I Cannot Walk Away

Johnny's Pov-

For the past week Amy has been on my mind and nothing else, I couldn't stop thinking about her, she's still as beautiful as ever, nothing has changed about her. She has been calling me for the past week at midnight or even later just to hear me say hello, I know it is her but she hangs up quick. Telling the guy's I miss her is something I would never do. They would think I was crazy, and Maybe I am, we spent so many years together and she was at my side through it all, always so supportive of this band and what we did. I wish I did more to help her.

I walked out of the bunk area, went to the bathroom and rubbed my hand over my face, I felt a pair of hands make their way around my body and give me a tight squeeze. I knew who it was, and I knew who I wanted it to be, I don't think I will ever forget a detail about her and how she made me feel.

"Hey baby" she said in my ear, I knew this just isn't working, I looked down at the black and silver ring on my hand knowing I should take it off but I just couldn't pull myself to do it.

Lacey moved to my side covering my left hand with hers "Baby I know something is bothering you, you have been quite for days" She pouted when she talked, like she was going to somehow convince me to sweep her off her feet and have sex with her, After a year I still can't touch her. I began to walk out of the bathroom as I Lacey held onto my hand trying to bring me back to her. This was so pathetic, I can't do this, not when I still am in love with Amy.

"Babe" Lacey whined as I left the bathroom. I grabbed my cigarettes out of my pocket and went outside to light one. Once outside I noticed Jimmy, thank god someone to talk to.

"Short shit, nice to see you getting some sun" He chuckled we had to be the palest two on this whole tour.

"Dude I gotta get something off my chest, and it's kind of a big one, but I mean it kinda ya know needs to be said, cause ya know I have been thinking about this for some time" He nodded at me so I knew he was listening, waiting for me to continue.

"Well since the show the other weekend or so at the hard rock and we uh, saw ya know Amy I uh been i mean she's been" I paused and tossed my smoke to the ground.

"Out with it damnit" Jimmy yelled shaking my shoulders. I laughed slightly, but I did not know how he would react.

"I uh well you know Jason brought her home that night and I was told some uh stuff about how she felt and she wanted me to know she was sorry and she missed me. Dude, don't hate me, Everyone else hate's Amy and uh Look she called me that night telling me she was scared and lonely and I hung up on her and told her I could not help her". I ran a hand through my hair, I looked at jimmy who had a concerned look on his face.

As I continued "She's well she's been calling me every so often and when I would say hello she would uh ya know hang up and I haven't been able to take my wedding ring off cause dude I am not married but you know dude, I love her and I fucking miss her" I finished.

Jimmy looked at me with a very serious look on his face, he was the only one I knew I could talk to him about this shit, he understood he been down that road. Fuck I have too.

"Let's go dude" He said quietly.

"Jim where in the fuck are we going, don't we have a show" He nodded at me.

"After the show we leave, and man get rid of Lacey. she's a sweet girl but bro, you gotta stop moping around, we are fixing this shit I cannot take seeing you like this and fake loving another girl for another damn second"

(Later on)

I walked around the backstage all ready to go, I did not know what I would tell Lacey, but this needed to happen before I even got on that stage because once I would be off it there would be no turning back then. I watched as Lacey turned to me and smiled, I gave her a weak smile and stood up.

"We need to talk Lace" I said with almost no emotion, she looked up at me with hope in her eyes like I would ask her to move in or something but we both knew that would never happen. The hope in her eyes began to fade as She continued to look at me as her smile dropped and I think she knew what was going to happen.

"I do not know how to put this Lacey" I began while sitting down in front of her.I didn't care of Zack or Matt were staring me down like I was about to drop a bomb, this needed to happen.

"Lacey we had a long run together and you made me very happy, but I am sorry this just can't happen anymore. I can't be with you not when I have been in love with the women I should have not let down three years ago" I spoke remembering when I left Amy at our wedding, thinking of the tears in my eyes killed me even today.

"You can't be serious" She yelled at me "After all I did for you to help you get over this drug addicted bitch you love so much, I know she has been calling you for the past month Johnny, don't think I don't know. I know you've never fell out of love with her" she finished, I did not care what she had to say anymore. I smiled knowing I can finally do what I had to do.

"Matt, I talked to Larry and well I am leaving the tour for a week or so to go find Amy, and uh Jimmy is coming with me" Jimmy appeared behind me with a thumbs up at Matt, man did he look pissed.

"Like hell you are leaving" Brian spat at us. Zack and Matt nodded in agreement.

"I need to do this guys, I can't pretend I am happy anymore, I admit leaving her was not the right thing to do, she needed help and I just walked away. I can't keep walking away anymore. I fucking need her"

They all watched me as I felt I wanted to sit and cry my eyes out like I did the week after our wedding because I knew the second she left that day my life would never be the same. God I hated this feeling and I hated not having her in my arms.

"I guess I could go with you too I mean I miss her too she was my partner in crime right Jimbo" Brian perked up, Jimmy nodded and he punched me in the arm, his way of a hug. I looked at Matt and Zee, hoping they would come too.

"Will you two come please, she will need us all and maybe If I can get some friends to join like meghan and Kat she will be better at listening to us"

"we need the berry's too especially JB, thats her big bro" Matt and Zack nodded in agreement.

"When we leaving" Matt asked

"Right now. Come on, Larry will know all the details once we get back to California". They all nodded in agreement as we all went back to the bus to collect our things and make it back to Amy. I could not wait to see her, I knew I was going to have an uphill battle but It did not matter to me, I needed her and I knew she needed me.