Don't Forget to Be the Way You Are
Eight
Brian had been spending a lot of time writing in the recent weeks. He hadn’t any lyrics yet but the music was gradually forming for several new songs now and even if they were supposed to be taking a break, Stefan was delighted that Brian was taking an interest in helping himself heal from whatever had pulled him down over the last couple of months. He also couldn’t help but to think that Amelie’s increasing presence around the place had had an impact on Brian’s thoughts and feelings. He was beginning to see their friendship return, from the small smiles they’d return to one another to the conversations he’d hear them laughing about in his living room. And as much as he enjoyed that they were getting along and seeing the smiles on both their faces – smiles they both needed to be sharing – he was worried.
“Let’s go ice skating!” Amelie announced excitedly in the middle of lunch, both Brian’s and Marc’s eyes lighting up at the idea.
“I haven’t been in so long. Oh Stef, wouldn’t that be romantic?” Marc cooed. Stefan swallowed the bite of his sandwich. Yes, yes it would. And so why was Amelie even suggesting it? Why was Brian’s smile ever increasing as they discussed the details and booked tickets using her phone? Why did Stefan feel the need to worry about every little thing? They would all have a great time, he was sure, and tried not to think about it any further than that.
The four of them arrived to a late session at the ice skating rink, having decided earlier that they’d rather be out when the kiddies were asleep. Brian couldn’t stop the smile from spreading on his lips. This was exactly the kind of evening he’d needed; something whimsical to keep him enthralled for a while. Life tended to feel a little dull when he wasn’t on tour which was silly, really, because touring was almost too busy for him.
They each strapped on some skates and took the first few wobbly steps holding onto one another’s arms and jacket sleeves, and wherever else they needed to grab at until they were stable enough to stand on their own.
“Shit, I’m too tall for this,” Stefan whined. “If I fall it’s such a long way down.” Marc giggled and grabbed his hand.
“I won’t let you fall.” Amelie and Brian watched as they skated off together, joining the crowd already on the rink that had also decided to brave the cold of the night, and losing sight of them shortly after.
“Ready?” Amelie asked, holding her hand out to Brian. He stared at it for a moment, wondering if it were appropriate for them to hold hands like that. They used to, he remembered, but that seemed like forever ago. He sometimes felt like he was living his second life now, with vague memories of the first popping up when he wished they wouldn’t.
“You better not drag me down with you,” Brian joked, and Amelie opened her mouth in objection.
“I would never!” He took her hand then which was nowhere near as clammy as his own. He was nervous. He was forever trying to shake the thoughts he had of her from his other life, knowing they were thoughts from another time but sometimes forgetting that part and falling for her all over again. Watching her smiling and laughing as she skated about the place was certainly not helping. They were eventually separated as someone skated between them, and didn’t re-join hands. Perhaps it had been slightly inappropriate, he thought. Or perhaps she hadn’t been thinking about it nearly as much as he had. Brian came back to himself just in time to avoid skating into a stranger, taking a sharp turn and falling straight on his arse as he slid off to the edge of the rink. Amelie came gliding up to him with a wide smile on her face, obviously having seen everything.
“Well fuck,” Brian said, allowing Amelie to pull him up and finding himself stuck there for a moment as she dusted the ice off his jacket.
“Don’t worry, no one saw the famous Brian Molko fall on his butt,” she assured him and he looked around, finding no one staring.
“You saw.”
“Yes, but I’ve seen you fall on your butt before, and you hadn’t even needed the ice or the skates.” Brian was upset at that. She hadn’t meant it in a spiteful way of course, her smile never fading, but he hated to be reminded. It was as if even after the last few months spent getting to know one another all over again, she could still only see him for who he used to be. “I remember at a party once I watched you fall backwards off a table at a bar. That was terrifying.”
“Well I survived didn’t I?” She frowned, just a little.
“That wasn’t the point, Brian. I’m… I’m glad you’ve changed.” She picked his hand up again then, and pushed his jacket sleeve up a little to reveal his tiny tattoo, running her frozen fingers across it. “Really glad.”
“Your fingers are cold. Let me hold them for you.” They went to join the crowd again, linked at the hands once more. Stefan watched them from his place at the other side of the rink as they circled round, now with a reason to worry that didn’t only exist in his mind.
“Let’s go ice skating!” Amelie announced excitedly in the middle of lunch, both Brian’s and Marc’s eyes lighting up at the idea.
“I haven’t been in so long. Oh Stef, wouldn’t that be romantic?” Marc cooed. Stefan swallowed the bite of his sandwich. Yes, yes it would. And so why was Amelie even suggesting it? Why was Brian’s smile ever increasing as they discussed the details and booked tickets using her phone? Why did Stefan feel the need to worry about every little thing? They would all have a great time, he was sure, and tried not to think about it any further than that.
The four of them arrived to a late session at the ice skating rink, having decided earlier that they’d rather be out when the kiddies were asleep. Brian couldn’t stop the smile from spreading on his lips. This was exactly the kind of evening he’d needed; something whimsical to keep him enthralled for a while. Life tended to feel a little dull when he wasn’t on tour which was silly, really, because touring was almost too busy for him.
They each strapped on some skates and took the first few wobbly steps holding onto one another’s arms and jacket sleeves, and wherever else they needed to grab at until they were stable enough to stand on their own.
“Shit, I’m too tall for this,” Stefan whined. “If I fall it’s such a long way down.” Marc giggled and grabbed his hand.
“I won’t let you fall.” Amelie and Brian watched as they skated off together, joining the crowd already on the rink that had also decided to brave the cold of the night, and losing sight of them shortly after.
“Ready?” Amelie asked, holding her hand out to Brian. He stared at it for a moment, wondering if it were appropriate for them to hold hands like that. They used to, he remembered, but that seemed like forever ago. He sometimes felt like he was living his second life now, with vague memories of the first popping up when he wished they wouldn’t.
“You better not drag me down with you,” Brian joked, and Amelie opened her mouth in objection.
“I would never!” He took her hand then which was nowhere near as clammy as his own. He was nervous. He was forever trying to shake the thoughts he had of her from his other life, knowing they were thoughts from another time but sometimes forgetting that part and falling for her all over again. Watching her smiling and laughing as she skated about the place was certainly not helping. They were eventually separated as someone skated between them, and didn’t re-join hands. Perhaps it had been slightly inappropriate, he thought. Or perhaps she hadn’t been thinking about it nearly as much as he had. Brian came back to himself just in time to avoid skating into a stranger, taking a sharp turn and falling straight on his arse as he slid off to the edge of the rink. Amelie came gliding up to him with a wide smile on her face, obviously having seen everything.
“Well fuck,” Brian said, allowing Amelie to pull him up and finding himself stuck there for a moment as she dusted the ice off his jacket.
“Don’t worry, no one saw the famous Brian Molko fall on his butt,” she assured him and he looked around, finding no one staring.
“You saw.”
“Yes, but I’ve seen you fall on your butt before, and you hadn’t even needed the ice or the skates.” Brian was upset at that. She hadn’t meant it in a spiteful way of course, her smile never fading, but he hated to be reminded. It was as if even after the last few months spent getting to know one another all over again, she could still only see him for who he used to be. “I remember at a party once I watched you fall backwards off a table at a bar. That was terrifying.”
“Well I survived didn’t I?” She frowned, just a little.
“That wasn’t the point, Brian. I’m… I’m glad you’ve changed.” She picked his hand up again then, and pushed his jacket sleeve up a little to reveal his tiny tattoo, running her frozen fingers across it. “Really glad.”
“Your fingers are cold. Let me hold them for you.” They went to join the crowd again, linked at the hands once more. Stefan watched them from his place at the other side of the rink as they circled round, now with a reason to worry that didn’t only exist in his mind.
♠ ♠ ♠
Merry Christmas guys!