Ignite These Somber Flames

Darkness. My eyes adjusted to the dimly lit bathroom. I watched the big hand glide around the clock. It passed over the 3, then the 4. I waited until it passed over the 6 before I reached for the tongs. Gently, I lifted the piece of emulsion paper out of the tray labeled stop bath and into the one labeled fixer. Five more minutes, I thought to myself. The words to David Bowie’s “Hunky Dory” album played through my headphones.

Just as the big hand rounded into the fourth minute, the bathroom door opened and light spilled into the bathroom. "What the fuck?" I shouted, twisting around. I squinted my eyes. I only made out Liam's medium-built silhouette. "The sign fucking says do not open.” I could see Liam's lips moving. "Hold on," I groaned. I pulled out my headphones as my eyes adjusted to the new light. "What?"

"I'm sorry but I've been knocking for hours," Liam exaggerated. He bit his lower lip. His forest green eyes glanced over at bathtub. "I hope I didn't ruin anything," he winced. "But it's past two and I really need to clean up in here."

I yanked my phone out of the back pocket of my black jeans. "Shit," I cursed at the time that read on my phone. I stuffed the device back into my pocket. I let out a deep sigh and tugged at the messy bun on top of my head. "Give me a minute," I grumbled as I stood up. I still had the tongs in my hand. I threw away the destroyed photograph.

Liam stepped closer into the bathroom. I handed him the enlarger that sat on the white tiled floor next to the porcelain throne, "Be careful with it," I warned him. I gave him a stern look in the eye.

"Where do you want me to put it?" He asked, his voice tense. He stood in the doorway.

"Your bathroom," I said matter-of-fact from behind him.

Liam shook his head. "No good," He said. "I need your help downstairs."

"Fine," I huffed, throwing my arms in the air. "My room." Liam turned and went right down the hall, all the way to the end until he reached my room. I faced toward the bathtub, carefully lifting the trays that said developer and stop bath. One after the other, I turned on the faucet and dumped the liquids down the sink. With the last tray labeled fixer, I carefully dumped its contents into a bucket labeled chemical waste. I placed the lid back onto the bucket and kicked it until it sat next to the toilet.

"Oh no," Liam spooked me. "That goes in your room too. I don't need any accidents with that tonight." I exhaled, catching Liam's attention quickly. His eyes narrowed at me. "I don't need a drunk to do god knows what with a bucket that says chemical waste."

Agreeing, I carried the bucket over to my room and dropped it down on the inside of the door. I took a quick survey of my room. The walls were painted a Tiffany Blue with Christmas lights hanging around the tops of the walls. A poster of David Bowie hung next framed photographs. Clothes littered the oak wood flooring. I shrugged my shoulders, closing my bedroom door. All morning Liam spent cleaning every corner of the house minus my room. Only way I could tell was the scent of citrus everywhere. Liam's fiancé Audrey was in the salon all day, unable to help out for their engagement party. I would have offered my help, but I ran tight on a deadline for a few prints. A couple wanted to stop by tomorrow to pick up their engagement photos.

Liam already started on the bathroom when I returned. I picked up the remainder of my equipment left in the bathroom before heading out. "What do you need me to do?" I asked.

On his hand and knees, Liam scrubbed around the toilet seat. He paused, the back of his yellow rubber glove scratched his forehead. "Umm," He stated looking around. "Can you move The Box?" He hesitated. "I'm sorry, I know," he said when he saw my face drop. "But if Audrey sees it…" Liam trailed off. We both knew he didn’t need to say anything more. Audrey had been on my case about The Box for a couple of months now. It only collected dust next to the bottom of the stairs.

"I don't where you want me to put it," I mumbled, twirling a loose strand of my honey brown hair.

He groaned out of frustration. "I don't have time to argue about the box right now. Just put it somewhere where Audrey won't find it tonight," he ranted. “Maybe your room since it has your name on it."

As much as Audrey and Liam loved having me as their roommate, they could only tolerate me so far. The Box was an obvious controversy in our lovely, little household. Starting four years ago, on every holiday imaginable, including my birthday, and even during random times of the year, I received either a postcard or a card. I never opened a single one. They started to pile up after a while until finally the collected in a cardboard box. Over time it filled up until finally, just this past year, they stopped arriving. The Box collected dust after that. Audrey was on my case constantly, telling me I needed to figure out what I planned on doing with it.

I stomped down the stairs until The Box sat between my feet. I picked it up, staring down at all the multi-colored envelopes. Between every three to four envelopes there was a postcard sticking out. Greets from Montreal, or Bonjour! And Dublin City in cursive.

As soon as the box hit the floor of my room with a thud, the doorbell rang throughout the house. "Can you please get that?" Liam begged, still cleaning in the bathroom. "Audrey probably forgot her house key again." Liam poked his head into the hallway.

"I got it," I told him. I walked back down the stairs, a little skip to my walk. Without hesitation, I yanked the door open. "Audrey-ooooh," I started singing until my gaze fell into a sea of hazel. Immediately, my chest tightened. I swallowed the thump that formed in my throat. After a few seconds of awkwardly staring at each other, I looked toward the ground in front of me. "Excuse me," I breathed, leaving the door open as I turned on my heels and walked up the stairs. I passed Liam as he glided down the stairs.

"Marlowe, I meant to-" Liam started but I raised a hand and continued up the stairs. I could hear his steps as he walked into the house behind me. Once out of sight on the second story, I leaned against one of the walls. My breath quickened and I slid down the wall until my butt touched the hardwood flooring.

"You're early!" I heard Liam shout. "I wasn't expecting you guys to land for another thirty minutes. I would have picked you up from the airport!" More footsteps and chatter entered.

"Yeah, we meant to call but thought it would be better to surprise you." Gerard informed him. I poked my head around the corner. I could only see the top of Gerard’s head. His grungy, black hair was a few inches longer than the last time I saw him. It started to curl at the ends. To Gerard's right stood Mikey, glasses free and his hair pushed back. His face more mature than memory served me. Frank leaned against the wall next to the front door.

I didn't glance long at him until the tightness in my chest returned. I shook my head, and pushed myself off my butt. I snuck down the hallway, cringing as my footsteps echoed. I dodged into my room and closed the door behind me. My mind began to race. Four years. Four years since I had seen any of their faces. I couldn't help but notice how much they had grown up.

I picked up the few articles of clothing on the ground and moved them onto my bed. I picked up my most used 35 mm camera and finally placed it back in its place on top of my dresser. For some reason, I always found time to clean when I didn’t want to think. I jumped when my bedroom door flew open. My eyes darted toward the intruder.

A grin slid from one cheek to the other on Gerard's face. He walked over to me, despite my attempts to coward away. "I had to come see for myself," he smiled. Without warning, Gerard engulfed me into a bear hug. When he pulled away, he placed his hands on my shoulder. "It's been awhile, kiddo," he commented. He let go of me, glancing around the room. The Box caught his attention. He walked over to it, glancing inside of it. "Well, I see you did get my letters," he chuckled lightly.

I closed my eyes, exhaling. I reopened them and caught Gerard's focus. "I meant to open them," I lied before I could stop myself. Gerard knew it was a lie but he smiled anyways. We stood in silence for a moment. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. "It is good to see you," I said.

"Come on," Gerard stood up straight. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "Come join the family reunion," he joked. "We’re here to celebrate Liam's engagement." Gerard left no room for me to protest, or remind him that I had not seen nor spoken to Frank since I left New Jersey.

In no time, I found myself in the kitchen, all the boys piled in there and helping out with setting up. Liam had his nose in the fridge, pulling out all sorts of cheeses and meats, and handing them off to Mikey. Mikey placed them on the island and Frank stood with his back to me, busy washing the last few dishes in the sink. Finally, Ray stood next to him, drying the dishes Frank handed him.

"Look who I found," Gerard announced. All heads turned. Smiles spread across both Mikey and Ray's faces. The corners of Frank's lips barely moved. I could feel his eyes on me though.

"Marlowe!" Mikey cheered. He dropped the wedges of cheese on the counter and bounced over to me. Similarly to his brother, Mikey's arms stretched around my body, quickly embracing me. However, unlike Gerard, Mikey easily stood a foot taller than me.

"Mikey," I let out nervously. I had not grown accustom to the hugs. Mikey let go of me and his eyes studied me.

"You look the same," he stated.

"Err-thanks?" I mumbled, crossing my arms over my chest. I pulled down the sides of my cardigan, fiddlings with a loose piece of thread.

"No, no, I mean it's really nice to see you," he blushed. He took a few steps back. "How's San Diego treating you?" He asked. "I'm excited to experience the weather all week," He smiled down at me.

My eyes darted over to Liam, who coincidentally, avoided my gaze. He continued to place different articles of food on the table. "All week?" I stuttered, looking back at Mikey. It was weird to see him without glasses. There seemed to be a lot of open space on his face. "Y-y-you're staying all week?" I asked again. I attempted to sneak a glance at Frank, and mistakenly, I got his hazel eyes again. In a matter of milliseconds, I turned away, my cheeks flustering.

"Like I said, kiddo," Gerard piped in. "A family reunion!" He wrapped his arms around Mikey and I, pulling us in for a tight hug.

"Well hello, everyone," A bubbly voice echoed throughout the kitchen. "Ray, it's so good to see you again." Gerard, not letting either of us go, spun the three of us around to see a petite girl with a bubblegum pink pixie cut stand next to the refrigerator. Audrey gave Ray a quick hug before handing a bag of groceries off to Liam, kissing him on the cheek as she did so. Frank sulked over, hugging her before she got the chance. "Frank," she smiled at him. "How's your mother doing? Is she enjoying that book I recommended a few weeks ago?"

"Um-I'm not sure," his voice was a little raspy. "I'll ask her next time we talk," he flashed Audrey a smile. I gawked at Frank again. I hadn't realized it until I caught a confused look from him. Audrey never grew up in New Jersey with Liam, the boys, and I. Frank and Liam were best friends after all, but never did I expect Audrey to be, or at least sound like, she was close with Frank, especially his mother.