Screaming Gestures

~107 ~ 3343

The rest of the school day was an absolute drag, but in reality, anything was better than being stuck in Chemistry class. Isaac, apparently, didn’t grasp much of what was going on in the class either. So, my new lab partner would, literally, be no help.

Mom texted me around the time school was going to let out to let me know she was outside. No surprise to me, of course, because if I couldn’t even dress myself this morning, there would be no way I could find my own way home after school.

There wasn’t anything I wanted to do, but go home and await Derek’s text message to tell me that he was coming over. I really didn’t want to wait for it either. It wasn’t even that I didn’t want to wait, I almost felt like I couldn’t. To me, Derek was just another piece to my brother that I was incredibly happy to have with me again. After the year without him, I was determined to know him again. I wanted to know who he was now and why he seemed so different.

I didn’t bother talking with my mother just yet. I used a massive amount of homework as an excuse for not talking to her until dinner rolled around. I didn’t actually have any work to do, so after changing out of the stupid dress and putting on sweatpants, I laid in my bed, passing time. I thought about The Crucible that I had in my backpack. I could finish that, but realized I had been working really hard lately. One night of doing nothing wouldn’t hurt.

I was rolled on my side, facing away from the door, just staring. My comforter was thrown over my shoulder and I was cuddling into it, holding it like it was the last thing I had.

The lamp on my bedside table flashed, surprising me.

I furrowed my brow, sighed and pushed myself out of bed. I went to the door, and opened it, seeing my father standing outside. I looked up at him and one side of my mouth turned up. “Thanks.” I said, motioning to the doorbell I hadn’t seen when I came into my room. “Did you work today?”

Dad nodded. “Came home for lunch. The one for the front door is installed, too.”

I smiled and nodded.

Dad turned his head towards the stairs and spoke, before turning back to me. “Mom says dinner’s ready.”

I sighed.

“It’ll go by fine.” Dad assured, gesturing with his hand for me to go in front of him.

I nodded again, letting out a small scoff. I checked my pocket, being sure I had my phone for whenever Derek decided to text me. Before Dad and I got to the stairs, I turned around and stopped him. “I have a friend coming over tonight. Is that okay?”

Dad nodded. “Of course. Who is it?”

“Just a friend.” I assured with a small smile. “You’ll see when he gets here.”

“He?”

I bit my lip. “Please don’t say anything to Mom yet. I kind of want it to be a surprise.”

“If I promise, will you tell me who he is?”

I shook my head.

Dad sighed. “Alright. But you know the rules about boys. No closed doors.”

I laughed. “Trust me. That won’t be a problem.” After that last word, I finally led us downstairs and into the kitchen, where my mom was waiting at the table.

Mom had made spaghetti and was scooping out piles for all of our plates.

Instantly, I knew that she hadn’t made the spaghetti for any other reason than that it was my favorite.

Mom was sucking up to me. Which was incredibly weird because I was the one who had messed up. Shouldn’t I be the one grovelling and making her favorite meal?

I didn’t even want to know what she was planning. I went to sit, but my phone vibrated in my pocket. It was a text from Derek.

What’s your address? The text had said. \

I typed the address into my phone, and then looked to the table in front of me before adding something else. Would you mind waiting a little longer? I would rather if your first visit didn’t involve an awkward, tension-filled spaghetti dinner.

Mom waved her hand in front of my phone. “Phone away, please CJ.” She signed. “It’s dinnertime.”

I nodded, stuffing my phone in my pocket and sitting at the table. I ate a few forkfuls before my phone vibrated again.

Good call. Half hour sound good? Derek asked.

Yup. I replied, knowing I was pushing the limit with my mom. I put my phone back in my pocket and looked up at her.

Mom’s face said it all. Her raised brow and stoic look was not one to be argued with.

“I’m done now.” I promised her. I began working on my plate again, but it wasn’t long until Mom wanted to talk.

“How was school?” Mom asked.

I shrugged. “It was fine. I finally have a lab partner.”

Mom raised her brow. “Really?”

“Yeah. He hasn’t been in all week, but I don’t think he’s new. He seemed to know Lydia’s friends.”

“So, do you think you two will be friends?”

I took in a large breath, knowing to be patient. “Maybe.”

“That’s good news.”

Dad’s face changed and he put his fork down to sign. “Did anyone tell you about the body they found?”

I furrowed my brow. “Body?”

Dad nodded. “It was on the news. They found some poor kid strangled and tied to a tree just off of the cross country trail through the woods.”

Mom reached over and put a hand on Dad’s arm. “Strangled?” She signed. “Like that kid at the pool?”

“Maybe.” Dad shrugged. “They aren’t saying specifically. But I wouldn’t doubt it.”

“So there’s a serial killer?” Mom asked.

I sighed quietly, happy to not have the attention on me. I quietly worked on my plate, finishing it. When I looked up, Mom and Dad were still talking like I wasn’t even there. That didn’t happen often, but when it did, I was in heaven. I got up from the table, taking all the dishes and leftovers and putting them in their proper place. When I finished, I waved my hand between the two. “Can I be excused?”

They both nodded quickly, hardly looking in my direction.

I pursed my lips and ran up the stairs to Carter’s room. I could see his old room, clearly in my mind. However, in order for this room to look like that one, I would have to move all the furniture from it’s spot in the corner of the room to the areas they should be in. I sighed knowing there was no way I would be able to do this myself. Didn’t mean I shouldn’t try.

I approached the dresser and tried pushing it away from the side wall. It wouldn’t budge, though. The carpet seemed to be holding it in it’s place and the furniture wouldn’t slide well. I stopped pushing with a huff. I guess, I’d start some place else. I opened the first box I could find.

The first thing I found was Carter’s computer bag, something he never went anywhere without. I wasn’t the only one surprised when he decided not to take it with him when we went on vacation. Carter had insisted that he didn’t need it, so we left home without it.

I went to unzip the case when the door to the room opened. My head shot up towards it and I saw my mom. My eyes widened. That definitely wasn’t the person I wanted to walk through that door.

“What are you doing in here?” She asked.

I shook my head, returning the bag to the box. “Nothing.” I said, quickly walking around her to leave the room.

Mom grabbed my arm and stopped me. “What were you doing in Carter’s room?”

“Nothing.” I repeated, stressing it. I pulled my arm from her grasp and ran down the stairs. On my way down, I noticed that the lights were flickering. I let out a large sigh, realizing that Derek was here. I always thought that boy had good timing. I rush to the door and open it, slightly. “I am so sorry.” I whispered before he could say anything.

Derek furrowed his brow at me. “What?”

I pushed the door all the way open and turned back towards the stairs.

Mom had stopped on the bottom floor, frozen, taking in our guest. “Derek?” she questioned.

I was immediately glad that I was the only one who had barely recognized him.

Derek took a step into the house, putting himself between me and my mom, and showed a small wave. “Hey, Mrs. P.”

“Oh, my God!” Mom sighed and rushed forward, pulling Derek into the tightest of hugs.

Derek was overwhelmed by the sudden contact, but he hugged her back just as tightly.

I looked at my mom’s face, given that I was still standing behind Derek. I saw that she had started to tear up. I couldn’t tell though if she was actually crying or not. I took this emotional moment to close the door.

Mom took a step back, placing her hands on both of his shoulders, taking him in just as I had done. “I can’t believe you’re here.” She laughed, shaking her head.

Derek said something to Mom, but his back was to me so I didn’t catch it. Whatever he said though, made her tense up real fast.

Mom dropped her hands from him and nodded, taking a step back. “I’m guessing CJ told you.”

Derek nodded and looked back at me. He flicked his head towards Mom, begging me to take a step towards him.

I did, and was able to include myself in the conversation.

“The other day,” Derek signed, “I was dropping something off at the high school for a friend.” He looked over at me. “CJ stopped me, and told me.”

Mom nodded, instantly recalling another fact. “How’s Laura? Did you find her?”

“I did, but...” Derek shook his head. “She was murdered, last year.”

Mom gasped. “I’m so sorry.” She took Derek into another quick hug. When Mom pulled away, she looked to me. “CJ, go get your father.” She signed.

I nodded and went towards Dad’s study. I knocked and opened the door slightly.

Dad waved me in.

I pointed back towards the door when I entered. “You want to meet my friend?”

Dad raised his brow. “I get to meet him?”

I nodded.

Dad stood and walked over to me. “Will I like him?”

“I think so.” I said with a mischievous grin. “In fact, I know that you do.”

“I do?” Dad asked, now even more curious.

I nodded and led Dad out to the living room, thinking Mom would have ushered Derek there.

Mom sat in her chair.

Derek stood from his spot on the couch when he saw my father turn into the room.

I looked back at Dad, seeing his face light up.

“Well, if it isn’t Derek Hale!” Dad signed gleefully.

Derek reached out his hand for Dad to shake.

Dad took the hand, shook it, and then pulled Derek in for a hug.

I smiled at the sight, but I felt a lump form in my throat. I was missing Carter again, knowing that he should be here for this reunion.

Dad pulled away from Derek and gestured back to the couch, ordering him to sit. Dad moved to sit in his own chair across the coffee table from Mom’s.

I curled myself into the opposite corner of the couch from Derek, when he took his original seat.

Dad looked to me. “When you said you wanted it to be a surprise, I never would have imagined this.”

I shrugged. “Guess I thought we all needed this.” I looked over at Derek, showing him a smile and nodding my head at him. I felt my eyes tear up and my lip quiver, but I took a deep breath.

Derek passed me a curious look, but I shook my head. He looked to my father. “I’m sorry for your loss.” Derek said.

It was that statement that told me that I didn’t want to be a part of this conversation. This gathering wasn’t about me. It was about Derek and him being a part of the family again. I knew Mom and Dad would want to catch up with him. I also knew I would have my chance; one that wasn’t just in passing at the school. I didn’t really want to try to keep up with them. It wasn’t worth the extra effort to interpret for Derek. I would find all of this out when he was ready to tell me. I also couldn’t get my mind of Carter and the promise I had made to him. I hadn’t done a very good job of getting his room in order so far. The quicker I got that done, the quicker I could see him again.

My eyes shot to Derek, and then to his arms. He was strong. Derek had always been strong. He could help me and I was certain that he would.

Derek looked at me curiously, causing my face to blush. It was the same look he had this morning when I saw him outside Ms. Blake’s room.

I looked away, towards my mom.

Mom pursed her lips and lifted her hands. “What are you really doing here, Derek?” she asked.

Derek turned away from me finally. “I’m here to catch up with CJ. Check in, make sure she’s okay.” Derek admitted. “I think Carter would have wanted that.”

I looked over to Derek and then back at my mom. I sighed, and pushed myself to sit on the edge of the couch. “I also had a question.”

Mom raised her brow.

“I…” I paused, nervous to even ask. “I wanted to know if I could unpack Carter’s room.”

Mom’s jaw dropped and she immediately started to shake her head.

Dad stopped her though. He turned to me, wanting me to continue.

“I don’t want his stuff in boxes.” I told them. “I’m not ready for his things to be in boxes.”

Mom continued to shake her head. “I was actually going to suggest tonight that we start donating it.”

I scoffed. “Donating?” I asked, making sure I understood correctly. I shook my head. “We can’t donate it. I’m not ready. We need to keep it and unpack it. We can donate it when I’m ready.”

“I’m not sure you’ll ever be ready.” Mom said boldly.

I looked over at my dad.

“Let’s calm down.” He signed.

“I need Carter’s things unpacked.” I looked over at Derek. “And I was really hoping Derek would help me.”

Mom raised her brow to Derek. “Did you know about this?” she asked.

Derek looked dumbfounded. He laughed and shook his head. “I’m hardly keeping up.”

“CJ wants to unpack Carter’s things.” Dad told him. “And I think it’s a great idea.”

I smiled at my dad and then looked to Derek. “Will you help me?” I signed, seeing that my dad had started to interpret what I was signing. “I just know that Carter was like your brother, too. You and I were probably the people who knew him best. It’s something he would want.” From the corner of my eye, I saw my Mom jump out of her chair. I quickly turned towards her.

“Will you just speak, please?!” Mom screamed, even knowing that I couldn’t hear her.

I looked up at her, my head shaking slightly.

Mom was fuming. Her face was red and she was breathing heavily. “I am tired of you not talking!” She signed. “Use your voice.”

My eyes narrowed and I clenched my jaw. I stood and moved around Mom.

Mom grabbed my arm, tighter than she had at the top of the stairs.

I stopped, looking down at her hand and then up at her.

“What are you doing?” Mom didn’t sign, but I could read her lips.

“I’m going to unpack Carter’s things.” I told her before clearing my throat. “I. Need. This.” I stressed, catching her off guard by speaking.

Mom’s grip loosened on my arm and I pulled free.

My eye’s met Derek’s.

Derek looked to my dad, wondering what he should do.

Dad gestured for Derek to go with me.

Derek nodded and got up from the couch, following me upstairs to Carter’s room. Derek took in the room, seeing everything in random piles.

I couldn’t help but stare down at my arm as it turned red. I saw Derek’s hands come towards my arm and stepped back, holding my arm to my chest.

“Are you okay?” he signed.

I nodded, unable to form words. I held up my finger, showing that I needed a minute.

Derek nodded. “You want this room like it was back East?”

I looked up at him and nodded.

Derek walked over to the dresser that I had tried to move and lifted it like it was nothing. He put it in the right place and then grabbed another piece of furniture. Derek kept going until all he had left to move was the bed, and that he couldn’t move on his own.

I started to help him, grabbing one side of the frame, moving it with Derek.

Derek put the box spring and mattress down.

I looked to him for a second. “How bad is it?” I asked. “The fighting?”

Derek shook his head, shaking it off. “It’s not that bad.”

I nodded, even though I knew he wasn’t telling me truth, and looked around the room.

“The hard part is over.” Derek said.

“I don’t think so.” I said quietly, sitting on the bed. “I’ve been dreading going through these things.” I gestured to the boxes.

Derek sighed. “That’s why I’m here, right?” He asked, earning a nod from me. Derek grabbed a different box from the one I had started in earlier and brought it to the bed. He opened the box and sat next to me.

I stared at the box for a moment before moving to my knees and looking down in it. The thing on top was his Beacon Hills Basketball hoodie. I took the fabric in my hands and held it tightly. I brought it to my face, taking in the smell. All I could sense was my brother. I had a hard time, holding it together.

Derek put his hand on my arm.

I sat back on my heels and looked over at him. I let out a sharp sigh that might have been a sob.

“Are you okay?” Derek asked.

“I’m getting tired of people asking me that.”

Derek nodded, understanding. “Okay, I won’t ask.”

I bit my lip. “Can I ask you one thing without you answering vaguely?” I questioned. “Can I get a straight answer?”

Derek looked like he was thinking it over for a moment. He nodded.

“How exactly did you feel after your family died? After Laura died?” I asked. “Because since Carter died, all I feel is empty.” My lip quivered and I felt my voice waiver. “Something’s missing and I have a strong hope that hole will fill itself, but I don’t know if I can feel like this until it does.”

Derek sighed and sat back against the headboard. “I was just like you. But, for me, I still don’t think that hole has filled.”

I let out a hard breath, wishing he hadn’t said it like that. I shook my head. “I don’t know how to get through this.”

“You will.” Derek insisted. “I’m gonna help you.” He promised. “Okay?” Derek held out his hand for me.

I grabbed his hand, holding the sweatshirt in my other.

Derek pulled me against him, holding my head to his chest. His arm went around my shoulders and he let me cry.

I cried hard into the sweatshirt, clinging to it for dear life. The tears just kept coming and I didn’t even remember falling asleep.