Screaming Gestures

~105 ~ 3144

I honestly didn’t remember how I got to the cemetery. I knew I was running, but I also knew that Beacon Hills cemetery was not down the road from my house. It was practically on the other side of town, and I was trailing on the edge of the entire preserve. Once I entered the graveyard, I slowed. Weirdly, I had always enjoyed cemeteries. They were always peaceful since the only time people were ever there were certainly not at times like this. There were always random stragglers who want to visit loved ones, like me, or during the days when there’s a funeral going on.

I quickly found Carter’s grave and stood in front of it, just staring at it. Whoever runs this place had already put the sod down over the dirt and there was a bouquet of flowers to the left of the gravestone. There were a few things still on top of the stone, trinkets or reminders of Carter. It was surprising how many people in Beacon Hills had remembered him. The site looked nice, but I didn’t really want to look at it. I sat down on the ground with my back against the stone, looking out to all the other lost loved ones in the cemetery.

I took a deep breath, enjoying the cooler air of the night. I was probably about six, maybe seven. I wasn’t really sure since I’d left my phone at home, upstairs, in my room, on my bed. It wasn’t quite dark yet, but it was getting there.

I sighed, closed my eyes, and leaned my head back against the stone. “Carter?” I called, hoping he would appear again. “Carter, you there?” I opened my eyes, hoping to see him in front of me, except he wasn’t there. I groaned, wondering why I was expecting something different. “School is okay. Hard, of course, not being around other people who sign. It was nerve-wracking having to go to each of my teachers and tell them that I couldn’t hear them teaching. It also kinda sucked, for them, I mean.” I cleared my throat. “Especially if I really think about it, which I know I shouldn’t. But these teachers, many of them have been teaching their whole adult lives. With little to no problems. Then in walks me. Something they have to adjust to.” I picked at the sod at my sides. “I don’t even know why I’m going to this hearing school. Maybe because I know you went here. Maybe I thought someone would remember you or at least remember that I’m your sister. Maybe I felt connected to that place.” I scoffed. “That was stupid, huh?”

I jolted my head up and looked out towards the trees, seeing the bushes rustle. Seeing something like that, reminded me that I didn’t live in the city anymore. Maybe a deer or something would come out. Something I could appreciate as it walked right by me without even noticing I was there.

“I made Mom and Dad fight.” I finally admitted to him. “That’s why I’m here. I outed Mom, telling Dad that she was considering putting me into therapy. I just wanted him to know. I knew he’d back me up. But then he must have started screaming at her or something. I don't know, I didn’t stay long enough.” I dropped my head back against the stone again and closed my eyes. “I didn’t want to make them fight. You know, twelve percent of parents get a divorce when a child dies. Add that percentage to the fact that they’re parents of a kid who is deaf… Odds aren’t so good.”

I must have dozed off for a while after that because when I opened my eyes, it was completely dark. Another thing I noticed was that I wasn’t alone in the graveyard anymore. Someone else was there. I got up from Carter’s grave and, for some reason, I walked over to them. They were standing in front of the Hales’ graves. Talia, Cora, the rest of Derek’s family. They were just headstones since they couldn’t salvage a lot of what was left of them, but it was the gesture of having something of them. I could feel my body heat up at the sight.

“Tragic, isn’t it?”

I furrowed my brow. I just heard this guy speak. I looked over at him. “Carter?”

He faced me and smiled. “Hey, Juney.”

“How can I - ?” I asked, pointing to my ear.

“That’s not really important.” Carter admitted. “But it’s kinda cool, isn’t it?”

I smiled, happy to be able to hear his voice. “It’s so good to - ”

Carter looked back at the gravestones in front of them. “Do you remember the fire?” Carter asked. “You were what, eight or nine?”

I nodded at him. “I remember it. It’s kinda hard to forget. We lost so much of our family that day.”

“Do you remember that night? Like, exactly what happened?”

“Yeah, Carter, I remember, but why are you asking me?” I asked, confused. I didn’t like thinking of that night. Derek’s family was just as much my family as it was his. It wasn’t a happy night.

“Mom and Dad went on a date. They asked Laura to come babysit and, of course, that meant Derek had to come with her.” Carter recalled. “Everything was going so well, you know. We’d rented The Incredibles and watched that before sending you off to bed.”

“But I didn’t want to go to bed.” I reminded him, sitting in the grass. “I wanted to stay up so we could play superheroes. We were supposed to be like them.”

Carter followed my actions, sitting with me. “I was supposed to be Dash?”

I laughed at him. “No way. You were definitely Violet, with all your mind games. Derek was Mr. Incredible. And because it’d be weird for Derek and Laura to be married to each other, I was Elastigirl and Laura was Dash.” I sighed. “I had a very imaginative mind when I was a kid.”

“You still do.” Carter laughed, nodding. “So, instead of going to bed or playing a game, we grabbed a book. Laura sat in Dad’s chair and read to us while we sat on the floor, just watching her. We were about halfway through the book when you got hit with this massive fever. Out of nowhere. Do you remember that?”

I shrugged. “It all gets kind of hazy after that.”

“The important part is, what I’m getting at, when we looked at timestamps and everything later, your fever hit the same time as the fire started.”

I looked over at him. “What?”

Carter met my eyes. “Weird, right?”

“Weird isn’t exactly the word. I need something a little stronger.” I admitted, shaking my head, scanning my eyes back to Talia’s headstone. “Carter, that’s insane. And completely coincidental.”

“Maybe.” He responded. “Maybe not.”

“Carter, c’mon.” I begged of him. “You don’t believe that this is anymore than a coincidence, do you?”

Carter shrugged. “I don’t believe much in coincidences anymore. Things don’t just happen.” he confessed. “They happen for a reason.”

“So, what insane reason would you have for the Hale Fire starting at the same time as my fever? The same fever, by the way, that started my downward spiral into deafness.” I reminded him.

Carter looked over at me. He had on a wild grin. “I don’t think that you would believe me even if I told you.”

“I have always believed everything that you said. It’s got me in trouble multiple times.”

“Yeah, but you have skepticism written all over your face.” Carter shrugged.

I nodded, because he had me there. I was having a hard time believing what he was saying. Hell, I was having a hard time believing that he was there and that I could hear him. “Why didn’t you come home that night? You said you were going to, and you never showed up.”

Carter looked away. He leaned back on his palms and looked up at the sky. “I don’t think I can leave here.” Carter said, sadly. “I don’t really understand it all.”

“What is there to understand? Honestly, this is all...unreal. Carter, you’re dead. And somehow, I’m seeing you. Somehow, I hear you.”

“Would you do something for me?” Carter asked.

I looked over at him and nodded. “Anything.”

“I know Mom still has all my stuff in boxes. And I know that you’re not ready for it to be in boxes. Unpack it. Put everything in it’s place. Clothes in the drawer, jackets in the closet, books in the bookshelves. Set up everything like it was back at school.”

“Mom won’t like that.”

“Screw her. You haven’t finished grieving yet and it’s not your fault that you haven’t.” Carter explained. He sat back up and twisted himself to face me. Carter put his hand over mine, but I didn’t feel it. It was like he wasn’t even there. “I miss you, June-Bug.”

I looked over at him, my eyes watering. “I wish I could hug you. I wish you’d never - ”

“I don’t. You have no idea…” Carter was shaking his head, looking down at his lap. “CJ, it may not feel like it, but I promise you, you are so important.”

“You were important, Carter. You were smart and caring. You were working on getting your medical license, for God’s sake. You were supposed to be a doctor.”

“There are thousands of doctors in the U.S., alone.”

I shook my head. “If you pull that ‘there’s only one of you’ crap, I will find a way to punch you.”

Carter laughed when I said that. “It’s true though. You just have no idea.”

I groaned. None of this made any sense. Seeing Carter, hearing Carter, him giving me the ‘one in a billion’ speech. It was just so confusing.

“You should get home.” Carter said. “It’s getting late. Mom and Dad are probably freaking out.”

“If anything, they should know where I am. A lot of movies that I see where someone dies, people who care, always go to the gravesite.” I told him.

“Too bad this isn’t a movie.”

I scoffed. “No kidding.” I stood up, brushing the grass off of my jeans. “You’ll be here if I come back?”

Carter smiled. “As long as you’ve unpacked my room.”

“Okay.” I nodded. “I will. As soon as I get home, I’ll start.” I let out a large breath, not wanting to leave.

“You have to go back.” Carter reminded. “I know how much it sucks. I was in high school before.”

“You’re different, Carter.” I reminded him. “Everyone loved you in high school. The only reason I had friends was because of you being friends with Derek. Derek’s family became my friends.” I told him, looking back to Cora’s headstone. “Then we moved away and moved back. Now I don’t have friends.”

“You’ll get there. Trust me.”

I nodded, not sure if I believed him. “I love you, and I miss you.”

“Me, too, Juney.”

I smiled at him and turned away from him, heading towards the exit. I looked back for just a second but he wasn’t there anymore. I sighed and began my trek back to the house. This time, I noticed how far it was from my house. I crossed my arms over my chest. Walking along the edge of the preserve was somehow calming. Not having many natural trees back in the city was so different than having one practically in my backyard. Everything seemed to be going okay, at least until something grabbed my arm.

I gasped and turned around. Behind me, I saw the guy who had helped me on the first day of class. I recalled Lydia said his name was Scott.

Scott was screaming at me, his face full of angry and fear.

I furrowed my brow, but he continued to yell. I finally stopped him with my own voice. “I can’t hear you!” I shouted, making him stop. “You need to slow down.”

Scott sighed. “You need to go home.” He said, slowing his words down.

“I’m going there now.”

“You need to go faster.”

I was confused. “Is there something wrong?” I asked after a moment.

“No, just go home.” Scott stressed. “It’s not safe here at night. Didn’t Lydia tell you about the murders?”

“Well, yeah, but - ” I stopped. “But you’re out here. Are you different because you’re a guy?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at him.

Scott shook his head. “I’m different because I can hear when people sneak up on me.”

I paused. He was right, so I nodded my head. “Okay. I’ll walk faster.”

“Run.” He corrected with his eyebrows raised.

“Yeah. I’ll run.” I started to move, but looked back at him.

“Go!”

“I am.” I stressed, finally taking off into a run. As I got closer to the house, I saw the glow of emergency lights ahead of me and I slowed down. What the hell was Scott’s problem? It really wasn’t that much more dangerous for me than it was for him. Sure, I couldn’t hear him come up on me, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t handle whatever approached me. A few years of field hockey at my old school certainly would have helped me out.

I stopped walking a few houses down from my own. I stared at the house. The lights were still on in the living room, and I was definitely nervous about going back inside. I sighed, and forced myself forward. I set my hand on the door for just a moment before turning the knob and pushing it open.

Both of my parents shot up from their spots on the couch. They raised their arms in an attempt to start lecturing me, but I held up my hand to ask them not to.

“Please don’t.” I begged. “I really don’t want to have this fight.”

My mother stepped forward. “You have been gone for hours!” Mom signed.

I rolled my eyes and sighed.

“We have been so worried about you.” She said. “It’s late and you left your phone here. Do you know how close I was to calling the sheriff.”

“I’m sure he has more important things to worry about than a girl who wasn’t even missing.” I admitted to her.

“You are not supposed to be out this late with nothing and no one knowing where you are.” Mom said to me.

“Maybe you would have thought for just a second, you would have been able to figure out where I was. It’s not like I was hiding.” At this point, I had had enough. I walked towards the stairs.

Dad grabbed my arm though.

I looked back at him.

“We are not done talking.”

“Daddy, I’m tired. And I don’t want to fight and I don’t want you two to fight anymore.” I told him. “I didn’t mean to make you fight.”

Dad sighed. “We’ll talk about this later.”

Mom approached my dad with furrowed brows. “Seriously? We aren’t going to deal with this now?” She asked, without signing.

I didn’t bother sticking around for my dad’s response. I hurried up the steps and instantly went to the room that had Carter’s stuff in it. I had just wanted to map out a plan. I wasn’t sure where to start. There were so many boxes. Furniture stuffed in one of the corners. Maybe I should paint the walls. I wasn’t sure that Carter would have liked the bland white that was there now.

I don’t even remember who packed any of this. We were out of the hospital and on a flight back to California in a matter of days. I wasn’t sure if whoever packed up Carter’s stuff took any care in it. I wasn’t sure if there was any sort of organization or systems to all of this madness. And I was absolutely nervous to start going through it. I wasn’t sure what I’d find. Sure, Carter was open with all of us about what he was doing and where he was going with his life, but he certainly had his secrets. Just the fact that he was forcing me to unpack his room, for reasons that were still unclear to me, proved that.

I left Carter’s room, not wanting to be caught inside it. Unfortunately that desire fell through when I saw my dad, standing at the door to my own room.

Dad turned to me with a raised brow. “What are you doing?” He pointed between me and the door to Carter’s room.

I shook my head. “Nothing.”

Dad sighed. “I want you to know I’m strongly against therapy. I don’t believe it’s gonna help you at all because I know you.”

“Mom - ”

Dad shook his hand to stop me. “You know how Mom is. She just wants to fix things and she doesn’t know how to fix you. Therapy is Mom’s way of trying to make that happen.”

“But I’m not broken. I don’t think there’s anything to fix.” I signed to him with a strong face, hoping that my statement translated through to my expression.

“I know that.” Dad admitted. “And I am so proud that you know that.”

I showed him a small smile, but looking at him, I could tell that he was starting to feel uneasy.

“You are so strong because you have been through so much. I know we’ve been right next to you, but I’m not the one who had all these medical issues.”

I took a step closer to him, wanting to comfort him, as well as myself.

“You have been shuffled around so much for Carter. Following him to school across the country and bringing him back here to a place you don’t know or really fit in.” His eyes started to shine as they filled with tears. Dad rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger.

“Daddy…” I said to him.

Dad’s head jerked up, instantly locking eyes with me.

I knew exactly what he was thinking. If I remembered right, it was the first thing I’ve said to him since I woke up in the hospital. “Daddy, please don’t cry.” As I finished saying it, he let out one large sob. I rushed forward, throwing my arms around him in a tight hug. “I’m sorry.” I felt his head shake.

Dad pulled away placing his hands on either side of my face. He wasn’t really crying, but his eyes were still brimming. His sob must have been just out of pure relief. “You have no reason to be sorry, Princess.”

“Okay.”

Dad straightened up and moved one of his hands to my shoulder to sign with the free one. “Let’s go to sleep, huh?”

I nodded. “I love you.”

“Me, too.”