Hindsight

It was a cold December night. I sat bundled up in front of the fire place wondering how long till Tyler would be home. He was just about to get back from a week long road trip and I had attempted to pack up and leave him, but every time I tried to put all my stuff in my car something in the back of my mind told me I loved him that I couldn't leave him. That no matter how much it tore me up to watch him leave, and deal with him being so distance from me at home. I still seemed to love him. I loved him more then he truly deserved.

I had met him at party that him and bunch of his teammates were at. I remembered being more interested in his teammate Jason that had been flirting with me, but some how Tyler managed to steal my attention. Looking back on the whole thing I probably should of just went out with Jason. At least I would have a boyfriend who paid attention to me.

Sitting on the living room couch I stared at the fire I had lit wondering if went upstairs and grabbed my two suitcases I had pack if I could move on fall in love with someone else. I was scared that if I left him if I could ever love someone like I loved him. Taking a deep breath I stood up and made my way upstairs to the master bedroom. Walking across the cold hardwood floor I sat on the edge of our large bed and looked by the closet to see my suitcases. My mind filled with thoughts wondering how long I could live with coming second to hockey and his friends. I was so desperate for attention I didn't know if I could keeping coming second. My eyes started to water as I stood up and walked over to the closet and put on my black boots that are next to my suitcase and pulled on my coat. Buttoning the last button on my coat I reached down and grabbed my suit cases.

Making my way out of the bedroom slowly got my suitcases down the stairs. Walking into the living room I got my purse and headed for the front door. Before I could open it Tyler walked inside with his suitcase and duffle bag. He had a smile on his face but it quickly faded as he looked down and saw my suitcases.

“Where are you going?” he asked shutting door behind him.

I was silent as I swallowed, I was trying to figure out what I should say to him.

“Nebula what is going on?” he asked putting his bags down by the door as I just kind of stood there frozen.

“I can't do this anymore,” I whispered.

His face had a look of confusion on it as he pushed his eyebrows together as if he was trying to process what I had to said to him.

“You’re leaving me?”

I nodded my head trying not to cry.

“I want to tell you not to, but it's obvious you already have your mind made up since you have your bags packed,” he said as he looked down at my hands that were still holding on tightly to my bags.

“I want you try to convince me to stay. Please tell me that you care about me, and that you need me,” I said letting him know I needed him to show me he still cared, and that he could talk me out of doing this telling me how much he cared.

“Nebula I obviously need you. I wouldn't of asked you to move in if I didn't, and I don't want you to end things,” he said as he reached down to grab my suitcase from me.

I took a deep breath as he took one of my suitcases and sat it next to his bags. I closed my eyes fighting back tears as I handed him the second one.

“Do you even love me?” I asked speaking up this time.

His golden eyes widened as he looked directly into my eyes with a hurt look, “yes I love you.”

“Then why are you so distant?”

He shrugged his shoulders, “I know I’ve fucked up. I don't even know why I'm distant. I’m just so wrapped up in hockey and trying to be the best I can be.”

He was cut off by all the lights in the house going off. I looked away from him and looked around wondering what had happened, the only light in the whole house from coming from the fireplace.

Tyler walked to the window I assumed to check to see if other houses had gone dark.

“The whole street is dark,” he said from window. “Let's finish this talk by the fire,” he said walking toward me.

We walked towards the big leather couch by the fireplace and sat down. We say silently for a few moments.

“I want to try to be a better boyfriend,” he said speaking up as he reached down for my cold hand.

“Tyler you have to do my then try, I need to feel loved by my boyfriend,” I said as my body started to get cold. With the power being off that meant the heater was off, and that was the only thing keeping the house really warm.

“I'm going to be a better boyfriend for you. Hockey isn't going to be my only focus anymore. I'm going to make sure I spend my time with you,” he said as he placed his other large hand on my face so we were staring into each other's eyes. “I don't want to ever come home to find you leaving me again.”

“If you show me more attention and don't act so distance that won't happen again,” I said softly.

He leaned in and slowly pressed his lips to mine. He kissed me like he was worried that would be the last time he ever kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me. Our lips moved against each other's before we both pulled away smiling.

“You’re freezing,” he said with his face mere inches away from mine. He reached behind him on the couch where we kept a throw blanket and he warped it around my shoulders.

“This room is cold,” I said leaning into him.

“Come here,” he said grabbing my hand as he leaned back on the couch and pulled me into him. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly against him trying to warm me up. “Body heat is the best way to warm up.”

“Good thing I lit the fire before the power went out,” I said with my head resting on his chest.

“Yeah good thing you did, I can't complain about the power being out if I get to hold you to stay warm,” he said causing me to smile. “Nebula tonight has made me realize things are really going to change. I love you too much to let you walk out of my life.”

“That's good because things need to change Tyler.”

“They’re going to,” he said before pressing his lips to the top of my head.

We fell asleep curled up on the couch and woke up in the morning to the power on and the fire burned out. I knew in the morning I had a boyfriend that was going to fight to stay with me and to prove he loved me.