Trading Heartbeats

I don't know what it is about Niall that makes me replay our time together over and over in my head, but I spent the next week trying to stop. I didn't have sex with him again after the night at the hot springs. Instead, I came up with a riddle and scavenger hunt kind of game as a way to give him my number. And also to regain just a little bit of control. Or maybe a lot. Probably a lot.

I started by giving him the area code, because that would've been easy enough to figure out anyway. Then I came up with a series of riddles. For example, one that I sent him in a Twitter message was: the sum of the digits that make up the sum of why six is afraid of seven. Six is afraid of seven because seven eight nine. The sum of seven plus eight plus nine is twenty four. Two plus four equals six.

But I didn't message them all to him. Sometimes I would just tweet it and not even mention him in the tweet. Or I would write something on the specials board in the bar that he would inevitably see. But he had to be paying attention. And I was enjoying it greatly. It was hard to tell if he felt the same, but the amount of patience he displayed was impressive either way.

I spent that next week working and hanging out with my family. Even with our Disneyland trip coming up, I wanted to get in some time with Jae and James, both together and separately. It was hard sometimes, especially near the end of the school year because they were both stressing. I also made sure to include our parents because getting all five of us in the same room at the same time can be nearly impossible. And when I wasn't with them or at work, I was either curled up with Watson in my room or trying to wrangle all my friends together.

It was exhausting. But in a good way.

At eight o'clock the night before we we were set to leave for Disneyland, I was sitting on the tailgate of my truck with Aaron. Despite Niall bothering me at the bar for nearly an hour, I'd spent most of the day thinking about Aaron, that I hadn't seen him much, and wouldn't see him for at least a week. So I texted him and then picked him up as soon as I was off work. He was sipping at his second beer as we watched the ocean crash against the rocks. I had one beer and then switched to water. Because someone has to drive, and considering it's my truck, it's going to be me. I think I've almost pushed the night at the hot springs out of my mind, which meant I was able to focus on Aaron.

The truth is, this thing with Aaron is kind of an anomaly. But then again, so is this thing with Niall. There's usually some level of friendship involved, generally it's very casual. But with Niall, I know almost nothing about him. We're not overly chatty when we're together, but mostly I just want him to shut up when he does talk. I don't know what makes him tick. And then Aaron and I are friends. Good friends, I like to think. And at a different time in my life, I think I could fall in love with him.

From my side of the tailgate, leaning against the side, one foot dangling, the other set firmly in front of me, my knee bent and water resting on top of it, I watched him bring the can of beer to his lips and take a drink. He's twenty five, older than me by three years. In addition to being actively involved in the Scottish Games, he's also an engineer and a massage therapist. I always wonder about the way his mind works. What he's thinking at any given moment.

"Is it weird," I started. He took his eyes off the waves or the setting sun or whatever it was he was watching and shifted them to me. A tiny smile played at his lips. I'd noticed he always gets a little excited when I start a sentence that way. "That I really think, at some other time in my life, I could fall in love with you?" I finished. It's pretty forward, but I generally am. I wasn't worried about being rejected. Not by Aaron. There was obviously some level of attraction there if we were doing what we were doing.

The smile pulled across his face, almost into a grin and he shook his head. "I don't think that's weird at all," he said. He tipped his beer to lips again. "Actually, I think the same thing."

"That I could fall in love with you?"

He let out a chuckle. "Shut up. You know what I mean," he said.

I nodded, a smile pulling across my own face. "Yeah, I do. Just wanted to make sure you did," I said, gesturing to his beer.

"This?" he questioned, lifting the can. "It's not even half empty and you spilled part of my first one, if you recall," he said.

I could feel my smile growing. "I recall," I replied simply. I shrugged. "Do you think it's going to be weird in a few weeks when we stop having sex?" I asked. My voice was a little quieter on that question, and I wasn't sure why. I wasn't sure why or when I even decided we were going to have this conversation.

Aaron slowly moved his head side to side. The hint of red in his hair was magnified by the setting sun. I wondered if mine looked the same to him. "I think, given that it's been over a week since the last time we had sex, and we're hanging out tonight with no intentions of having sex before you leave for a week, that we'll have no problem falling right back into being only friends," he said. He seemed sure of his answer. Sure enough to make me sure as well.

The thing is, I already felt that way. Because with us, it really hasn't ever been just about the sex. Of course, it was a nice benefit. But the friendship always seemed to come first.

"Good," I said, tipping my water bottle up and shifting my eyes back to the ocean. I could spend the rest of my life watching the water move and the sky change colors.

His eyes were still on me, I could feel them. A quick shift of my eyes showed me that his expression was thoughtful. "Do you enjoy asking questions you know the answers to?" he inquired. A hint of amusement played in his tone.

I shrugged with one shoulder, but didn't look at him. It didn't stress me out that he knew things like that about me. "I knew my answer. I needed to see if yours would match," I answered easily. As I'd told Afton not too long ago, after that disastrous night with Michael, I needed to pay more attention to the signs. I was going to have to start having conversations like this. Because I could think we were on the same page, but you never know unless you ask.

He nodded, and that was the end of it. I liked that about our relationship. Talking was easy and the silence was easy. It was only logical to think that falling in love would be easy also. But neither of us were there yet. And, contrary to what most people think, I believe that falling in love is, largely, a choice you have to make.

Aaron switched to water after his second beer. He was always considerate that way. We continued to talk off and on until well after the sun had set. It was just before ten when we abandoned the tailgate and hopped into the cab of my truck. Despite conversation, we both agreed it was too dark to enjoy any kind of view. Well, I could have enjoyed laying back and staring up at the sky with the crash of the waves as the backing soundtrack, but that would have required the air mattress in order to be comfortable. It seemed like too much work.

My stomach growled loudly as we pulled up to Aaron's house. Apparently, the snacks we'd been sharing for the last two hours hadn't been enough to satisfy me. With a chuckle, he invited me inside.

Aaron lived alone. His house was small, but I loved it. One bedroom, one bathroom. Combined living and dining area. The kitchen was small, but not as tiny as some I'd seen. No, there was enough room for both of us to be in it and mostly not bump into each other.

The first thing I did was raid his refrigerator, then moved to the cabinets, taking inventory of my options. I grabbed a few things and set them on the counter. He was leaning on the opposite side of it, eyeing the potatoes and peppers that were on display between us.

"How hungry are you, and do you like spicy?" I asked. Somewhere in my mind I knew the answer to if he liked spicy food but I was so hungry that I couldn't remember.

He chuckled, shaking his head a little. "I could eat," he said. "And yes."

If my head hadn't been so clouded by my hunger, the answer would have been as obvious as he made it sound, considering one of the things I had taken from his cabinet was a bottle of sriracha. But even as I grabbed a bowl and a knife and a baking dish, it didn't dawn on me. I worked quickly, chopping and mixing and then finally putting it into the oven.

Aaron had excused himself for just a minute, so I set a timer and let out a heavy breath. The collar of my work polo was starting to itch against my neck, so I pulled it off and draped it over my purse. I pulled the hem of my light pink tank top from my pants and adjusted the fabric so it didn't look wonky and then let my hair down from the ponytail it had been tied back in for too long. I shook out my long hair and then mussed it with my fingers.

I was washing the dishes I'd used when Aaron came back. He quickly objected to what I was doing and tried to take over, but I somehow managed to push him out of the way. He stood there for just a moment, looking like he felt useless, so I threw a towel at him. With a quick look of disapproval, he grabbed a dish I'd washed and dried it.

"You're not supposed to have to do chores when you're someone's guest," he commented once I finished washing.

I leaned back against the counter. "But I made a mess in your kitchen," I replied. He was turned away from me. I watched the muscles in his back through his thin undershirt as he reached to put away the dish he'd dried. He'd taken off his shoes and the shirt he'd been wearing while we were out when he'd excused himself. "It would've been rude to leave it for you," I finished.

He barely hummed in response. I jumped up onto the counter and continued to watch as he finished drying and putting away the dishes I'd washed. He was strong enough that I could see his muscles move, strong enough to lift me with only one arm, but still soft to the touch. I liked just watching the way he moved. I liked that he was so big but still not afraid of hurting me. A common misconception about me is that because I am small, I am also fragile. I'm not.

He reached up next to me to put something else away and I grabbed his arm on the way back down, succeeding in getting his attention. "Are you upset with me?" I inquired when he looked at me. It seemed like a stupid question to ask, but I was suddenly getting a vibe from him that I couldn't place.

Instead of answering verbally, he leaned in and kissed me roughly. His free hand found the back of my neck and held it firmly, like he thought I might object to the kiss. I didn't. I let one of my hands slide up his arm to his shoulder and the other find his side, drawing him in closer to me. He smelled like clean laundry and ocean air with just a hint of spice. I breathed him in as he pulled my bottom lip between both of his.

He pulled back sooner than I would've have preferred so I pushed myself to the edge of the counter and hooked my legs around his. My hand slipped underneath his shirt as I leaned up to reacquaint our mouths. What he'd said earlier, that we met up with no intentions of having sex was true at the time. But now it wasn't. At least not for me. My intentions had changed drastically in the last few minutes.

His hand was still on the back of my neck, his hold on it clenching every so often. It felt good, the firmness with which he handled me. His other had gripped the edge of the countertop next to me. I pressed myself to him for just a moment and tried to hold back a grin. I could feel the muscles in his stomach contract just from the contact.

I slid back just a little, but enough that he felt like he needed to lean forward. My hand dropped from his shoulder and the one on his side slid forward so I could undo the button on his jeans. I slid down the zipper and pushed the fabric down just a little. Just enough to give his growing bulge, still encased in his black boxer briefs, more space.

He breathed out heavily as I caught his lip between my teeth. I let my hand drop down from the waistband of his underwear. His shoulders tensed at the feel of my fingers against him. I released his lip and pulled back for just a moment to give us both a chance to breathe. But he immediately pressed his mouth to mine again. I gently curled my hand around him and he kissed me harder, his shoulders tensing more. Again, I pulled back just a little.

"You good?" I breathed out. He nodded and I rubbed him gently through his underwear. He let out a low groan and kissed me again. I kept it brief, letting out a small laugh as I pecked his lips a few times. I could feel him growing as I continued to move my hand against him, trying to quickly figure out the logistics.

We'd had sex on the counter before. He wouldn't have sex in a car but any surface in his house was fair game. That wasn't the problem. The problem was that I wanted him in my mouth. Which, I realize, is unusual for me.

On the realization that the kitchen just wasn't going to work for what I wanted, I stopped moving my hand. Some of the tension in Aaron's shoulders released and he kissed me roughly before pulling back.

"I have to," he began, through ragged breaths. My breathing was just as labored. "I'll be right back," he said. I nodded and watched him exit the kitchen, trying hard to catch my breath.

I slid down off the counter and met him in the hallway. He was shirtless, which I greatly appreciated. As soon as he saw me he shoved the condoms he'd gotten from his room into his pocket and grabbed me, pulling me against him. It was always a little awkward to kiss when we were both standing, because he was so much taller. The top of my head comes to just below his shoulder so I had to stretch up on my tiptoes and he had to lean down, but we made it work.

My hands found the waistband of his underwear again and I grabbed it, my nails grazing against his skin as I pushed the fabric down. Our mouths parted and we both breathed out heavily. My hands found the smooth skin on stomach as I lowered myself onto my knees. I thought briefly about my injured leg, considering that I'd been on my feet all day at work, but then quickly pushed it from my mind.

Aaron glanced down at me. "You hate giving head," he commented breathily.

I let my fingers slide down and carefully took hold of him. "I told you I was hungry," I joked, then quickly went on more seriously. "It's just not my favorite. But right now I want to. Unless you're objecting?" I moved my fingers gently up and down and looked at him for a brief moment. He shook his head. "Didn't think so."

He leaned back against the wall and I leaned toward him, letting the tip of my tongue make contact first. I swirled it around and then leaned in more, sliding my mouth slowly down his length. I felt him at the back of my throat and paused for just a moment, clearing my mind before continuing. He groaned as I swallowed and my throat contracted around him. I swallowed again and then slowly moved backward so I didn't gag.

I kept it slow at first and then gradually picked up the pace. I kept on until I could feel his legs shaking just slightly, at which point I removed my mouth from him. He grabbed at me, helping me to my feet. We both went for the button on my pants at the same time. I moved my hands away quickly, and instead slipped my hand into his pocket and extracted a condom. We were a mess of arms and hands at each other's midsections but we both managed to complete our tasks. Without pause, Aaron lifted me into the air and turned us around so my back was pressing against the wall.

He leaned in and kissed me, supporting me underneath my legs. I put my arms around his neck, kissing him forcefully. One of my hands slid up his neck to the back of his head, and he used one hand to guide my leg around his waist. Barely a second later his thumb pressed against me. My back straightened at his touch and my hand on his head gripped at his hair, pulling his face closer to me as he rubbed his thumb in tiny circles.

I had to break away from his mouth to breath and something between a whimper and a moan escaped me. I bit my lip and gripped his hair tighter, pushing my mouth against his after a moment. His tongue pressed against mine. His thumb kept a steady pace and then stopped. I felt his fingers sliding into me but only briefly. I didn't need a lot of warming up this time.

His hand moved back to my leg to support me with both arms again, his fingers slick against my skin. I pulled my mouth from his again and reached down, guiding him into me. I let out a breath as he slowly lowered me down onto him and held me there for a moment. I put both my hands on his shoulders, near his neck and leaned in to kiss him again. He started moving, slowly at first, in and out. My fingers pressed into his skin as he picked up speed. My back slammed against the wall with every thrust.

The oven timer went off. Luckily it wasn't one that kept beeping until you turned it off. No. It stopped after four beeps. Neither of us paid it any mind. He slowed his pace so he could kiss me, and then picked up again. I leaned my head back against the wall and closed my eyes, hooking one leg around him. His thumb brushed against me roughly and I didn't even have a chance to hold back the moan that escaped on contact. His head fell forward and he breathed out, his breath tickling me just before his lips made contact with my neck. He knew better than to leave any marks on me, but somehow I couldn't afford the same courtesy with the way my nails were digging into his skin as his thumb kept stroking, stroking, stroking until I was shaking.

He slowed again, supported me underneath both my legs again, and kissed me. His tongue was salty this time, from the sweat on my neck. I found it strangely satisfying and bucked my hips, moving in time with him. I tried to keep his mouth to mine, holding the back of his head as firmly as I could, but he still managed to pull away.

I could tell by the way he picked up speed again that he was close. I let my hand fall between us from the back of his head, but even having to hook my leg around him again, he was faster than me. I shot up at his touch again, quickly grabbing onto his shoulder, feeling all his muscles moving. My back slammed against the wall but he kept quick, steady movements. Then I felt it starting in my stomach. I don't know how loudly I might have been screaming, but I know I was. I always did with Aaron. He made sure of it.

I felt dizzy, barely registered that he had stopped moving because he kept rubbing me. But then his mouth was on mine, swallowing the sounds I was making. He was still inside me. Good. I liked him there. He kissed me roughly and stroked me steadily. My fingers dug into his neck trying to get him closer, closer. Warmth spread through me again, my entire body jolted, my legs shook, but Aaron held me steady, kissed me deeply. Swallowed every sound I made until I pulled away, leaning my head back as I let out a moan.

Still, he didn't stop. He kept on for a third, and then fourth time, until I reached down and pulled his hand away. I didn't want to stop, but the potatoes would burn if we left them in the oven much longer. I let out a disappointed groan as he slid slowly out of me, leaning forward and pressing my head against his shoulder. His lips found my neck briefly and then moved to my jaw before I turned my head and they found my mouth. He lowered me to the ground slowly, but continued to kiss me until I finally pulled away, stepping to the side. His hands fell away from me as I reached for my pants and slipped into them.

I went immediately to the sink to wash my hands. Aaron did the same when I moved to pull the potatoes out of the oven. With every movement I made, I could smell him on me. And when he got close, as I was taking off the oven mitts, when his hands were on my back and he was leaning down to kiss me again, I could smell myself on him. It seemed like such a weird thing to be aware of.

I kept it brief, slipping away from him at the first break of our lips because I knew if we kept on I would be tempted to go another five rounds with him. He watched me as I moved, I could feel it. For a fleeting moment, I wondered if we were getting too close. If we were toeing a line. But I quickly shook the thought from my head. We'd just talked about it. Both just said we weren't there. I had to trust that. Right?

I split the potatoes onto two plates and exited the kitchen. We sat at opposite ends of the couch, leaving an entire cushion between us, as we discussed what to watch. It was a bit of a debate. He wanted something funny. I wanted something scary. We ended up watching Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. Neither of us got what we wanted, exactly, but I still felt like I won, considering it's one of my favorite movies and I could recite every word of dialogue as I watched. But I did my best to keep it to a minimum. Not everyone likes that kind of thing.

"Hey," he said quietly before we were even halfway through the movie. I looked over at him. "You good?" he asked, motioning to my leg. I looked down at where he'd pointed, not even realizing I'd been rubbing it for, well, who knows how long. I stopped. There was a dull ache. Familiar.

I shrugged. "One of those weeks, I guess," I answered.

"Come here," he said.

Without arguing, I slid to the middle cushion. He lifted my leg onto his lap and used his fingers to massage my aching muscles. I let out a low groan at the combination of pain and relief it brought on as I leaned back against the couch. He chuckled at my reaction but didn't stop. I folded my arms over my stomach and closed my eyes.

"I could fall asleep right here," I commented.

"No you can't," he replied. I cracked open one eye and glanced at him and took in the shit eating grin he wore. "Your rule," he shrugged.

I couldn't help but laugh. I closed my eye again. He was right. That was my rule. And I thought it was a good one. So, no, I couldn't actually fall asleep on his couch while he massaged my leg, but I could sit there in a state of bliss with my eyes closed and listen to the movie instead of watching it. I could picture the whole thing in my head anyway.

But he didn't even give me that much. Instead, he proceeded to talk to me throughout the rest of the movie, as if he was making sure I stayed awake. I guess I had to appreciate that he respected me and the rules we'd discussed enough to do that. Like I said, very considerate. I kept my eyes closed mostly, responding to him, carrying on a conversation with him, and still reacting to all the best parts of the movie.

It was after two in the morning when I got home. Watson was sound asleep in his bed already and didn't even twitch when I came in. I showered and put on pajamas and got into bed. My phone had buzzed a few times with notifications while I was with Aaron, but I'd ignored them. I plugged in the charger and set the alarm for the morning, my excitement for the trip growing exponentially as I did so.

The twitter icon was in my notifications bar. I dropped it down. @NiallOfficial sent you a message. My stomach jumped but I shut the screen off and put my phone face down on the night stand. Whatever it was, I could read it in the morning.