Don't Think I Can Fight This Anymore

Merry Christmas, Mom and Dad. Hope all is well. Don’t write back.

Love,
Evelyn

“I don’t know about this.” Evelyn said for the tenth time since leaving her apartment.

George rolled his eyes. “Contrary commando.”

Her shock made her forget about the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. “How do you know about that?”

“Danny may have brought it up only about thirty times when he was here.”

Before she could respond, he threw open the kitchen door and they were greeted by a dozen voices. As they stepped over the threshold, Sherlock bolted. He ran right at Charlie and put his front paws up on his lap, his tail painfully whacking one of the table legs. Charlie smiled wryly and scratched behind Sherlock’s ears. Then he looked up and met Evelyn’s eyes.

Oh, what she would give to just run at him and jump in his lap like that. Maybe tackle him down on the kitchen floor.

“Evelyn honey, you’re sharing with Sylvia.” Molly said, breaking the moment. “I’ll show you. Come on.”

Evelyn let Molly lead her up the stairs, up to the third floor. She opened a door and waved her wand at the lights. Evelyn knew instantly that this was Percy’s room, just from the simple sterility of it. Piles of old school books were neatly stacked in the corner. The only thing out of place was Sylvia’s open bag with belongings spilling out of it on the edge of the bed.

“I never got the chance to thank you.” Molly said quietly as Evelyn put her bag on the floor.

Evelyn looked at Molly. “Molly, you never have to thank me for going after Charlie.”

She shook her head. “Not just that. George too. Sylvia. You’ve had more influence that anyone would ever know.”

“So have all of you.” Evelyn replied honestly.

Molly wordlessly hugged the younger witch, then turned to leave. Evelyn sat on the edge of her bed and tried to reign in her emotions. Why the hell did she let George talk her into this?

Since the trial, she felt fragile. The walls she usually had were cracked, and one hit in the wrong place would bring her down. Molly’s thanks, seeing Charlie looking at her so distantly, almost did it. She had been strong for so long, and it was like she had told Trip weeks ago. She was tired.

Evelyn took a deep breath, and pulled herself together. She stood and left the room, heading downstairs to where everyone was still gathered. Ron and Ginny pulled open a Christmas cracker, and with a black velvet top hat appeared. Sherlock had curled up by Arthur, who apparently had been feeding him bits of cheese from the plate on the table.

“All yours.” Ginny grinned, placing it on her brother’s head.

Evelyn leaned against the ice box and accepted a glass of mulled wine from Molly with a smile.

“How have you been?” Hermione asked genuinely.

“I’ve had better Decembers.” Evelyn replied honestly.

“I heard you’re selling the tea shop.”

Evelyn was surprised. She hadn’t told anyone that, except for Jackie, who would be buying it from her. But she had gone to the ministry to get the required paperwork, and maybe Hermione saw her.

“Yeah, I had a job offer. I’ll be going back and forth to Germany in February.”

“What will you be doing in Germany?” Harry asked curiously.

“The Americans have a military base there. They’ve asked me to help train their magical fighting units. It’s only two weeks every two months, but honestly Jackie needs the shop more than I do and the pay is good.”

“You can’t do that.”

For no reason at all, Evelyn’s temper flared. It was Charlie who had said that. He had said it softly, patiently. Like a parent explaining why his child could not grow up to be a mermaid. Two seconds ago he could barely look at her and here he was, telling her what she could and couldn’t do.

Evelyn rounded on him, only now realizing that she had chosen to stand so close to him. Her eyes threatened to drown him in their stormy seas. Charlie, however, did not shrink back or cower before her. He would stand his ground, even if she hated him for it.

“Can’t?” She spat as his family froze around them. “I most certainly can, Charlie Weasley, and you can’t stop me.”

“I just meant, it’s not in your nature.” He said calmly.

“To teach? I teach all the time. Ask Harry, I teach the aurors.”

“To send kids off to war.”

That made her freeze for a second, but then she regained her composure. “Well they’re a damn sight better off with me teaching them.” She took a deep breath and said to the room, “Excuse me, but I think I need a cigarette.”

Everyone looked nervous as she left the kitchen. Finally Ron said, “And everyone always says I have no tact.”

George laughed shortly before following Evelyn outside.

“You alright?” He asked.

She glared at him. “I fucking told you this was a bad idea.”

~*~

Evelyn was at a party, dancing with Bill. “It’s almost midnight.” He said. “I should go find Fleur.”

Evelyn nodded and watched him go, then saw the baby dragon that had been pulled from her chest. It started to walk away.

“It’s time for you to go back.” She muttered, chasing after it.

Sensing she was coming, it picked up its pace. They left the ballroom and she was standing in the remains of Malfoy manor again. Behind her, the party carried on. The dragon had disappeared but there were drag marks and blood leading through the rubble.

Evelyn walked through the burnt out building again, studying the drag marks on the floor. Her ballgown collected dust and her heels clicked on the floor. Up ahead, a slumped figure was tied to a chair. Evelyn started to run forward, but then she stopped.

Charlie stared at her with empty, dead eyes. She was too late.

Lestrange came at her from behind but she didn’t defend herself. She never told him the truth.

Evelyn woke up with a start.

There was a dim, pulsing light from the cluster of baubles on the ceiling, but otherwise it was dark. Sylvia slept soundly next to her, unconcerned with Evelyn’s nightmares. Evelyn sat up and rubbed her eyes, then swung her legs out of bed. She left the door cracked open as she tip-toed down the steps. There was a light on in the kitchen, and she wondered who was awake.

She stopped shortly at the bottom of the stairs. She and Charlie stared at each other.

“Can’t sleep?” She guessed, looking at the sketch pad and pencil in front of him.

“Something like that.” He said, looking away from her.

“If you don’t go to bed soon, Father Christmas won’t come.” She joked. “It’ll break George’s heart.”

He laughed shortly and watched her grab a glass from the cupboard and fill it with water. She could have stayed in her room and conjured the glass of water, but she was like that. Stuck in her muggle ways.

“Having nightmares again?” He asked.

There was a clink as she put the glass back down. “Yes.” she said quietly.

“What about?”

She shook her head and sat at the table across from him. “It doesn’t matter. What are you drawing?”

He studied her as she leaned over his sketch pad, looking at the unfinished portrait of his mother upside down. He had looked at her earlier, but he hadn’t really seen her. He hadn’t noticed the bags under her eyes, the two broken nails on her right hand. She had lost some weight, and her hair looked brittle.

“I like this one.” She was saying. “I think you really captured her.”

“Have you been sleeping at all?” He asked.

She gave up on trying to distract him. “I sleep.”

“All night?”

She shrugged.

“Why won’t you ever tell me what you dream about?”

She looked at him thoughtfully. “Well, you never asked.”

Was that true? Had he ever asked, after the first time? He couldn’t remember properly. Because the whole time they were together they were apart, when he was with her they tried not to upset each other. Not that it was that hard. Maybe that was why that night at the Leaky Cauldron hurt so much - she had tried to make him hurt.

“Besides, it doesn’t matter.” She said, uncomfortably rubbing the spot where he knew her Draco Constellation was tattooed. “They’re just dreams. And they’ll probably never stop, no matter what I do.”

He didn’t have anything to say to that, so he stayed silent. She sipped her water and looked out the pitch black window, or maybe looked at the reflection of them sitting there.

“I’m sorry I ruined your Christmas.” She said suddenly.

“What?” He asked, looking at her wide eyed. “No, you didn’t.”

“Come on, Charlie. Your first time here for a holiday in years. You probably don’t want me here.” She shrugged with a sad smile.

“I’d rather have you here than sitting alone in your flat.” He said, then instantly felt bad. “Bloody hell, that came out wrong. I meant - “

“It’s fine.” She said shortly. “I’m sorry anyway.”

He watched her stand and place her glass in the sink, then turn to go back upstairs.

“Evelyn,” he called after her. It was the first time he’d said her name in two months, but it still tasted the same as the first time he said it.

She turned back and looked at him. “Yeah?”

“You don’t have to fight alone.” He said.

She stared at him, lost for words. Then she turned and went back up the stairs, feeling unsure if any of that had happened.

~*~

“Wake up!”

“Nooo.” Evelyn moaned, covering her head with her arms. “Fuck off.”

“Happy Christmas! There’s presents! Wake up!”

Evelyn dragged open her eyes to see Sylvia sitting up in the bed next to her, shaking her with one hand while holding up a red wrapped package. Evelyn rubbed her eyes.

“Christmas. Right. Merry Christmas.”

Sylvia immediately started ripping open the package in her hands, revealing a grey sweater with a bouquet of flowers stitched on the front. She immediately pulled it on over her nightgown.

“Molly?” Evelyn guessed.

Sylvia pointed to a lumpy package. “You got one too.”

Evelyn had to smile as she ripped open the Christmas paper. Her sweater was snow white with a large burgundy maple leaf splayed across the chest. In previous years, Molly had only ever knitted her hats. She pulled it over her pajama shirt and rolled the cuffs of the sleeves up a little bit.

Evelyn opened the decent pile of presents at her feet, appreciating each one. Sylvia had braved a muggle book shop for her and picked out a few titles that she hadn’t seen on her bookshelf. Trip had sent her a new Swiss Army knife, engraved with her initials. She probably liked Ian’s present best, a box of cigars and a hand painted mahjong set. His note said, We’ll play when I get back.

Sylvia picked up one last present. “What’s - “

“Don’t open that!” Evelyn said quickly, snatching it out of her hands. “It’s for Charlie.”

Sylvia frowned at her brunette friend. “And why is it here and not in his room?”

“It was sort of a last minute thing...Really, I only wrote the card last night…”

Sylvia snatched it back and jumped out of the bed. “Well, we should probably give it to him!”

“Syl!” Evelyn shouted, launching herself out of bed and running after her. Sylvia giggled as she pounded down the stairs. “Come back here!”

Hermione poked her head out of Ginny’s room and shouted after them, “Keep it down!”

Evelyn tripped on the narrow stairs and almost tumbled down head first. By the time she righted herself and made it down the rest of the stairs, Sylvia was already knocking on Charlie’s bedroom door. Evelyn tussled with her friend over the present.

“You idiot!” Evelyn hissed.

“I’m not the one scared!”

“I’m not - “

The door swung open to reveal Charlie, sleepy eyed and his hair sticking up in several directions. Sylvia tossed the present at Evelyn and skipped down the stairs.

“Hey.” Charlie mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

“Hey.” Evelyn said. “Erm, here. Merry Christmas.”

She shoved the neatly wrapped present into his hands, and he looked down at his name in her messy cursive on the envelope taped to the front.

“Evelyn, you didn’t have to - “

“Don’t say that until you open it.” She joked weakly. “And yes, I did. I saw it and thought of you. Just wait until I open it later and next time you see me lie about how much you liked it.”

“I - “

Harry and Ron thundered down the steps, arriving from the top floor.

“What’re you loons standing here for?” Ron asked. “Breakfast.”

Evelyn smiled at Charlie and let the younger men sweep her away. Charlie gently placed the present on his bed, next to the small one Daniel had sent that he hadn’t opened yet, and followed. When he got downstairs, everyone was already sitting and eating. Sylvia and Evelyn were trying to talk everyone into going ice skating after breakfast.

Charlie kissed his mother on the cheek. “Happy Christmas, Mum.”

“Happy Christmas, Charlie.” Molly smiled, still bustling around the stove. “Evelyn, honey, did you want more eggs?”

“No thanks, Molly. I’m full.” Evelyn said, nibbling on her toast anyway.

George smirked at Charlie as he looked around the table. Of course, his siblings and their significant others organized themselves so that the only open seat was next to Evelyn. He resigned himself to his fate, and sat.

“Did you hear about Oliver Wood’s New Year’s party?” Harry asked George.

“No…”

“Yes, you did.” Sylvia said patiently. “I told you about it.”

“And Oliver stopped by the shop to invite both of us.” Ron said. “I wrote you a note.”

George thought of the stack of notes on his desk that he never, ever read. “Oh.”

“I heard he has Trading Toadstools booked.” Ginny said, naming the new popular band.

“No, they’re attending.” Evelyn corrected, picking up her coffee mug. “He has a string quartet booked for the evening. He was worried Trading Toadstools would be a little...informal for the party.”

“How do you know?” Charlie asked, genuinely surprised.

She shrugged. “I’m in the industry. Servers talk. My line cook Marc knows someone who was hired to bartend.”

“You aren’t working the party?” Sylvia asked. “I thought you were.”

Evelyn snorted. “No. I got an invite instead.”

“Why were you invited?” George asked incredulously.

“Hey. I am an upstanding member of Wizarding society.”

Half the table snorted. Even Arthur chuckled.

“Do you want to get ready together?” Sylvia asked Evelyn.

“That would be great.” Evelyn said, looking extremely relieved. Charlie remembered her mantra as she dressed every morning - who did she want to be today? “Are you two going?” Evelyn asked Ginny and Hermione.

“Yes.” Ginny scowled.

“We should have a pre-gaming party.” Evelyn suggested.

“Can I - “ Ron started.

“No.” All four girls responded unanimously.

“You don’t even - “

“No.”

“But - “

“No.”

Evelyn stood and grabbed her plate and mug. “I’m going to get changed for ice skating.”

“Right behind you.” George said, standing as well.

“You can skate?”

“No, but someone has to chase after you and make sure you don’t do something reckless and stupid.”

“You’re one to talk.”

~*~

Charlie passed the rest of the morning and early afternoon reading the book Ginny had given him as a present. He sat in the sitting room, in a chair with a good view of where Sylvia, George, Ginny, Evelyn and Ron skated on the frozen pond. George mostly holding onto Sylvia for support, Ron able to stand on his own but occasionally windmilling his long arms. Evelyn had taken off her thick black overcoat and even from a distance her white sweater shone in the sunlight.

“Charlie!” His mother called. “Can you go outside and get them? Tea’s in an hour.”

“Make - “ he paused, looking around the room. Harry and Hermione had gone outside as well. His father dozed on the couch, the Children’s Scientific Encyclopedia from Harry open on his lap. Percy had arrived an hour ago, and there was no way he’d go out to get them. “Alright.”

Christmas wasn’t the same without Bill around, Charlie thought glumly as he pulled on his boots and a heavy cloak. When they were kids they’d have epic games of exploding snap. Although judging by the stack of letters Bill had sent all saying the same thing - go get her back - he’d be even worse than George about pushing him and Evelyn together.

Charlie trudged through the snow, keeping his head down. On the pond, Evelyn laughed manically as she tore around Ron and pulled a hockey stop, spraying him with ice. He almost fell flat on his back.

“Bloody hell, Evelyn!” He shouted. “Why!”

“Because it’s funny!” She grinned at him.

“Just because you can skate better than anyone - “

“- gives me the rights to try to knock all of you over.”

Ron noticed the second eldest trudging towards them. “Charlie! Make her stop!”

Chuckling, he shook his head. “You’re asking the impossible.”

“I always thought George would end up with the complete lunatic, not you.”

Charlie flushed, but Evelyn’s voice rang out. “Hey! Calling me a lunatic is an insult to the fine community of mental patients. I’m just crazy.”

“You joining us, Charles?” George asked. He was finally able to stand on his own, but Sylvia skated wearily behind him.

“No, Mum wants you lot to come inside. You’ve been out for hours.”

Evelyn raced around Harry, almost knocking him over, grinning as she glided across the ice. She stopped before she hit the snowy banks, spraying Charlie with ice.

“Sorry.” She smiled, tapping each of her skates with her wand and stepping off the ice. The skates morphed into her boots.

“It’s no problem.” He said, offering his hand to help her up the banks. “I’ve had worse.”

She slapped a gloved hand into his and let him pull her up. She grabbed his other arm to steady herself, then released him so he could help Ginny up. She pulled her overcoat back on. Once everyone had made it safely off the ice, they turned back to the crooked house. Evelyn and Charlie lagged behind everyone else.

“You have fun?” He asked her.

There was a huge smile on her face as she nodded, her cheeks rosy from the exercise and cold. “I love ice skating. It feels like flying.”

“I wouldn’t know. I’ve never really been.”

“I’ll take you sometime.” She said instantly, then they both paused and looked at each other. “I mean, if you want.”

“Yeah.” he said, running a hand through his long hair. “I’d like that.”

She smiled and looked ahead at the others, then frowned. “Hey, where did everyone - “

George’s head popped up and he threw a snowball with deadly accuracy at Evelyn’s face. It connected and she gasped in shock, blinking snow from her eyes. Charlie grabbed her to pull her down before they could get hit with more snow, but lost his footing and they both rolled down a slight incline down to the gate of the property. When they finally stopped, Evelyn was ontop of him.

“Got you.” Charlie whispered, his hands on her tiny waist.

Their faces were close enough to kiss. Her eyes sparkled the way they used to for him.

“Where did they go?”

“Charlie!”

“Evelyn!”

Evelyn scooped up a pile of snow, and pressed it on Charlie’s face. “Ha!”

“What was that for?” He shouted, wiping snow from his eyes.

“You seemed a little dry and lacking in the fun department!” she grinned mischievously.

He grabbed her and turned them over, pushing her into the snow and leaning over her. “You little - “

But Evelyn’s laughter was drowning out all of his insults, and soon he couldn’t help but to laugh with her.

“You two alright?” Harry called down at them.

“Fine!” Evelyn shouted back.

They both stood, and looked at the hill. Evelyn sighed at the steepness, which seemed less apparent when they rolled down it, and spun in place to apparate back to the top. With a backwards look at Charlie, appearing next to her, she ran to catch up with George, scooping up a handful of snow and shoving it down the back of his sweater.

“She’s a whirlwind.” Sylvia muttered, walking past Charlie.

“That she is.” He said.

~*~

Once Christmas tea was over, everyone seemed to drift off. Evelyn, George and Sylvia returned to Diagon Alley - they had to be up for Boxing Day shopping the next day. Harry and Ron returned to the flat they shared not long after, Hermione promising she’s see them the next day before she returned to her own flat. Percy was obliged to stay a bit longer, as he wasn’t there the day before. He sat with Ginny and their parents, chattering in the kitchen.

Charlie went up to his room and saw the two packages from the Finch siblings sitting on his bed. He had almost completely forgotten about them. He sat on the foot of the bed with a sigh, and carefully ripped open the smaller package from Daniel.

It was a small, silver voice recorder. His dad kept a box of them in the garage next to the spark plugs. He hit play and listened to the conversation he had had with Daniel just a few weeks ago.

Charlie turned over the paper and found a note. He unfolded it.

Dear Charlie,

So, I may have recorded a conversation we had and I may have tried to use it to get my sister to run back into your arms. Well, she refused to listen to it for various reasons. So I’m returning your words to you, so that you can use them when she’s ready to listen.

Yours,
Danny

Charlie turned to Evelyn’s present next, putting the card aside and ripping open the paper. It was a leather artists’ portfolio, with a dragon embossed on the front. It was nice - good quality leather that looked as if it may have been hand sewn. He put it aside and opened the small letter.

It was barely two lines long, but Charlie’s hands shook as he read it. The letter made him at once furious and incredibly sad and still happy in all of that. He crumpled it in his fist, threw it across the room, and held his face in his hands.

She was impossible.

Taking a deep breath, he moved across the room and picked up the letter. He uncrumpled and smoothed the paper, then folded it in quarters and stuck it in his wallet.

Absolutely impossible.