Trading Heartbeats

I ended up not having sex with Niall. Not because I didn't want to, because I definitely wanted to, but because there wasn't enough time. And, in truth, he didn't even try.

He had me on the bed seconds after the door closed, unbuttoning my pants on the way and pulling them off, along with my shoes, once my back hit the mattress. His thumb brushed against me through my underwear. Then they were off. Flung across the room.

His head was between my legs and I knew exactly what this was about. He wasn't doing this for me. It was to hear me stifling my screams again. To stroke his own ego. I did what I could to hold back, telling him I didn't have all day. If he was playing a game then so was I. But he had me at a slight disadvantage and he knew it. Between his fingers and his mouth, I also knew it.

I was breathing hard. Gasping. Tiny sounds turned loud. My fingers twisted in his hair and pulled on it. Not to stop him but to keep him going. And he did. Until I had to let go with one hand to cover my mouth again. This was what he wanted, but it's not like either of us were getting the short end of the deal. We were both getting off, in a sense.

He asked again, as I was fixing my ponytail in the mirror, what I was doing later. My answer remained the same as the one I'd given earlier, not him. I could almost hear his smirk. He'd said he was up for a chase. Said he preferred it to being chased. And then, as I was stepping out of the room, he said he'd see me around.

I went straight home after work and headed immediately up to Jaelynn's room. She was sitting at her desk, which faced the window that spanned the entire wall of her bedroom. Her head was bent and she was focused on her homework. How she ever got anything done sitting there was completely beyond me. The view would be too distracting.

Her bed was across the room from her desk, so I grabbed the stool from her vanity and moved it so I could sit near her. She didn't even so much as twitch to acknowledge my presence. Her brow was furrowed and her nose was scrunched and she looked defeated. I knew that look. Finals week was coming.

A quick glance down at what she was focused on brought a smile to my face.

"I hold my peace, sir? no;
No, I will speak as liberal as the north;
Let heaven and men and devils, let them all,
All, all, cry shame against me, yet I'll speak."

I recited from memory. Jaelynn finally looked up. Her face was still stressed but her features partially relaxed. "Othello changed my life," I told her.

"You were always good at this stuff," she commented.

I shook my head. "You're in the same Honors English class I was junior year, and I struggled at first. Dad helped me a lot. He's the one who's always been good at this stuff." She gave me a look. "I'm serious. He had to break down A Midsummer Night's Dream for me like I was a complete idiot." She still didn't look convinced. "What do you need help with?" I asked her finally.

For the next thirty minutes I sat with her and told her everything I knew about Othello. She was still stressed and frustrated but I promised to continue helping her up until her final next week. And then, as I was heading out of her room, I stopped and turned back to her.

"I wasn't going to tell you this until after your finals but I feel like you need something to look forward to, so..." She turned in her chair to look at me. "Three weeks from now. You, me, James. Disneyland."

It took a minute for what I said to register. When it did, she jumped to her feet as a high pitched sound slipped past her lips. She was across the room in seconds and she threw her arms around me. "Jessi, you're the best!" she squealed, lifting me a couple inches off the ground. "Mom and Dad?" she asked. I shook my head and she squealed again. "Afton?"

"Well, we need an even number of people for rides, of course," I said. She laughed and lifted me off the ground again and then finally released me. "Unless you really don't want her to come."

Jaelynn looked at me like I was crazy. "Are you kidding? She's been around my entire life. She's been on every single vacation I can remember with us. It would be weird if she didn't come," she said. "Jessi, this is so exciting. For real. I can't wait. Can I tell James?" I nodded and she was out of her room in seconds.

I had barely made it downstairs when I heard James shouting. Mama had just gotten home. She was still in her uniform, sitting at the dining room table with Dad.

"I take it you told them?" Mama said.

I shrugged. "Jae is stressing. She needed a little pick-me-up," I said. "And then, of course, she wanted to tell James. Who am I to deny her that?"

Mama laughed. "You're a good sister, Jessilynn," she said. I shrugged again. "Afton's in your room. For about ten minutes now," she told me.

I walked around the table, gave each of my parents a kiss on the cheek, and headed off to my room. The door was ajar, and sure enough, my best friend was sitting in my oversized chair with my dog in her lap. She was scratching his stomach and he looked like he'd found heaven.

"She spoils you," I said to Watson as I peeled off my polo and tossed it into the laundry basket. I pushed my khaki's off my hips and reached for a pair of pajama pants.

"Nuh uh," Afton said. I gave her a curious look. She nodded toward my bed where she'd laid out a simple outfit of jeans, a tshirt, and a lightweight cardigan. "Get dressed. We're going out."

The way she said it wasn't a question and I was always down for an adventure, so I tossed the pajama pants back where I'd gotten them and reached for the jeans. Watson jumped down off Afton's lap and wandered over to his bed in the corner.

"Where are we going?" I asked as I pulled the shirt over my head. She only shrugged in response, meaning I didn't get to know until we got there.

I grabbed my purse and we were out the door. She ushered me into her car, this being one of the rare occasions we would actually drive together. She hadn't even pulled away from the curb before I was blasting the Carrie Underwood song that was on the radio when she turned the car on.

We drove for about twenty minutes before I had an idea of where we were going, and less than ten minutes later Afton was pulling off the highway onto a dirt road. She parked at the end of a line of cars and reached into the back seat for her beach bag. We both kept them in our cars for occasions such as this. Multiple pairs of flip flops, because no one likes sand in their shoes. Towels, because no one likes sand in other places. Sunscreen, for during the day, of course. A blanket, because the evenings can get chilly. And other odds and ends like plastic baggies, hair ties, cheap sunglasses.

This particular beach was one of my favorites. Not because of the beach itself, but because you can pull off the highway at several different gates and hike to the top for some really incredible views. But that's not on the agenda for the night. Judging by the number of cars there was probably about thirty people down on the beach.

My estimation, however, was wrong. As we approached, our flip flops clacking against the bottoms of our feet, it was clear that there was closer to fifty people. I hadn't considered that there was a second gate that leads down to the same beach. But no matter. I grabbed a Stella from the cooler and popped the top off as I surveyed the faces around me. Afton was on my heels as soon as I started down the beach.

"Jessenia Jardine," I said as I neared her. My tone was firm. She'd been flaking on every invitation recently.

She turned at the sound of her name and her entire face lit up. "Neato!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around my neck and pulling me into a tight hug. "I've missed you!" She'd either been there for a bit, or she'd been pregaming. Either way, she was happily buzzed.

I giggled. I couldn't help it. There's no way to stay mad at her, not that I was even really mad to begin with. JJ is one of those friends you love and adore no matter how noncommittal they are when invited places. I wrapped my arms around her waist and gave her a squeeze. "Quit blowing me off then," I suggested.

"I'm not blowing you off!" she objected. "In fact, I'm not currently blowing anyone off." She dropped her arms from around my neck and took a tiny step back.

"Besides, you're the one who had to go and get hurt and stop running with me." I opened my mouth to argue but she cocked her head to the side and gave me the hoe-don't-do-it look, and I ended up nodding in agreement. "That's what I thought," she said.

"And speaking of blowing people off," she went on. "Tell me about this guy you're banging."

"Aaron?" I asked. I was slightly confused because there wasn't much more I could tell her that she didn't already know about him.

JJ waved her hand in the air and took a sip of her drink. "No, the other one," she said.

I felt my eyebrows pull together as my confusion deepened. "What? Niall?" I didn't bother to lower my voice when I said his name. She nodded. "That was a one time thing," I told her dismissively.

"That's not what I heard," she sang. And by now I was the most confused I'd been in a long time. It was true, on some level, that I was probably not done with Niall. It was definitely true that it wasn't a one time thing, given that he'd gone down on me earlier. But how could she have possibly known that? "He's here, you know," she told me.

My head immediately snapped to the right where a majority of the people were gathered. How could this be my luck? Why would he be at this particular place on this particular night? I searched faces quickly but didn't see anyone who even resembled him.

"He is," she said. "Got a friend with him."

"Tall? Curly?" I turned back to her. "Pompous as shit?"

She moved her head slowly from side to side. "Short, dumb hair. Loud," she described.

Short, dumb hair, loud. I repeated her description in my head but it could've been anyone. I stared at her blankly and she laughed. "I'm sure they'll turn up again. Don't worry."

Before I could tell her that worry was the last thing I was feeling, she quickly changed the subject. "Bowie has some news," she announced, holding out her arm.

I turned my attention in the direction she was indicating. Afton had all her limbs wrapped around Zane Lucas-Bowen, who had also been rather evasive lately. It wasn't until she let go and stepped back that I realized Joie was also there, making it the first time in I couldn't remember how long that the five of us had been together. We all looked expectantly at Zane.

"It's not a big deal," she said, shaking back her long light brown hair. "I joined the Marines." Honestly, that was one of the last things I expected to hear. She'd never really been great with authority. "It's really not a big deal," she insisted. "It's a delayed enlistment, so I don't even leave until next year for Basic."

Joie spoke up first, breaking the relative silence. "Personally, I think it's great. Knock that crazy attitude of yours down a few notches," she said. None of us even tried to stop ourselves from laughing. Joie tipped her drink toward Zane, and Zane tipped hers back. "But really," Joie went on. "I'm proud of you, Luke."

I don't think I'd ever seen Zane smile as big as she did at that. She wasn't a bad person. Hell, she didn't even do things that were really all that questionable. She just had a tendency to be maybe a little louder and more outspoken than the rest of us. Usually her intentions were good, but her execution wasn't always the best. And her filter, I would say it was broken, but in truth, she probably didn't even have one.

When my drink was empty, I excused myself from my friends. They barely acknowledged my departure, probably assuming I was going to be returning as soon as I had a fresh drink. But that wasn't my plan. The sun had almost set completely and I wanted to catch the end of it.

I made my way back over to the cooler and was reaching for a Stella when another hand also reached in. I grabbed a beer and let my eyes travel up the arm as I straightened my back. The guy standing in front of me matched JJ's description earlier of the friend Niall was with. Short, dumb hair. Loud.

Well, I hadn't heard him speak yet, but two of the three matched.

"Need a hand with that, Love?" he inquired.

I rolled my eyes and pulled my keys from my pocket, using a bottle opener keychain to pop the top off. "Got it, thanks," I said, returning my keys to my pocket. "Also, my name isn't Love, or Babe, or Sweetheart, or whatever other cute name you think is okay to call a girl you don't know," I informed him.

He looked slightly affronted, which gradually melted into a look of realization. "Oh," he began, dragging the word out. "So, you must be Jessilynn, then," he said.

I took a sip of my drink and took a moment before responding. "And who the hell are you?" I asked, even though I knew exactly who he was.

"Name's Louis," he told me. "Friend of Niall's, though, somehow, I think you were already aware of that," he said.

I raised my eyebrows quickly and let them fall. "Not as dumb as you look," I offered. Again, he looked as though maybe I'd offended him, but I didn't allow him to speak. "I would say it's nice to meet you, but I don't want to lie. So, if you don't mind, I'm just going to walk away now and pretend this whole exchange never happened." I turned immediately to leave, but there was a hand on my shoulder before I'd even taken two steps.

"What's the rush?" Louis inquired.

I breathed out slowly through my nose, trying to keep my composure. "You might want to move your hand," I suggested.

He took my suggestion, but not in the vain in which I'd intended it. His hand slid across my back to my other shoulder, and he stood at my side. I breathed out slowly again and then elbowed him in the stomach. He grunted and I grabbed onto his hand, spinning myself around, and then him, until I had his arm twisted against his back.

"May I make another suggestion?" I asked, though I didn't really intend it as a question, nor did I wait for a response. "Don't ever touch a girl in any manner without her permission," I offered. He nodded quickly, and I was nearly positive he might be in a little bit of pain. Discomfort, if nothing else. "Got it?" I asked.

"The hell is going on here?"

I waited for Louis to nod again before I let him go and turned toward the voice that had spoken out, finding myself face to face with none other than Niall Horan.

"Jessilynn? Jaysus Christ, what're ya doing?" he inquired. He looked almost horrified, which actually pleased me greatly, though I didn't let it show.

Instead, I smiled at him. "Just giving your friend a little lesson in boundaries," I said, feigning innocence.

Niall ran a hand over his face. "Christ," he sighed. "May I have a word with you?"

I considered his request for a brief moment before telling him, "I'd rather not." He gave me a look that said he was not amused. I didn't care much but I conceded with a roll of my eyes. "If you insist," I said, holding out my arm to indicate I would follow wherever he wanted to take this conversation.

He walked until we'd put about a hundred yards between us and everyone else, at which time he promptly stopped and spun around so he was facing me. "You can't-"

"First of all, I can, and I will," I interrupted. "I refuse to accept anyone putting their hands on me without my consent," I told him. "And second, don't think that just because we fucked and you're some internationally famous pop star that you can tell me what I can or can't do," I went on. "I decided who I am and what I will put up with. Not you. Not anyone. Me." I finished.

I matched his stare even after I was done. Neither of us were about to back down, though he didn't seem like he had much else to say. So, we stood, locked in an epic staring contest for several minutes. He blinked first, not that it really mattered, though.

"If you'll excuse me," I said finally, stepping around him and walking toward the big rocks to our right. I had a feeling he would follow me. I didn't really want him to, but I also couldn't stop him.

The rocks were perfect for watching the water, one of my favorite ways to pass the the time. I sat down when I reached them. Niall was just steps behind me and he stopped when I sat, standing next to me for a moment.

"May I?" he asked, indicating the space on the rock next to me. I merely shrugged, silently begging him not to talk. I just wanted to sit and stare at what was in front of me. But I knew it was too much to ask.

He sat next to me, leaving plenty of space so we didn't touch, and leaned back on his hands. "Why're you like that?" he asked.

"Like what?"

"Mean," he said. The question had seemed so loaded, but I should have known better. I mean, I'd barely just met Niall, and I knew little about him other than the obvious, but it was becoming clear he wasn't as complex as I was trying to make him in my head.

I drew in a breath. "Explain to me why a guy can speak his mind, defend himself, assert his dominance, whatever, and it's seen as a good quality. But the second a girl doesn't want to put up with anyone shit, she's mean. She's a bitch. It's so imbalanced," I said calmly.

Niall considered this for a moment. Or at least I assume he did because he didn't speak right away. "So, you're saying you're not mean?" he asked.

"I'm not mean," I confirmed. "I'm aware of my worth as a person, that's all," I told him, still staring straight ahead at the ocean. It had gotten chilly since we'd arrived, and I was starting to wish I had the blanket in Afton's bag. I rubbed my hands up and down the arms of my sweater.

He took notice. "Want my jacket?" he offered, pulling his arms out of the sleeves of his hoodie.

"Oh, what, now you want to play the chivalry card?" I said.

He chuckled. I could practically hear him rolling his eyes. "Shut up and take it," he said, tossing the sweatshirt at me. I accepted it gratefully, pulling my knees up to my chest and draping it over the front of me like a blanket. But it wasn't enough. I shivered even underneath it's warmth. "Could help warm you up," he offered. Without looking at him, I knew he had that stupid smirk on his face.

"I told you twice earlier, I'm not having sex with you tonight," I said.

And then suddenly my view was blocked. Niall was standing directly in front of me. He leaned forward, placing his palms flat on the rock on either side of me. "There's other ways to trade body heat, get the blood flowing," he said.

I considered this for a moment. This wouldn't be the first time I'd made out with two guys in the same day. Plus, he'd already gone down on me earlier, which may not have been one of my more informed decisions, considering the morning I'd had with Aaron. But really, at this point there was no reason to deny his offer to help me get warm.

"I had sex with someone else this morning," I disclosed.

He shrugged, leaning in a little closer. "I had sex with someone else last night," he said.

I shrugged and pushed my arms out from underneath his sweatshirt and grabbed his face. Here's to uninformed decisions.

Jessilynn Rae @neatojessi
How am I ever gonna get to be old and wise if I ain't ever young and crazy?