Trading Heartbeats

Jessilynn Rae @neatojessi
Pajama day with @afton

+++

DM with @NiallOfficial
Whats your number

1-800-eat-shit

Jessilynn

Niall

Come on !

No
Don't want to can't make me
Why do you want my number anyway
So you can not call

Maybe so I dont have to keep trackin you down at work
Like if I want to see you on a day off

See me
You don't want to see me
Don't act like you can't find some other girl if i'm not available
Honestly i'm kind of surprised you put the effort into looking for me

Dont be like that
You really wont give me your number ?

Nope
Dude i'm just being real
I'm not trying to be your girlfriend

Never said you were !
Just sayin it would be easier if I had a way to call or text you instead of always havin to use twitter or find you at the bar
Also I know youve been dodging me

Dude
Sometimes i'm busy at work

Thats why im tryin to get your number !

And sometimes i don't want you to slide a room key across the bar to me
And sometimes i just don't want to look at your face
Like honestly sometimes i really just want to punch you okay

Wow
Theres a thing called too much honesty
Also remember that time you said you werent mean ?

Did i hurt your feelings
Would you like me to give you a tissue next time i see you

Youre impossible

Sometimes

Always

Wrong

Prove it
Give me your number

Not happening
But i might consider accepting an invitation to see you outside of a hotel room

Who says im interested

Pretty sure you did
Scroll up

Dont see where I said that

You implied it
But if you're not interested that's fine too
I have other options

+++

At first I was only joking about not giving him my phone number, but the longer the conversation about it went on (over the course of three days because he's terrible at responding), the more I knew I couldn't give him my number. Not yet, anyway.

Something shifted between Niall and me after that night at the beach. I don't know how to explain it. I guess, really, I haven't even decided if I like him yet, but I know there's certain things about him I enjoy. And a certain line of communication opened up when we told each other that we were also sleeping with other people. It was honestly sometimes the biggest hurdle, though I'm always honest about it. But with Niall it was easy. It just came out.

I had seen him twice in the week that passed since the beach. Both times he'd come to the bar. Both times he'd slipped me a key to a room. I only went once. The other time I returned the key to the desk and suggested to Bryan, who I've known since last summer when he started, that he let whoever it belonged to know that they should be more careful with where they leave it. I waited while he called the room to deliver the message and we both had a good laugh about it.

Who am I kidding? We're still laughing about it.

Niall and I still didn't talk much. When he comes to the bar usually he'll just ask about my schedule. I give him shit for a little while and then he leaves. It's nice because then I don't have to put up with him for long. In his room it's the same as the other two times, and at the beach. We communicate more without words. Though, he inevitably says something annoying and I have to tell him to stop talking. I kind of like the dynamic we have, but it's also weird that I don't really know anything about him.

"You could Google him," Afton suggested to me.

She was sprawled across my bed and I was in the oversized chair with Watson stretched out on my stomach. Both Afton and I were in pajamas. The door to the back yard was open and sunlight was flooding my room. We were waiting on a pizza delivery. Well, Afton was waiting for pizza. I was waiting for wings and garlic bread. It was beautiful outside, but this is how my day off was going to be spent. At least this part of it.

I shook my head. "No. That's kind of a cop out." She gave me a look. "Like, I'm just saying, if I'm going to put his penis in my mouth, the least he can do is tell me his birthday." I told her. Somehow I already knew that his birthday is the thirteenth of September, but that's not the point I was trying to make and she knew it.

"Whose penis are you putting in your mouth?"

The question was posed by my father, who was leaning against the frame of my bedroom door that leads to the hallway, which was also open. I had no idea he was home. I assumed he was at one of his eight thousand jobs in the middle of the day on a Wednesday, but we all know what assuming does.

"First of all," I turned my attention on him, "that seems like a slightly inappropriate question to ask your daughter. I know we're pretty open but yikes." He chuckled, his smile reaching all the way to the corners of his eyes as he gave a nod of agreement. "Second, it was hypothetical," I went on. It wasn't hypothetical. "And third, don't you have a job?" I asked, but didn't afford him the opportunity to answer. "If I'd known you were here, I would have gotten your credit card for the food I ordered because god knows you're going to eat at least half of it."

My dad is tall. Really tall. He could be described as lanky. Just by looking at him you'd never know that he played hockey because he doesn't look big enough. But he's actually pretty solid, even years later. And dude can eat. Anyway, the sheer force of his laugh that followed my statement practically shook the walls of my room. One thing he loved more than anything was when one of his kids got in a good burn. It made him feel like he'd done a good job raising us, accomplished as a parent.

He pushed himself off the door frame and sauntered down the hallway, calling back to us that he was on his way out. We both yelled something at him, but they got lost in each other and he let out a garbled yell before the door slammed shut. I once asked him if he enjoyed having four children, three that he fathered and one that just wandered in one day, and he told me he wouldn't trade it for the world. Days like today I think he might say something different if pressed.

The doorbell rang at the same time my phone buzzed. Afton hopped up off the bed and swiped my wallet from my purse as she headed out of my room.

+++

DM with @Niall Official
That big guy
From the party

First of all that's none of your business
Second you don't get to know who or what my other options are
Third his name is nash
Fourth fuck you for assuming i'm sleeping with someone just because you saw me talking to them
Fifth you're a real asshole i hope you are aware of that

Ok

That's it? Really?
Cool

The fuck you want me to say jessilynn
You said im an asshole
I say im not and it makes me a bigger asshole
I say I am and what

You could try apologizing
Novel concept

Obviously that wouldnt be good enough

Why obviously? What about that is obvious?
I'm not asking for the world
Like okay yeah i fucked you the same day i met you and maybe that was poor judgement on my part
But i'm not over here assuming you're fucking everything with legs?
And i never had any intention of asking you about it?
Because i don't see this as some sort of competition or whatever?
But one thing is for sure i'm not going to have sex with someone who is judging me especially when he is doing the exact same thing

+++

Sometimes it took more than a day for Niall to respond. I wasn't invested enough in whatever conversation we were having for it to bother me. Other times he responded immediately. But mostly I was so busy with work and helping Jaelynn study for her finals and other things with my family and friends and whatever else might be going on that whatever I said to him was forgotten not long after I sent it.

I barely even paid attention to the notification. My phone was lost somewhere in the chair. It could have been underneath me or in the cushion or who knows where. I had heard the vibration more than I felt it, but that didn't mean much.

Afton returned moments later and dropped the box of wings and the box of garlic bread on my legs. Watson immediately jumped down off me at the invasion of his space and trotted toward the open door. I swear he turned and grunted in my direction before disappearing outside.

"Clean up after yourself," Afton and I yelled at the same time.

She fell onto the bed and opened up the pizza box. "Hello gorgeous," she said, pulling on a slice. I adjusted my position so I could eat without choking and opened up the wings. "How many did you get anyway?" she asked.

"Eighteen," I told her as I pulled one out of the box. "Some for now, some for later. Or maybe all for now. I haven't decided yet." I also opened up the box of garlic bread and pulled half the order out. "Think fast," I said, barely waiting for her attention before I tossed it to her.

She reached out with her free hand, her non-dominant hand, and caught it easily. "Mmm, garlicky, buttery bread to go with my cheesy, saucy bread," she said. We both really like food and aren't ashamed of it.

We barely moved from our spots all afternoon. It wasn't until Jaelynn got home from school and fell onto my bed that Afton shifted to make sure she had enough space. My poor sister looked beat.

"This is a pajamas only area," Afton informed her after a long moment.

Jaelynn groaned and rolled toward the edge of the bed, dropping her legs over the side and swiftly lifting herself to an upright position. Sometimes I hated the grace with which she moved, but only because I was maybe probably definitely a little or a lot jealous. She took three steps and grabbed a pair of pajama shorts from my dresser and quickly changed into them. Watson stumbled over Jaelynn's feet on her way back, so she leaned down and scooped him up before she fell onto the bed again and buried her face in his fur. After a long moment, she looked up.

"I owe you all the best things a thousand times over," she said. I quirked an eyebrow at her. "I know I passed, and I think I might have even aced it, and that never would've happened without you."

I could feel the grin sliding across my face. "You owe me nothing," I told her.

Her eyes fell on the pizza box that was still on the bed. She lifted the lid. "Can I have some of this?" she inquired. Afton and I both nodded. "One more day," she said as she pulled a slice from the box and took a bite. "Well, technically two, but only one more day of tests."

"And only a week and a half until Disneyland," I reminded her.

+++

DM with @NiallOfficial
Wasnt judging you

Yeah thats exactly what that question was

+++

"Just block him," Afton said to me on her way out.

It was after eleven. We'd spent all day in our pajamas in my room. Jaelynn left us around seven to do some last minute studying for the finals she had left. Since then, Afton and I had been talking off and on about the situation I'd found myself in with Niall.

I hadn't had any contact with him in over 48 hours so it seemed a bit stupid to block him now. Besides, he still knew how to find me in person, so utilizing that feature on Twitter was mostly pointless. He definitely wasn't one to take a hint. But I didn't verbalize any of that to Afton. I think, really, she already knew. I made some noncommittal response at her back as she stepped out into my back yard. She called for Watson to get inside and then repeated her suggestion to me as she shut the door behind her.

I grabbed a clean pair of pajamas and headed into my bathroom for a quick shower to clear my head. It wasn't going to be enough. I would need unlimited amounts of scalding hot water and a solid twelve hours to really figure out the best course of action, but since the central coast of California was constantly in a water crisis and life keeps moving even when you can't figure shit out, I would have to settle for ten minutes under the massage setting on my shower head.

As expected, nothing was resolved when I stepped back into my bedroom, towel still twisted on top of my head. I went over to the chair and stuck my hand behind the cushion, groping blindly until I finally found my phone. The green light was blinking. Twitter.

@joeynotjoy favorited your tweet
@afton favorited your tweet
@afton retweeted you
@zanyday favorited your tweet
@zanyday replied to your tweet
@Harry_Styles followed you
@afton mentioned you in a tweet
@zanyday mentioned you in a tweet
@NiallOfficial sent you a message

Initially, I ignored the last notification and checked the others, then replied

Zane Lucas @zanyday
@neatojessi @afton my invite got lost?

Shep @afton
@zanyday @neatojessi NO

Zane Lucas @zanyday
@afton @neatojessi [sad face emoji]

Jessilynn Rae @neatojessi
@zanyday just come over next time! Mama just said the other day she misses you and @jessenenenia

Part of me thought I should at least kind of take Afton's advice and ignore the message Niall I had finally found the time to send. Though, I couldn't imagine what he could possibly say. He seemed to not have the slightest clue why I took offense to what he said, even though I thought I had spelled it out very clearly for him.

I shut off my phone's screen and pulled the towel off my head, throwing it into the corner near the bathroom. I climbed into bed, checking to make sure Watson was in his bed before turning off the bedside lamp. He was already snoring quietly. I could rest easy knowing my sweet furchild was sleeping peacefully.

My phone buzzed again. I almost ignored it, but didn't. I turned the screen on and pressed the notification.

Zane Lucas @zanyday
@neatojessi give mama neato a kiss for me!

I didn't bother to reply, and was just about to back out of the app when the little 1 over the messages icon caught my eye. My thumb hovered over it briefly, but I could hear Afton in my head. I knew she was right. I didn't need this. I dropped my thumb down to back out of the app, leaving me staring my home screen.

The screen shut off after a moment. Against my better judgement I turned it back on and opened Twitter again, and then my messages.

DM with @NiallOfficial
I have seen the error of my ways and I am so very sorry for the anguish I have inflicted on you. Please accept my most sincere apologies as I work toward your forgiveness.

Everything about it seemed wrong. The verbiage, the style. It was all too proper. I spent a minute considering it, but really it was obvious the whole time. I turned the screen back on.

Who wrote that for you?
Harry?
Took your phone and did it without you knowing?
Or?

No I knew he took it
Knew he was going to do it
Told him dont bother but no one ever listens to niall

Boohoo

Nice
Thanks for that
Am sorry though

Took you two days to figure that out?
Or did someone have to tell you that you needed to be sorry

Would you stop

Why?
You can be a dick to me but i can't be one to you?

You havent been nice to me since we met

I put your penis in my mouth didn't i?

Whats open right now

Not much

Meet me somewhere

It's almost midnight

So what you said you wanted to hang out not in a hotel
Tell me whats open and we can meet

It's almost midnight

Whats open

Bulldog

Whats that

Well it claims to be a british pub but it's more like a diner with a bar
It's on lighthouse not far from cannery row
But it's not usually busy late night in the middle of the week

Sounds good meet you there

I'm not even dressed
Actually i'm in bed already
It's almost midnight

Better get dressed then

FINE