In Your Eyes

“How do you feel now that everything is out?” Dorothy asked.

She and Arella were in the library during a session.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “It feels good to finally get it off of my chest but I still feel like I betrayed my brother’s trust. He didn’t want me to tell anyone.”

Dorothy nodded. “I know. But if he were here right now, seeing the pain you’re in, do you think he’d change his mind?”

“Maybe,” she admitted.

“I’m going to be straight and honest with you,” Dorothy said. “When your parents first contacted me, it was because they were worried you were going to drive yourself insane. I’ve noticed a complete change in you since we started. But one thing I have yet see you do is smile. Even a little.” Arella looked out the window. “Why don’t you smile?”

“I don’t know how to explain it,” Arella said slowly. “There are things I can think of that make me a little happy but when Paul died, a part of me went with him. I really did almost kill myself the other day. I wanted the pain to go away and I wanted to see him again. But Mathias asked me if that’s what Paul would want and I realized that, no, it isn’t. I know Paul would want me to smile, to see me happy again, but how can I when half of me is in another world now?”

“I’ve never had a sibling,” Dorothy said. “My parents only wanted one child. So the only thing I have to go on is from what I’ve read in medical books and studies. But that’s not the same with you. I want you to tell me everything about you and Paul.”

“I don’t even know where I’d start,” she said.

Dorothy smiled kindly. “I’m not in a hurry.”

--

Mathias went into the second library while Arella and his mother talked. He looked around at all the books, wondering where to start. The king said they were categorized by subject so he started from the left. It took him nearly an hour to get to the medical subject and his heart sank when he saw there weren’t many books.

He pulled them off the shelf, though, and took them to the desk. The swelling in his hands, feet, and knees was getting unbearable and he wanted to find whatever he could. The salt baths his mother made helped relieve the pain but they were only temporary.

The weather was changing to fall and, with it, brought cold winds and icy rain. He spent many days in the library, reading each book, and making notes of what might be important. He did his best to stay focused on his research but he knew, sooner or later, he’d have to face Arella. He hadn’t talked much with her mostly because he was afraid what she would say to him.

One day in the early fall, Mathias was in the library reading when someone knocked on the door. Arella walked in. Her hair was starting to grow again and she had put on more weight. He could tell whatever she and his mother were talking about was making an impact. She still wore only black, though.

“May I join you?” she asked, holding up a book and gesturing at the chair by the fire.

“Of course,” he said and she closed the door, crossing to the chair.

He turned back to his books but he kept getting distracted. He stole looks at her from the corner of his eye. She stayed in the chair, her legs curled up underneath her, as she read her book. Finally, he decided there was nothing for it and closed his book, marking where he left off. He sat in the armchair across from hers.

“What are you reading?” he asked.

“A book of fairy tales,” she answered. “I like them. They make me forget about what’s going on around me.” He nodded, staring thoughtfully into the fire. “Did I say something wrong?” she asked after a while and he looked up.

She was watching him closely.

“What do you mean?”

“You haven’t spoken to me in over a month,” she said quietly. “I can only think that I’ve said something wrong or that you’re no longer interested.”

“It’s not that,” he said quickly. “It’s not that at all. I’m just trying to give you some space.”

She frowned. “Why?”

He blinked. “What do you mean?”

“I didn’t ask for any.”

“I thought you’d want some,” he admitted. “I guess I should have asked first….”

She didn’t answer for a minute. “Will you join me for dinner?”

She was blushing and he realized that’s why she was really in here.

“Um…. Sure. Let me just get changed and I’ll meet you in the dining hall.”

With a small smile at her, he hurried up the stairs.

--

Arella let out a long sigh when she was sure he was outside of earshot. She had spent the last three days planning the conversation. It was Dorothy’s suggestion to invite him for a special dinner and Arella had the cook prepare meals Dorothy said were his favorite. She wanted to thank him for being so good to her. She also wanted to find out where they stood together.

Considering they were in the same palace, a month of silence was a long time and she truly believed that, now that the murderer had been revealed, he lost interest in her. She thought that was the only reason he bothered with her to begin with.

As she got dressed, she tried to come up with conversation topics. Her mother had advised her to not bring up her brother and she agreed.

When six o’clock came around, she met him in the dining hall. He was wearing a black cotton shirt and black trousers. He smiled and offered his arm to her which she accepted.

“We won’t be eating in the main hall,” she explained as she walked past it, opening another door. “This is where we will be eating.”

It was a smaller, more intimate room. The table was big enough for only three people and the servants had set it up in a simple way with just two candles and a bouquet of fresh flowers. With the weather getting colder and colder, fires were lit in every room and this was no exception.

He pushed in her chair after she sat down as she rang a bell. The servants brought in the first course: a bowl of warm soup.

“What have you been doing so much research on?” she asked, blowing gently on the broth so it wouldn’t burn her mouth.

“Medicine,” he answered. “I’m trying to find out this other condition I have,” he explained. “It makes my joints swell and hurt. There’s got to be a way to relieve it.”

“What about hot water?”

“I do that but it’s only temporary.”

Arella nodded, logging that in her brain for future use. They spoke of his home and how he didn’t really miss it.

“We live on the other side of the kingdom. Most of the time it’s just my mom constantly rushing out to help people. I spend the time she’s gone reading mostly. Sometimes I manage to cook for us but those moments were few and far between.”

“What’s your favorite thing to cook?”

“Roasted duck,” he answered, smiling at the thought. “Every time they had it at the marketplace, Mom would bring a duck back and we’d have that. It was like a feast.”

“What about your father?”

He pushed a vegetable around on his plate. “He died when I was a kid.”

“I’m sorry.”

He just shrugged and smiled again. “Dinner was delicious,” he said after they had finished the dessert and were standing.

“I was going to suggest a walk outside,” she said, “but it looks like the ice doesn’t plan on stopping tonight.”

He offered her his arm as normal. “That’s okay. We can go another time.” They walked slowly toward her bedroom. “What prompted the dinner?” he asked.

“I just wanted to show my appreciation,” she muttered, blushing slightly. “You’ve helped me a lot.”

He didn’t say anything until they reached her bedroom. He smiled at her and, again, she tried to smile back. She sighed sadly and looked at the floor.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, putting his finger under her chin and lifting her face. “Take your time.”

She didn’t know what to say but it didn’t matter as his lips enveloped hers. She sighed through her nose, wrapping her arms around his neck. He deepened the kiss, his hands on her waist.

“Good night,” she breathed, resting her forehead on his.

“Good night.”