Love Will Save You

Jack never had a strong faith or a firm belief in the afterlife. He always wished he did. In fact, he even felt a little envious of those that did – of those that could be comforted in the worst times of their life because they had a higher power to look up to. Jack didn’t have a strong faith because he witnessed too many shitty things in the world.

When he was seven, his mother died in childbirth, with his new little sister following short behind. All that was left was him and his father. Some would think it would bring them closer together when all they had was each other. But rather than turning to his son for comfort, he turned to bottles of hard liquor. Jack couldn’t blame him, looking back on it. In one day, his father went from a husband and father of two, to a widower and father of one. It couldn’t have been easy, for him. Not that it excuses his behavior. After all, Jack was only seven and he needed someone to comfort him, too, but instead his only family member turned his back on him.

It isn’t like Jack’s father abused him, he just…forgot about him sometimes. He would drink to drown the pain, but soon he became numb to everything around him, even his son: the last living part of his wife. Because of that, he soon began to resent Jack. His father always tried to hide it, but Jack could see that look in his eye whenever he would do something that reminded him of her.

Before his mother passed away, their whole family would go to church every Sunday. His mother would sing the hymns loudly, her voice clear and beautiful. Jack would become mesmerized listening to it. He remembered the way the sun looked streaming in through the stained glass windows, he always liked to think it was God, joining them for the service. When it was time for her funeral, the sun was shining in through once again, but this time Jack realized it was just the sun, with nothing special about it. Jack liked to think his mother was in Heaven, or some form of it, but deep down he didn’t believe it.

Because of his troublesome childhood, Jack was no longer the smiling, adventurous boy who could never stop laughing. Instead, he became quiet, kept to himself and never ventured outside anymore. He had a few friends at school, but none whom he could call his best friend. His life became grey, and each day he just went through the motions, not putting much thought into anything he did. It wasn’t that he was depressed, he was just sad all of the time.

It wasn’t until university that things began to look up for Jack. When he first moved out, a small part of him flickered with hope because maybe, just maybe, things could be better now. He’s not surrounded by memories and pain anymore, but brand new people. This was just the beginning.
That small flame of hope was quickly extinguished after his first set of final exams. He’d lie in bed, late at night wondering what the point was of going through the everyday motions and actions when he wasn’t happy.

He would notice his classmates and would see the life behind their eyes. Jack would look in the mirror and all he’d see is dull, lifeless dark eyes that resembled his mother too much it was painful. His eyes stared back at him and they began to fill with tears and before he knew it, his hand was bloody and cut from punching the mirror, sending shards of sharp glass to the bathroom floor.

Sometimes you have to hit the lowest possible point before things can start to get better. And this, this was Jack’s low point. He winced in pain as he rinsed his hand and watched the blood drain down the sink.

It wasn’t long before Jack began to feel alive again, all because of someone named Alex Gaskarth. He met him through mutual friends and Jack found himself to drawn him. He was one of those people that radiated happiness and positivity. His warm golden eyes had so much life to them that Jack was mesmerized. For the first time in all of his life, he had a best friend.

Alex taught him how to find the good things in life, even when everything is going wrong. He taught him to find happiness amongst all of the sadness and pain – something Jack has never known how to do. Day by day, Jack began to feel like a human again. He smiled a real smile, showing off his white teeth, and his eyes had a glow to them for the first time in over ten years.

Spending time with Alex took him back to what he felt like as a child, before his mother passed away, He laughed, he smiled and he lived. And he had Alex to thank for that.

It wasn’t long before Jack and Alex became inseparable. They bought a flat together and never did anything without the other by their side. Jack would still have moments of sadness, but then he would look at Alex, with his bright smile and purity, and he would feel better. Alex quickly became his happiness when things were bad. Alex was his color when everything began to turn to grey again.
It wasn’t long before Jack and Alex became more than best friends. Late night movie marathons, soon turned into late night deep conversations, which soon turned into late night make out sessions. Before Jack knew it, he found himself in love.

Love was a feeling he wasn’t familiar with. No one had told him they loved him since he was seven, and the feeling was overwhelming and amazing. At night, Jack would grip tightly onto Alex, his own personal happiness and wouldn’t let go, in fear of retracting back into his dull, monochromatic life. Lucky for him, he never had to worry about Alex leaving his side.

Alex brought meaning into Jack’s life. It was something he had been searching for since the age of seven, and now that he had it, he was determined to never let it go. So, one night he asked Alex to officially be his forever, to which he replied, ‘yes’ and Jack slid a silver band on his ring finger.
Jack returned to that same church nearly sixteen years after the last time he was there. His palms were clammy and his mouth was dry, feeling suddenly sick. The church brought back too much pain and dark memories, but he was determined to marry his true love there, for his mom. The empty feeling began to return, but as soon as he saw Alex, the vanished, and it was replaced by color and joy.

As Jack and Alex spoke their vows to each other, sun began to shine through the stained glass windows and it shone upon Alex’s perfect face. Jack lips tugged up at the corners as warmth flowed through him. It may not be God shining in right now, but it definitely felt like it was his mother. He could feel her warm presence, and could almost hear her voice once again.

As Jack and Alex kissed, sealing their marriage, he felt the warmth of the sun shine upon his back and he smiled, feeling whole once again. As they broke apart, smiles stretched across their faces, Jack looked up just in time to see his father leave, but with a smile on his face.
Jack grinned as he left, happy he came to his wedding, but also happy because surely he felt her presence as well.

Since that day, Jack has made a point to go to that same church once a month, with Alex by his side. He still wasn’t sure if there was a higher power, he liked to think there was, but he went nonetheless. Mostly so he could talk to his mother.

The dull grey void never sneaked its way back into Jack’s life, not when he had Alex by his side. Alex made everything meaningful and wonderful. As he was lying against his husband, Jack thought back to all those years earlier when Alex told him to find happiness amongst the sadness, and he likes to think he did a pretty damn good job of doing that.