Blush.

I needed to get out of here. I was feeling claustrophobic in my small room that was filled with so many deep and bitter thoughts. I needed to get out. Slowly I sat up and sat on the edge of my bed, waiting for the giddiness in my stomach to subside a little.

When it did I stood slowly and stumbled my way out of my room and somehow managed to get down to the small, ratty living room that held barely anything in its four walls. There was a small cable TV that got few stations, a small couch, couple of bean bags and coffee table. Not much. Oh and of course Frank and Quinn.

“What are you guys watching?” I asked, flopping down on the small couch as Frank and Quinn were occupying both of the bean bags.

“I don’t know. It’s in another language…” Frank mumbled, his eyes never once leaving the blurry, staticy screen. Amazing how something that he had no idea about could hold his attention so avidly.

But then again it didn’t take much to please him.

It was a cold and rainy day and I was walking home from soccer practice when I came across a young boy with dark hair covering his eyes.

“Hello?” I half asked him, as he looked scared and very much alone.

“Hi,” he whispered back simply.

“Where are your Mom and Dad?” I asked the small boy, looking around for any signs of parents, raindrops splashing on my head blurring my vision.

“You’re a stranger,” the young boy said bluntly.

Taken aback by his bluntness I smiled at him nervously. “Yes, I am. But you look alone. Where are your parents?”

“None of your business,” was all he growled back at me before he fled.

“Gerard. Gerard. Gerard!”

I was brought out of my flashback by Quinn yelling and sticking his face right up near mine.

“What?!” I asked in frustration.

“You going all weird on us? Do need some kinda medication coz you really went all funny for a moment there.”

“No, no. I’m fine. Just thinking, it’s okay,” I reassured him, “What do you guys want for dinner?”

Already knowing their answer I waited for it expectantly, “PIZZA!” Yep. I was right they both screamed it in absolute unison, as if it were rehearsed. Who knows, it may have been.

“Okay then. I’ll call em’ up in a moment. But you guys are going to go and pick it up!”

“Fine,” Frank mumbled, having turned back to the television once again he was glued to the screen.

Quinn looked over at me with a panicked expression, “Gerard?”

“Yes?” I answered.

“Are you seriously going to allow me to leave with Frank and go in that car with him behind the wheel, controlling the cars every single movement. Including running through red lights, which is not unusual for him?” he asked me in a panic.

Poor guy. I had gotten into a car with Frank once. Yeah and I never got back in once I got out and kissed the ground that I had missed so much during that first and last ride with Frank. For a nice guy he certainly had some severe issues with road rage…and not to mention safety.

“Yep,” I said with a small laugh at Quinn’s expression, “Someone has to make sure he doesn’t run over a poor old granny crossing the road after a late night shopping trip.”

Quinn glared at me in fright and looked over at Frank, who was completely oblivious to our whole conversation, and shuddered noticeably.

“Okay. But if I die, I’m coming back to haunt your sorry ass,” he replied, still eyeing off Frank warily.

“Meh, whatever. You won’t die,” I replied, bored.

I pulled myself up and walked into the kitchen looking for the pizza place number. Once I located it, I checked how much money I had on me. Not much.

“Hey you guys?” I shouted, “Do you have three dollars?”

I heard Frank shuffle around and ask Quinn what I had said before either of them answered. “Yeah, I do. On my bedside table, unless Quinn took it,” was the answer I received.

Searching Frank’s bedside table I discovered that Quinn hadn’t taken the change and it was exactly where Frank said it would be. I mumbled thanks to the room, why? I have no idea, but I did, and I walked back out to the phone.

After ordering the pizza I went out to the living room again and told Frank and Quinn to get a move on and go and pick up our pizzas. They happily obliged, racing each other out the door, screaming that they were getting the first slice. I just hope they don’t wring each other’s necks for it…I wouldn’t put it past those too, the way they were with pizza.

I listened to the car leave from the window looking out into the cold street. Even after they had left, I stared out the window blankly. Just thinking. What would my life have been like if I hadn’t left?

Would it be different? Stupid question. Of course, it would be different. I wouldn’t be standing in this small, stupid apartment which I lived in with two other guys if I hadn’t have left.

I wouldn’t have barely enough money for rent every week. I wouldn’t have to work two jobs. I wouldn’t have to watch the prices on everything I bought at the supermarket, just buying the necessities to live with.

But it was done now. That choice was in the past. Wasn’t it?

I wasn’t so sure.