I Cannot Walk Away

-Amy pov-

I laid there in what seemed like forever. I did not know how I managed to get this low, I did not know what happened to me. I looked at my surroundings and I knew I was home, The safety of my run down house, My shitty Mattress on the opposite side of the wall gave me a small sense of comfort.

Maybe If I do not move he won't find me.

I wrapped my hands around my knees more, trying to hide myself the best I can. I shook with fear I know he will find me eventually, I know he will be calling me demanding, more like yelling at me to come into work. I knew I was in need of drugs so bad, but he keeps them away from me.

I guess I have some explaining to do don't I? well here it goes...

Since the day after I saw Johnny and the rest of the boys I went to work the next day and was telling my co worker, the only one I talk to about them and How much I missed him, course I never said his name. Somehow Alex overheard me and pulled me into this office.

"What are you doing Amy" he spat at me locking the door behind him.

"Um, nothing Alex I was Just telling Amanda about my weekend last night and how I met up with some old friends from High school" I responded as he took a step closer to me, at the point he was about a few inches from my face, something I was not used to. It's been a long time since someone came so close to me. I wondered if he could smell the drugs on me.

Alex placed his hand on my thigh, running his hand up and down my thigh and stopping at the button of my jean were he un did the button, I watched him smirk as he saw the concern in my face.

"Now you be a good little girl and tell no one about this" He smirked as he put his hand further in my pants, now at the top of my underwear.

I was shaking with fear, I felt a tear slip down my face. Alex Slapped me as he raised his voice and dove his hand into my vagina.

"you stupid whore" he growled into my ear "I tell you not to make a sound and his will be over before you know it, of course whenever I want you, I will have you. No objections. You will Obey me at all times, my filthy little whore"

Alex removed his hand from my underwear and backed away from me. "You can go, but remember this little talk Amy" He said oh so sweet it made my skin crawl.

That was two months ago. Alex has only gotten worse with me.

He did not like I was talking drugs but I knew I would not be able to stop. Alex did not know my past and I did not want him to know, I did not want him to know how bad I wanted to call Johnny and beg him to help me. Alex bought me a new phone, one where he can trace who I call and the only "acceptable" number on there is work and his cell for when he "Needs" me.

I slowly made way up, being careful not to make a sound just incase, some of the new guys at the house have been known to wake up in the middle of the night because they are paranoid about god knows what since they are always strung out on drugs. It has been three months since I have been taking drugs and god I miss it, I remember the first month I was off then, a total nightmare.

I made my way to the bathroom and looked my my legs and thighs in the mirror. I was all bruised up and had cuts that where healing. I could see the extend of what Alex was doing to me. When I was home I was instructed to wear an over sized t shirt with no Bra and no panties on. He said it was just incase he wanted a "treat"

I walked around my bathroom and found my old phone hiding in a plastic bag int he corner of the bathtub, no one knew it was there since I was the one who hid it in the hole in the wall and put something in front of it to make it "disappear"

There was only one number I knew by heart but I did not have the strength to even call him, I would not want to worry him and I am sure he forgot about me three months ago. I sat at the edge of the tub thinking of all the people I could call, Jimmy... No... Zack... fuck no, that fucker hated me.. I continued to rack my brains about all the people i could think of that would help me. The only one coming to mind was Jimmy. My Giant teddy bear Jimbo But I couldn't do this to him.

I began to dial the number and thought to myself If I was making the right decision.

"Hello" His raspy voice said. I must have woke him. oops

"Hello" He said louder. It was no or never I had to make a choice.

"Help me" I began, there was a long pause on his side of the line maybe he hung up. Maybe he knew who I was and didn't know what to say. or maybe he went back to sleep.

"Help" - "Amy" he whispered. I felt tears falling down my cheeks, god his voice was so sweet. He was such a sweet man when he could be and let's not forget he was Johnny's groomsmen at our to be wedding.

"Brian, Brian help me" I choked out now at a full cry. I was so desperate. I slid down to the corner between the bathtub and the toilet bowl, my ass froze from the cold tiles.

"Amy where are you" he said softly.

"Brian, help me he's raping me" I said just above a whisper. "Don't let him touch me anymore" I cried a bit harder. I could hear Brian grunt on the other side of the call. I prayed, if there was a god he could help me.

"I'm coming, We are coming, sit tight, jesus fuck it took you this long to tell someone" he spat I knew we weren't on the best of terms but I needed someone and he was the closest I got to a brother at this moment.

"Don't tell Johnny Brian, please I don't want him to worry"

I could hear him sigh on his end, one of his famous Brian things, but he only did it when he was annoyed. I knew it would take him forever to find me, But I did not know how much longer I had.

"He will worry anyway Ams, Sit tight, me and Berry and Jim are coming, Jason lives very close to you. I'm coming it will be ok" He said softly.

"He's here" I said quickly and hung the phone up after I began to hear Alex's footsteps throughout the house. I put the phone back in the bag, back in it's hiding spot and crawled into the small spot of the closet in the bathroom. I prayed he did not find me.

I could hear Alex's footsteps from inside the bathroom. I made sure to cover my mouth so he would not hear me. From the other room I could hear him ringing the phone he bought me, the one he wants me to use at all times so he can keep track of me.

His footsteps came into the bathroom, I kept praying he would not be able to find me. I could hear him growling as he threw things to the floor, I hoped he did nit find my cell phone It was my only chance of survival.

Alex's footsteps left the bathroom and I breathed out a sigh of relief. I knew I would have work tomorrow and I know he would be asking me where I have been, better think up a lie quick.

"Amy" Someone whispered into my bathroom, since I did not recognize the voice I stayed put not wanting Alex to come finding me.

"Amy it's me, Brian" Brian! Thank god

I stepped out of my hiding spot and looked at Brian dead in the eyes and he ran over to hug me. My goof ball is hugging me again. God I missed him.

"what happened to you" he questioned. I looked down unable to answer any of his questions not yet. Not now. I shook my head and began to cry, Alex happened, I happened, drugs happened and I was such a fucking mess I could not even bare to look at my best friend in the face.

When I looked at Brian, all I saw was Johnny. All I saw was hurt and anger and I did not want any more hurt and anymore anger. He used to protect me from all the bad things in life, all the pretend monsters under my bed, I remember when he used to go on tour, I used to call him up in the middle of the night just so I can hear his voice. I would be lying if I said I didn't Miss him, because believe me I do.

I couldn't even begin to tell him my story, I couldn't even begin to look at him in the face and try to explain all the fucked up shit I did, I mean how could I tell him I fucked my boss and now my boss is raping me? Brian would kill me.

"Amy" He spoke softly with his hands on my shoulders, I stared at his shoes, black nikes, for a rock star he sure had some weird fashion sense.

"Amy Look at me" He said louder, bringing his hand to my chin and forcing me to look at him, I felt pain rush through my body as I looked into his innocent face, The face that had to pick Johnny back up when he made the decision to leave me, the face that hated me when I showed up at the show that night drunk off my ass and high as all hell just trying to see my ex lover again. Brian sure had some resentment issues and he was the one to hold a grudge, believe me but he was my best friend so I knew somehow I would be able to get myself out of this one... with time.

"Brian, I do not even know were to begin" I sad sadly, looking down again.

"I see this will be a long night" he said with an annoyed tone to his voice. I couldn't help but agree but I knew he was right and I did not know how much he knew.

"From the beginning Ams, after the uh, the uh well you know" He said knowing I did not want to talk about my failed attempt at being married to the love of my life. I sat down on the tile floor against the wall as Brian took a seat on the edge of the bathroom ready for me to spill my guts. as I did I could see the anger and resentment in his eyes. I knew I was playing with fire but I knew he was a gentle soul.

As I finished my story, Brian stood, grabbing my hand and leading me out of my room. "Where are we going" I asked as he began talking clothes out of my dresser. "Your coming with us, on the rest of this tour, Can't keep you here with a man trying to kill you" He spat, I hated when he acted like this, so cocky and asshole like, it wasn't the Brian I was used to.

I finished packing my things as we headed out the door "Uh, Bri My um drugs" He turned to me and began to smirk "Here's where it gets fun kiddo, no drugs" I stopped walking and looked at him in horror thinking how in the hell I would survive.

"Brian, you can't no no you can't be serious I can't do that" I shuddered, Brian turned and faced me "The choice is yours, you stay here with that guy who may kill you one day, or you come with us and fight through this and be saved" Fuck.

Brian began walking again and I slowly followed, although I could not see him, I could see the smirk on his face like he was proud of me for making this choice. He did not know the amount of pain I would be in, he did not know how much I did not want to do this or how bad I was afraid of the pain and the memories that awaited me while sober. I couldn't face this shit alone, I don't even think Johnny knew the extent of the pain I was in, maybe he did, I do tend to spill a lot when I get drunk. Jimmy likes to call me the emotional drunkee. Whatever in the hell that means.

Once we reached the front door and out to the car I saw his face, My eyes began to swell with tears as I looked at him for the first time with a clear head since 3 years ago, he looked so perfect and he still had his Mohawk, maybe he kept it since he knew I always loved it. I felt the tears flow down my face and I noticed a hand on my shoulder, Matt's hand. Dear Matt one of the best friends too, he was the one I went to for advice, one I went to for anything that needed serious talking, other then Johnny that was. I looked beside him and standing against the car was Zack, I felt a bit nervous as I saw him glaring at me, since I broke up a few of his "Serious" relationships and would't let his then girlfriend come to my wedding, but I had good intentions then, I knew he still would be angry at me, better keep my distance.

"In you go Miss" Matt said as he pushed me softly into the back of the black suv, probably Jimmy's. In the drivers seat I saw none other then Jimmy himself, he looked at me from the mirror and all I could do was hide my head wanting to not be seen by Johnny.

The ride was quite, it wasn't a long drive from my home to Orange county, I could already feel the drugs began to wear off in my body, I could feel the pain seep in and all I wanted to do was cry. Crying was a sign of weakness, taught to me by my hard ass Military dad, I knew better then to cry.

We rolled up to a somewhat familiar house, Brian's House, I knew here I would be staying but I wondered if I could walk, I couldn't let them see me in a state of desperation, a state even I am ashamed of since there is no drugs to fall back on. Once my feet hit the ground I felt like I would fall over, someone caught my arm and it was none other then Brian, half dragging half helping me walk into the house. I admit his wife had excellent taste when it came to decor, it looked like something out of one of those home magazine things, all perfect and such.

I was lead up a long stairway, my eyes were half closed "Bri, where where am I dude" I whispered but he did not respond to me. "Shut up bitch" He spat at me and threw me on the bed. I looked up all around me but I could not see anything. The whole room was pitch black, maybe I was in the cellar or something. "Brian" I yelled louder but there was no answer. My face came in contact with something cold and I soon realized that my face was on the floor.

"You will address me as Master at all times, You will talk when I say eat when I say, you will do nothing but sit in this dark place until I let you out which could be never" He hit me again "Brian" I said just above a whisper I felt so desperate, I felt hot tears falling down my face and I realized my hands and feet where tired bound together by rope. Who's idea was this to kidnap me. Alex? was he working with them. Will I die here?

"Amy" Someone yelled into my face shaking me from my dream. Dream, it was a dream, dear god it felt so real. I looked at the pair of eyes looking at me, make that ten eyes looking at me, I found my eyes locking with the pair of hazel eyes who showed so much concern and hurt, his eyes.

"Come on, let's get you upstairs, someone needs rest" a female voice said bringing my arm around her shoulder, I looked to my left and there was Bri helping me walk, to my right was Michelle, shit it's been a while, are they married? better not ask.

Once my head hit the pillow I was in instant sleep, or so they thought, once they left the room I arose quickly and walked my way to the balcony.

"I don't know about this Bri, she hasn't been around for close to four years and you now think it's ok to let her back in after what she did" I knew that voice, Michelle.

"It doesn't matter, she needs us, I need her, fuck I am stupid" Johnny said. I slid down the wall and brought my knees to my chest, standing was too much for me while detoxing.

"I shouldn't have left her like that you know, but you all thought it was a good idea, her addiction came too much for her and I knew I would be the only one to help" He continued, as I listened I could not believe what I was hearing, they talked him out of my wedding.

"she needs help, there are things you all aren't aware of and things only she can tell, I would not say it if it wasn't okay with her, that's why I brought her back here" Brian spoke up. I had enough listening so I crawled back to my room and made it to the bed, knowing I cannot handle this detox anymore, I needed something, I needed Matt. Once under the covers sleep over came me and there was this peaceful darkness surrounding me letting me know everything would be okay.