Blush.

I opened the door to my dingy apartment and walked in still shivering from the cold.

“I’m home!” I shouted, receiving mere grunts in answer. I walked into the kitchen revealing Frank and Quinn, in a beanie, at our worn wooden table that held skittles and mandarin peels. Evil little shitheads.

“What the fuck have I told you about eating all the mandarins?!” I cried. They always ate them all and I never got any.

Quinn looked up sharply like a kid being sprung by his father and nervously mumbled, “At least we’re eating healthily…?”

It came out more as a question rather than a statement. But I had to agree with him there, at least he wasn’t eating shit food or on drugs like he used to be.

“Whatever. Just save me some next time, alright? And what did I say about giving Frank skittles?!” I screeched. One important thing to know when living with Frank Iero; limit his sugar intake dramatically.

“I only had a few, Gerard!” Frank protested, finally speaking up. I eyed him carefully, inspecting his hands and any other part of his body for fidgeting. When I couldn’t find anything I let out a sigh and sat down heavily into a chair next to both of them.

“So what did you guys do when I was out?” I asked, tracing patterns on the table with my cold fingers.

Frank and Quinn looked at each other guiltily. Oh no.

“Just don’t go into the bathroom, okay?” Frank mumbled.

“What did you guys do?” I asked tiredly. I was used to this kind of stuff now, it didn’t bother me as much as it used to.

“Uh. Frank thought it would be funny to colour my hair. The result wasn’t what we expected,” Quinn said, taking his beanie off exposing his now bright orange hair.

I nodded slowly and plainly stated, “Okay.”

Frank and Quinn both looked up at me warily. They were obviously expecting me to get mad like I had a few minutes ago with the mandarins. But I was too exhausted to even say anything about it.

I rose from the table and began walking out of the kitchen but I paused at the doorway. “I’ll clean up the bathroom later. Just go and watch TV or something, okay? But leave me alone for a while…I need to be alone.”

I continued walking down the hall to my bedroom without even waiting for them to answer me. On my way, I paused to see just how much damage they had caused to our bathroom. It was pure chaos.

Hair dye was all over the sink. There was still a brownish tinge on the tiles at the bottom of the shower. There were gloves covered in goopy crap. I was sick of looking at the havoc in the bathroom and finding all the little mayhems among the shelves, lining the floor etc, so I closed the door to the bathroom quietly and continued along the hall to my room still carrying my bag from the art shop.

I entered my room and dropped the bag with my tub of paint on the ground with a thud, running my fingers through my hair in exasperation. My eyes swept over the room, inspecting it for any signs of chaos Quinn or Frank may or may not have caused.

There was none, thank god. I sighed loudly and flopped down on my cold, single bed thinking of what I would be laying on instead if I had never left home.

Big king sized bed. Sheets, duvet, big fluffy pillows. Electric blanket. All these things I could have had right this very moment. There would be heaters, endless supplies of food. All the painting and art supplies I could ever want.

Fuck, I could go on forever about what I would have had. But I didn’t have all that now. And I probably never will again.

Because of Frank. I thought somewhat sadly.

I lost my brother, my family, my house, my scholarship, all because of Frank. But it’s not his fault. I could’ve walked away. Sometimes I wish I did, but I knew I could never have walked away.

No matter how much he pisses me off the little squirt’s like a…a…I don’t know, but I could never leave him. Not in a life time. I couldn’t leave Quinn either.

In a way, I need them as much as they need me.