Everything After

There comes a time, maybe even multiples times, in a person's life when they decide to stop lying to themselves once and for all. Within each individual, each human body, lies two separate and completely interdependent entities: the heart and the mind. The mind represents logic, fact, reasoning, and what we believe (or want to believe) is true. The heart is raw, unharnessed passion and emotion, and holds (although we may attempt to block it out) what we know to be true. The two do not work together but often, rather, against one another. Together, however, they make up the soul, the person inside the fleshy body. Their relationship is so complex and so contradictory, yet so simple in reality. We choose to listen to the one that we WANT to be true although we know that a combination is necessary in finding the real truth. We cannot listen to just our reasoning, for it will always reason in favor of our own thinking. We cannot solely listen to our heart for it will simply never take into account good judgment. We must rather use wise judgment in sifting through the file cabinets of our heart to find the answer that we actually knew was there the whole time; he will never change, you will always be unhappy if you keep going on like this, life goes on and things are meant to end, you're not being social, you're holding yourself back, if you want a change you need to make one. And just like that- click- everything snaps into place. Suddenly you have a new outlook and the ability to finally inhale fresh air again. I don't want to get there again; that place where I didn't know what was up and what was down, where my head and heart were at a constant battle with one another and both physically hurt. In order to stay strong and refreshed and *loving myself* I have made a few resolutions in honor of me finally *resolving* my old vices.
1. Do not look. It's like don't ask, don't tell. If you're going to look or snoop or pry then be ready for what you will uncover. You can only blame yourself for going out of your way to find the things that you didn't want to see.
2. Run. Every day. Get up and get out and get going. You won't feel good about yourself unless you know you're putting the effort out there to be the best you possible. You have so much power, don't harness is let it go.
3. An apple a day keeps the dentist away. Well, in this case, a retainer a night. Wear your goddamn retainer so the dentist can stop bugging you. Take care of what you got.
4. Focus. Get your work done before you go out, get your workout done before you lounge in bed. There's no excuse for laziness when you fail.
5. Break down the wall of your comfort zone. Meet more new people, branch out, have fun. Don't let 'tired' and 'sad' take away from moments that could make u feel alive and happy.
6. That being said, never feel bad about taking a night to yourself. Cry it out, sleep it out, do what you gotta do in order to wake up brand new and restart.
7. Be the best you possible.

I believe I am at a point in my life where things are coming together and falling into place. I have finally let go of the past and left the toxic people in 2015. What I went through made me stronger than I could have ever believed possible because I survived it. I got through some of the hardest days and nights and even months of my life. I broke through depression and anxiety and wondering what it would be like to die and would people even miss me? I love myself more than I believe anyone else ever could. I finally realize I don't need a best friend or a fucking boyfriend or ANYONE because I have myself. I can have dinners with myself, and adventure by myself, and think to myself. Of course, this is not how I want my whole life to be (that would be quite lonely), but for now I am more than content with it. I'm still working on myself, I think I always will be, but as Sophia Bush said it best,"You can be both a master piece and a work in progress simultaneously."