he knew it were for all the wrong reasons, but somehow had convinced himself in that moment that it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that Amelie was okay; that she felt loved, and like her company was appreciated. Brian pursed his lips and decided that their conversation could wait. He could hold himself together for a little longer yet.
Amelie drove the two of them back to Brian's apartment where they decided they'd hang for a while. Brian could see that Amelie was tired, but sensed that she didn't want to go back home just yet. She seemed lonely. She was staring at her phone once more as they sat together drinking coffee on Brian's couch, and he simply couldn't mind his own business.
"Is something the matter?" He motioned his eyes towards where she had once again placed her phone down, though seemed intent on leaving it there this time. Amelie sighed before her face found her hands in exasperation, her eyes looking out to a place past where Brian sat for a moment as she thought.
"Derek is just... You know, I don't wanna talk about it." Her tired eyes net Brian's and he regretted having asked. He didn’t like to be reminded that she had this whole other life that didn’t include him at all. Amelie scooted over in her seat a little to snuggle up against Brian's side. She'd taken her jacket off as she'd come through the door and was beginning to feel the cold. Brian had left his on, wanting to feel as toasty as a marshmallow. Her arms snaked beneath his coat and it was in that moment that she fell asleep. Brian gently moved to place his coffee cup down beside her forgotten one before bringing his arm up to wrap around Amelie's middle. He knew he couldn't stay like that, but Brian's eyelids were already beginning to droop. He figured that conversation he’d had every intention of having earlier couldn't be more important to him than moments like these. He didn't want to let her go.
He entered the little bakery off the main street just past 1pm, not spotting Amelie straight away and feeling as his heart began to race. Perhaps she'd thought he wasn't coming, and had already left. But Brian's eyes scanned the room once more and found the top of a familiar head as Amelie sat staring at her phone on the table top. His heartrate wasn’t slowing as he approached her; quite the opposite, in fact. He cleared his throat before sitting down.
"Hey." Amelie pulled her attention from her phone to greet Brian with a tiny smile, though he wasn't sure she'd meant it. Had he done something wrong? Was she embarrassed that he'd decided to wear his makeup a little heavier? It was mostly to hide how tired he felt, though he thought he'd looked rather nice. Now he wasn't so sure...
"I haven't seen you in your work uniform before," Brian blurted out, not sure of where else to start their conversation at. He had been vaguely aware that Amelie had a job but as she never seemed exactly dying to talk about it, he'd never asked. His face dropped a little as he saw that her shirt was embroidered with "Tesco" in white lettering, and he wondered if she knew she was wasting her talent.
"I came straight from work." She picked up a menu and began to read silently through it. Brian felt as his mouth went dry and wondered why he felt the urge to cry for a moment. She'd barely acknowledged him. He picked up a menu himself, if only to hide his face from view.
"I'm sorry, Brian. I'm being rude." Her hand found his from across the table. "It's just been one of those days, you know?" He lifted his eyes from the menu to find hers and a genuine smile on her face this time, though it seemed she'd really had to try to get it to stay for so long.
"How long have you worked there for?" Brian asked, nodding towards her shirt.
"Too long," she smiled. "About 6 years? I started applying for jobs again after things had settled down a little with life." Brian nodded his head in understanding. "Derek said it'd help me get my mind off my… condition, and I guess it did, a little."
"Why didn't you try to get back into acting?" Amelie shrugged.
"What's the point? It's not like I had much luck in the past... Why things would suddenly change for me I'm not sure..."
"You were talented - much more talented than I was." Again, Amelie merely shrugged a response.
They both ordered their lunch, Amelie a sandwich and Brian a croissant. He was in fact much hungrier than that, but couldn't bring himself to eat so much in front of someone who wasn't doing the same. He could sense she was having a rough day which made his pending conversation with her all the more difficult. What if she took it the wrong way? There was hardly anyone in the bakery which made it the perfect time to bring up their recent closeness and Brian's worries of what problems it might create, but he couldn't bring himself to open his mouth. Amelie was sat there, a grim look spread across her face, and he realised that all he wanted to do was to give her a friendly cuddle, one to take away all her worries and warm her up from the core again. He knew she wouldn't turn him away either, which made it all the more enticing… and he knew it were for all the wrong reasons, but somehow had convinced himself in that moment that it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that Amelie was okay; that she felt loved, and like her company was appreciated. Brian pursed his lips and decided that their conversation could wait. He could hold himself together for a little longer yet.
- - -
Amelie drove the two of them back to Brian's apartment where they decided they'd hang for a while. Brian could see that Amelie was tired, but sensed that she didn't want to go back home just yet. She seemed lonely. She was staring at her phone once more as they sat together drinking coffee on Brian's couch, and he simply couldn't mind his own business.
"Is something the matter?" He motioned his eyes towards where she had once again placed her phone down, though seemed intent on leaving it there this time. Amelie sighed before her face found her hands in exasperation, her eyes looking out to a place past where Brian sat for a moment as she thought.
"Derek is just... You know, I don't wanna talk about it." Her tired eyes net Brian's and he regretted having asked. He didn’t like to be reminded that she had this whole other life that didn’t include him at all. Amelie scooted over in her seat a little to snuggle up against Brian's side. She'd taken her jacket off as she'd come through the door and was beginning to feel the cold. Brian had left his on, wanting to feel as toasty as a marshmallow. Her arms snaked beneath his coat and it was in that moment that she fell asleep. Brian gently moved to place his coffee cup down beside her forgotten one before bringing his arm up to wrap around Amelie's middle. He knew he couldn't stay like that, but Brian's eyelids were already beginning to droop. He figured that conversation he’d had every intention of having earlier couldn't be more important to him than moments like these. He didn't want to let her go.