Start Me Up

"I found an apartment." Tessa blurted out when Amelia sat down across from her at the table that morning for breakfast.

Amelia's eyebrow raised, and she told her, "You don't have to move Tess, Shea and I love having you here."

Something tells me Shea would much rather I move out of the state never mind twenty-five minutes away.

"I know, I just think that if I'm gonna try to make a life here I need to start doing it, and that includes moving out of my little sister and her fiancé’s house. I really appreciate everything you've done for me, both of you, but it's time for me to be on my own for a while. I've never really done that, and I think it could be fun." Tessa told her with a smile, she had spent hours drafting responses for everything Amelia might say to her when she brought up moving.

“It can be, and as sad as I am that you’re leaving me here with Scrooge I’m happy for you.” Amelia told her with a smile. Tessa couldn’t help but laugh at her Scrooge comment. Nowadays that seemed to be a pretty accurate description of Shea. Amelia asked her, "When are you leaving?"

"I don't know, soon, though." Tessa told her, adding in, "I need to get some furniture first. You know, a bed, a couch. I hear those are helpful things."

Amelia chuckled and said, "True. Do you want to go shopping this afternoon? I could buy you your first housewarming present you know."

Tessa shook her head, "I'm going furniture shopping with Pekka anyway, I think I’ll just look while I'm there. Two for one, you know?"

Amelia smiled, "I'm proud of you, just so you know."

"What for?" Tessa asked her curiously.

"I'm proud of you for not letting whatever it was that happened between you and Jake define you. You're more than who you were when you were someone's wife and I'm glad you're trying to figure out the person you are now."

Tessa rolled her eyes when Amelia laughed at her for tearing up and she tossed a hash brown cube across the table at her, telling her, "That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

"Oh shut up." Amelia joked.

They both got quiet when Shea walked in the door, he looked exhausting which Tessa wasn't sure if that was because of their three game win streak they had started or if it had more to do with the prospect of walking into the house and having to deal with Amelia and Tessa. She had to guess probably a little bit of both, especially when he mumbled a hello and took his bag down the hall and into the bedroom without another word.

Amelia's eyes followed him and they lingered on the hallway for a moment or two before she turned to Tessa and asked her sadly, "Do you think he even wants to marry me still?"

If she didn't have more control over her emotions Tessa probably would have burst into tears right then and there. She hated the effect of what was going on between her and Shea had on Amelia. Tessa was the oldest, it had always been her job to take care of and protect Amelia, and now she was the one who was hurting her in the worst possible way.

Tessa kept her response simple, "I think he's realizing that your lives, as separate as they are with both of your jobs, can't stay that way forever."

"What does that even mean Tessa?"

She sighed, tucked her blonde hair behind her ears and told her, "It means that you guys are getting married and eventually... eventually you're gonna have kids, and then what? He's supposed to never see them because you're always taking them with you on business trips? Or you're supposed to quit your job and end up hating him for it? I just think the future seems a little grim for him right now, and that maybe a conversation between the two of you might help."

Amelia sighed this time, "I try to talk to him and he shuts down. What am I supposed to do? Tie him to a chair and duct tape his mouth shut so he has no choice but to shut up and listen to me?"

"That might be a little extreme but it could work." Tessa joked, and when Amelia let out a laugh she went on, "Just... start the conversation of seeing things from his point of view. Let him know you understand where he's coming from, make sure he sees that you're making an effort to understand his feelings. He'll be more open to hearing your side of it all if he knows you're trying to be open to his side too."

Amelia got up from the table and wrapped her arms around Tessa's shoulders, kissing her cheek loudly before she told her, "Thanks, Tessie, you always know what to say."

Tessa nodded her head and she practically jumped off of her chair when a car honked from the driveway. She shoved her feet into shoes and grabbed her bag on the way out before she pulled the front door closed behind her and dropped into the passenger seat of Pekka's SUV.

"So, what's on the list for today?" Pekka asked her as he backed out of the driveway.

"Business and personal stuff, if that's cool with you." Tessa told him, and when his brow raised she explained, "I have finally joined the real world and am moving out of Shea and Amelia's house, so I need some furniture and I figured I could just shop while you did."

"Sounds good, might as well kill two birds with one stone. Plus, I like the idea of getting to know you that much more." Pekka told her and this time it was Tessa whose eyebrow raised. He flushed and reminded her, "Someone once told me the way a person decorates their living spaces says a lot about them."

"Sounds like a genius." Tessa said with a grin.

He joked back, "Yeah, she's alright."

Tessa let out a laugh as he pulled into a parking space and cut the engine, and she followed him into the department store, dragging slightly behind him. Finally, she had to reach out and grab his arm and she told him with a laugh, “Slow down. We don’t all have Amazonian legs.”

“You should wear more appropriate footwear then.” Pekka told her, and then he blatantly looked her outfit choice up and down, smirked and told her, “Not that you don’t look damn good today.”

Tessa smiled and bumped her shoulder into his arm, allowing him to then wrap that arm around her shoulder and pull her into his side. Even in near five inch heels she still stood so much shorter than he that she fit perfectly into his side, and Tessa told him, “You know… I’m not sure I’m gonna have enough closet space for the amount of shoes that I’ve accumulated since moving here.”

“We do have a lot of great shoe stores.” Pekka stated with a nod of her head. He motioned to her own feet and told her, “Those look pretty great on you.”

She smiled and stated, “Yeah… last year I wouldn’t have been allowed to wear half of the shoes I wear now.”

“What do you mean?” He asked her with a raised eyebrow as they navigated through the store and toward the dining section.

Tessa explained, “Well I wasn’t allowed anything that showed my toes, had a platform and were over three and a half inches high.”

“Seriously? He had an issue with your shoes?” Pekka asked her in surprise. They came to a stop in front of a large wall of various plates and bowl sets.

As she looked over them she nodded her head and told him, “Jacob had an issue with everything. He did all my shopping. He had to approve every outfit I put on, and in the rare event that I was actually allowed to buy my own clothes I had only certain stores I was allowed to buy from and I had a list, a physical, on paper list of things I was not allowed to buy.”

“Like what?” Pekka asked her curiously, pointing out a set of white and navy dishes that he thought might match the décor in his own kitchen. Tessa nodded and he put the box full of the dishes into an abandoned cart that was next to them, claiming it as theirs.

Tessa grabbed a box of her own dishes, plain white but thick enough to be heavy and sturdy, and put it in their cart while she told him, “Dresses and skirts were not allowed to be more than half an inch above my knee. No crop tops. No low rise pants of any sort. No cleavage. Sleeves were required. Absolutely no leather or suede of any kind.”

Pekka shook his head in disbelief, and then he grinned and joked, “Funny how now short skirts, crop tops with cleavage and leather is all you own now.”

Tessa rolled her eyes but smiled when she said, “I own more than that! I own lots of tops that aren’t crop tops.”

He laughed and lead her over to the kitchenware section where they both picked out a few things here and there. For both of them, it was more about the necessities than anything extra right now. It wasn’t until they were standing in front of some twenty odd couches all lined up in neat rows that Pekka told Tessa, “You’ll figure it out, you know. This whole life after marriage thing, if anyone can, it’s you.”

“What makes you say that?” Tessa asked him with a raised eyebrow as she dropped onto a jewel toned, deep purple colored couch. She moved around a little bit, got comfortable, before she looked over at Pekka, who was watching her in amusement and she told him, “I found my couch.”

So he sat down next to her to check it out, and that was when he patted her knee and told her, “I mean that of all the people who have to pick up their lives and figure out who they are again I have the most faith in you. You’re a lot stronger than you think Tess, and someday I hope you realize that.”

She turned to him and asked, “How are you single?”

His brow raised, “Because I’m too good looking, it threatens you, women, apparently.”

Tessa tilted her head back and she let out a laugh. She got up from the couch, held her hands out for him and as she pulled him up to his feet she told him, “Alright let’s find yours.”

Pekka looked around at all of the couches and he admitted, “I don’t know how to decide what would look good.”

Tessa chuckled and pointed out a few options for him, and she watched as he tested out a few of them, before he settled on two of them. Tessa told him, “Go with the navy velvet.”

Pekka looked over at the boxy, navy velvet couch and asked, “Two?”

“Two would look good. One on either side of the coffee table and then you could do a chair or two in cream as well. It’s a big space so you can get away with more seating areas than most living rooms.” Tessa informed him, and so Pekka nodded and he managed to flag down a worker that was nearby.

And so for each item Pekka picked out for his house he made Tessa pick something out for her own place, and within two hours they had everything they could possibly need for Pekka's place, and the essentials as well as a few things that weren’t necessarily needed for Tessa's. She had everything delivered to the two locations both tomorrow afternoon and on Sunday, that way it wouldn't interfere with Pekka's game day schedule and then, to her surprise, when they got back into his vehicle Pekka didn't drive back in the direction of Shea and Amelia's house.

Instead, he pulled into the parking lot of a restaurant and told her, "I'm starving."

She laughed, "What else is new?"

He got out of the car and she followed behind him, taking a seat across from him at the table they were lead to by a waitress and while she looked over the menu Pekka said, "So."

Without looking up she cocked a brow and asked, "So?"

"I was thinking after lunch we could pop by this apartment of yours. Maybe I could give you some design pointers, I'm somewhat of an expert now." Pekka joked, and Tessa let out a laugh at him.

She took a drink from her glass of water and said to him, "I think I'm good on the design portion, but we can stop by."

During their quick lunch Tessa had sworn that she had seen Pekka look at her and open his mouth to say something but then closed it several times, and as they followed the GPS in his vehicle to her new apartment she figured she hadn't been hallucinating because he didn't speak a word to her. When he pulled into a parking space at the side of the building Tessa dug through her bag for the set of keys she had picked up just the morning before.

With her keys pulled out Tessa lead Pekka into the building and to the elevator, and then down the hall to a heavy burgundy colored door, and he leaned against the wall while she stuck the key into the doorknob and unlocked it. She stepped in first, Pekka after her and he took a quick look around.

It was as basic as an apartment came, but it had a few more luxury items as well, like a washer and dryer and even a dishwasher. It wasn't anything more than what one person needed, it had all the essentials and it wasn't by any means terrible. Pekka wanted to tell her how nice the place was but all that came tumbling out of his mouth was, "I know about you and Shea."

Tessa's head snapped over in his direction and his cheeks flushed, she asked him quietly, "You do?"

He nodded his head, "He told me he kissed you."

But not that we slept together.

With a sigh, Tessa asked him, "Are you gonna say anything to anyone?"

She felt bad because Pekka almost looked offended. He assured her, "No way. The two of you are adults, you guys can handle this like so I'm sure. I'm not gonna go and betray either of you like that."

Handle it like adults? Sure. Our definitions of that are clearly very different. Shea and I handled it like adults alright, we just went and made everything worse.

When Tessa didn't respond right away Pekka looked over at her and asked her curiously, "Is that why you're moving out?"

"Part of it, I guess." She admitted, and when his eyebrow raised in questioning Tessa sighed and explained, "Yes, I'd rather not live in the same house as them now but also... I mean I'm thirty-three years old, it was time to get out into the real world and figure this whole 'providing for myself' thing out."

Pekka grinned over at her and told her, "It's not so hard."

"Oh no?" Tessa asked him with a smile.

He shook his head, "Nah, as long as you know how to make at least one meal you're pretty much golden."

When Pekka pulled into Shea and Amelia's driveway that afternoon and Tessa saw Shea's truck sitting in front of the garage door she wanted to ask him to find something else they could do to kill some time, because the last thing she wanted was to be alone with him or stuck with him and Amelia in the house for the rest of the day.

Still, she told herself to suck it up and she got out of Pekka's car, waving when she opened the front door before she got inside and closed it behind her. She took her shoes off and then she headed down the hallway with the intention of getting to her room before anyone noticed she was home.

Tessa made it to the guest room down the hall without running into either her sister or Shea. She pulled her now mostly empty suitcase up onto the bed and she proceeded to repack what little was left inside of it before she glanced around the room and started pulling the clean clothes hanging in the closet off of their hangers and folding them up and into the suitcase as well.

She filled a garbage bag with all of the dirty clothes she didn't feel like washing before tomorrow and then she started pulling things off of her bulletin board by her desk, organizing them into a pile into her portfolio to put up somewhere in her apartment. She cleaned up the desk, throwing things out and packing them away in her suitcase.

When the guest room was completely empty save for her suitcase and a garbage bag of clothes sitting by the door Tessa sat down with her legs crossed on the end of the bed and sighed. She tucked her blonde hair behind her ears and jumped when someone knocked on her closed door. She stayed silent and wondered if it was Shea or Amelia.

"Tess?" It certainly wasn't her sister.

Despite her better judgment Tessa got up and crossed the floor, pulling the door open to reveal Shea leaning against the door frame. As he glanced around the guest room she asked him, "What?"

He looked over at her with almost sad eyes and asked her, "So Amy wasn't kidding? You really are leaving?"

She nodded her head slowly and followed his gaze over to her bed, which was when she told him, "I just think it's for the best, for both of us. I can't stay here anymore Shea."

"Look, don't leave just because of what happened between us. We can just forget it happened, and I'll never even come near you again. I just... hate the idea of you leaving because of me." She smiled gently up at him, and she wanted to reach out and take his hand but she didn't.

Instead, she told him softly, "I'm not leaving because of you. I just can't stay here, I can't stay here because when I'm around you all I want is you and I can't have you. So I think it's better for me to just move out before we make things even worse."

Shea's voice was lower than usual when he told her, "I'm just gonna miss having you around. Amelia hates cooking with me, and she's never around you know? It's just been nice having someone here so much."

"I'm moving into an apartment like twenty-five minutes away, not the North Pole you know." Tessa joked, and he laughed at her.

"It's not the same, though." He stated and she nodded her head.

No, but it's better this way, for everyone.