Stay by My Side

“You know Dan, you really should look into getting a nicer place. I’m pretty sure something in the corner just moved.“ Dan rolled his eyes, while pouring himself a cup of coffee, not bothering to offer Ian any.

"I don’t need a nicer place though. It has the bare essentials and I’m happy with that.”

“Christ Dan, stop trying to be so modest. You could live anywhere in the world, yet you choose a crappy apartment in New York.”

“Yeah, and I like it here.” Ian rolled his eyes and threw the remote on the couch between them.

“Then what about a vacation home? You could go to Italy, Madrid, London..anywhere, really.”

Dan stopped mid drink of his coffee. “You know Ian, you actually make a good point. Maybe I will look into a vacation home in London, or just outside of it.”

“‘Atta boy,” He praised with a smile. “Besides there’s a lot of cute British guys over there for you.” Dan hummed in agreement, yeah he could think of one cute British guy in particular.

Ian stayed longer than Dan was hoping for. Frankly, he was exhausted and he wanted nothing more than to crawl in bed and sleep, forgetting about his current problems. But of course, that couldn’t happen either. Before leaving, Ian had asked if Dan could be on call tonight. As usual, Dan obliged.
After his pager went off the first time and he did his job, he felt the familiar bile rising up in his throat and he was throwing up once again. He quickly called Ian, knowing he couldn’t go on like this all night – he was losing weight fast and there were dark shadows under his eyes.

“What do you mean you’re sick? You never get sick,” Ian mumbled quietly into the phone.

“I know, I think I picked something up when I was in Spain last night.”

“That could be,” Ian mused. “Well, don’t worry I’ll cover for you tonight and tomorrow. And if you’re feeling better, how about we go look at flats in London? For all we know there could be some mold in your nasty apartment making you sick.”

Dan managed a laugh, “Okay, that sounds good. Thanks, Ian.”

“No problem, but make sure you get some rest, I don’t want to be covering for your sick ass all week.” With that, the line went dead. Dan couldn’t help but smile at that, but it was short lived. He rolled over in his bed, turning towards the window. He had this feeling in his gut that was killing him..as if he was feeling guilty for what he’s done.

But that’s impossible – after all these years of killing, he’s never felt anything close to remorse, let alone guilt. Dan groaned, pulling the blankets over his head. In all honesty, he didn’t know what to do. The only thing he did know, was that he wanted to see Phil. Badly. He missed him and couldn’t shake the dark haired boy out of his head. Unfortunately with Ian being on call, Dan couldn’t go see him tonight. Maybe he could find a way tomorrow night to go see him. Yes, that is what he would do. God, this is ridiculous; he knows he can’t help but feel this way because Phil is his other half, but he would never expect him to feel so strongly about someone. He’s drawn to the guy, and there’s nothing he can do about it.

Apparently Dan had fallen asleep, for he woke up after sleeping for a solid hour, feeling more tired if anything. He glanced at the clock in his room and saw it was just after eleven at night. All day he had been in and out of consciousness, drifting between memories of Phil and dreams of new ones to come. But now, there was no falling back asleep. For as tired as he felt, his brain was too clouded by thoughts to fall back into blissful oblivion. So, he got up, threw on a jacket and left his apartment, in desperate need of some fresh air.

The bustle of New York was just what Dan needed to take his mind off all of the complicated things. He walked along the crowded sidewalk, enjoying the endless chatter and noises all around him. Street musicians strummed their guitars and sang their songs, New Yorkers talked into their cell phones, couples laughed. It was a wonder Dan even heard his phone go off with all this noise – but he did. Dan took one glance at the caller ID and began crossing the street, heading to a quiet park nearby.

“Hey Phil,” Dan answered, an automatic smile making its way onto his face.

“Hey! You aren’t too busy are you?” Oh, how he missed his voice.

“No, not at all. Why are you up so early?” He heard Phil laugh on the other end, which ended in a yawn, making Dan laugh as well.

“It really isn’t that early – it’s almost six!”

“It isn’t that early?? I don’t want to know what you consider early in that case.”

“No, it’s definitely early. I just tell myself that to make it easier to get up. I have class this morning.” Dan had just reached the park and sat down on a bench by a frozen pond. He began biting the side of his thumb, realizing he had no idea where Phil worked and what he was going to school for. So he asked. “I’m actually studying my last year of Pre-Med right now, in April I’ll be applying to Medical School.”

“Damn, I have a smart other half,” Dan teased. “So, listen, what are you doing tomorrow night? Actually.. for you it might be considered tonight. This whole 'on the other side of the world’ thing fucks with me.” Phil laughed once again, a sound Dan was growing to love.

“Well I just have class until four, then I should be free. Why? I thought you went back to the states a few days ago.”

“Oh, I did. I’m actually sitting outside in the freezing New York air right now. Well, keep your schedule open tonight, I have a surprise.”

“A surprise? Is there any way you’ll tell me this surprise?”

“Phil! It would not be a surprise if I told you, now would it?”

“Hmm.. I suppose not. I don’t know how I’m supposed to concentrate on my classes with this surprise looming over me.”

“Looming? You’re adorable, honestly.”

“Adorable! I don’t want to be known as adorable. I am a grown man.”

“Well maybe you’re the exception that a grown man can be adorable without losing any of his manliness.”

“You’re smooth, Dan, honestly,” Phil said laughing. “But anyway, now that I’m ten minutes late, I should probably leave for class. I’m assuming I’ll talk to you tonight, concerning this surprise?”

“Oh yes, you can count on talking to me tonight.”

“Okay, then…I’ll talk to you tonight. Bye Dan.” He could practically hear the smile in his voice, which made him smile even wider.

“Bye Phil.” Dan hung up and put his phone back in his pocket, just then realizing he had been smiling their entire conversation. The things that Phil did to him.

“"For currently living in a shitty one bedroom apartment, you sure are being picky as hell right now.“
"I’ll give you two some privacy,” The real estate agent, whose name Dan could not remember for the life of him, said, her heels clicking loudly on the polished wood floor. For the past few hours Dan and Ian had been looking at flats just outside of London, and well, Ian was running out of patience with his younger brother.

“I know I’m being picky, but I just want it to be perfect you know? My other apartment is a shit hole, so I just want something different than that.”

Ian sighed and smiled at him. “No, I get that. But what’s wrong with this place? It’s great, really.” Dan looked around. It was great. The ceilings were high and there were three large windows overlooking the city. The walls were all white and large stairs led the way to two bedrooms and a bathroom. Okay, so maybe it was really great. He could picture his pictures hanging on the walls, and he could envision his music posters in his bedroom. And Dan was sure this place would impress Phil; which was what it all came down to.

“You know what – you’re right, as usual. I think I’ll take it.” Ian smiled, and clapped his shoulder.

“That’s a good choice.” And he went off to go find the real estate agent.

Dan leaned against the window, looking outside as small snowflakes drifted down. It sucked because he could see himself and Phil possibly living here someday. Life could be great, if only things weren’t so complicated. Ironically enough, he was the one begrudgingly standing in the way of his own happiness.

Dan had considered the idea of talking to Ian and seeing if he could convince him that finding your other half isn’t overrated, and that it’s actually the best thing that could ever happen to someone. But say, by some miracle, he did convince Ian, there would be no way his father could be convinced. Dan sighed, resting his head against the cool glass; he would enjoy his happiness right now, even if it’s only short term.

That night, Dan began unpacking his few boxes of clothes and possessions. It didn’t take long until the flat felt like home, something his New York apartment never felt like. He told Ian he’d be on call tonight, in thanks of covering when he wasn’t feeling well. But of course Dan has ulterior motives and just wanted to see Phil.

At the thought of his other half, he felt his phone go off and saw it was him.

“So are you going to tell me where this mysterious address leads to?” Dan laughed at Phil’s whiny voice and switched the phone to his other ear so he could properly stir his spaghetti sauce.

“Why hello to you too,” He teased. “And no, you’ll have to find for yourself.”

"You are the most stubborn man I have ever met. For all I know, this address you text me could just lead me to some psycho serial killer.” Phil teased, but Dan didn’t find it very funny – because yeah, that’s kind of exactly what he was leading him to, but Phil just didn’t know he was the 'psycho serial killer.’

“Oh just man up and keep walking.”

Phil grumbled under his breath and hung up the phone. Dan couldn’t help but smile and began setting the table. He had decided to plan a romantic night for the two of them. Granted, Dan was not a romantic person whatsoever, but he has seen movies. So, he set the table with some candles, two glasses of the nicest wine he could find, and homemade dinner: spaghetti and breadsticks. Hell, he even wore a nice shirt that wasn’t black. That’s all romantic right?

Right as there was a knock on the door, Dan’s pager in his pocket went off. He glanced at his pager before turning it on silent. Some things were more important.

Dan took a deep breath before opening the door, revealing a surprised and very handsome Phil.
“What the hell are you doing here?” He asked, his teal eyes wider than Dan has ever seen them. But he momentarily ignored his question and kissed him, pulling him into his new loft, shutting the door behind him. Phil wrapped his arms around him, missing the older’s presence.

“I just bought this place..what do you think?”

“Wait what? You bought a loft in London?”

“Yeah, I mean it’s more like a vacation home, I guess.”

“You’re absolutely insane..” Phil mumbled as he wandered through the loft, exploring each room. He stopped moving when he found the kitchen and spun around to face Dan, with an excited grin on his face. “Did you do this for me?”

“No, I did it for my other other-half,” Dan teased, smirking when Phil just rolled his eyes in response. His smirk was quickly replaced by Phil’s lips though, and he soon became lost in the older boy.

- - - -
“Seriously though, Dan..how did you learn to cook so well? That was amazing.” Dan just smiled in return, and filled up Phil’s glass with more wine and joined him on the couch. “So, you never told me what you do for work? I’m especially curious, since you have a pager and this is not the 1980’s anymore.” Phil giggled.

“Well..” Dan cleared his throat, thinking furiously trying to come up with a lie that would explain how he can afford a vacation home in London and how he is able to 'travel’ so often. “Well, I’m a real estate broker for a pretty big company in New York. It’s not very interesting.” He lied, silently thanking God he could think fast on his feet.

“No, that is interesting. You know, I’d love to come to New York with you sometime. You could show me around the city and where you live..”

“Yeah, I would love that. When you’re on break for school you can come stay with me okay?” Dan was getting to be a really good liar, it came natural to him – and he hated it. He hated how easy it was to lie to Phil. He knew he could never bring Phil back to New York with him, Ian would find out immediately, not to mention Zeus. Protecting Phil is the only thing he wanted to do, but when he’s with him he’s only doing harm. Yet, Dan is too damn weak and selfish to care. He has never felt this way about anything or anyone, yet he knows it will only end in disaster. But he just couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it.

Phil just smiled big in return and went in for another kiss. Maybe it was the three and a half glasses of wine he’s had so far, or maybe it was just the fact he was sitting next to the hottest guy he’s ever seen, but he was suddenly feeling very needy for Dan. You could say Dan was pretty happy about that.

On a typical day, Dan is very aware of his surroundings, the time and his job. But days with Phil are not typical days. The sun was shining through the windows of Dan’s loft when he woke up. He looked to his left and saw Phil fast asleep with a slight smile on his face, his hair still messy from last night. A smile quickly made its way onto Dan’s face, until he saw the time on the clock: a little after 11:30. Dan never sleeps this late. Granted, he was up pretty late with Phil, and was pretty worn out when he did fall asleep. If it was 11:30 here..that meant it was 6:30 back in New York– Ian always gets up around six.

Shit.

By the time Dan found his pager among his and Phil’s clothes strewn across the room, he had over thirty missed messages. Fifteen were from Ian. This wasn’t good. Dan lightly kissed Phil’s cheek before teleporting back to his shitty New York apartment, which was when he called Ian.

“Dan what the fu–”

“I know, I know. I fucked up I’m sorry.”

“Where were you last night? I woke up this morning to seventeen pages that were left unanswered last night. Which means there were seventeen couples left unattended. Do you know how much work we have to do today to make up for that?”

“I know, Ian. I lied down for a little bit, and this was the first night I actually got more than four hours of sleep. I must have slept so hard that I didn’t even hear my pager go off.” Oh look, another lie.

He heard Ian sigh on the phone. “No, I understand, Dan. I’m glad you finally got some sleep..but do you know how pissed dad would be if he found out about this?”

“Oh I think I can imagine..”

“Look, I’m going to be on call for the next few nights so you can catch up on some sleep you clearly need. But you’re taking care of this mess that you created and I’m not going to help you.”

“Okay, that’s fair..thanks for understanding.”

“I’m your brother, Dan. I have to understand. Now go take care of this mess before dad finds out. One thing is for certain – I am not taking the blame on this if it gets out to him you were slacking.”

Then the line went dead.

Dan sat on his old leather couch that was falling apart and put his head in his hands. What has he gotten himself into? He couldn’t keep living life like this, trying to sneak some time in with Phil here and there. But he sure as hell wasn’t going to stop seeing him – that was out of the question. Maybe he could try talking to Ian, maybe make him see things the way Dan was beginning to. No, he knew that conversation wouldn’t go very far. Then he realized the solution: he just needs to find Ian’s other half and make them meet. Then Ian had to understand how Dan is feeling right?

There was only one way to find out.