Like I'm Gonna Lose You

Mattias’ POV- February 2015
I felt the need to dress nicely even when I knew her parents weren’t alive. I followed her through the cemetary with 2 buckets of water. She was carrying two bouquets of flowers and was silently avoiding to step on where people were burried. She stopped and bent down to put the flowers on the grass. She looked at me and smiled.

“This is it”

I set the buckets down and looked at the two graves and let out a deep breath. Drew’s grave was in a shape of a sand box and there were toys and sand in the box. I noticed a small sign. It said: Children can play with the toys, but not take them.

I watched as Lucy set two toys in the box and made her way to the buckets.

“I can help if you want” I offered.

She smiled

“It’s fine”

I nodded and looked at her parent’s tombstone. Her dad was a few years older than her mom, and he died a day after the accident. His read November 11, 1996 where as Lucy’s mom and brother’s read November 10, 1996. I glanced away when I heard footsteps. A little boy who looked to be about 6 smiled at Lucy and reached for a toy.

“Hi”

Lucy smiled as she wiped her parent’s tombstone.

“Hi Abel, where’s your mom? We don’t want her to freak out again”

He smiled and pointed. Lucy looked up and waved at a woman on the other side of the cemetary.

“Do you do this everytime you come?” I asked Lucy.

She looked at me and nodded.

“Yea, I’m here for about an hour or two everytime”

I nodded and she continued cleaning up the marble. Once she was done with her parent’s she moved on to her brothers. I looked at her parents’ tombstone and it was so simply made. On the top where it usually says in Memory of it said we remember…with open hearts. There were two doves in the middle with what looked to be a bible surrounded by flowers. In the bottom it said. Until we meet again. I also noticed both Lucy’s parents were Doctors. Dr. Andrea Janzen MD and Dr. Andre Janzen Ph.D

“My dad was a paleoanthropologist, and my mom was a pediatrician”

I looked at Lucy and nodded. I looked at Drew’s stone and saw there was a bear engraved along with an angel. Into the Sunshine was engraved on and at the bottom it said sleep till eternity.

“How did your parents meet?” I asked her.

She glanced up.

“They met in college actually. They both went to Cal”

I nodded slowly knowing what University she was talking about UC Berkeley.

“Dad was a transfer student and mom was a freshman. They met in a intro Feminism class”

I smiled and she shrugged.

“My grandpa didn’t like him, but he grew to like him eventually because he saw how much he cared for my mom. They moved to Nashville after my mom finished medschool so she could do her residency. Dad was a professor at Vanderbilt and during the summer he would dig”

She smiled.

“We lived a simple life, just the 4 of us”

She finished cleaning the stone and looked at me.

“I’m going to get more water”

“I could get it” I told her.

She smiled.

“I’ll be back”

She walked away with the bucket and I looked at the tombstones.

“I don’t know how to start this” I began.

I laughed.

“I’m talking to myself” I said nodding.

I let out a deep breath and stuffed my hands into my pockets.

“Hi, I’m Mattias’ Lucy’s boyfriend” I said.

I nodded and glanced to see where Lucy was. She was still making her way to get water.

“I met her on the shittiest day of my life. It was my first year in the NHL and I just wanted to do well. I was doing the exact opposite and I just wanted to quit. I was actually getting back from a roadtrip and just wanted to go to bed. Something told me to check my mailbox, so I did. There was a beautiful blonde reading behind the desk, and I cleared my throat to get her attention. She wasn’t a worker, but Lucy trying to get some reading done. She was reading about fire regulations and she made it seem like it wasn’t something boring. She a grad school student, and did not look like your typical engineer. I met her brielfly and the more I got to know her, I saw how smart she really was. She also always told me how good of a game I had even when I knew it was a shitty game. She is so positive about everything and the more I learned about her life the more I was surprised. If all those things that happened to her had happened to me I would probably be in Sweden doing nothing with my life. Her Uncle raised her after she was 6 years old, but you are all still in her life” I said.

I glanced up and saw Lucy was talking with someone who was getting water.

“I love her” I admitted.

I looked around.

“I just feel like it’s not the right time to tell her. We’ve only been dating for two months but honestly I love her and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her” I said.

I shook my head.

“It’s sudden yes, but I don’t think I’ve felt as comfortable around someone like I do with Lucy” I said.

I glanced up to see her making her way over.

“I’m scared to lose her though because I get jealous for any little thing. I try not to but the thought of losing her to someone better bugs me a lot” I admitted.

I sighed.

“It feels really weird speaking to myself, but I hope you are all there. Lucy is the strongest woman I have met…besides my mom of course and I just want to thank you guys for making her like that. Her Uncle raised her, but you were involved in the first 6 years of her life” I said.

I knelt down and began unwrapping the bouquets. Lucy made her way over and she smiled.

“Are you ok?”

I nodded and smiled up at her.

“Yea, I’m fine” I told her.

She nodded and knelt down next to me.

“I usually split the two in half so they can have the same flowers”

I nodded and helped her take off the thorns. Once that was done she put water in the metal vase. She put the flowers in and patted the grass.

“You’re family is really proud of you” I told her.

She looked at me and smiled.

“I sure hope so”

I nodded and she kissed my cheek. She pulled away and began talking to her parents. I watched as she told them about a project she was working on and how her Uncle Nick had convinced her to let Barbara live with her. I was not really looking forward to that. I had met Barbara when I was in LA for New Years and she was not nice what so ever.