Grieving

Grieving

Grieve

grēv

Verb

Gerund or present participle: grieving

Suffer grief

Synonyms:

Mourn, Sorrow

We always think that the worst has come.

However, I have found that to be false.

You never know the very worst, until all you know is the that.

Pain hurts, but so does love.

Maybe, it'd be smarter, if we chose to live, instead of love, and instead of hurt.

I have made my choice.

Maybe if I knew then what I had to do to really move on, things would be different. It does not matter any more if I feel happiness or sadness. I don't know how to mourn. That's not something they teach you in school, you know.

Maybe if I understood how to mourn I would finally have you. In a sense I already did have you, but I wanted you all to myself. That wasn't what I had. We'll never know now, though. So there isn't really a point to this, aside from closure.

I have yet to find closure, perhaps I just can't grasp it. Hopefully you can, I want this to give you closure. I want nothing but your happiness from the moment you read this, and I heard closure was how you get that.

I miss you already, I really do. It hurts to know you'll never forgive me. How could I ever ask you to forgive me for being such a shitty friend when you needed me just as much as I needed you?

Maybe someday things will be better and you won't need to read this at all. I just miss your smile. I miss everything about you, even after all of this. I miss you.

Thank you for everything, friend.

With love,

B.