Apricity

“You’re clear, Claude, but I would sit the rest of the game. You got pretty banged up, let the headache ware off and let your body adjust for the next period. Going back out there is going to be a bad decision.” Bryan sighed and then looked at me in the eyes and furrowed his eyebrows. “Are you going to spill the reason you didn’t want to go to the hospital or-“

Shaking my head, I let a small wave of dizziness pass and then let out a long sigh. The day dream I had while I was laying on the ice flashed through my mind. Seeing her walk out of that hospital room played, every noise, every smell was so life like. The pain, the pain of watching her go still pulsed inside of me.

“It’s superstitious shit that I don’t feel like elaborating on, okay?”


Shaking his head, Bryan gave my shoulder a squeeze and then walked over to the counter and took off his gloves. “You guys amaze me with that dumb shit.”


“You wear the same socks to every game, Bry.” I retorted and watched as a small smile worked its way onto his face.

“And you see what happens? My guys still get hurt,” he stated matter-of-factly.


“Maybe you should switch ‘em up, hm?”


“Head to the showers, Giroux, and be careful.” Bryan rolled his eyes as he started to clean up the mess he had made on the counter pulling out the random tools he needed in order to make sure my brain wasn’t swelling under my skull.

Thanking him a few times and apologizing for my attitude, I slowly made my way to the door and then took my time heading down the hallway back to the locker room. Each step I took, I could only remember the what felt like five our dream I had of the doctors telling me I could never play hockey again. All I could hear was their voice and all I could see was the short girl standing there under the fluorescents, her hair a tangled mess, her bright eyes glassy as tears streamed down her face.

Just thinking about it made my heart ache almost as bad as my head.

Rubbing the side of my face, I sucked in a deep breath and pushed the locker room door open. Quietly shutting it behind me, I took a deep inhale and slowly looked up, watching as the woman sitting in front of my stall came into view.

Blinking hard a few times, I watched as she picked up her head and locked her eyes instantly on my own. Heart beat racing, I went to speak when she stood up, her signature green jacket slipping onto the duffle bag that I had on the floor of my cubby.

“Are you okay?” Her voice was a whisper so light that it felt like a cool summer breeze.

Without a second thought, I rushed across the room and took the woman into a tight hug, ignoring every ache and pain that was rushing through my body. As soon as the smell of her flower perfume and honey shampoo filled my senses, I felt my eyes start to glaze over.

“What are you doing here?” I whispered into her hair as she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me a little closer. “How did you get in, how did you know I-“

“Brittany called me back, she told me you were staying here. The security guards know me by name, they let me in.” She whispered and then set a soft kiss against my arm, making my whole entire body erupt into flames. “I was watching the game and I saw the hit and I… I don’t know, I was terrified.” She let out a deep sigh and shut her eyes. The way she said it almost sound like she was disappointed in herself.

The thought made me more upset with every passing second.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered, my limbs shaking at the thought of her disappearing again. “I didn’t know you still watched the games, I… I just thought… I don’t know” I was at a loss for words. I didn’t want to say anything stupid, I didn't want to push her away. I just wanted to hold her, hold her until I felt better, until my body stopped aching.

Until she was mine again.


“I watch every game, Claude.” Her voice was strained, like I should have know that little fact. Like I should have expected her to still watch every game. I didn’t. I truly thought that she had cut every part of me out of her life. She should have cut every part of me out of her life.

I was a disease to her. I hurt her without being there, without touching her.

My simple existence made her hurt.

Shaking my head, I pulled her closer to me and shut my eyes again, taking in the feeling of her against me. I was so scared of her leaving, so scared to watch her walk out of the locker room just like she walked out of the hospital room in my dream.

My heart started to pound in my chest as she pulled away from me and took a few steps toward the door. Her eyes were wide and glassy and her shoulders were slumped forward. She was mad at herself, it was written on every inch of her face.

“I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t have come. I didn’t… I gave you the wrong idea.” Her voice was breaking. I unfortunately knew the signs and sounds of her before she started crying. I had damaged her enough to know when she was about to crumble.

Shaking my head, I took a few big steps over to her and gently pressed my hand against her cheek, moving her head up until our eyes were aligned. “We can still be friends, Quinn.”


“Friends don’t… Friends don’t feel this way, Claude.” She snapped, pulling my hand from her face and throwing it down at my side. “We can never be friends. We can never be more than… nothing. We can’t be anything.”


“Quinn, just… Can we talk over dinner?”


She started to shake her head, her lips pressed into a tight line, but I refused to give up this time. I needed to speak to her, I needed to tell her how empty I was. I needed her to realize that I was sorry, that I knew what I had done wasn’t something I could simply apologize for.

I knew we could never be again, but I needed her, somehow, some way back in my life.

I pleaded with her for a few more minutes. I could tell she was cracking, I could see the want in her eyes, the fight that was going on in her head. I knew how stubborn she was, how set she was once she had an opinion on someone or something.

“Fine.”

Shock smothered my features as she tore her eyes from mine and looked down at the floor, pressing her toes into the carpeting. “I’ll meet you outside, you’re not driving.”

With that, she turned from me and walked out of the locker room.

I showered quickly, so fast that I wasn’t sure if I had even scrubbed all of the sweat fro my body, but I didn’t care. My mind was going a thousand miles an hour, every thought I had was on fire. I couldn’t regulate my heart beat or the way my hands shook as I pulled on my suit.

The world around me was spinning as I grabbed my things and headed out of the locker room. I didn’t think about the game, or the guys, I didn’t think about telling anyone that I was leaving. I didn’t think of the trouble I would get in with the coach or with Bryan. I didn’t think about what the guys would say, or what the fans and announcers would say if the word got out.

I could only think about her.

When I pushed the door to the parking lot open, I scanned the lot and finally set my eyes down on the only vehicle that had its lights on. Quickly walking over to it, I opened the back door, shoved my bag inside, and then slid into the passengers seat.

Looking over at her, I went to speak when she put the car in drive and pulled out of the parking spot. Turning up the music coming through the radio, she let out a long sigh and then glanced at me, her eyes tinted pink but holding a hard expression.


“What,” she huffed as she made a few turns and merged onto the highway.

Swallowing hard, I looked out of the window and let out a shaky exhale. “Where are we going?”

“Home.”

“Home?” I echoed, my heart nearly imploding in my chest as I watched her slowly blink and then focus back on the highway. Ignoring my question, she pressed her elbow against the door and held her head up, her eyes tracing over everything in front of her and not once scanning over to check anything on my side of the car.

When I noticed her getting off of the exit that lead to her house, I felt like screaming.

How was all of this happening?

I must have died.

I must still be knocked out on the ice.


“Don’t think this fucking means anything, Claude.” Her words sliced through me. For a moment, I couldn’t respond. It was like she had reached in and took a strangle hold on all of my vocal chords. “It means nothing.”

Nodding, I watched as she pulled into a spot in the parking lot under on the side of the building. Turning the car off, she quickly got out of the car and then headed over to the front gate, not even bothering to check it I was behind her, which, I obviously was.

Punching in a code, she pushed the gate open and held it open for me. The second I walked in, she turned to me, her eyes locking on mine and shook her head. Then, as if we were both moving in slow motion, she put her hand on the side of my face and leaned into me, pressing her lips against mine.

My arms reacted instantly, pulling her close to me as they locked around her hips. Pressing my lips back into hers, I took a deep inhale and felt her melt into me, her hands running up my arms and then lacing with my still wet hair, her chest rising and falling at a quick rhythm.

Once we were both out of breath, she took a step back and looked at me, her eyes foggy. A second later, her hand came into contact with the side of my face, the sound of the skin on skin contact echoing through the courtyard between the two apartment buildings.

Holding onto my jaw, I looked up at her with wide eyes and went to speak when she turned from me and shoved her hands in her pockets.


“Don’t think you didn’t deserve that.”