‹ Prequel: Notes on Heartbreak
Status: This is not so much a story as it is a personal journal. Although one day I hope to look back at it as a story of my life.
Everything After
To the Next from the Ex
Hi. I know your name, but I won't write it here.
I know where you go to school and I know that you're younger than him and I know that you're together. I've known for quite some time now.
As for who you are as a person, I don't know if you're kind or if you're smart or funny or sarcastic or sassy or outgoing or shy or well-liked or rude or anything. And I'm not about to make assumptions. I do not know anything about your character, I don't plan to, but I don't question it simply based on the fact that you're with the boy that broke my heart. I trust that you could be an amazing person, although between you and me I would like to tell myself that's not true. You can't blame me, you're the next and I'm the ex. It's just how it happens, and I'm here to tell you we will never be friends. If I see you out, don't expect me to make eye contact with you or introduce myself cordially. I will avoid you completely and my friends will likely shoot you ice-cold glares. They can't help it, they love me and they know that your existence was once a source of tremendous pain to me.
Don't get it twisted, though, despite all of this, I have not an ounce of hate nor contempt towards you. I'm over it. I'm over him and I'm over you. You've helped me get to this very point actually. The second you arrived, I began to let go and finally started to heal. Every time I see your pictures it's like a test of strength for myself. A flicker of hurt followed by composure and I can feel myself growing stronger, building up a bank of things that can no longer hurt me. A picture of you guys at the Flyer's game, something he would have never done with me. A picture of the gifts he got you, did you know he never gave me a birthday present? A picture of you, you are thinner and probably prettier than I am. It seems unfair sometimes. Like he upgraded and you got the upgraded version of my ex. But it's really okay. Because I look at those pictures and I don't see it anymore. I don't see him, I don't want that boy anymore. So for that, thank you. I can't say I'm unphased by you yet, but I am confident that I will be.
Again, don't be confused. My flicker of hurt is not jealousy. I don't want to be you. In fact, I know I am better than you. I go to college, I'm involved, smart, well-liked, confident, independent, and mature. I have a group of best friends at home that would protect me with their lives. You are damaged, attached, you need love from boys to make you feel valuable, you do not have a good reputation, you do not have real friends. So while I apologize for being arrogant, it's true. You have him, but I have just about everything else. I am happy with myself. No offense, but you're the girl I swear to myself I will never be. We are nothing alike.. So when he started being with you, that's when I knew we were really done. I wish you all the happiness in the world, I hope you can find yourself. Thank you for all you have done to help me find myself.
I know where you go to school and I know that you're younger than him and I know that you're together. I've known for quite some time now.
As for who you are as a person, I don't know if you're kind or if you're smart or funny or sarcastic or sassy or outgoing or shy or well-liked or rude or anything. And I'm not about to make assumptions. I do not know anything about your character, I don't plan to, but I don't question it simply based on the fact that you're with the boy that broke my heart. I trust that you could be an amazing person, although between you and me I would like to tell myself that's not true. You can't blame me, you're the next and I'm the ex. It's just how it happens, and I'm here to tell you we will never be friends. If I see you out, don't expect me to make eye contact with you or introduce myself cordially. I will avoid you completely and my friends will likely shoot you ice-cold glares. They can't help it, they love me and they know that your existence was once a source of tremendous pain to me.
Don't get it twisted, though, despite all of this, I have not an ounce of hate nor contempt towards you. I'm over it. I'm over him and I'm over you. You've helped me get to this very point actually. The second you arrived, I began to let go and finally started to heal. Every time I see your pictures it's like a test of strength for myself. A flicker of hurt followed by composure and I can feel myself growing stronger, building up a bank of things that can no longer hurt me. A picture of you guys at the Flyer's game, something he would have never done with me. A picture of the gifts he got you, did you know he never gave me a birthday present? A picture of you, you are thinner and probably prettier than I am. It seems unfair sometimes. Like he upgraded and you got the upgraded version of my ex. But it's really okay. Because I look at those pictures and I don't see it anymore. I don't see him, I don't want that boy anymore. So for that, thank you. I can't say I'm unphased by you yet, but I am confident that I will be.
Again, don't be confused. My flicker of hurt is not jealousy. I don't want to be you. In fact, I know I am better than you. I go to college, I'm involved, smart, well-liked, confident, independent, and mature. I have a group of best friends at home that would protect me with their lives. You are damaged, attached, you need love from boys to make you feel valuable, you do not have a good reputation, you do not have real friends. So while I apologize for being arrogant, it's true. You have him, but I have just about everything else. I am happy with myself. No offense, but you're the girl I swear to myself I will never be. We are nothing alike.. So when he started being with you, that's when I knew we were really done. I wish you all the happiness in the world, I hope you can find yourself. Thank you for all you have done to help me find myself.