Life Is Beautiful
The Distance
It was closing in on the middle of my 8th month of pregnancy and it was October. I tried to do things since the doctor said as long as I wasn't straining myself I should be okay. I begged Norman to go to the season 5 premiere party without me. 'I don't think within a few days that she's going to make her appearance.. GO! You need to be there. Everybody is counting on you being there plus we're in good company' I said pointing to my best friend who was reading a book in the living room. She looked up and smile and assured Norman that we'd be fine and if anything came up he would get a call. He finally broke down and said he would go. It was a few days off so we still had time to spend together. I noticed in the last few weeks everything set me off. I'd just cry and cry until my face was super red. Norman did his best to calm me down, sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. He wasn't the kind of person to just say 'Let her cry it out.'
I heard Norman on the phone the next morning after I cried almost all night over something.. I honestly can't remember because it was so stupid. 'I love her I really do. I understand that she's a different person so she's going to have her own things that make her break down but she cries over the weirdest things. Like the other day she cried because she gave Eye to much food in his bowl and it spilled over the edges. I mean I told her it wasn't a big deal and she kinda stopped crying. Lastnight she was folding clothes and went to go put some on the table and her arm hit a stack of towels and they fell to the floor and she cried over it for like 2-3 hours straight. I love her with all my heart. I wish I could help her out but I don't know what to do.' [Person on phone talks] 'Yeah man I'm trying my best. I want to be with her 24/7 but she wants her space and I'm going to the premiere party because she wants me to.. I feel so bad leaving her like this but she wants it and I know the second I leave out that door she's going to beg me to stay. I'm torn. Her friend is staying with her, but 2 women in apartment building in NYC I'm kinda iffy about that. You wanna come down and make sure everything goes okay? I'll pay for the food and stuff if you want me to. Actually food I'll stock up what do you guys enjoy?' [Person on phone talks] Sure I'll buy some of that. It will be like a 5 day thing at the most. Any special drinks? I know you're a health nut so I probably don't have all the stuff you want. [Person on phone talks] Haha yeah I'll try to pick that up. Anything else? Oh before I forget she eats whatever she can get her hands on. Normally its pickles and pudding, I don't understand how she can eat that stuff but it seems like the stuff she enjoys. Try not to change things up on her alright? I'll pay you if you want it for having to come all the way here just for her. [Person on the phone talks] Alright see you Tuesday Sean! Catch ya later!
I crept out of the bedroom as soon as I heard him get off the phone. He looked at me with one hand on my back and one on my belly and an 'Awe' escaped his mouth. 'Who was on the phone?' I asked. 'Oh just Sean he wanted to know a few things.' I looked at him and started to smile and looked down and said 'Why do you think that you can lie to me? Haha you're not a very good liar. Haha.' He looked down at the floor and up at me 'Its just... I know you and your friend can handle your own but in NYC there's a lot of bad people.. and uh.. *His eyes went back to the floor and slowly up at me* I want someone who can protect you guys if something bad does happen.' 'Norm there's bad people everywhere not here. I can't count how many robberies I heard on the local news about Nashville. But I love how you care about us so yeah if this is what you want then go for it.' 'I'm glad you're not fighting me on this.' he said pulling me into a hug as our daughter started kicking and Norman led me to the bed and we both laid down and he got down near my belly and said 'Listen sweetie daddy is going away for a few days as much as he doesn't want to mommy insists, uncle Sean is coming down but try to resist the urge to make your appearance until I get back okay?' I winced as she started kicking harder and Norman rubbed my belly and kissed it. Norman gave me and kiss and laid down beside me. 'I'm sorry' I uttered. 'Huh?' He said. 'I'm sorry for my crazy mood swings. I'm sorry that I cry over the slightest and silliest things.' He sat up and looked into my eyes and said 'Its okay trust me. You mean the world to me and this baby I'm not going to change myself if you promise not to. Be you and stay you don't change. I'm gonna be me and not change. Promise me.' I looked at him and said 'I promise.' He hugged me again. So what do you wanna do today? He said turning on the XBOX and handing me controller. I went to the Netflix app and put on Bobs Burgers. 'Haha should have known.' he said laughing.
It was a few days later and Norman had his bags all packed. Our daughter kept kicking as hard as she could and I wasn't able to hardly stand at all. I guess this was her way of saying 'Great Job mom...' and it was a few hours before Norman had to leave and we were talking and we heard a knock on the door. Norman got up and opened it and I saw Sean standing there. 'Hey Reedenstein!' he said as he embraced Norman in a hug. I guess he was there by himself because Norman said 'Hey where's the rest of the family?' and Sean said 'Eh they wanted to stay home. Partly because I guess the flu is going around and yeah everybody but yours truly has it. I'm good Reedus don't worry.' I tried to get up from the couch to walk to the door but the kicks hurt like a lot. Sean walked in and asked where he would be sleeping and we showed him where he would be sleeping. 'Sorry for the inconvenience but kinda had to take the extra guest room and make it into a nursery..' 'Totally understandable brother.' he said with a laugh. Norman's phone went off as he saw that the time was 3:30 in the afternoon. 'I guess I should be heading out guys.' We walked him to the door and I started crying. 'You sure you want me to do this? You understand that I might not be here if she comes this week right?' I looked up at him and said 'Yeah. I understand but the fans want to see you. Plus I bet she will be on time so next month.' We hugged and kissed and Norman gave his speech about him leaving. I didn't know how to feel mainly because it would be a week before that door opened up again. I smiled at Sean as I tried to keep calm until I went to the bedroom. As soon as that door closed I started crying my eyes out. I heard a knock on the door and I tried to act like I was busy and tried to sound okay 'Ho..Hold on please.' I opened the door to see my bestie at the door and asked if she could come in I let her in. 'What is wrong? Don't tell me nothing because I know that's a lie.' I looked down at the floor and looked up at her with tears in my eyes. 'Just this whole day. The second he left. I let him go, heck I begged him because I thought the fans would love the whole cast together even though 90% of the fangirls hate my guts because we're together and this baby. Hell, this baby isn't even born and doesn't even know who her daddy is and what he does and people still want stuff to happen to her. Heck, I went on Instagram the other day and looked at one of those surprise pictures that Norman posts and it was of my belly and the comments were... were horrible. This baby shouldn't have anything like that said about her, heck nobody should be told the things some fans said.' 'Well, you both are going to get hate and this lifestyle is going to be stressful but you're proving you care about other people by letting him go. I'm proud that no matter what you try to think of other people. You're always going to have people who disagree with what happens. I want you to know that you both have my support.' 'This lifestyle is getting to much for me. I knew what I was getting into and it's stressing me out. I know that he does this for a living and I understand he loves me and his kids I love him. I fight with him a lot and I know he doesn't deserve it.' 'You both deserve each other. I don't wanna jinx you but I know you both are there for each other. As for the fighting everybody fights but in the end you both make up and are smiles and happiness while others don't give each other the chance. Heck the other day was crazy you where so mad at whatever you were mad at we both don't even know pregnancy rage. I saw that both of you were fired up. You went one direction and he went the other. He was broken. I could see it in his eyes. He loves you. I remember that night you both made up and were back to joking around with each other in no time. Plus you fell asleep in his arms that night and he was so happy. Trust me no matter what happens that you both are going to break apart and come back together. Believe me. Work is going to happen didn't you say that after the baby if everything checks out that you're gonna be traveling with him? You should be happy about that right?' 'Yeah, I have to agree that we end up fighting and then come back together. I'm happy that he doesn't just kick me out like most guys I know. Yeah, we're going to try to travel it just depends since I don't want to leave to far from home in case we need to get her to the doctors. I think that it's going to be a few local trips nothing to far.' 'Well that's always good atleast you three with get some family time in. Trust me this life seems stressful and it probably is don't get me wrong but don't give up on him. Don't run because sooner or later it will be worse. If you ever need to talk you know where I'll be.' My friend was always good with words it was sad because some people didn't give her the time of day. Her advice was something I treasured.
Later on that night I finally came out of the bedroom and it was dinner time. I walked over to the table and got my plate of food plus my side dish. Everybody else was eating and I just played with my food with my fork. In the end I ate my food. I was depressed and hoped these days would just fly by. I got up from the table and went to take a bath. I loved just relaxing and the warm water made our little girl kick more but I actually enjoyed it. I heard Sean on the phone with someone and I couldn't really make out what he was saying. I ended up getting out of the tub and went to go get dressed in the bedroom. I looked down at my belly and rubbed it. I ended up digging out some pajama bottoms and one of Norman's shirts. Normally I'd just wear one of his shirts but yeah since his best friend was here I didn't think it was a good idea. Plus they weren't much dress sized at the moment. I heard a knock on the door and Sean peeked his head in and said 'Um Norman called and wants you to call him back. He said he just got back to his hotel room and yeah..' I smiled and grabbed my phone and saw 1 missed call. *dials number* I heard his voice on the other end 'Hey sweetie. How are you? How's the little one? Anything new happen? Sean said you started crying as soon as I left are you okay? What did you guys eat tonight? Okay, I'm gonna shut up now.' 'Haha. I'm okay, just sore I wish you were here cause my belly really needs your attention. Nah nothing new happened really, oh um our little one had hiccups most of today as cute as they are I wanna hear what they sound like haha. Yeah, I did cry but thankfully I had someone here who has a way with words. Eh tacos haha I couldn't hardly eat because I miss you so much.' 'Awe you miss me really haha? I miss you two. But I got good news for you, like a day before I come home Mingus is going to come over for a visit I kinda thought that you'd be a little bit happier if you knew that. Did you know how uncomfortable these hotel beds are? Maybe I'll just sleep on the floor cause the carpet seems softer. Sorry for these random things.' 'YAY! You know how to make me happy. Haha you think they are uncomfortable? What about a few weeks ago when I went to that thing with you and we had to be in that hotel? Try being pregnant and sleeping on those.' 'Fair enough. So has our little girl been up to anything today or no?' 'Eh nah she's just been *ouch* kicking super hard and won't stop. Like I said earlier she had hiccups a lot today. I think she misses you.' 'Aww I miss her to. So when I get home I'm gonna try to help jump start labor.' 'Oh my gosh of course you'd say that. Haha. Hell I'd let you mainly because she needs to show her cute lil face and also because umm uhh... because lets face it that its fun to try even though every past effort has been unsuccessful. So how was today? Whatcha do?' 'Eh nothing much I ran into Andrew at the airport and he was surprised I actually showed up.'
I heard Norman on the phone the next morning after I cried almost all night over something.. I honestly can't remember because it was so stupid. 'I love her I really do. I understand that she's a different person so she's going to have her own things that make her break down but she cries over the weirdest things. Like the other day she cried because she gave Eye to much food in his bowl and it spilled over the edges. I mean I told her it wasn't a big deal and she kinda stopped crying. Lastnight she was folding clothes and went to go put some on the table and her arm hit a stack of towels and they fell to the floor and she cried over it for like 2-3 hours straight. I love her with all my heart. I wish I could help her out but I don't know what to do.' [Person on phone talks] 'Yeah man I'm trying my best. I want to be with her 24/7 but she wants her space and I'm going to the premiere party because she wants me to.. I feel so bad leaving her like this but she wants it and I know the second I leave out that door she's going to beg me to stay. I'm torn. Her friend is staying with her, but 2 women in apartment building in NYC I'm kinda iffy about that. You wanna come down and make sure everything goes okay? I'll pay for the food and stuff if you want me to. Actually food I'll stock up what do you guys enjoy?' [Person on phone talks] Sure I'll buy some of that. It will be like a 5 day thing at the most. Any special drinks? I know you're a health nut so I probably don't have all the stuff you want. [Person on phone talks] Haha yeah I'll try to pick that up. Anything else? Oh before I forget she eats whatever she can get her hands on. Normally its pickles and pudding, I don't understand how she can eat that stuff but it seems like the stuff she enjoys. Try not to change things up on her alright? I'll pay you if you want it for having to come all the way here just for her. [Person on the phone talks] Alright see you Tuesday Sean! Catch ya later!
I crept out of the bedroom as soon as I heard him get off the phone. He looked at me with one hand on my back and one on my belly and an 'Awe' escaped his mouth. 'Who was on the phone?' I asked. 'Oh just Sean he wanted to know a few things.' I looked at him and started to smile and looked down and said 'Why do you think that you can lie to me? Haha you're not a very good liar. Haha.' He looked down at the floor and up at me 'Its just... I know you and your friend can handle your own but in NYC there's a lot of bad people.. and uh.. *His eyes went back to the floor and slowly up at me* I want someone who can protect you guys if something bad does happen.' 'Norm there's bad people everywhere not here. I can't count how many robberies I heard on the local news about Nashville. But I love how you care about us so yeah if this is what you want then go for it.' 'I'm glad you're not fighting me on this.' he said pulling me into a hug as our daughter started kicking and Norman led me to the bed and we both laid down and he got down near my belly and said 'Listen sweetie daddy is going away for a few days as much as he doesn't want to mommy insists, uncle Sean is coming down but try to resist the urge to make your appearance until I get back okay?' I winced as she started kicking harder and Norman rubbed my belly and kissed it. Norman gave me and kiss and laid down beside me. 'I'm sorry' I uttered. 'Huh?' He said. 'I'm sorry for my crazy mood swings. I'm sorry that I cry over the slightest and silliest things.' He sat up and looked into my eyes and said 'Its okay trust me. You mean the world to me and this baby I'm not going to change myself if you promise not to. Be you and stay you don't change. I'm gonna be me and not change. Promise me.' I looked at him and said 'I promise.' He hugged me again. So what do you wanna do today? He said turning on the XBOX and handing me controller. I went to the Netflix app and put on Bobs Burgers. 'Haha should have known.' he said laughing.
It was a few days later and Norman had his bags all packed. Our daughter kept kicking as hard as she could and I wasn't able to hardly stand at all. I guess this was her way of saying 'Great Job mom...' and it was a few hours before Norman had to leave and we were talking and we heard a knock on the door. Norman got up and opened it and I saw Sean standing there. 'Hey Reedenstein!' he said as he embraced Norman in a hug. I guess he was there by himself because Norman said 'Hey where's the rest of the family?' and Sean said 'Eh they wanted to stay home. Partly because I guess the flu is going around and yeah everybody but yours truly has it. I'm good Reedus don't worry.' I tried to get up from the couch to walk to the door but the kicks hurt like a lot. Sean walked in and asked where he would be sleeping and we showed him where he would be sleeping. 'Sorry for the inconvenience but kinda had to take the extra guest room and make it into a nursery..' 'Totally understandable brother.' he said with a laugh. Norman's phone went off as he saw that the time was 3:30 in the afternoon. 'I guess I should be heading out guys.' We walked him to the door and I started crying. 'You sure you want me to do this? You understand that I might not be here if she comes this week right?' I looked up at him and said 'Yeah. I understand but the fans want to see you. Plus I bet she will be on time so next month.' We hugged and kissed and Norman gave his speech about him leaving. I didn't know how to feel mainly because it would be a week before that door opened up again. I smiled at Sean as I tried to keep calm until I went to the bedroom. As soon as that door closed I started crying my eyes out. I heard a knock on the door and I tried to act like I was busy and tried to sound okay 'Ho..Hold on please.' I opened the door to see my bestie at the door and asked if she could come in I let her in. 'What is wrong? Don't tell me nothing because I know that's a lie.' I looked down at the floor and looked up at her with tears in my eyes. 'Just this whole day. The second he left. I let him go, heck I begged him because I thought the fans would love the whole cast together even though 90% of the fangirls hate my guts because we're together and this baby. Hell, this baby isn't even born and doesn't even know who her daddy is and what he does and people still want stuff to happen to her. Heck, I went on Instagram the other day and looked at one of those surprise pictures that Norman posts and it was of my belly and the comments were... were horrible. This baby shouldn't have anything like that said about her, heck nobody should be told the things some fans said.' 'Well, you both are going to get hate and this lifestyle is going to be stressful but you're proving you care about other people by letting him go. I'm proud that no matter what you try to think of other people. You're always going to have people who disagree with what happens. I want you to know that you both have my support.' 'This lifestyle is getting to much for me. I knew what I was getting into and it's stressing me out. I know that he does this for a living and I understand he loves me and his kids I love him. I fight with him a lot and I know he doesn't deserve it.' 'You both deserve each other. I don't wanna jinx you but I know you both are there for each other. As for the fighting everybody fights but in the end you both make up and are smiles and happiness while others don't give each other the chance. Heck the other day was crazy you where so mad at whatever you were mad at we both don't even know pregnancy rage. I saw that both of you were fired up. You went one direction and he went the other. He was broken. I could see it in his eyes. He loves you. I remember that night you both made up and were back to joking around with each other in no time. Plus you fell asleep in his arms that night and he was so happy. Trust me no matter what happens that you both are going to break apart and come back together. Believe me. Work is going to happen didn't you say that after the baby if everything checks out that you're gonna be traveling with him? You should be happy about that right?' 'Yeah, I have to agree that we end up fighting and then come back together. I'm happy that he doesn't just kick me out like most guys I know. Yeah, we're going to try to travel it just depends since I don't want to leave to far from home in case we need to get her to the doctors. I think that it's going to be a few local trips nothing to far.' 'Well that's always good atleast you three with get some family time in. Trust me this life seems stressful and it probably is don't get me wrong but don't give up on him. Don't run because sooner or later it will be worse. If you ever need to talk you know where I'll be.' My friend was always good with words it was sad because some people didn't give her the time of day. Her advice was something I treasured.
Later on that night I finally came out of the bedroom and it was dinner time. I walked over to the table and got my plate of food plus my side dish. Everybody else was eating and I just played with my food with my fork. In the end I ate my food. I was depressed and hoped these days would just fly by. I got up from the table and went to take a bath. I loved just relaxing and the warm water made our little girl kick more but I actually enjoyed it. I heard Sean on the phone with someone and I couldn't really make out what he was saying. I ended up getting out of the tub and went to go get dressed in the bedroom. I looked down at my belly and rubbed it. I ended up digging out some pajama bottoms and one of Norman's shirts. Normally I'd just wear one of his shirts but yeah since his best friend was here I didn't think it was a good idea. Plus they weren't much dress sized at the moment. I heard a knock on the door and Sean peeked his head in and said 'Um Norman called and wants you to call him back. He said he just got back to his hotel room and yeah..' I smiled and grabbed my phone and saw 1 missed call. *dials number* I heard his voice on the other end 'Hey sweetie. How are you? How's the little one? Anything new happen? Sean said you started crying as soon as I left are you okay? What did you guys eat tonight? Okay, I'm gonna shut up now.' 'Haha. I'm okay, just sore I wish you were here cause my belly really needs your attention. Nah nothing new happened really, oh um our little one had hiccups most of today as cute as they are I wanna hear what they sound like haha. Yeah, I did cry but thankfully I had someone here who has a way with words. Eh tacos haha I couldn't hardly eat because I miss you so much.' 'Awe you miss me really haha? I miss you two. But I got good news for you, like a day before I come home Mingus is going to come over for a visit I kinda thought that you'd be a little bit happier if you knew that. Did you know how uncomfortable these hotel beds are? Maybe I'll just sleep on the floor cause the carpet seems softer. Sorry for these random things.' 'YAY! You know how to make me happy. Haha you think they are uncomfortable? What about a few weeks ago when I went to that thing with you and we had to be in that hotel? Try being pregnant and sleeping on those.' 'Fair enough. So has our little girl been up to anything today or no?' 'Eh nah she's just been *ouch* kicking super hard and won't stop. Like I said earlier she had hiccups a lot today. I think she misses you.' 'Aww I miss her to. So when I get home I'm gonna try to help jump start labor.' 'Oh my gosh of course you'd say that. Haha. Hell I'd let you mainly because she needs to show her cute lil face and also because umm uhh... because lets face it that its fun to try even though every past effort has been unsuccessful. So how was today? Whatcha do?' 'Eh nothing much I ran into Andrew at the airport and he was surprised I actually showed up.'