Going Under

4th July, 2007

I picked a toy up, I almost stepped on and made my way to Jessica's room.

"Hey sweetheart. How's the packing going?"

My 4 year old daughter lifted her head up and pouted before she came to hug me.

"I packed all of my toys up but the bag is not closing!"

"Oh honey! You don't need to cry about this. Okay?"
She nodded as she itched her right eye to stop tears with her little fist.
"Great. Now, let's see what can we do about this unclosing bag."

I kneeled down to repack the bag. As I guessed, the beg was filled with just toys and junks.

"Jess you don't need to take all of these gummy bears. We're going to grandma's, not to a forgotten town."

"But mommy, Josh said the journey will take almost one day long! I don't want to starve."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Alright sweetie. First of all it is a really, really bad thing to spy on someone. Especially your mommy and her fiancé. And second, he said the trip would take almost a day if we use car, so we should go with a plane."

Jessica knitted her brows. "What does it means?"

"It means that we will be in Arkansas in 3 hours and you will not starve." I said as I pulled her to me and tickled her. When I stopped her face was red and she was hiccuping.

"You can only take 3 gummy bears and 2 Cheetos. Okay?"

"Okay mommy."

"And we must take some of these toys out too."

"But-"

"No 'buts' unless you want me to bite yours."
She giggled.

"Are you girls still packing? The plane flies in an hour." Josh said from the door.

"Nope we're done." I said picking Jess up and gave her bag to Josh.

The trip to airport was silent until Jess started asking those questions.

"Hey mommy."
"Yes baby?"
"Why do people get married?"
"To spend rest of their lives together with someone they truly love." Josh answered, causing me blush deeply.
"Will I supposed to call you daddy when you marry mommy?"
"You are not supposed to call me anything you don't want, Jess. You can still call me Josh."

That's why I love Josh. He always cares about other people. He doesn't want them to do stuff which they don't want to for him. Ben was not and will never be something like that. It was always about him when we were together. He barely asked me what I wanted. Thinking of Ben made me feel sick so I turned back to listening to my future husband and daughter talking.

"... mommy in her wedding dress?"
"No I haven't. How does she look?"
"She looks so pretty! When you see her you'll want to kiss her."
"Jessica!" I snapped with wide eyes while Josh burst out laughing. I turned to the back seat with completely red cheeks.

"What happened Ames? Are you shy?"

I pretended like I didn't hear Josh, still turned to back seat. "Where's your seatbelt, Jess? Airport might not be so far but you still must fasten your seatbelt."

"But there's no seatbelt in the middle seat mommy."
"Then take the seat behind me, Jess."
She slowly slipped to the next seat behind me and I fastened her belt. "There you go."

When I turned back, I saw Josh was smiling brightly. "What?"

He shrugged. "Nothing."
Then I felt a vibration in my pocket.

I still wanna kiss you so hard even without that wedding dress.

My cheeks went so red that I thought they would stay like that forever.