Don't Think I Can Fight This Anymore

Dear Molly,

Thank you for all of the things you sent. I don’t think I’ll have to buy either of the babies clothes for six months. And the blankets are lovely. I’m doing alright, and the healers say that everything is fine with the babies.

Daniel’s fine, all things considered. Thanks for asking. I think he just needs time so adjust and accept what happened to him. It’s a long road, though. I think our family knows that better than anyone.

Love,
Evelyn

Daniel was nothing short of miserable.

Evelyn sighed and flicked her wand at the sink, where the dishes started washing themselves. The kitchen in the new house was a little small, but Evelyn had moved in a kitchen table to make more prep space. Besides, it had four bedrooms and three bathrooms. Compared to some places she had lived, and Charlie had lived, it was a palace. She held the bottom of her belly as she moved into the livingroom.

“Danny, let’s go for a walk.” she suggested.

Her brother turned dead eyes on her, and she felt her throat tighten.

“Get some fresh air. You haven’t left the house for three weeks.”

“I don’t feel like it.”

“Come on, the dogs really need to go out. Just come with.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ll just push me along anyway.” Daniel scowled.

Evelyn closed her eyes momentarily, trying to hold her temper. Captain Simmons was right - Daniel did need help. But he was miserable about that. He hated his situation. Sometimes, Evelyn felt that maybe he resented her and Charlie for trying to help. Even for starting their family. The way her hormones affected her mood weren’t helping anything. Sometimes she cried late into the night for what would end up being no reason.

“You’re right, I will.” Evelyn said, sitting on the couch and stuffing her feet into her shoes. God, she needed bigger shoes. “You need to go outside sometime.”

He looked out the window. “It looks cold.”

“Well, I’ll give you a blanket.”

“Oh, so not only am I paralyzed, I’m an old fucking man in a fucking wheelchair with a FUCKING BLANKET!”

Daniel finally wheeled the chair around to face her, and saw that her face had crumpled and tears were streaming down her cheeks. Bowie had jumped on the couch and was growling defensively at him. Instantly he felt bad.

“Shit, Evs, I’m - “

“Sorry.” she said instantly, wiping at her cheeks. “I can’t tie my shoes and...I’ll just go get different ones.”

Then she burst into sobs. Daniel was horrified. He remembered the time that he had punched his father in the jaw for making Evelyn cry. Now he was just as bad.

“Sis...come on, don’t cry.”

“I can’t help it.” she sobbed, covering her face with her hands. Through her fingers, her face was red and blotchy. “I can’t bend over. I’m just so exhausted all the time. I feel like I’m losing my mind. And my feet hurt constantly.”

Daniel shook his head. “Evs, here, I’ll tie your - “

“But that’s not that bad.” she sniffed. “It’s so selfish of me to cry about it because you’re paralyzed and maybe you can’t have kids and here I am crying about aching feet and I’m going to be the worst mother ever.”

Daniel wheeled closer to his sister, confused as to how she got from point A to point B. He patiently took her hands away from her face. He linked their pinkies together, just like when they were kids.

“Evelyn, look at me.”

She looked at her brother, and found that the big brown eyes had regained some of their warmth.

“You’re already the best mother in the world.” he said patiently. “Look at me. And Sherlock and Bowie.”

She snorted and pulled a hand away from him to wipe her cheeks. “Dogs don’t count.”

“Have you told Charlie any of this?”

“He knows my feet hurt.”

Daniel laughed and she managed a smile.

“You’re going to be fine.” he reassured. “And so am I. I’m sorry I’ve been miserable. I know it’s probably been stressful, on top of everything else.”

“You have every right to be.”

“No one has the right to be an asshole.” Daniel looked out the window. “That said, it looks really cold out. I’ll let the dogs out, you lie down for a bit.”

“I’m fine.”

“Evelyn, you’re six months pregnant with twins. As your crippled brother, I’m telling you, it’s okay not to be fine.”

When Charlie got home from work that day, Evelyn was still passed out on the couch. Her unlaced shoes still on her feet. But he noticed the change in Daniel’s demeanor instantly. He was working his way back to who he had been. The man who tried to save his sister in his own way.

~*~

Danielle Tracy and Frank Arthur Weasley were born two months early. All Charlie could remember, when he held Danielle for the first time as she screamed and screamed, was how small they both were. What Evelyn remembered was how Danielle, who rushed to be born, cried. Hating the cold, bright world. Frank just stared up as his parents as if to say, “Hello Mum and Dad. Home from school. Can I watch tellie?”

Evelyn stopped working. She didn’t have much of a choice. Two dogs, two kids. Daniel was pretty self sufficient, but she still felt the need to keep an eye on him. When the twins were four, Daniel decided to leave Romania and see the rest of the world. The parts he hadn’t seen yet. He sent back photos and gifts, sometimes with girlfriends and sometimes not. He usually showed up in England every summer, when Evelyn and Charlie would spend a month at the Burrow every year.

Danielle Tracy was wild. There was no other word for it. She was constantly running the dogs over on her toy broom, or roping her brother and cousins into mad schemes. Evelyn would hear a crash and see the whip of that brilliant Weasley red hair, and know she was about three seconds from having to yell at someone.

Frank Arthur was more like his mother than Charlie would have wanted. He was daring, to put it lightly. Evelyn finally understood Charlie’s anger at all her mishaps then Frank was three and climbed over the baby gate and fell down an entire flight of stairs. She thought her heart had stopped for good that day.

Charlie always thought that his wife’s tattoos told her story, but over the next 11 years only two events deemed important enough to be added. The gemini constellation was added under her other collarbone shortly after the birth of the twins. And when Sherlock died, Evelyn decided not to add a rose to her arm. Instead, she had a paw print added to her right foot. The labrador would always walk with her that way.

“Mummy! Check for monsters!”

Evelyn sighed at her daughter. They were at the Burrow for a summer, and the twins were staying in Fred and George’s old room. Evelyn had been looking out the dark window while Charlie read the kids a bedtime story. When the story was over, it became clear that Frank had not brushed his teeth.

Danielle looked just like Evelyn, except you could already tell she would be taller than her mother. She had the dark hair and pale skin, the full lips and somewhat ethereal grace when she walked. But she had her father’s piercing blue eyes. Frank didn’t look like his father, but he looked like a Weasley. Red hair and freckles. Though his hair was a little darker than his father’s.

“Please Mummy?” Danielle begged.

Evelyn smiled and shook her head, but gave in. What she would give for the world to only be filled with monsters that could be found under beds.

“Danny,” Charlie asked as Evelyn got on her knees to check under the bed, “why do you only ask Mum to check for monsters?”

“She’s scarier.”

Evelyn started to chuckle as Charlie looked mildly offended. “I work with dragons.”

“Yeah. You’re backup.”

Evelyn burst into full out laughter as she straightened up. Charlie started to tickle his screeching daughter. Bowie jumped on the bed and barked at the rough-housing.

“Take it back!”

“No!”

“You’ll be out of the will!”

“No!”

The sound brought Frank tearing into the bedroom, a bit of toothpaste still on his lip.

“Frank!” Charlie shouted. “Help! She’s winning!”

Frank launched himself at the bed, and ended up with one of his sister’s knees in his stomach. Evelyn quickly grabbed him off the bed.

“You alright, baby?”

“Yes, Mum.”

“Alright.” Evelyn sighed, putting Frank in his bed. “Time for bed.”

“You’re right.” Charlie whispered to Danielle. “She is scary.”

Evelyn rolled her eyes as both the twins giggled. She kissed both the kids and led her husband down a floor to the bedroom they always used. Bowie curled up at the foot of Frank’s bed.

“She’s right, you know.” Charlie said as Evelyn started to change into a nightgown. “You’re scarier.”

“And you’re an ass.” she smiled.

“What do you think she’ll do the day she realizes that I tamed you?”

“You most certainly did not tame me, Weasley.”

He held her nightgown to stop her from pulling it on and kissed her. Even after ten years, with their older bodies and aging skins, Evelyn found herself melting.

At three in the morning, Evelyn woke up because of the sound of the door opening. She had always been such a light sleeper. There was a pitter patter of tiny feet and then a small hand shaking her arm.

“Mummy.” Frank whispered. “Mummy.”

Evelyn dragged open her eyes and looked at her five year old son. “What is it, baby?”

“I had a bad dream.”

“Come here.”

Frank climbed into bed between his parents and snuggled close to his mother. Evelyn was always a little indulgent when the kids had bad dreams. Maybe it was because she still had them too. Except now, Evelyn’s dreams had the special guest appearances of her children.

“Mummy, can we play hockey tomorrow?” Frank whispered.

Evelyn smiled. “Baby, it’s summertime.”

“But you can magic the pond frozen.”

“Maybe.” She kissed his forehead. “Go to sleep. I love you.”

“What if I have another bad dream?”

“I’ll protect you.” she promised, and she meant it. “Always.”

When Charlie woke up the next morning, it was because Danielle had jumped onto the bed. Evelyn was already up, probably downstairs helping Molly make breakfast. Danielle was jumping on her brother to wake him up, and Charlie had to practically carry her from the room to stop her from torturing her brother. Of course, this unleashed her on the rest of the house and her cousins Hugo and Rose, who were also spending the night.

But really, there was no winning with her.

Charlie got dressed and carried his half-asleep son downstairs, to where Evelyn was scolding Danielle and making bacon. Molly worked alongside her on pancakes, and put the empty bowl on the floor for Bowie.

Evelyn turned around and smiled at Charlie, and he found it incredible that after so long she could still make his heart stop for a second.

When the kids were 10, Evelyn and Charlie had to start talking about schools. The wizarding schools in Romania simply weren’t as good. Evelyn wasn’t quite sure about moving back to England through, so that the kids could go to Hogwarts. That was what Charlie wanted.

“What are you going to do in England?” Evelyn asked incredulously, very late one night. “Last I checked, there’s no dragons there.”

“Maybe I’ll write a book.” he said stubbornly. “Come on, Evelyn. You’re planning on going back to work, and Harry said he’d hire you as an auror in an instant.”

Evelyn sighed. England held a lot of memories for her.

“Or in Muggle Relations. You’re always saying you want to do that.”

“Are you telling me I’m too old to be an auror.”

“No.”

She grimaced, but they both knew she probably was right. Besides, she didn’t want to fight anymore.

“And the kids could be with their cousins.” Charlie reminded her. “You’re always trying to get them to be closer to their cousins.”

Evelyn sighed. “Fine. We can move back to England.”

Charlie reached for his wife and kissed her. “Thank you thank you thank you.”

~*~

“There’s my favorite sister in law!” George cried gleefully as Evelyn, Charlie, Danielle and Frank walked down Platform 9 and ¾ towards the loose collection of Weasleys and Potters. He wrapped his best friend in a hug as her son tightly held her hand. “We thought you wouldn’t make it!”

“We saw you last night!” Evelyn said incredulously.

“Aunt Evelyn!” Sylvia and George’s second born, Avril Matilda cried. “I was working on the grapple you showed me, and - “

Lilly and Danielle were going through the motions of a secret handshake while James told his mother exactly why he didn’t want Lilly to come to school. Hugo was quiet, probably nervous just like Frank. Lilly, Hugo, Frank and Danielle were all first years.

Charlie laughed with his siblings and started loading luggage onto the train. Evelyn fussed over Danielle’s hair. But a tiny pull made her direct her attention to her son.

“Mum.” he whispered. “I don’t want to go.”

Evelyn knelt down and gently brushed back his thick red hair. Freckles spattered his nose and cheeks, and his father’s eyes stared up at Evelyn. She couldn’t lie to him, even if she wanted to.

“I won’t know anyone.” he said, sounding uncharacteristically scared. “And I’m not good at anything. What if I’m not good at magic?”

“You’re good at lots of things.” Evelyn said softly. “You’re good at Quidditch, and hockey, just to name a few. And you’ll know your cousins. They’ll look out for you.”

“They don’t like me.” he muttered, looking at his shoes. “I’m the weird freaky cousin. Even Danielle gets along better with them, and she gets everyone in trouble.”

“Frank, look at me.”

Frank looked at his mother.

“Your cousins like you. You’re just being silly. And besides, Weasleys don’t ever abandon family. No matter how odd they are. They keep me around, don’t they?”

Frank smiled.

“You’re going to be great.” Evelyn promised. “I’m sure by the time you graduate, everyone will be playing hockey instead of quidditch and they’ll be naming pranks after you and your sister.”

“I don’t - “

“I know perfectly well that your sister plans and you execute.” Evelyn smiled. “So, you keep her out off too much trouble, you hear?”

“Frank!” Hugo called. “Come on, you’re sharing a carriage with us!”

Evelyn hugged her son tightly and let him get on the train, then hugged her daughter. “Not too much trouble, you hear?” she muttered into her ear. “And look out for your brother. Don’t let him do anything too daring.”

“Fine, Mum.”

Ginny helped Lilly onto the the train as the whistle blew. “Alright, Danielle and Lilly. Don’t forget anything that your Uncle George and I taught you. And remember, it’s only bad if you get caught.”

“Ginny!” Charlie said, scandalized.

“Stay away from the Slytherines!” Ron called to his son, ducking a playful smack from Hermione. “And keep your sister away from them too!”

The train started to move away, and the pack of Weasley and Potter children leaned out several consecutive windows to wave to their parents. Evelyn smiled as brightly as she could at her twins, trying to hide her breaking heart.

“We’ll see them in a few months.” Charlie reminded her and himself. “At Christmas. They’ll be back before you know it.”

“Seems like a long time.”

“It’s still hard.” Sylvia said, resting her scarred cheek on her husband's’ chest. “I don’t care what you say. This is awful.”

George smiled faintly. “Come on. We’ve got a table waiting for us at the tea room.”

Evelyn and Charlie trailed behind the rest of the group. “You alright?” he asked her.

She smiled and wove their fingers together. “I’ve been alright for a long time because of you.”