Who's Gonna Be the One Breath the Air in Your Lungs?

Waking up again, for the fourth day in a row, to go empty my already empty stomach into the toilet. I’ve taken already so much sick time. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I schedule a doctor’s appointment for tomorrow. Lights is going to be a doll and take me. Another morning of Beau holding back my hair and rubbing my back. See, right now Lights is on tour, but she is coming to Toronto tomorrow. She’s going to take me to the doctors then hang over Beau for the rest of the day. I flush the toilet and lean against the ceramic of the bathtub.

“How’re you feeling kiddo?” Beau asks as he gets up.
“I am feeling better. I am just tired of throwing up every day,” I answer.
“Alright, take a shower. We need to go shopping for stuff for Lights,” Beau states.
“Alright, lover boy,” I say with a small laugh.

Beau and I leave the bathroom and split different ways to our rooms. I became friends with Lights and Beau over the years after all the years of me being best friends with Beau’s guitarist Elliott Gruenberg. I eventually moved in with the Bights crew after announcing that I was starting my singing career and Lights invited me to stay with them while we worked on my singing and guitar. I packed up from my crummy little studio apartment in Parksburg, Pennsylvania and moved to Toronto. About two years later, I end up being blessthefall’s merch girl, still living with Beau and Lights. I already told Lights by the end of this year that I would move to Arizona to live in the same town as Elliott. Lights told me to take my time. Beau didn’t really care. He loved having me there. We’d play video games and I cook for him. My phone rings and “Anus” by Alaska Thunderfuck fills my bedroom. I answer my phone, ignoring the name.

“Hello?” I say in the melody of the song.
“Hey Birdie,” I hear on the other end, Elliott!
“Hey Elly-Belly,” I say with a smile.
“Beau says you have been sick. Do I need to fly out to take care of you?” Elliott asks.
“Nah, I am fine. Beau has been helping, but I am mostly taking care of myself,” I say with a nod.
“Can I still fly out to see my best friend?” He asks.
“Ummm, I don’t know. Lights is going to be in town and Beau is going all over her,” I answer with a small laugh.
“Well, damn, I guess I’ll have to settle for my other friend,” He says with a joking tone in his voice.
“HEY! I am not that bad,” I say dramatically.
“I know, but I know Lights is coming out there tomorrow. I already asked them if it’s okay if I crash there for a few days.”
“Okay, cool, so I will clean up my room for you, because let’s be honest, we are going to snuggle.”
“It’s the only thing we do when I am there.”
“Soooo true.”
“I have to go, they finally called my flight. I love you.”
“Okay, have fun. I love you too Elly-Belly.”

We both stayed on the line. I eventually heard Elliott click off. I finally get in the shower. After my shower, I dry off and get dressed. Go me for having on matching bra and panties. I pull my hair up in a bun and do soft light make up. It’s summer and I hate pilling on ten gallons of make-up. I walked out and downstairs to see Beau eating.

“Finally!” He cheered.
“Shut up, Elliott called me!” I defend.
“What did lover boy want?”
“He was letting me know that he was coming out. He isn’t lover boy,” I say.
“He told me to keep it a secret. He was going to surprise you! The little shit!” Beau says with a small pout.
“I’ll kick his ass,” I say with a smile.

I go to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. I walk back to Beau and ruffle his hair. We head out to the car. We get in and Beau drives, because he doesn't trust me with his car. He drives us to the store. I decided that I was going to get Elliott stuff. Beau teases me and says that Elliott is like my husband. I disagree, but go “No, but he's my husBAND” put emphasis on ‘band’. That earned a laugh from Beau. Beau has turned out to be my other best guy friend. Lights is my best female friend. Elliott is just King of my best friends. We get to the store and Beau and I get the babes their favorite foods. I got Elliott balloons. Beau picked out a cute small teddy bear. We ended up by the flowers. I look at them, smiling to myself. I don't know what kind of flowers guys like. Beau and I went through the flowers to pick out the best two bouquets. We check out, fighting over who got to pay. Beau gave up and let me pay. We load up the car with our bags and go back to the house. I put all the food away. I did up the flowers and decorated as Beau was out getting his hair trimmed. I told him I could have done it, but he went against what I said. It was perfect. There was balloons hanging off the vases and I wrote on them and set up everything. I was going to make the food in the morning. Lights is suppose to be out here in the morning. Her and Beau are going to breakfast. Elliott was flying in tonight late, I believe. I was just going to make his food as I let him sleep in. I begged Beau for his keys because his car was able to survive on the way to the airport. My old ’77 El Camino breaks down when I am going to Starbucks that’s ten minutes away. After setting things up, I cleaned up my room and my bathroom.

Eventually, it became time for Elliott to be here. I took Beau’s keys and drove to the airport. I parked the car and got out. I made a small sign for Elliott and I took a flower from his vase. I get inside and wait impatiently outside the arrival area, holding the sign and the flower. I see Elliott, but I don’t know if he sees me. We make eye contact and he walks right towards me.

“I got you a flower and a sign,” I say as I hand him the flower.
“Thank you!” He says with a tired small smile.
“Come on, let’s get you home. You look exhausted,” I say.
“I am, that was a long ass flight,” He says as he takes one of my hands in his.

I lace our fingers together. We walk off to baggage claim and eventually Elliott’s suitcase popped out and I grab it for him. We get back to the car. I put the suitcase in the back seat then got in. Elliott gets in, smelling the little flower I got him.

“Awh, what a faggot,” I say with a teasing tone.
“Awh, how manly of you to bring a flower,” He says back.
“Your insult game is weak when you’re tired,” I say.
We laugh as I drive.

We get to the Bights’ house. Beau was asleep on the couch with Chinese food on his chest. I told Elliott to go upstairs and I’ll be there in a minute. Elliott took his suitcase upstairs with him. I laugh as I shake Beau gently.

“Beau, get up, go to bed,” I say softly.
“No, one more episode,” He mumbles.
I look at the tv and saw ‘Do you want to continue watching Bob’s Burgers?’ “Beau go to bed.”
“Okay,” He mumbles.

I took the left over Chinese and put it in the fridge. Beau went to the bathroom before he went to his room, so I am assuming he cleaned the noodles off of himself. I make my way to my room and I see Elliott asleep on my bed. He had one shoe, one sock and his shirt off. Poor baby tried, I thought to myself as I pull off his other shoe and his sock. I pulled off my shoes and my jeans. I took off my bra. I tossed them with Elliott’s clothes.

****
Waking up with Elliott’s arms around me is my favorite part of our friendship. I manage to get out of his arms without waking him. I had to run into the bathroom and throw up, like every morning. I rinsed out my mouth and brushed my teeth. I walk into the kitchen. I saw Lights and Beau sucking face. I wrinkle my nose.

“Break it up love birds,” I say with a small laugh.
“Please, now that Elliott is here, you two are going to do the same thing,” Lights says with a small smile.
“Beau had noodles all over his chest last night,” I say.
“Babe!” Lights says as she looks at him.
“I fell asleep when I was eating them,” Beau says with pout.
“You’re such a mess, I love you,” She says as she kisses him.
“Barf,” I say as wave them out of the kitchen.
“One day Birdie,” Beau says.
“Did you throw up this morning?” Lights asks.
“Yes,” I answer.
“Huh, interesting,” Lights says.

I grab a water and start to make my breakfast. I heard Lights and Beau leave. I finish making myself breakfast. As I lean up to grab a plate, I felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around me. I smile as I look down at them.

“Hello Elly-Belly, “ I say with a small smile.
“Good morning Birdie,” Elliott says into my hair.
“Nope,” I say as I put food on the plate, “Fuck I can’t eat, I might get a blood test. Here’s some food sleeping boy.”
“Why might you get a blood test?” He asks.
“Cause they might want one when I go to the doctors later on today,” I answer.

 He takes the food and doesn't say much more. I watch him eat the food I made for myself. I let out a small sigh. I excuse myself and go get ready.

I get out of the shower. I get on my outfit for today. Lights and Beau were home from breakfast and it was time for my doctor appointment. I walk into the living room. Beau and Elliott were already playing Mario Kart. Lights and I escape. We get in the car and Light starts driving.

“What do you think is wrong with you?” Lights asks.
“I hope it’s just like a flu or something,” I answer.
“It’s strange…it’s like it only happens to you in the morning,” Lights says, “Have you considered that you might be…you know?”
“Yeah, I’ve considered it…but I am not sure how that would had happened,” I say.
“Who was the last person?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“Why not Birdie?”
“Cause, it’s between us two.”
“How long ago was it?”
“About six weeks ago.”

We get to the doctors. We get out and walk to the building. I go to the front desk and sign in. Lights sat down. I take a small breath as I sit down next to Lights. I feel my phone vibrate. I take out my phone and look at it.

From: Elly-Belly
Do you know anything yet? xx

I smile as I type my reply.

To: Elly-Belly
We just got here. I’ll let you know anything. xx

I smile as I put my phone away and a nurse comes out.

“Birdie Dunhill?” The nurse says.

Lights and I stand up. I walk in front of you. The nurse explains that we need to take a urine sample. I groan at the fact I could had eaten food I made for breakfast. I did the test and hand it back to her. I sit on the table and my legs hang off the end and I kick my legs. Lights is sitting in the chair by the table. I bite my lower lip before asking her something.

“Can we get Taco Bell afterwards? I am starving,” I say.
“Why didn’t you eat?” She asks.
“Um…I thought I had to give blood,” I answer.
“Yeah, I’ll take you,” Lights mumble.
“Thank you,” I say quickly.

I send a quickly send a text to Elliott.

To: Elly-Belly
Waiting, I am seriously dying of nerves.

The nurse walks back in after some time. She walks in with big a smile. I raise my eyebrow as she sits down. Lights put her phone down.

“Congratulations Miss Dunhill,” She says with a smile.
“What?” I question.
“You’re pregnant sweetie,” She explains, “You’re seven weeks along. Explains why your bump isn't showing and you’ve been throwing up.”
“Oh, okay,” I say with a small nod.
“Alright we’ve scheduled you for an ultrasound in two weeks,” She nods.
“O-oh okay,” I say.
“You can see yourself out,” She says and picks up the papers and walks out.

“Okay, who the hell did you sleep with seven weeks ago?” Lights asks.
“I can’t tell you!” I answers.

We walk back to the car and get in. Lights drive to Taco Bell. I knew I had to tell the dad before I started showing. I was scared to tell people. I know this is just between Lights and I. She goes through the drive through. I got a bunch of food. I am super hungry. I guess the baby wants food and I didn’t eat breakfast. I waited to till we get back to the house. I go to my room with my food and my drink. Beau and Elliott were playing Mario Kart, like when don’t they play it?

After a bit Elliott comes in and sits next to me. I had already eaten a burrito and drink most of my Mountain Dew Baja Blast. He looks at me like “Are you gonna share?” Like bitch of course not.

“What did you find out at the doctors?” He asks.
“Well…you know what was fun? That night we had about seven weeks ago, where we were all like ‘Hey let’s sleep together cause why the hell not!?’ Yeah, that was great,” is how I answer.
“Yeah, that was great,” He says, “But…that doesn’t answer my question.”
“Oh my god Elliott. I am pregnant,” I say as I look in the eyes of my best friend.
“What?” He mumbles.
“I’m pregnant,” I say quietly.
“Fuck,” He says.
“Wow, thanks…Get the fuck out!” I say loudly, hitting him.
“Wait Birdie. No, that’s not what I meant,” He says as he takes my hands, kissing my cheek.
“I just, am scared.”
“I know…just I am here for you. I will stay, I promise.”
“You better.”
“I will, I love you. You’re my best friend.”

My phone chimes. I check it real quick before talking back to Elliott.

From: Lights
Beau and I are out to the venue. Elliott and You can drop by.

I typed a quick reply to Lights.

To: Lights
Did you tell Beau?

My phone chimed

From: Lights
No baby. I will let you do that when you are ready.

“I love you too. You’re my best friend…Lights invited us to the concert. Do you want to go?”
“Will you be okay?”
“Yeah Elly-Belly, I will be okay.”
“Yeah, then let’s go.”

I look at him. Elliott looks at me. We both get up. We walk downstairs. I grab the key to my ’77 El Camino. I knew it could survive to the drive to the venue. It has all the other time I’ve gone. I know in the back in my head that I would need a new car by the time the kid came. We get in the car and drive us down to the venue. I also was going to have to move to Arizona soon before the kid comes. I also need to tell my parents, well my dad. He was always skeptical about Elliott. I mumble quietly to myself as we get there and I park.

“What’s wrong?” Elliott asks.
“My dad is going to kill us,” I answer.
“Your dad loves me,” He says.
“Yeah, but he has always expected that you and I might end up together. I guess we have a reason to, however he’s going to be pissed that we aren’t even married.”

Beau was standing outside waiting for us. He smiles as we walk up to him. We all then go inside through the back entrance. Beau walks us to Lights dressing room.

****

I force myself out of bed. I have to untangle myself from Elliott’s hold. I rush to the bathroom. I empty out my stomach. I flush the toilet. I lean against the cold ceramic tub. I see Beau come in and sit down next to me. He pulls me close to him. I whine quietly as I snuggle into him. I wrap my arms around my stomach.

“Beau?” I mumble.
“Yes baby girl?” He asks.
“I’m pregnant….” I answer quickly.
“Really?” He stumbles out words.
“Yeah… and you can’t tell Lights, which I know is hard but, it’s Elliott’s. I just can’t tell her, I can’t,” I say quietly.
“Okay, I pinky promise,” He says quietly.

He sticks out his pinky and I wrap my pinky around his. I pull my pinky away.

“I think I am good. I’m going to go back and crawl into Elly-Belly’s arms,” I say quietly.
“Do you love Elliott like honestly love him?” Beau asks.
“Of course I do, he’s my best…” I say before Beau cuts me off.
“That’s not what I asked,” He says.
“I don’t know.”
“He’ll kill me if he knows that I’m telling you this, but Elliott has have the hugest crush on for the last three years. He hasn’t been able to tell you because he knows you love like a best friend.”
“Why tell me?”
“For you to think about you truly feel about Elliott.”

I get up carefully and Beau helps me. I hug him and walk to the bedroom again. I climb into bed. Elliott didn’t move. I climb back into his arms. I slip under the covers. I snuggle into him. This is going to be a bumpy seven and half months.

****

Waking up today, it’s the day that I am going in for my ultrasound. I am super nervous. Elliott wanted to go to the first ultrasound, however he had to go back to Arizona to look for a new house. I was honestly thinking about doing the cheesy way of telling your parents you're pregnant. Lights is still dying to know who it is. I can’t tell her. I was already collecting a bunch of cute baby stuff. I’m in the ultrasound room. I am slightly upset Elliott isn’t here for our first child’s ultrasound. Yeah, I know “our first child”. I honestly want to marry him and have more kids. Elliott has been a bit bumptious about telling all the fans and everyone else that we are having a kid. I keep telling him no. I just want it low key for a while.

“Okay Ms Dunhill, are you ready to see your baby?” the nurse asks.
“Yes, but no because the dad isn't here,” I say honestly.
“Is he on his way?” She asks.
“Uh, no…he’s in Arizona right now.”
“Oh, Skype him now,” She insist.

I take out my phone and start FaceTime. He doesn’t answer, fucking asshole. I put my phone away and look at her.

“Let’s do it.” I mutter.
“Alright, the gel is cold,” She says.

She does the whole ultrasound gel and what not. She finds the baby. I see the small blob that is our child. I tear up. It was so amazing. I hate Elliott so much for missing this. I look at the blob. It was our blob. I am so excited. It’s so adorable!

“How many pictures do you want?” the nurse asks.
“I need 5 copies,” I answer.
“Alright,” She says with a smile, typing on her computer monitor, “I’ll be right back with the pictures. Here, you can clean yourself up.” She hands me a paper towel.

I wipe off my stomach. It was still so flat. I’m amazed that I have a blob in my stomach. I toss the paper towel. She comes back and hands me the pictures. I thank her and walk out. I held tightly on to the pictures as I walk out to my car. I unlock it and get in. I buckle up and start driving home. Beau is going to be excited to see their copy. I get home and walk into the living room. Jared, Eric, and Matt are here.

“Hey Bros!” I greet casually and like always!
“We heard the news! That’s awesome that you have a little Elliott baby a stewin’,” Eric says with a laugh.
“Congrats!” Jared and Matt say.
“Awh thanks,” I say as Beau walks in bevs and water, “Beaub I have a copy for you and Lights.”
“Thanks!” Beau says as he sets the drinks down and hold out his hand.
I hand him his copy, “There’s my blob.”

All the guys huddled around Beau making awing noises at it. I roll my eyes a bit, women.

“Hey, No telling Lights it’s Elliott’s alright? That’s the secret,” I tell them.
“Why do not want Lights to know?” Matt asks.
“Yeah, it’s seems a bit redundant to not tell her,” Jared adds in.
“I am just scared,” I answer.
“Lights is also scared that you could have had sex with a random stranger,” Beau comments.
“Well, I am fine, so, no telling,” I mutter and make my way to my room.

I get to my room and put one copy aside. I write on the back of the two of the copies: “Blob loves it’s grandparents.” On Elliott I wrote: “Greetings from the Hospital. Blob’s first Instagram photo.” I end up putting them in envelopes and address them to my parents, Elliott’s parents, and Elliott. I am sure this is a great news breaker. I get stamps on them and I walk back to the living room. The room filled screams, Lakers were playing. I put the envelopes down by the door on the small table. I walk back to my bedroom. God, two months in. Seven more months to go, yay.