Don't Think I Can Fight This Anymore

Christmas, 2004

Dear Mom,

I don’t think us visiting for Christmas is a good idea. I understand that you’re jealous because we always stay with Charlie’s family, but honestly after the shouting match Dad and Charlie got into last time, I just don’t think it’s a good idea. Besides, we both have to be back at work on the 29th so it just doesn’t make any sense to go to Toronto.

-Evelyn

~*~

Evelyn sighed as she looked out Molly’s kitchen window, watching the owl fly away from her. In the next room, Ginny and George bickered about decorations but other than that the house was oddly quiet. Everyone had come home to the Burrow this year, including five kids and three pregnant witches. There was hardly room to move, let alone for George and Ginny to fight.

Evelyn continued to stare out the back window at the snow covered garden, thinking about the last two years. Everything seemed to happen so quickly.

Harry and Ginny had actually been the first to get married. It was a small ceremony, probably what they both wanted. With Ginny’s Quidditch career taking off and Harry’s constant Chosen-One status, they wanted privacy.

Then it was Ron and Hermione. That was a planned, extravagant affair that was so lovely that Evelyn cried through the whole ceremony, as did just about everyone else who was there. There was some talk, especially from their old school friends who may have drank too much at the reception. A high-powered intelligent woman like Hermione, settling for Ron? Ron was doing well for himself now, but still. But anyone who said that wasn’t seeing properly. They didn’t see how Ron made sure she ate at the reception, put her having fun first. Even though he’d tease her, he was bending to her every whim. Hermione wasn’t settling at all.

Percy’s wedding was a blur that was overshadowed by the birth of James Sirius Potter, and if Evelyn was being honest, half the time she couldn’t even remember Percy’s wife’s name. What Evelyn did remember from that ceremony was Dominique would not stop screaming through the whole thing, which George found hysterical.

George and Sylvia’s wedding was so small and quiet that Evelyn and Charlie almost missed it, but George reassured them they were holding off until they could attend. It was just a ceremony with family, followed by a party that only just filled the Leaky Cauldron. Seeing as George was always the life of the party, Evelyn found it surprising that it was so small, but then she felt a wave of sadness when she realized why. The only person George would ever want to stand as his best man wasn’t with them anymore. Sylvia’s entire family was gone. Besides, no one wanted to mention in front of Molly that Sylvia gave birth to Fred very close to the wedding date.

At George and Sylvia’s wedding, Danny had met Angelina Johnson. Charlie kept saying he wasn’t at all surprised by Angelina falling head over heals for Daniel, but Evelyn could never get a direct reason out of him. Charlie didn’t want to tell her it was because her brother was so much like Fred. But they were happy, even though they were apart. Daniel was actually considering leaving the military to move to England for her.

In the meantime, Trip and Sarah had moved back to Canada. Tess and Colin had the baby, named Tracy, and then had two more. Kevin and Hayley. And Ian worked and worked, trying to make the world a safer place. So there would be no more Frank Jones or Kevin Hayes or Quinn Tracys.

Now, back at the Burrow, it seemed like she had missed a lot even though she had visited three months ago. Ginny was hugely pregnant again, Hermione was slightly pregnant, and Fleur was only just pregnant with what she swore was the third and final child. Everyone was married and happy, all the children were growing so quickly.

But Evelyn still felt the same. Still broken and still having nightmares. And Charlie helped her a lot - so much, really. And she was still working for the Americans, two weeks every two months. That helped a lot too. She had learnt in the early days after the war, if she didn’t train at least a little, she started to lose her mind. So she could spend the other six weeks learning Romanian and doing consulting jobs for the Romanian Ministry of Magic. She talked to the shop keepers in the village.

Last year she had gone to Toronto to try to patch things up with her parents. It sort of worked. Her father made snippy remarks instead of outright shouting at her. But then Charlie, not unlike Daniel so many years ago, got angry and started shouting at him. She had never seen Charlie that angry. They cut the trip short.

Sylvia walked into the kitchen from the stairs, Fred sleeping on her shoulder. She sighed irritably in the direction of the sitting room.

“They’re going to wake all the babies up.” She muttered.

Evelyn nodded at the redhaired baby. “Except that one?”

“No, he’s fortunately the heaviest sleeping baby I’ve ever met. George says he gets it from me.”

“You want me to yell at them anyway?”

Sylvia was smiling, listening to her husband’s voice. “Nah, he’s having fun. She is too. She needs to vent her hormones.”

The door burst open, almost falling off the hinges as a tall dark haired man in an honest to God Santa suit bounced inside.

“MERRY FRICKEN CHRISTMAS!” Daniel Finch shrieked.

Sylvia screamed and tightened her grip on her son. At the sound of his screaming wife, George crashed in through the sitting room, already firing curses across the room. Years of training snapped into place for both the Finch siblings. Daniel ducked and Evelyn’s wand flew up. “Protego!”

“What the fuck, Daniel!” Evelyn shouted as Ginny huffed her way into the room, holding her huge belly with both hands.

“Evelyn, there are children present!” Sylvia said, trying to restart her heart. Amazingly, Fred slept through all the noise.

George had already recovered and he was grinning. “You are bloody brilliant, mate.”

“I do try.” Daniel grinned. He swooped down and kissed his sister on the cheek. “Hey, sis.”

“What are you doing here?” Evelyn asked as he moved to shake George’s hand.

“Molly invited me.” He smiled. “I’m spending tomorrow with Angelina’s family, but I wanted to see you today.”

A dozen people thundered down the stairs, several carrying various children, and the kitchen was filled with the Weasleys and Potters saying hello to Daniel and laughing at his Father Christmas suit. Daniel beamed and vigorously shook Charlie’s hand, handing off a literal sack of presents to Arthur to be handed out in the morning.

“Oh, my God, Ginny, you’re so fat!” Daniel shouted over the excitement. “What the hell has Harry been feeding you?”

Ginny smacked him on the upside of the head, but grinned anyway. Evelyn leaned against the wall and laughed at her brother, shaking her head.

“Daniel, does the army not feed you?” Molly demanded, hugging him. “You’re thinner than your sister.”

“I’m fine Molly - “

“Come here, have a snack. Dinner isn’t for another few hours.”

It wasn’t for another hour that Evelyn managed to be alone with her brother. They sat on the banks of the pond, charming their boots into ice skates.

“So, this is why Mom’s so mad?” Evelyn finally asked. “Because you’re here, and not there?”

He shrugged. “To be honest, going home for the holidays always sucked anyway.”

“She was trying to get me and Charlie to visit.”

“Why? So that Charlie and Dad can get into a fist fight this time?”

Evelyn snorted and stood. “Probably.”

They both glided out over the lake, conjuring hockey sticks. Daniel dropped an old puck on the ice.

“You alright, sis?” Daniel asked.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

He shrugged and moved around her with the puck, skating effortlessly. “You seem sad. I think you’re jealous.”

“Jealous?”

“You want little red headed babies. Or just a ring. I don’t know. Girly shit.”

“And what’s wrong with that?”

Daniel grinned. “Oh, my God. You do.”

She swooped in and stole the puck from him, then lined up a slap shot across the pond.

“I don’t understand why he hasn’t asked yet.” She grumbled.

“Maybe he wants to make sure you’re ready.” Daniel suggested. “Accio puck. I mean, sometimes it’s hard to read you.”

“How do you tell someone you’re ready for that? How do you even know you’re ready?”

“Hell if I know.” Daniel lowered his shoulder and caught her in the chest, pushing her back across the ice. Evelyn tried to push back, but he was so much bigger than her. “Hey, you know how I always say he’s the only man you could allow to love you?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I think it goes both ways.” He stopped pushing her and straightened her up. “Like, you’re the only woman he can love. You’ve got just enough monster in you to make you not completely human.”

“I’m mildly offended.”

“That’s what siblings are for. Be thankful you don’t have five of me.”

Evelyn smiled and Daniel ruffled her hair.

“He’ll ask you soon.” Daniel reassured. “He just wants to get it right, and make sure you’re ready. He’s probably got it all planned out already.”

“Hey!”

The Finchs turned to see Charlie, George and Sylvia standing on the snowy banks. Charlie was sitting on the ground and trying and failing to stand while George and Sylvia laughed.

“Can someone please help me up!” Charlie was shouting.

Daniel started laughing as well, but Evelyn giggled and skated over quickly. She grabbed his hands and helped him stand straight.

“Think you can handle some hockey?”

“Yeah.” Charlie said, sounding slightly uncertain. Evelyn had only started teaching him how to skate and play hockey a year ago. “Just, go easy on me, alright?”

“Not a chance in hell.” She smiled, then kissed him softly. “Come on, it’s like your mom said. Daniel’s a fucking twig. You can take him.”

“I sincerely doubt that.”

~*~

“Just tell me what I need to know.” Evelyn said.

“I don’t know anything.” The witch sobbed. “I don’t - “

“Crucio!”

She screamed and screamed.

“Tell me.” Evelyn said dully.

“He’s a good man.” She begged. “A good man. He wouldn’t - “

“Crucio.”

“Noooo! Babbity rabbity - “

She was broken. Singing nursery rhymes. Evelyn held herself together until she walked out of the room, then collapsed on all fours and retched, spraying the Minister of Magic’s shoes with vomit.

“Useless.” Rufus Scriminor muttered.

“Hey!” Trip shouted. “Are you in there torturing this woman? She’s obviously innocent! Leave Evelyn the fuck alone!”

“Trip!” Ian said sharply.

The Minister left and Ian hurried over to Evelyn, conjuring a tissue and cleaning the vomit with a wave of his wand. He crouched in front of her and patiently cleaned up her face.

“Are you okay?” He whispered.

Evelyn took a deep breath. “I’m fine.” She said thickly. “How’s the woman?”

“Woman?” Trip repeated, confused.

“The god damn woman I was torturing!”

“You weren’t torturing anyone.” Trip said softly. “Evelyn, look into the room again.”

Evelyn turned around and looked back into the interview room, and saw Charlie tied to the chair, his throat slit.

“No!”

Evelyn woke up with a start, covering her face with her hands. Something warm and wet moved across her face, and she scrunched her nose when she realized it was Sherlock licking her. She sighed and rubbed his ears.

“Thanks, Shirley.”

She swung her legs off the sofa she was sleeping on. She and Daniel were sleeping in the sitting room, as every single room was full and Molly would not have unwed couples sharing beds in her house. Even if they were living together. Evelyn looked at her brother, snoring loudly on the other couch, then shook her head.

Rubbing her eyes, she stumbled towards the kitchen, where a light was on. She stopped when she saw Charlie sitting at the kitchen table. He looked up from the drawing he was working on. He smiled at his girlfriend.

“Why do we always end up like this on Christmas?” He asked.

“Because you always try to ruin Christmas and keep Santa away.” She grinned, walking around him to pour herself a glass of water. She squeaked and side stepped him as he reached over to try to tickle her.

“Well looks like I failed this year.” He said, nodding to Daniel’s Santa costume hanging off a chair. “Come sit here.”

He pushed out from the table to make room so she could sit on his lap. She looked at the drawings he was working on as he rested his chin on her shoulder. For Christmas, he had decided to do a series of drawings for his siblings and their families, not unlike the one he had done for his mother as a teenager. Evelyn smiled at Harry, Ginny and James. Ginny was eating ice cream and Harry held a sleeping James. Percy fussed over his daughter.

She stopped at the one for George.

Charlie had spent the most work on this one. It showed Sylvia holding a potted plant while George held baby Fred over his shoulder. Baby Fred reached for something and George looked over his shoulder, confused. But there were two ghosts behind them - Fred was making silly faces at the baby while Matilda Vance crossed her arms, a half-irritated half-amused look that was often seen on Sylvia on her face.

“Wow, Charlie.” Evelyn said softly, looking at the amazing color detail. “This is beautiful.”

He sighed. “I wanted to do a background, like the others. But I ran out of time.”

“It’s fine the way it is.” Evelyn said, still observing her boyfriend’s amazing command of color. The scars on Sylvia’s cheek looked so real. All the Weasley’s hair was perfectly blended with red and orange and gold.

“Really?”

“Yeah.” She shifted to press a kiss into his cheek. “George is going to love it.”

He moved Bill’s family portrait back to the top of the pile, meaning to finish the details, but he put down the oil pastels and wrapped his arms around her middle instead.

“Nightmares again?” He asked.

She sighed. “Yes.”

“What was it about?”

He always made a point to ask now. She wouldn’t always tell him. But she was getting better at telling him about the really frightening ones. At accepting the comfort he offered.

“I was torturing Drawlish’s wife again.” She said quietly. “I haven’t dreamt about that in a while.”

“You haven’t been dreaming as much in general.”

“No, but...I haven’t had anything about this in two years.” She rubbed her eyes. “I had forgotten that Ian cleaned me up after I puked. He was so concerned. I forgot how badly I wanted to cry that day.”

Charlie laced their fingers together but stayed quiet. She had scrapes on her knuckles from earlier that day, when she was going too fast on the ice and fell right into the banks. He had shouted at her, “Are you done? Are you finished? No, of course you aren’t - you’re still alive!”

And she had laughed at him. “Calm down, Weasley.”

“And then of course, it turned into being about you.” She continued miserably. “Trip and Ian told me I wasn’t torturing anyone and I turned around you had your throat slit. Although at least I’m pretty sure I didn’t directly do that.”

“It’s flattering how you always come up with new ways for me to be dead.”

“Shut up, Weasley.”

He planted a kiss in the crook of her neck, then rested his face there. Evelyn closed her eyes.

“If I could make it stop,” he told her, “I would.”

“I know. But this is good enough.”

“Do you want your present early?”

“Hell yeah. Do you want yours?”

He laughed and released her to dig in his pockets.

“Is this going to be a tradition?” Evelyn smiled, pulling his present out of her pocket with a smile. “I think we ended up doing this last year too.”

“Last year was George’s stag.”

“Yes, and you climbed up to my window at two in the morning to give me my present.”

“Stag window climbing is a time honored Weasley tradition.”

“Which your brothers told me is typically the GROOM climbing the house BEFORE the bachelor party.”

“Hey, I was practicing.” He handed her the velvet bag he had pulled from his pocket. “Here.”

“No pictures for me?” She asked, pretending to be hurt.

“When we have kids, I will draw all the pictures you can possibly ask for.”

She opened it and smiled, pulling out the gold chain with the small ruby pendant. “Another piece to the set?”

“It’s almost complete.” He told her.

For her last two birthdays and previous Christmas he had given her a part of a set of jewelry which he had picked out. Everything was gold with rubies. Earrings, two bracelets and now the necklace. The final piece of the set was his mother’s ring.

Which was all the funnier when he opened the small box she gave him to find a pair or gold and ruby cuff links. She thought she had caught on.

“I wanted us to match.” She said cheekily.

He laughed and helped her put on the new necklace, then kissed her neck again. “Happy Christmas.”

She hummed and rested against him, closing her eyes. She had been kind of hoping that she’d finally get a ring. He knew she wanted a family more than just about anything. She had told him that when they got back together. That was the day she finally told him everything. Maybe she hadn’t been so clear on the fact that she knew she would have that family with him, or none at all. And quite frankly, she was not getting any younger.

Charlie’s mind was racing. They were leaving on the 28th, and he’d be back at work the next day while she helped the Romanian Ministry with properly dressing their aurors like muggles. She was going to Germany on January 25th, returning on her birthday. February 9th. Typically, Evelyn celebrated her birthday by ignoring it and maybe having an extra drink and bending to Charlie’s plees to open his present. He was the only one who ignored her wishes for no presents.

Once, Charlie had asked her why she never celebrated her birthday. He’s never forget how she had just shrugged at him, saying that she had never really celebrated it in the first place. As a kid she had Daniel to worry about, who always managed to be sick on her birthday, so she didn’t bother. Besides, at her age, getting older was not a celebration.

This year, he’d hopefully change that.