Chrome Visions

A/N: So my poor, misguided friend Cameron (formerly known as "Cameron Catastrophe before he went punk *growls*) as been trying to show me some of the new, stupid fucking bands he likes now. Don't get me wrong, I think Dustin Sane from Antiflag has a great melodious voice, but he uses it in all the wrong ways. He could be the vocalist of a band like Dashboard Confessional or Saves the Day if he tried, but such mediocrity is to be expected by someone who sings about "fuck police brutality", I mean what does that even MEAN?? Or, I don't understand how a band like Bad Religion got to be so popular. All their songs sound the same. At least screamo mixes clean vocals with elegant screaming so it sounds like it has like some fucking depth to it. I miss when Cameron liked bands like Green Day (who, he laughs at now, profusely AND IT"S REALLY FUCKIGN PISSING ME OFF BECUAE HE WON'T SAY THAT GREEN DAY IS AT LEAST A GOOD BAND!) or A Day To Remember or A Skylit Drive. He says I'm kinda annoying to be around now, but that's only because I'm trying to wake him up to good music and a healthly lifestyle. He says I should stop writing such "depressing" poetry, but wouldn't you rather me write about my problems as opposed to carving them into my arm like he used to do because his sister died of cancer (his sister was a bitch, I'm happy she's dead, haha XD).

Anyway, I've been trying to use more abstract, deep titles so I hope it didn't confuse you too much, I thought it was cool. Stay (Arm)strong!

Jesus Christ had felt more alone than ever. Warped Tour had just left Israel two days prior, and, the love of his life, the beautiful Heather Heartless was gone from his time forever. Oh, how he missed her soft crimson hair and her sparkling eyeliner-coated eyes. Even when he was dead after being nailed to a wooden cross, he still missed her. She made his jet-black heart beat ruby. He sighed as he walked to the ICP tour-bus that still hadn't left, his dirty gray vans smacking loudly on the sweltering cement. Jesus brushed back his teased, long blonde-highlighted brown hair and opened the door. Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J immediately bowed to his glorious presence. "Yo, what up JC? We praise ya always, nigga!" Violent J whispered, humbly. Jesus layed his hand upon his head, and a brilliant white light shot through his palm, giving it's blessing to the young clown-faced rapper.

"I sense a disturbance in heaven. I need you to channel my power and figure out what's going on." Jesus murmured softly, a soft smile dotting his face. Violent J looked horrified that such a praise-worthy god would bestow such an honor on an insect like him. "But JC, ya have other fam that would be more worthy of ya." He said, gasping. Jesus smiled at him, proud of the humbleness Violent J was showing. He had more than earned his place in the Dark Carnival where he could lay in the lap of some fat bitch and drink faygo all day. Jesus laid his scarred hands on Violent J and an Earthquake happened because of all the power rushing through his veins. The wall shook, and Violent J began convulsing. His eyes rolled in the back of his head, and a white aura enveloped him blinding Shaggy 2 Dope and any creep who dared look inside the tour bus. Suddenly, Violent J's mouth dropped and a voice that wasn't his own rattled the room. It was a voice that sounded frightened.

"Help, help, please save me! I'm a dark void and it feels like my SOUL is being gouged out!" The voice said. It sounded oddly familiar. Jesus scarched his beard in confusion. Where had he heard that voice before?

"My son, what is your name?" Jesus asked.

"It's Mike. Mike of Green Day, you know, the band with the drunken singer and retarded .drummer? Heather fucking killed me with a wand when we went to Hogwarts, and now I almost don't exist? Will you help me, pretty please?" Mike begged. He had been sitting in a pit of nothingness for at least a week, and it was becoming exhausting. Jesus chuckled. Oh, Heather...such a funny girl. He wished his father had a better sense of humor like her, but he was too busy bitching at dumb ol' Satan and hurling lightning bolts at angels for shits n' giggles. Jesus sighed, life was just so unfair! And Heather and her wonderful collection of emo bands had finally opened his eyes to that fact. Maybe if he helped MIke, he could become closer to Heather and possibly steal her away from Billie Joe, if his lovely goddess permitted it.

"Ah, yes, you guys are brilliant! Green Day is the best band in the universe! It's true because I said so and luckily, I'm God so I get to make the rules, or well, at least when my father isn't looking. Are you guys going to do an American Idiot II? Do you guys need a back-up vocalist? I have a heavenly voice for a heavenly pop-punk band! Can you autograph the heel of my shoe, I think that would just look super cool!" Jesus chattered excitedly. He was practically gushing over the chance to talk to Mike again. Gee, maybe he could even go on tour with them! He blushed at the prospect and tried not to imagine to band + Heather shirtless.

"CAN YOU PLEASE JUST GET ME OUT OF THIS VOID??!!" Mike shrieked, his screams echoing in the tour bus and causing the many bottles of faygo to expire from the sound. Jesus turned pale. He and Heather would definitely have to work on Mike's attitude problem. It could definitely cause Green Day's reputation to plummet, plus, no one likes a sourpuss. And he wanted Green Day to make more, and more, and more records. They would exist forever, if he had any say in the matter. But, there was the problem with retrieving Mike's soul. Since, it was in such a remote place, it couldn't be retrieved directly. Instead, it would have to be reborn and grown as a regular human. Jesus put his hands together and prayed. Then, he called his disciples into the room. Judas, who looked more sullen than ever helped a radiant, as well as newly pregnant, Mary Magdalene onto the tour bus. Her pink high-lights were starting to fade, but she still looked hot. She was breathing labouriously. Peter, the annoying juggalo, was confused as to how she had become so pregnant so fast.

"It's all part of my divine plan" Jesus assured his disciples.

"What divine plan?" Judas asked curiously?

"The plan to win Heather's Heart!" Jesus said shyly, with a blush. Peter clapped him on the back in congratulations. It was about time that prudish Messiah had lost his virginity, and he was willing to give him experienced advice so that he could do the deed in style. Mary Magdalene was beginning to try and push the baby out. Shaggy 2 Dope decided to be a really good guy and shoved his hands inside her and yanked the baby right out. Everyone looked in awe as a mini Les Paul guitar descended from heaven into the baby's arms. It began to play the beginning notes of "Jesus of Suburbia" as everyone cheered. Jesus held up the baby high above his head, as if it were his own child.

"He passed the test! Everyone, this is my new adopted son, Mike!" Jesus exclaimed and forced the baby to headbang. THere was much clapping. Peter even dragged his finger out of his nose long enough to baptize Mike back into the land of the living. Although he was only a Juggalo, he could see why Jesus had placed so much value on the number 1 guitarist in the universe, after all, what was Green Day without epic pop-punk riffs? Just a plain old punk band, probably.

Of course, it would take probably six weeks for Mike to return to his usual self. Even with accelerated growth, there were certain things one had to be re-learn again. Jesus didn't know if he was ready to be a father, but he had always wanted to see what it would be like to be be his own father, so this was an experiment worth trying out.

He couldn't wait to see how happy Heather would be.