Start Me Up

Shea had left late the night before after they had somehow untangled themselves in the kitchen and tumbled into her bed as well. She had walked him to the door, he had kissed her quickly before he left and for a total of five minutes Tessa forgot that he was engaged to her sister and let herself feel like a lovesick idiot at the door after he left.

She was sure she had fallen asleep with a smile on her face.

Then she had woken up that morning and realized that Amelia was coming over to her apartment that afternoon and she cleaned the place high and low because she was terrified of leaving some trace of Shea behind that would give them away.

She was so absorbed in making sure everything was in it's proper place and nothing was waiting to surprise them both that she jumped when someone knocked on the door. It wasn't even noon yet, so either Amelia was really early or it was someone else.

She pulled the door open to find a delivery man waiting with two medium size moving boxes on a trolley. He looked down at his scanning machine and asked, "Tessa Carter?"

She nodded and he handed her the machine and Tessa signed the screen quickly before he rolled the trolley into the entrance of the apartment, pulled it out from underneath the boxes and left her alone. Tessa rolled her eyes as she pushed the boxes further into the living room and looked down at them. The return address was from Jacob, she let out a sigh. There was the other shoe.

She grabbed a knife out of the kitchen and ripped open the tops on both boxes, and inside the top of one of them was a piece of paper that he had clearly typed out on his computer.

'Now that you're settled on your own.'

It was a bunch of her things from their house in St. Louis. Mostly it was clothing that was folded up so neatly she knew he had probably had his mother pack the boxes for him, but there were little boxes filled with photos and other childhood memories, as well as her university degree and for some reason the picture from their wedding day. That was the first thing to go in the trash pile.

She was going through all of the photos in the boxes when a knock on the door interrupted her again, so she got up, still holding a stack of photographs when she approached the door. She pulled it open and looked up to find Amelia waiting in the hallway.

"Step aside, I want to see this place."

"It's nothing special." Tessa told her, following her into the apartment.

She took her spot again in front of her boxes as Amelia walked through the apartment taking it in. Finally when she seemed satisfied with her self-lead tour Amelia came back into the living room, sat down on the couch next to Tessa and told her, "It's pretty great actually."

Tessa nodded and handed her one of the little boxes filled with photographs, telling her, "You should take those."

Amelia rooted through a handful of the pictures inside, and then told Tessa, "No thanks. I know you still talk to dad, but I don't so I have no interest in any of these photos."

Tessa sighed and told her, "At least he's trying to fix things."

Amelia shrugged and changed the subject, asking, "What is all this anyway?"

Tessa laughed and explained, "Jake sent all my crap from the house here."

"This is all he sent?" Amelia asked in disbelief.

Tessa heightened her disbelief when she told her, "This was all I owned."

Amelia reached out and pulled out a garment bag, unzipping it and pulling out a dress that she knew just from the look of was worth more than she made in a week and she asked Tessa, "Where did you get this thing?"

"That was my dress for last years Christmas thing for his work. You know, back when I was okay with letting someone else dress me and tell me how to act and what I could and couldn't say." Tessa mumbled as Amelia zipped the dress back into the garment bag and started a new pile on the floor.

She told Tessa, "That's either the burn pile or pawn pile."

Tessa pulled a little velvet box out of the box in front of her, tossed it onto the garment bag in front of Amelia and told her, "Then it's the pawn pile."

"You're gonna pawn off your wedding rings?" Amelia asked her in shock.

Tessa shrugged her shoulders, "Not worth keeping now."

Amelia nodded and helped Tessa go through the two boxes, most of the things were put into the donation pile, but a few items were kept. When they were nearing the end of last box Amelia told Tessa, "By the way, I put your name on Kelsey's card."

"Card for what?" Tessa asked her with a raised eyebrow.

Amelia rolled her eyes, laughed, and reminded Tessa, "Her engagement gift. It's her bachelorette party tonight. I knew you wouldn't be going but I put your name on the card anyway."

"Yeah... I just don't know her enough to go." Tessa stated.

Amelia nodded, "I almost wasn't going to go. I thought Shea would get mad at me for being gone all night again, but when I brought it up he told me I should go and that it was fine, it was my friend and I should be there. He's been so... different lately. I guess I got used to him being a dick for so long that now he's being nice and I don't know how to deal with it."

Tessa let a laugh bubble through her lips and she told Amelia, "Sorry, it's just... you called him a dick with such ease."

Amelia laughed as well, and she shrugged her shoulders and told Tessa, "He deserves it, he has been one and... I don't know, maybe he's finally realizing that taking his issues out on me isn't fair."

There was that pang of guilt again.

He didn't realize anything, he's just found a way to occupy himself while you're not around.

The thought made her a little upset, and a little angry. She wondered if that was all this was to him; a way to pass the time, a distraction so that he didn't notice how often Amelia was gone lately. Tessa knew that she had real feelings for Shea, ones that would get them both in trouble which was why she hadn't voiced them out loud, and last night when he held her hand at dinner and with how tender he was with her she had thought maybe he felt those feelings too. But now she wondered if this was something completely different to him than it was to her.

A hand waved in front of her face and Tessa pulled herself out of her thoughts, shaking her head gently before she turned to Amelia with a raised eyebrow. Amelia laughed and told her, "I was talking and you stopped listening."

Tessa's cheeks flushed, "Sorry."

"What's on your mind lately?" Amelia asked her, eyebrow raised.

Tessa shrugged her shoulders, "Nothing, just... thinking about Pekka's house I guess."

"Yeah, you guys are almost done that right?" Amelia asked her curiously.

"Yup, just finishing up on the master suit and then it's all finished." Tessa told her, tucking her hair behind her ears as she spoke.

"And then what?" Amelia asked her, and Tessa turned to her with a raised eyebrow. So Amelia went on, "Just... after his house? What's next? Do you have a plan or anything?"

Tessa sighed and admitted finally, "I might go back to St. Louis."

"What? But I thought you liked it here? I like having you here, isn't that the same thing?" Amelia asked, and they both chuckled.

"I just... I don't know things just don't feel right here. Honestly Amelia, I still have no idea what I'm doing with my life and I just think going home is for the best right now." Tessa told her honestly.

- - -

It was nearly six thirty when Pekka walked into her apartment, and Tessa hadn't even started dinner yet. She was sitting on the couch, head in her hands, and she didn't even look up to greet him when he walked in. So he sat down next to her and asked, "You okay?"

"No." She mumbled, and she was surprised when he reached out and pulled her into his side on the couch, he ran his hand over her hair a few times.

He asked her, "You wanna talk about it?"

"No." She said softly.

"You want to order in?" Pekka asked her with a small smile.

She nodded her head and stayed silent, watching as he pulled out his cell phone and ordered them dinner from some Thai food place she had never even heard of. Once he put his phone down on the coffee table across from them he asked her, "Alright, here's the options; we can talk about your problems or we can distract you by talking about the house. What do you want?"

"How do you feel about French doors with glass?" Tessa asked him curiously and she reached forward to grab the folder she had sitting on the coffee table that was stuffed with final choices and ideas for the master suit. She showed him a few sample pictures and added in, "We'd get the glass frosted, so you can't see inside or anything."

She was surprised when he pointed to a set that was a little more traditional than the other much more modern doors. He asked her, "But white, right?"

"Yes. It will offset the beige in the hallway and the grey in the bedroom." She told him, and then she asked him, "Did you decide what colors you liked for the bedroom?"

"Blue? Would that look okay?" Pekka asked her, adding in, "You're the expert."

Tessa smiled, "It's your house, you've got to live there when I'm done so it's important you like it. But yes, a royal blue would look really nice."

Pekka grinned, "Preds colors?"

"Absolutely not." Tessa told him with a laugh.

"Damn."

"I slept with Shea." Tessa blurted out, slapping her hand over her mouth the minute the words came out. Pekka let out a laugh and she turned to him, eyes narrowed, "This is funny to you?"

"I already knew." Pekka told her.

"You did? He told you?" Tessa asked and he shook his head to say that no Shea hadn't told him.

"He told me he kissed you. With how weird things are between you two I kind of had a feeling and Webs has been... like a whole new guy lately. He's just... much happier so I figured it had to do with you." Pekka told her honestly, and when Tessa sighed he told her, "I don't know anything about... your situation but... forgive me for sounding insensitive to Amelia but Tess maybe the two of you should be honest about how you feel about each other."

"How can I do that? What kind of person ruins someones life like this? Who decides that it's okay to not only develop feelings for their brother-in-law but then to air those feelings out? What kind of sister does that?" Tessa mumbled, it was something she had been thinking about for a while.

Pekka surprised her by telling her, "Hey, I'm not saying profess your love to each other and run away with each other. I'm just saying have a conversation with each other and decide whether you want to do anything about it or not. If not that's cool, if you decide you want to see where things go... I've got your back."

"I'm going back to St. Louis." Tessa told him, and when his eyebrow raised she added, "Thinking. I'm thinking of going back to St. Louis. I've... already ruined too much by being here."

"So what... you're gonna go back to St. Louis and pretend this never happened? You could be giving up the great love of your life you know." Pekka stated with a pointed look her way.

"He's my baby sister's fiance. There is nothing there, there can't be anything there." Tessa told him, and then when he sighed she assured him, "I'd finish your house first. I promise you that."

"I wasn't worried about my house Tessa."

"I know."

- - -

Hours later, close to ten o'clock at night Pekka helped her do the dishes before he kissed her cheek and let himself out of her apartment. Tessa straightened up all of her notes, gathering them all into piles; bad ideas, approved ideas and what she liked to call 'wiggle room' ideas, ones she knew Pekka wasn't completely opposed to but that she might be able to show him how great they would look in his new space. She set them all on the kitchen counter and made a mental note to put them all together in her folder for Pekka's house in the morning.

She jumped when a knock on the wooden door rang through her apartment. She straightened up and headed over to it, smiling as she pulled open the door and joked, "What did you forget?"

Her smile faltered when she found Shea standing in the hallway outside of her door. His eyebrow raised, "What?"

Shea cleared her throat, tried to chuckle at herself and said, "Nothing."

"Have a good date?" He asked her, brow still raised but his voice was a little dark and Tessa didn't like it one bit.

She rolled her eyes and told him, "Not that it's any of your business, but it wasn't even a date."

Shea nodded his head slowly and he said, "Good."

Tessa rolled her eyes, "What do you want?"

"I just.... Are you gonna let me in?" He asked her softly.

She surprised him by telling him, "I think you should go."

Shea leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest and he spoke gently to her when he said, "Tell me to go and I will, I just thought we could talk...about things."

She hesitated, and for a moment Shea thought she was going to slam the door in his face but then she sighed and stepped aside to let him into the apartment. He followed her in, slipping out of his shoes as she closed the door behind them and then she turned to him, arms crossed over her chest and told him, "Okay... Let's talk."

He sighed, "Can we sit?"

So she lead him to the couch, where they sat together and that was when she asked, "Well?"

"Look I know you've been struggling with this as much, probably more than me." She nodded her head in agreement. He continued, "And I don't know how you feel about this...about me but I know how I feel about this, and how I feel about you. But..."

When he stopped talking, not knowing how to go forward with what he was saying Tessa spoke, "This is it. Whatever this was between us is over. It can't happen anymore. I can't do this to Amelia Shea, it's not right and it's not fair."

And us lying about the way we feel is fair? Me marrying someone just because I feel like I have to now is fair?

Shea surprised her by changing the subject and asking her, "What do you think would have happened if I had met you first?"

"I would have never given you the time of day." Tessa stated honestly, laughing at her comment.

Shea smiled and said, "I'm serious. I've been thinking about it a lot lately."

"And what do you think might have happened?" Tessa asked him in amusement.

"Do you think you would have left him for me?" He asked her.

Tessa saw the subliminal question there. Would she have left Jacob the way Shea was considering leaving Amelia?

She told him honestly, "I would have but that's different."

"How?"

"Because... My marriage was more of a business arrangement than anything. It wasn't about love... There was nothing in it that was worth keeping." Tessa told him, watching as he nodded his head slowly.

He told her, "Someday I hope you tell me exactly what went down between you two."

"Maybe someday I will." She said softly.

"And maybe someday...I could show you that it's different when you have someone who loves you and treats you the way you deserve to be treated." He told her, his voice low and warm.

"Shea..."

He reached out and grabbed her hands in his and he told her, "I'm not asking you for anything, I'm just hoping you'll think about it. I could make you happy Tessa, I know I could. I want to be the one that shows you that there's so much more out there, I want to be the one that shows you what a real love and a real marriage feels like. I could be really good to you."

"I know."

Shea leaned over slowly, gauging her reaction as he did so. When she didn't move away, but instead held his gaze he closed the distance between them and kissed her gently. His hands cupped the sides of her face as she leaned into him, holding onto his forearms while he kissed her.

When they pulled apart Shea rested his forehead against hers and he told her quietly, "You deserve to be loved so much it's sickening to everyone around you. You deserve to have an equal partner. Someone to support everything you do, to love you unconditionally and for you to be a priority in their life. You deserve a romance novel kind of love Tessa and I'm right here, ready to offer you it."