Sequel: Everlasting ›
Evermore
xiii.
February 29th, 1782 ;
Mary Lynn,
I am relieved that you are to use my given name and I am in agreement with you and have done as you asked. I am confident that my staff can maintain discretion in regards to our letters but can you say the same for your own? A tryst surely would darken the circumstances of your engagement, but mayhap it will help? Surely, the nunnery your father would cloister you in would be warm and cozy in comparison to your fiancé by how you described him.
My wife and I were not a love match; the late Countess of Scarbourgh was the youngest daughter to the Earl of Sussex and I was gifted a hefty sum for her dowry. She was but ten and six when we married and—much as is expected of you when you marry, our eldest son was born before our first wedding anniversary. Our marriage was solely to produce heirs that would take my earldom, and once that had been completed our interactions grew sparser.
Though my children are a different story, they are my greatest pride and the only triumph in my marriage. Alexander and Nathaniel are ten and eight respectively, both are bright and have a mind for their lessons. Though while Alexander is the scholar, I believe that Nathaniel has my soldier’s spirit. He is ever begging me to teach him to wield my sword. I does sadden me to be away but it would be much to tedious to travel week by week from London to Scarbourgh, I would be away more often than naught then, my entire life spent on that dreary road.
There are occasions I wish to take a second wife to see to my son’s needs. It worries me that they are left alone with the exception of the house staff and would benefit from the loving care of a stepmother. Though, matters such as those are more complicated than one would first think. The amount of time I would have to spend circulated amongst our social circles, wooing a potential bride and then arranging and waiting for the marriage to take place would ultimately be much too tedious. I did not much care for the engagement period prior to my marriage. In the event I ever found myself a new bride, I do not think I would wait very long.
Do you believe in true love, Mary? That if you had not been betrothed to your fiancé at such a tender age you might have found it? What do you wish your betrothed was?
Yours Truly,
Jonathan
March 14th, 1782 ;
Jonathan,
My companion maid is the one who accompanied me the fateful day that your carriage almost maimed me is the only one entrusted with the knowledge of our correspondences. She is my oldest and truest friend, having met when we were but girls and her mother worked for my household; I trust her with my life and know she will protect our secret to her grave. A tryst would certainly not help matters along! You should know better as an Earl.
You sound ever the proud parent; it brings a smile to my face to hear a male speak so fondly on his children. Both sound like scamps, even Alexander who I am sure lives vicariously through his readings. I wish I could make their acquaintance, get to know them for myself to see how lovely they really are.
Your marriage is ordinary; I am the one who defects from the norm. There must be something wrong with me if I am the only one naysaying my marriage?
In my predicament I find it hard to believe that there is a true love. Surely, if there was a man out there that God has intended for me He would guide me in the correct direction instead of silently watching me flounder. Though, I like to believe that God as inspired these feelings in me so that I weigh my options and view things as He wishes me to see them.
If there was a true love meant for me, I imagine he would be kind, caring even. We would discuss things, things that mattered and not just the household! We would play chess, or discuss Plato with me. He would dance with me at parties and include me in discussions. Take me for a turnabout the park because he wanted to, not because he was expected to. He would be handsome, because what girl does not want a groom who is handsome and even though he may be older, his eyes would be soft and at times mischievous. He would be smart as well; so that we could spend long hours debating literature and philosophy and would not mind if I were just as learned as he.
Any you, Jonathan, if you were to take another wife what would she be like?
Sincerely Yours,
Mary
March 30th, 1782 ;
Dearest Mary,
There is naught wrong with wanting better for yourself than what you are handed. Many people want for more and do nothing to achieve it, whereas you have gained the courage to question it despite the threats against you. For that you are vastly brave.
If I were to take another wife she would be lovely; petite and soft, with beautiful brown tresses and eyes the color of chocolates. She would be intellectual because as my second wife she would have to help teach my sons their lessons; even help them recite Shakespeare. She would be intelligent enough that we could sit in the study for hours and discuss Socrates and The Odyssey. My second wife would be spirited and cunning, because anything else would be dreadfully boring when I returned from the city. She would brighten up my summer estate and bring a cheerful mood to my boys, who I fear are becoming far too apathetic.
Do you believe that you would break your engagement should the man you dream of came for you? Would you weather the scandal?
Yours,
Jonathan
April 15th, 1782 ;
Dearest Jonathan,
I am growing sad with our letters because I cannot ignore any longer how truly pitiful I am. I am the daughter of a banker, a plain girl without much to offer for a dowry and I find myself falling in love with an Earl who may or may not feel the same for me.
It makes me tearful to think that if the feelings I have are reciprocated that I do not think I could break my engagement but not because I could not handle whatever blowback came from such a thing. I do not think my family would survive it, even if the Earl in which I feel deeply for were to marry me. I have a younger sister to think of that would not be as lucky to match with a gentleman of the aristocracy, no man would wish to betroth himself to the younger sister of a woman who jilted a fiancé.
As weeks pass and my wedding day approaches it grows harder and harder to write to you. You are hardly unintelligent and by now you must know how I have always felt about you. Since the night of your Christmas ball, I have been entranced by you and I am unable to shake the feeling that I have made a grave mistake in loving you.
With Love,
Mary
April 29th, 1782 ;
Loveliest Mary,
I am hardly blind and I read very well into your every word. I have been aware for some time of your attraction to me and it is indeed reciprocated. Only a fool would not feel the same. I wish to soothe your tears; assure you that if you broke your engagement that all would be well.
Your family would be pleased with you for matching with an Earl, surely they could bare the smallest of gossip against any who would dare say ought against your broken engagement. Mary, my lovely Mary, you are strong enough to bare the weight of the world on your shoulders; you are intelligent enough to know that if you are to marry your fiancé you will never be happy.
I wish to make you my wife. I will present myself before your father, pay whatever amount he wishes for your hand. Also if Harold Arnold is reluctant to release you from your engagement I will challenge him to a duel for your hand. As a trained soldier, I am not doubtful in my ability to defeat him. Please, think long on this Mary for I am baring myself to you. I love you in return and will honor you forever as my wife; it would make to me the happiest man to have you at my side, to eventually have children of our own together and eventual grow old with one another as Lord and Lady of Scarbourgh.
I am regretful to say that I must return to my estate and attend to a few urgent matters that have come to my attention that I must care for. I am excepted to be gone only two weeks and my first matter of business once I return will be to visit with you are your family.
With Love,
Jonathan
May 5th, 1782 ;
Dearest Jonathan,
I am elated to hear that you return my feelings, that I am not alone in my interest. You are everything I ever envisioned in a husband, everything a young girl prays for in the man of her dreams. I accept your proposal and look forward to meeting your sons and loving them as I would my own children and then later when we have our own.
I am anxious for you to return and ask my father for my hand, to become your wife. I eagerly await your arrival.
Love,
Mary
May 28th, 1782 ;
Dearest Jonathan,
It has been almost a month and I have yet to hear from you. I have had my maid make quiet inquiries and she tells me you have yet to return to town as well. I hope everything is sound with you and your sons. I hope to hear from you soon.
Yours Truly,
Mary
June 15th, 1782 ;
Dearest Jonathan,
I must admit that I fear you have changed your mind in regards to your proposal. Have I said or done something to upset you? Please do not have me wait any longer, I grow more anxious with every passing day. I cannot bear not knowing what you are thinking. Please, please put my insecurities at ease.
With Love,
Mary
June 28th, 1782 ;
Jonathan,
It is but two weeks to my wedding day and I have still not heard from you but in your absence I have resigned myself to marrying Harold. It is not what I wish to do but I have been left with no other options. I am not as strong as you believe me. I cannot shoulder the weight of scandal if I were to break my engagement and you were not by my side.
My heart is utterly broken and I loathe myself for believing an Earl could love a banker’s daughter but in the same breath I curse you, I cannot blame you. It would be unbecoming for one such as you to marry a girl with no ties to a title.
I absolve you of any residual guilt you may feel about how all of this transpired. I wish you well in your life.
Sincerely,
Mary
Mary Lynn,
I am relieved that you are to use my given name and I am in agreement with you and have done as you asked. I am confident that my staff can maintain discretion in regards to our letters but can you say the same for your own? A tryst surely would darken the circumstances of your engagement, but mayhap it will help? Surely, the nunnery your father would cloister you in would be warm and cozy in comparison to your fiancé by how you described him.
My wife and I were not a love match; the late Countess of Scarbourgh was the youngest daughter to the Earl of Sussex and I was gifted a hefty sum for her dowry. She was but ten and six when we married and—much as is expected of you when you marry, our eldest son was born before our first wedding anniversary. Our marriage was solely to produce heirs that would take my earldom, and once that had been completed our interactions grew sparser.
Though my children are a different story, they are my greatest pride and the only triumph in my marriage. Alexander and Nathaniel are ten and eight respectively, both are bright and have a mind for their lessons. Though while Alexander is the scholar, I believe that Nathaniel has my soldier’s spirit. He is ever begging me to teach him to wield my sword. I does sadden me to be away but it would be much to tedious to travel week by week from London to Scarbourgh, I would be away more often than naught then, my entire life spent on that dreary road.
There are occasions I wish to take a second wife to see to my son’s needs. It worries me that they are left alone with the exception of the house staff and would benefit from the loving care of a stepmother. Though, matters such as those are more complicated than one would first think. The amount of time I would have to spend circulated amongst our social circles, wooing a potential bride and then arranging and waiting for the marriage to take place would ultimately be much too tedious. I did not much care for the engagement period prior to my marriage. In the event I ever found myself a new bride, I do not think I would wait very long.
Do you believe in true love, Mary? That if you had not been betrothed to your fiancé at such a tender age you might have found it? What do you wish your betrothed was?
Yours Truly,
Jonathan
March 14th, 1782 ;
Jonathan,
My companion maid is the one who accompanied me the fateful day that your carriage almost maimed me is the only one entrusted with the knowledge of our correspondences. She is my oldest and truest friend, having met when we were but girls and her mother worked for my household; I trust her with my life and know she will protect our secret to her grave. A tryst would certainly not help matters along! You should know better as an Earl.
You sound ever the proud parent; it brings a smile to my face to hear a male speak so fondly on his children. Both sound like scamps, even Alexander who I am sure lives vicariously through his readings. I wish I could make their acquaintance, get to know them for myself to see how lovely they really are.
Your marriage is ordinary; I am the one who defects from the norm. There must be something wrong with me if I am the only one naysaying my marriage?
In my predicament I find it hard to believe that there is a true love. Surely, if there was a man out there that God has intended for me He would guide me in the correct direction instead of silently watching me flounder. Though, I like to believe that God as inspired these feelings in me so that I weigh my options and view things as He wishes me to see them.
If there was a true love meant for me, I imagine he would be kind, caring even. We would discuss things, things that mattered and not just the household! We would play chess, or discuss Plato with me. He would dance with me at parties and include me in discussions. Take me for a turnabout the park because he wanted to, not because he was expected to. He would be handsome, because what girl does not want a groom who is handsome and even though he may be older, his eyes would be soft and at times mischievous. He would be smart as well; so that we could spend long hours debating literature and philosophy and would not mind if I were just as learned as he.
Any you, Jonathan, if you were to take another wife what would she be like?
Sincerely Yours,
Mary
March 30th, 1782 ;
Dearest Mary,
There is naught wrong with wanting better for yourself than what you are handed. Many people want for more and do nothing to achieve it, whereas you have gained the courage to question it despite the threats against you. For that you are vastly brave.
If I were to take another wife she would be lovely; petite and soft, with beautiful brown tresses and eyes the color of chocolates. She would be intellectual because as my second wife she would have to help teach my sons their lessons; even help them recite Shakespeare. She would be intelligent enough that we could sit in the study for hours and discuss Socrates and The Odyssey. My second wife would be spirited and cunning, because anything else would be dreadfully boring when I returned from the city. She would brighten up my summer estate and bring a cheerful mood to my boys, who I fear are becoming far too apathetic.
Do you believe that you would break your engagement should the man you dream of came for you? Would you weather the scandal?
Yours,
Jonathan
April 15th, 1782 ;
Dearest Jonathan,
I am growing sad with our letters because I cannot ignore any longer how truly pitiful I am. I am the daughter of a banker, a plain girl without much to offer for a dowry and I find myself falling in love with an Earl who may or may not feel the same for me.
It makes me tearful to think that if the feelings I have are reciprocated that I do not think I could break my engagement but not because I could not handle whatever blowback came from such a thing. I do not think my family would survive it, even if the Earl in which I feel deeply for were to marry me. I have a younger sister to think of that would not be as lucky to match with a gentleman of the aristocracy, no man would wish to betroth himself to the younger sister of a woman who jilted a fiancé.
As weeks pass and my wedding day approaches it grows harder and harder to write to you. You are hardly unintelligent and by now you must know how I have always felt about you. Since the night of your Christmas ball, I have been entranced by you and I am unable to shake the feeling that I have made a grave mistake in loving you.
With Love,
Mary
April 29th, 1782 ;
Loveliest Mary,
I am hardly blind and I read very well into your every word. I have been aware for some time of your attraction to me and it is indeed reciprocated. Only a fool would not feel the same. I wish to soothe your tears; assure you that if you broke your engagement that all would be well.
Your family would be pleased with you for matching with an Earl, surely they could bare the smallest of gossip against any who would dare say ought against your broken engagement. Mary, my lovely Mary, you are strong enough to bare the weight of the world on your shoulders; you are intelligent enough to know that if you are to marry your fiancé you will never be happy.
I wish to make you my wife. I will present myself before your father, pay whatever amount he wishes for your hand. Also if Harold Arnold is reluctant to release you from your engagement I will challenge him to a duel for your hand. As a trained soldier, I am not doubtful in my ability to defeat him. Please, think long on this Mary for I am baring myself to you. I love you in return and will honor you forever as my wife; it would make to me the happiest man to have you at my side, to eventually have children of our own together and eventual grow old with one another as Lord and Lady of Scarbourgh.
I am regretful to say that I must return to my estate and attend to a few urgent matters that have come to my attention that I must care for. I am excepted to be gone only two weeks and my first matter of business once I return will be to visit with you are your family.
With Love,
Jonathan
May 5th, 1782 ;
Dearest Jonathan,
I am elated to hear that you return my feelings, that I am not alone in my interest. You are everything I ever envisioned in a husband, everything a young girl prays for in the man of her dreams. I accept your proposal and look forward to meeting your sons and loving them as I would my own children and then later when we have our own.
I am anxious for you to return and ask my father for my hand, to become your wife. I eagerly await your arrival.
Love,
Mary
May 28th, 1782 ;
Dearest Jonathan,
It has been almost a month and I have yet to hear from you. I have had my maid make quiet inquiries and she tells me you have yet to return to town as well. I hope everything is sound with you and your sons. I hope to hear from you soon.
Yours Truly,
Mary
June 15th, 1782 ;
Dearest Jonathan,
I must admit that I fear you have changed your mind in regards to your proposal. Have I said or done something to upset you? Please do not have me wait any longer, I grow more anxious with every passing day. I cannot bear not knowing what you are thinking. Please, please put my insecurities at ease.
With Love,
Mary
June 28th, 1782 ;
Jonathan,
It is but two weeks to my wedding day and I have still not heard from you but in your absence I have resigned myself to marrying Harold. It is not what I wish to do but I have been left with no other options. I am not as strong as you believe me. I cannot shoulder the weight of scandal if I were to break my engagement and you were not by my side.
My heart is utterly broken and I loathe myself for believing an Earl could love a banker’s daughter but in the same breath I curse you, I cannot blame you. It would be unbecoming for one such as you to marry a girl with no ties to a title.
I absolve you of any residual guilt you may feel about how all of this transpired. I wish you well in your life.
Sincerely,
Mary