I Cannot Walk Away

- Amy-

I did not know how bad I would feel for the remainder of the week, I missed appointments, I stayed in my room. I have been panning my escape route to get away from avenged, away from Johnny. Michelle basically screamed at me I am not wanted here.

They all do not want me. It has been clear from the start. Yesterday I called up Alex and here I am back at work again. Dying. All he did was glare at me, making sure I knew my place. I had no objections. I let him do what he wanted. Who was I going to tell? Who would believe me? No one. That is for damn sure.

My workday was slow, yes there were clients but I did no such work on them, Alex made sure I kept close to him. I was the cleaner, made sure things were kept uptight and they way he wanted it. Anything to please the boss. Besides if I did what he said exactly how he liked it and maybe went the extra mile, he would go easy on me later on.

I was walking out of work when my phone rang, when he was done with me.

": Hi Amy this is Lynn, just checking up on you and make sure your okay. I found this number through Johnny, your friend. You have missed your last three appointments and have made no contact with people. I do not want to see you hurt yourself so please at your earliest convenience give me a call back."

Well fuck, if Alex found this out and found out the band has gotten me help everything would be ruined. The guys do not know I am working with Alex, they aren't home all day, well Jimmy isn't and when I think he is home I do not come back until he is asleep. I should move out I know but I can't. where would I go? No place.

I slipped into the apartment quietly not to wake the sleeping men in the living room and Maggie. She had gotten very close with Michelle and I do not want to be bothered with whatever she has told her about me. I keep my distance.

Entering my room I used my phone as a flashlight, if I turned a light on I risk having someone see me. I made sure I texted Alex that I got home. He needed to know everything. Well what else was I supposed to do?

"Amy" I low whisper said. I froze. Johnny

"Yes it's me" I replied with a shaky voice. What the hell was he doing here.

I heard him get up and come closer to me, I froze in my spot unable to get away or even shut the door. Back in my old home I always shut and locked it since there was so many druggies like myself you never wanted someone to come and steal your shit.

"Where have you been"? He questioned.

I thought for a moment, "Out, work" work, now what think of a better lie...

"I see, then why did you come out of the tattoo shop earlier" He pressed again but continued " why have you missed your appointments"

I did not know what to say, sorry could not cut it. We both knew it.

"Are you using" He asked.

"No I am not using. I have had some friends I was visiting at the shop that I have not seen in some time and wanted to say hi too. I am sorry about the appointments, I just I don't know I did not feel like going"

He sighed and I could hear him rub his face. I knew he was angry. That's his I'm angry signal. And when we fought, he always did that so I would know what he was feeling without raising his voice.

"Damit, I fucking trusted you, we all did" He said rather loud. So much for keeping this quite.

"If you trusted me why am I not wanted, why did Michelle yell at my face she did not want me fucking here". I yelled back unable to hold back. If he was going to yell, so was I and I will make sure they all know what I know and how I feel.

"I was never wanted to begin with. They talked you out of my wedding, found you someone else and now that I am here the only fucking person who seems to want me is Maggie, someone completely unrelated to you all. I cannot play this game. I can not pretend I will conform to what you want and I never will. if you can not handle it, please say so and let me get my shit so I can get the fuck out".

By now lights were on and I know people were waking up due to me yelling and no beginning to cry. I cannot take it anymore. I can't hide in the shadows. I cannot be them.

"Get out" He sad while walking past me. I felt a stab to my heart as I did not think he was serious. Or I did not think he would be able to go through with it. I began to pull some things Into my back pack, not a lot. The things I came with and a notebook. I texted Matt to get me a hit. He gladly would meet me.

Maggie appeared in my doorway with a sympathetic look om her face. "Save it" I said harsh.

"You don't have to do this I can talk"

"No dammit, you or anyone else does not fucking understand they never wanted me. I was charity to them. They felt bad for me. Made me get clean and be one of them. I march to my own fucking drum and will not be silenced. They can't handle it so tough shit"

I pushed past her and made my way down the hall.

"Amy no stay we can -"

"Fuck you Brian. You of all people should be kissing my ass. I ran to you when I needed you and the one time I do my own thing, i get penalized. Nope sorry, save it. Oh, your wife is a bitch and cheating on you. I have proof. " I smirked before pushing past him.

"You bitch she loves me" he yelled. All i could do was laugh. Here look for yourself. I watched as he became a deer in headlights.

I could see Jimmy was angry, he always wanted peace and we always got along but I am done being Avenged sevenfolds Bitch. I slammed the door behind me and turned to leave, that's when I saw Johnny smoking on the side of the building. He began to come up to me to try to say something but I stopped him.

"I did what you asked I am leaving. Peace"

The look on his face was horror. Sadness too. He told me to leave, so well, I did. In the army you always did what you were told and hey who am I to argue with the man. Besides I needed a hit so bad I could not wait. Home sweet home here I come.

A few hours later I could not see the ceiling. God I was so high. I needed the escape. Johnny danced in my head and all of our memories. Our dates, the tines we would sneak behind stage to have sex before he went on, worried to shit we could get caught. I always had a spotter so I knew I was always golden. My phone blew up, tons of texts from Maggie, Jimmy, Matt, Val. The berries. Everyone begging me to come home. I was home. I had my hit, I had my bed. Matt got me back in my house no problem.

Another needle inserted into my skin, I think I mentioned how much I hated them. Oh well. The last thing I remember was his face when I left and all the pain I caused. I am a terrible person, Michelle was right. I drifted off to sleep in an instant wishing I never left him.