Heaven and Hell
Three
I looked up at the sky, wondering what she would be doing. My every thought found its way back to my wife. A month has passed and I have not heard anything yet. My heart kept sinking lower and lower as the days passed. This tour needed to end because I couldn't take it any longer. She left right in the middle of it and it is taking the life out of me.
I walked back into the bus, how I hated the thing and everything in it. Nothing felt right she wasn't here to keep the place its usual mess, she isn't the one for being a clean freak but it never bothered me since I too suck at cleaning but somehow we manage. I crawled myself into my pathetic bunk, Man whoever designed these things need's to take into consideration the dudes that are tall as hell cause I hate being cramped up here. But in some fucked up way, It made me feel safe, it made me feel she was with me because I never had much room when we were together, she hogged our California king size bed. I guess someone heard me chuckling to myself because I heard a knock on the wood next to my head "is that K?" they asked me, oh how I wish for it to be her, I knew that voice all too well, my shithead best friend Zacky Vee. I just call him Zack or Vee. I growled when I had to response Fuck off baker she's been mine for years
I never told anyone zack always had a thing for my wife, I think he fucked her once but I have no idea and if that did happen, I would beat the shit out of him. To be honest I knew what he saw in her, what everyone saw in her, this drop dead gorgeous blond haired women, she always wore it in this pixie cut thing style and I just loved it.. but anyways she's so artsy and all, hell for a women with tattoos covering up her arms and thigh and leg how could you not know. She is so friendly to everyone just a good person to be around... if you don't know my wife's past. It scares me sometimes to remember who she was and what she can do.. for now let's say it's complicated but I accept every part since I too am complicated. I guess zack waked away because I didn't answer, god I hope he doesn't think I am cheating so he can be next to jump on my wife then I would really kill him. My wife always saw Zack as good looking, green eyes, pale skin, black hair... did I forget he too has this own clothing line? So he too shared my wife's artistic abilities but they aren't the same, she can draw and him? music? Don't get me wrong We all have art flowing through us but there is something different about my wife, I have never seen anyone pick up a pen or whatever and begin to draw, just doodle and shit and it would come out amazing.
I wanted her to come home already, I hated the wait for her, it seemed endless and no matter what I did I could not shake her, I could not even begin to pass the time, no amount of drumming did me any good. I rolled myself out of my bunk and I saw everyone crowded around matt who was playing none other then call of duty, my wife hates that game. I let a smirk come out thinking how annoyed she would be. Fuck If I was able to tell you what she did things would be so much easier. Brian spotted me, like I said I am not hard to find, "jimmy o boy" he hollered at me clearly drunk, I glanced at the clock, 11PM. Well this is a new record for him since his wife must have chewed out his balls about something stupid again. "sup gates" I forced a smile. I stood with Brian as I watched Matt destroy JC on the tv.
"Come on dammit, I hate this game" She sounded so annoyed at Matt for even betting her to play. "Oh K it will be fun watch from the master" I laughed at him for sounding so stupid, if anyone else would have heard that they would be dying to watch, but her, nope. I watched the screen as she played "No dammit I want to go this way, why can't I go that way, dammit this isn't real" I began to chuckle as I watched her get frustrated over some game, maybe the console too she looked hotter annoyed. "you see if this was real you can just go that way and blow up something or hide somewhere but no this thing has limitations and I have to follow Matt's character shit." I knew what she was talking about, and I watched her continue to become annoyed, and then she somehow blew up something and I watched her jump, she glanced around at me, at everyone, making sure no one saw her but I knew they all didn't since everyone else was too focused on this game. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Zack watching her, he couldn't have saw did he? I watched his movements closely now, making sure he didn't try anything. His hand went to the back of the couch, where her back was that was if she would sit back, but knowing her, it would never happen she was always the one to sit on the edge of things always ready for whatever would happen. "No you fuck! - go that way, no no you blow that up and run forward" I can't help but laugh at her for doing this, I guess she just can't grasp the concept of the game and cannot get out of mode. I saw Zack looking at her side of the screen, memorized at her and how she became interacted in this game.. I hated it, I must admit one of my best friends looking at my wife like that, like she was some piece of meat and he was ready to devour any second It made me sick to my stomach. "I give up" she said in defeat "Any takers" JC perked up and grabbed the controller. I locked eyes with her who without hesitation followed me back to the bunks.
Remembering that night brought a smile to my face as I watched Matt play his stupid game, knowing she hated it made me laugh since he was so obsessed with the game it wasn't even funny. I noticed everyone had went their separate ways but I stayed put arms folded across my chest lost in the thoughts of my wife and how it made me so happy to be thinking of her and not having to think how much time I had left on this tour or how much longer until she would be home, those two things are not what I wanted to think about, not something I ever wanted to have to face. I made it back to my bunk, happy that the noise was settling down I needed some sleep and this place would not give me any of what I wanted. I began to drift off to sleep in an instant, dreams of my wife and I dancing in my head was pure bliss. I must have been sleeping for what seemed like eternity but in reality I was being shook awake "Jimmy, Jimmy get the hell up you have to get up and look" Brian kept yelling in my ears, I opened my eyes slowly and growled but I noticed his face was serious, I gave him a surprised look, what the hell is going on " Bro what the hell" I yelled at him, he look taken back at me while he was trying to tell me something, But I couldn't be bothered with what he was trying to tell me, I just wanted to go back to sleep. Brian lead me to the tv, there was no call of duty shit so what am I doing here.
"It has come to our attention something has happened K" Matt said. I felt my heart being ripped out of my chest, I felt the world come to an end, but in all reality it was still spinning and I was still breathing. Matt removed himself from the front of the tv "many injured in the lines today as the world prepares for yet another fight" I felt my legs go numb and I leaned on the couch for support, My wife, what if... No I cannot think of that But what if NO I cannot think of it.. I put my head in my hands, "bud we are all here for you, we do not know if she is coming back soon, it may be another year until we see her again but we will make it and when she does come back we are having the biggest drinking biggest fucking homecoming ever" Matt beamed through a smile.
I wanted to cry, oh god did I want to curl up into a ball and say fuck you to this world. I wondered, if there was a god, what the fuck he was doing allowing me to walk in misery and let something happen to my wife. All I could think about was her beauty, her face, her smile, the way I kissed her neck and she shivered and smiled. I did not want to think something would be keeping us apart for even longer then necessary, this alone was pure hell. I sat on the couch with a bottle of Jack in my hand, her favorite drink. Her only drink, her fucking poison. I watched as the bottle slowly emptied and I felt myself relaxing a bit more each time the shit hit the back of my throat. I need to get off this fucking tour. I need to find her, all bullshit aside this time. I cannot handle 6,7, 8 months or even more without her. It will most likely kill me. This job, we knew what we where signing up for, believe me. But this pain, it was there, or maybe it was and it was buried down so fucking deep I did not know it was there. God I hate it, god I need her. I do not know what to do without her.
Without thinking, I got up off the couch half stumbling to my bunk, fuck sleep. I began to pack my bags, I did not care anymore what was going to happen. I needed my wife. Everything was packed, I was debating if they needed to know, No they didn't. I will come back right now I am a man on a mission before it kills me.
I walked back into the bus, how I hated the thing and everything in it. Nothing felt right she wasn't here to keep the place its usual mess, she isn't the one for being a clean freak but it never bothered me since I too suck at cleaning but somehow we manage. I crawled myself into my pathetic bunk, Man whoever designed these things need's to take into consideration the dudes that are tall as hell cause I hate being cramped up here. But in some fucked up way, It made me feel safe, it made me feel she was with me because I never had much room when we were together, she hogged our California king size bed. I guess someone heard me chuckling to myself because I heard a knock on the wood next to my head "is that K?" they asked me, oh how I wish for it to be her, I knew that voice all too well, my shithead best friend Zacky Vee. I just call him Zack or Vee. I growled when I had to response Fuck off baker she's been mine for years
I never told anyone zack always had a thing for my wife, I think he fucked her once but I have no idea and if that did happen, I would beat the shit out of him. To be honest I knew what he saw in her, what everyone saw in her, this drop dead gorgeous blond haired women, she always wore it in this pixie cut thing style and I just loved it.. but anyways she's so artsy and all, hell for a women with tattoos covering up her arms and thigh and leg how could you not know. She is so friendly to everyone just a good person to be around... if you don't know my wife's past. It scares me sometimes to remember who she was and what she can do.. for now let's say it's complicated but I accept every part since I too am complicated. I guess zack waked away because I didn't answer, god I hope he doesn't think I am cheating so he can be next to jump on my wife then I would really kill him. My wife always saw Zack as good looking, green eyes, pale skin, black hair... did I forget he too has this own clothing line? So he too shared my wife's artistic abilities but they aren't the same, she can draw and him? music? Don't get me wrong We all have art flowing through us but there is something different about my wife, I have never seen anyone pick up a pen or whatever and begin to draw, just doodle and shit and it would come out amazing.
I wanted her to come home already, I hated the wait for her, it seemed endless and no matter what I did I could not shake her, I could not even begin to pass the time, no amount of drumming did me any good. I rolled myself out of my bunk and I saw everyone crowded around matt who was playing none other then call of duty, my wife hates that game. I let a smirk come out thinking how annoyed she would be. Fuck If I was able to tell you what she did things would be so much easier. Brian spotted me, like I said I am not hard to find, "jimmy o boy" he hollered at me clearly drunk, I glanced at the clock, 11PM. Well this is a new record for him since his wife must have chewed out his balls about something stupid again. "sup gates" I forced a smile. I stood with Brian as I watched Matt destroy JC on the tv.
"Come on dammit, I hate this game" She sounded so annoyed at Matt for even betting her to play. "Oh K it will be fun watch from the master" I laughed at him for sounding so stupid, if anyone else would have heard that they would be dying to watch, but her, nope. I watched the screen as she played "No dammit I want to go this way, why can't I go that way, dammit this isn't real" I began to chuckle as I watched her get frustrated over some game, maybe the console too she looked hotter annoyed. "you see if this was real you can just go that way and blow up something or hide somewhere but no this thing has limitations and I have to follow Matt's character shit." I knew what she was talking about, and I watched her continue to become annoyed, and then she somehow blew up something and I watched her jump, she glanced around at me, at everyone, making sure no one saw her but I knew they all didn't since everyone else was too focused on this game. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Zack watching her, he couldn't have saw did he? I watched his movements closely now, making sure he didn't try anything. His hand went to the back of the couch, where her back was that was if she would sit back, but knowing her, it would never happen she was always the one to sit on the edge of things always ready for whatever would happen. "No you fuck! - go that way, no no you blow that up and run forward" I can't help but laugh at her for doing this, I guess she just can't grasp the concept of the game and cannot get out of mode. I saw Zack looking at her side of the screen, memorized at her and how she became interacted in this game.. I hated it, I must admit one of my best friends looking at my wife like that, like she was some piece of meat and he was ready to devour any second It made me sick to my stomach. "I give up" she said in defeat "Any takers" JC perked up and grabbed the controller. I locked eyes with her who without hesitation followed me back to the bunks.
Remembering that night brought a smile to my face as I watched Matt play his stupid game, knowing she hated it made me laugh since he was so obsessed with the game it wasn't even funny. I noticed everyone had went their separate ways but I stayed put arms folded across my chest lost in the thoughts of my wife and how it made me so happy to be thinking of her and not having to think how much time I had left on this tour or how much longer until she would be home, those two things are not what I wanted to think about, not something I ever wanted to have to face. I made it back to my bunk, happy that the noise was settling down I needed some sleep and this place would not give me any of what I wanted. I began to drift off to sleep in an instant, dreams of my wife and I dancing in my head was pure bliss. I must have been sleeping for what seemed like eternity but in reality I was being shook awake "Jimmy, Jimmy get the hell up you have to get up and look" Brian kept yelling in my ears, I opened my eyes slowly and growled but I noticed his face was serious, I gave him a surprised look, what the hell is going on " Bro what the hell" I yelled at him, he look taken back at me while he was trying to tell me something, But I couldn't be bothered with what he was trying to tell me, I just wanted to go back to sleep. Brian lead me to the tv, there was no call of duty shit so what am I doing here.
"It has come to our attention something has happened K" Matt said. I felt my heart being ripped out of my chest, I felt the world come to an end, but in all reality it was still spinning and I was still breathing. Matt removed himself from the front of the tv "many injured in the lines today as the world prepares for yet another fight" I felt my legs go numb and I leaned on the couch for support, My wife, what if... No I cannot think of that But what if NO I cannot think of it.. I put my head in my hands, "bud we are all here for you, we do not know if she is coming back soon, it may be another year until we see her again but we will make it and when she does come back we are having the biggest drinking biggest fucking homecoming ever" Matt beamed through a smile.
I wanted to cry, oh god did I want to curl up into a ball and say fuck you to this world. I wondered, if there was a god, what the fuck he was doing allowing me to walk in misery and let something happen to my wife. All I could think about was her beauty, her face, her smile, the way I kissed her neck and she shivered and smiled. I did not want to think something would be keeping us apart for even longer then necessary, this alone was pure hell. I sat on the couch with a bottle of Jack in my hand, her favorite drink. Her only drink, her fucking poison. I watched as the bottle slowly emptied and I felt myself relaxing a bit more each time the shit hit the back of my throat. I need to get off this fucking tour. I need to find her, all bullshit aside this time. I cannot handle 6,7, 8 months or even more without her. It will most likely kill me. This job, we knew what we where signing up for, believe me. But this pain, it was there, or maybe it was and it was buried down so fucking deep I did not know it was there. God I hate it, god I need her. I do not know what to do without her.
Without thinking, I got up off the couch half stumbling to my bunk, fuck sleep. I began to pack my bags, I did not care anymore what was going to happen. I needed my wife. Everything was packed, I was debating if they needed to know, No they didn't. I will come back right now I am a man on a mission before it kills me.