I Cannot Walk Away
coming undone
I rolled myself over in my bed, or what I considered a bed to be. You see I haven't really had a home since I was 15. I have been on the streets for a while, doing my own thing, not giving a shit and I guess I have been doing pretty damn well. I stepped myself into some coffee shop, looking around its aroma filling my nose and making me remember I am hungry. I looked around and found Matt sitting in a corner and I made my way over to him, hungry for more I needed it. I craved it.
"you got it" I asked way too loud. People looked at me and I knew if I didn't keep my mouth shut I would be in some deep shit. I watched Matt Nod at me, I threw a $50 on the table and took the small bag he had already on the table, thank to fucking god.
I made my way down the street, hurrying myself into work, I bet you are wondering who I am and what the hell I am doing homeless and having a job.. Well it is a long story and I do not have time to explain at the moment but I will soon.
"where the hell have you been" Alex growled at me, I glanced at the clock, oops I was 15 minutes late again. I Shrugged and I let myself into my chair and began my work. I am a tattoo artist, crazy right but I do not even have a home, like I said it's a long ass story. But I love what I do, don't get me wrong.
8 hours have went by pretty fast for someone like me but I couldn't even contain myself any longer, the second it hit 6 pm I was out of the shop like a bat out of hell, I always am out of there first, I do my work, I clean up shit so Alex has no real reason to get rid of me, plus he needs me and I need him so it all works out in the end.
I bolted through the door of the run down home god I needed to be here more, I needed to stay out of work more often so I can sit here and do nothing. I pulled the small bag out of my pocket, found my needle and began to insert my happiness.
I am a heroin addict.
There, I said it, I am an addict and I needed this high to take everything away from me, all the messed up shit in my life that I did, all the men in my life that I needed to forget, it all needed to be gone.
I inserted the needle into my vein, ouch, but it's okay because soon I would not feel the sting of some needle in my arm, soon I would feel nothing and his face woulds soon get out of my head. Yes him, one of the many him's that left me when I picked drugs over them, except the last one, he wouldn't leave so I needed to leave, he wanted the best for me, he wanted to help me, he was my everything. He was my only drug.
I began to feel light headed and oh so loopy, god I loved the feeling. His face began to drift from my mind, But i found myself missing him too much, i found myself needing him, without warning I began to move, where in the hell am I going.
I found myself at some venue, an all to familiar venue, what the hell am I doing here. I began to think of why I was here, I had enough supplies to last me until Tuesday which was great because today was Sunday. I began to walk around the back of the building, it was your average building with lines of people waiting to get in.. It was a concert but I did not know who was playing and for some reason I did not care.
I made my way inside, at least it was warm in here, outside is cold as shit and it's the middle of December. I read the date on the wall, December 7th... I began to think to myself there is something important coming up, something I cannot remember. Shit, what the hell was i forgetting this time, was it something about work, something related to getting high? fuck
I continued to walk around some more, looking for a familiar face, a familiar something while I was waiting to enter more into my veins, if I did it here, someone would see me, too many people but I knew the high was wearing off and I would need more. I just can't handle being fucking sober, it was never for me, not ever. He tried so hard.
I found a bathroom and began to tighten the strap around my arm, more pain. I loaded up my needle again, here goes nothing.. In a moment or two I was back in could nine, now free to walk around and do whatever I want, terrorize whomever I wanted. Terrorize... someone I knew used to do that to me in high school.. and the whole school he always wore these high ass shorts and wild shirts and would run around bouncing around everywhere. J... Jake? Josh? James... Jimmy.
I walked around finally remember names, I remember more when I am not in touch with reality and it makes me super fucking friendly, normally I am quite as all hell, Alex hired me high.
So I remembered one name, one, I knew there was more and maybe he was here now, maybe but if he was here I better run like all fucking hell, I forgot he and his buddies want to kill me.. or they did. Maybe they still do.. I do not want to find out.
I sat myself down outside on the steps leading out to the back of the arena, I lit up a smoke and began to collect my thoughts. Since I could not remember anything it did not matter to me, I just needed to relax.
"Amy"
I turned my head, who the fuck is calling me? I stood up, this 6 foot man was in front of me, he had long i guess shoulder length brown hair, he wore a baseball cap, He had on some a7x t shirt and ripped jeans. I began to think of what the hell a7x could stand for, something seven times, something like math.
"who the hell are you" I gave him some look, he looked back at me with a look that read, really you don't know me?
Nope I had no idea who he was. I wish I did, maybe I would say hi, I shook my head no and he gave me a chuckle. "Jason" he responded, when I still had the dumb look on my face he said "Jason berry, with avenged sevenfold..." he paused "Johnny"
My eyes widened, did he just say what I thought he said... J... Johnny. I smashed my cigarette on the ground as quick as I could and began to book it the fuck out of there, I know I would not be safe until I reached my run down hell home. When I finally reached my home, i ran through the door, half the people in there did not look up, they where all too high.
When my high began to go away I began to remember things. I knew who Johnny was, I knew who Jimmy was and of course I knew who Jason fucking berry is. He was in Johnny's wedding party... or was supposed to be.
My name is Amy Rosslyand Seward and I was the girl who broke Johnny Christs' heart.
"you got it" I asked way too loud. People looked at me and I knew if I didn't keep my mouth shut I would be in some deep shit. I watched Matt Nod at me, I threw a $50 on the table and took the small bag he had already on the table, thank to fucking god.
I made my way down the street, hurrying myself into work, I bet you are wondering who I am and what the hell I am doing homeless and having a job.. Well it is a long story and I do not have time to explain at the moment but I will soon.
"where the hell have you been" Alex growled at me, I glanced at the clock, oops I was 15 minutes late again. I Shrugged and I let myself into my chair and began my work. I am a tattoo artist, crazy right but I do not even have a home, like I said it's a long ass story. But I love what I do, don't get me wrong.
8 hours have went by pretty fast for someone like me but I couldn't even contain myself any longer, the second it hit 6 pm I was out of the shop like a bat out of hell, I always am out of there first, I do my work, I clean up shit so Alex has no real reason to get rid of me, plus he needs me and I need him so it all works out in the end.
I bolted through the door of the run down home god I needed to be here more, I needed to stay out of work more often so I can sit here and do nothing. I pulled the small bag out of my pocket, found my needle and began to insert my happiness.
I am a heroin addict.
There, I said it, I am an addict and I needed this high to take everything away from me, all the messed up shit in my life that I did, all the men in my life that I needed to forget, it all needed to be gone.
I inserted the needle into my vein, ouch, but it's okay because soon I would not feel the sting of some needle in my arm, soon I would feel nothing and his face woulds soon get out of my head. Yes him, one of the many him's that left me when I picked drugs over them, except the last one, he wouldn't leave so I needed to leave, he wanted the best for me, he wanted to help me, he was my everything. He was my only drug.
I began to feel light headed and oh so loopy, god I loved the feeling. His face began to drift from my mind, But i found myself missing him too much, i found myself needing him, without warning I began to move, where in the hell am I going.
I found myself at some venue, an all to familiar venue, what the hell am I doing here. I began to think of why I was here, I had enough supplies to last me until Tuesday which was great because today was Sunday. I began to walk around the back of the building, it was your average building with lines of people waiting to get in.. It was a concert but I did not know who was playing and for some reason I did not care.
I made my way inside, at least it was warm in here, outside is cold as shit and it's the middle of December. I read the date on the wall, December 7th... I began to think to myself there is something important coming up, something I cannot remember. Shit, what the hell was i forgetting this time, was it something about work, something related to getting high? fuck
I continued to walk around some more, looking for a familiar face, a familiar something while I was waiting to enter more into my veins, if I did it here, someone would see me, too many people but I knew the high was wearing off and I would need more. I just can't handle being fucking sober, it was never for me, not ever. He tried so hard.
I found a bathroom and began to tighten the strap around my arm, more pain. I loaded up my needle again, here goes nothing.. In a moment or two I was back in could nine, now free to walk around and do whatever I want, terrorize whomever I wanted. Terrorize... someone I knew used to do that to me in high school.. and the whole school he always wore these high ass shorts and wild shirts and would run around bouncing around everywhere. J... Jake? Josh? James... Jimmy.
I walked around finally remember names, I remember more when I am not in touch with reality and it makes me super fucking friendly, normally I am quite as all hell, Alex hired me high.
So I remembered one name, one, I knew there was more and maybe he was here now, maybe but if he was here I better run like all fucking hell, I forgot he and his buddies want to kill me.. or they did. Maybe they still do.. I do not want to find out.
I sat myself down outside on the steps leading out to the back of the arena, I lit up a smoke and began to collect my thoughts. Since I could not remember anything it did not matter to me, I just needed to relax.
"Amy"
I turned my head, who the fuck is calling me? I stood up, this 6 foot man was in front of me, he had long i guess shoulder length brown hair, he wore a baseball cap, He had on some a7x t shirt and ripped jeans. I began to think of what the hell a7x could stand for, something seven times, something like math.
"who the hell are you" I gave him some look, he looked back at me with a look that read, really you don't know me?
Nope I had no idea who he was. I wish I did, maybe I would say hi, I shook my head no and he gave me a chuckle. "Jason" he responded, when I still had the dumb look on my face he said "Jason berry, with avenged sevenfold..." he paused "Johnny"
My eyes widened, did he just say what I thought he said... J... Johnny. I smashed my cigarette on the ground as quick as I could and began to book it the fuck out of there, I know I would not be safe until I reached my run down hell home. When I finally reached my home, i ran through the door, half the people in there did not look up, they where all too high.
When my high began to go away I began to remember things. I knew who Johnny was, I knew who Jimmy was and of course I knew who Jason fucking berry is. He was in Johnny's wedding party... or was supposed to be.
My name is Amy Rosslyand Seward and I was the girl who broke Johnny Christs' heart.